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  1. #1

    Possibility of being emotionally straight and sexually gay?

    I've been on the forums for a while, but this is my first post. I've been struggling with this for a long time, and I'm finally coming to terms with it. I am not exactly sure what I believe myself to be. For the majority of my life after hitting puberty, I've watched and been interested in gay porn. Before I got to college, I never really had the opportunity to experiment with other guys, and quite honestly, I've never been attracted sexually to guys I know. But, on the other hand, I've never been openly sexually attracted to girls I know either. I dated a little bit in high school, and the one intense relationship I had (we never had sex), I was always really attracted to her. We just never progressed to a sex level. After getting to college, I still watched gay porn, had a few hookups with girls, and then I went abroad to Germany for a few months. I traveled around, hooked up with a few girls, and then went to a few gay bars and a few glory holes when I traveled alone. I didn't hook up with a guy, but I did try sucking someone off for the first time. Honestly, I really didn't enjoy it. I enjoyed getting sucked off myself as always, but I didn't like sucking. My dilemma is this: as I'm getting close to graduation, even though I'm going on to grad school, I'm starting to think about the future after that. I am not completely sure what I am or what I believe myself to be. Quite honestly, I am probably still sexually attracted to guys, possibly a bit more than girls, but emotionally, I can't imagine my life with anyone but a woman. I know some will say that I am just following what society has put in front of me, but I don't think that's the case. I love having sex with women, but I just don't find straight porn exciting. I do, however, find gay porn attractive. But that's about the extent. But, I still don't find guys I know to be attractive. But I also don't find myself to be sexually attracted to girls I know, except for one or two. I don't go out of my way to check out a girl. I will definitely notice if I put forth the effort, but it's not automatic. I do check out guys every now and then, but for the most part, I'm in my own world a lot. I've tried to think of myself as bisexual, but for some reason it doesn't seem to fit. Gay doesn't seem to fit, in my mind, either. I'm somewhere in the middle. I feel like the conflict is mostly between my sexual side and my emotional side. I'm not exactly sure how I should proceed. Should I just go with the flow? Right now I'm so concentrated on my schoolwork that I don't have time to think about dating or hooking up. It doesn't really bother me all the time, but sometimes I'd like my dick to meet something other than my hand.

  2. #2
    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: Possibility of being emotionally straight and sexually gay?

    What do you think would happen if you didn't masturbate for a week? I'm thinking your dick might lead you to some answers. Often, the most difficult person to come out to is ourselves.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  3. #3
    Lions&Tigers&Bears Oh My!
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    Re: Possibility of being emotionally straight and sexually gay?

    There is a thread somewhere in this forum where I was talking about this very thing.
    http://www.justusboys.com/forum/thre...men-(majority)
    I was asserting that there are (LOTS) of guys who are sexually attracted to men and maybe even women but emotionally only attracted to women and I know this because they were my favorite "type"....I like to have sex with no chance of emotional attachment so this type of guy is my favorite...

    So...to answer your question...yes...I think you should just go with the flow. I don't think you should worry about labels or let anyone else define who you are. I think sexuality is a lot more complex than most people do and it is probably a gift that you are an individual.

  4. #4
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    Re: Possibility of being emotionally straight and sexually gay?

    I also came from that stage where you are in now. It took me a long time to accept the fact that I did indeed like guys more than girls. All I can say is: stop over analyzing your situation and just go with the flow and forget about the labels. Continue to watch gay porn if you like and enjoy it. Have sex with girls if you are in the mood and no hangups over it. And have sex with guys if you like it or the opportunity presents itself. Take it as it goes.

    I think the opportunity just hasn't presented itself. You just haven't met a person that connects to you emotionally, guy or girl. When that time comes, it should clear your situation quite rapidly. Be sociable. Since you're still in college, and I think your inclination is to meet guys, go on grindr, if only for a blow job - sure beats just jerking off. Don't be pressured to do more than you are comfortable with. If you don't like sucking dick, then don't. Although try making out(kissing) with someone - guy or girl, it makes it clear whether to pursue further or just keep it to a one-night stand. Always be mindful to play safe. Other than that, I say, enjoy, relax and lower your guard down a little. Open up a little, get out more.

  5. #5
    Impish and Mercurial Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: Possibility of being emotionally straight and sexually gay?

    I do not believe in emotional and physical sexuality that don't match. I believe in self-repression and internalized homophobia though. And yes, I know this term pushes people's buttons and makes them defensive, but it truly isn't something one is responsible for. We all have it because the culture we are born into builds it in our subconscious mind from the moment we are born. Dealing with it can be easy or hard, depending on how you grew up and what your self-awareness leads you to.

    But to me it is very straightforward - if you are attracted to men physically, then the only reason you aren't emotionally attracted to men is fear and self-repression. Neither of which is conscious, but they still can be consciously pulled to the surface, examined and defeated.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

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