I've been lurking here for several years, and finally decided to register. This will likely be really lengthy, and it certainly isn't a unique problem. It's just something I don't know how to deal with. I don't know if it's advice I'm looking for (I'll take it if offered) or if it's just me needing to vent.
I'm a graduate student and started online dating this past summer. Three weeks ago, I started chatting with someone who I'll call Rob. I'm 25 and he's 33--just throwing that out there, though it doesn't really matter. We didn't talk much before I asked him out, and that is probably why I'm in the situation I'm in now. We had dinner on a Friday evening at 7 and it was a great night. There were some brief awkward silences during dinner, but it went well. He told me he was looking for a long term relationship and I stated the same. We left the restaurant around 10 and he drove me home. I thought the date would end there, but we sat in his car and talked about any and everything for hours. When I finally decided to say goodbye, we ended up making out and talking constantly. This went on from 2 until 5:30. I understand we were both caught up in the moment, but it felt as if we had really connected.
Saturday I spent the day in the grad office getting work done, but we kept in contact throughout the day. He works in administration at my university and had to leave for a conference Sunday afternoon, so we decided to go to breakfast Sunday morning. Breakfast went well, he took me grocery shopping (I don't have a car; the bus gets me everywhere I need to go, but my route doesn't go on Sunday), and while I would normally walk to the office on Sunday, he took me there as well. I appreciated everything, but I didn't ask him to do any of this. I only said yes because I enjoyed his company and he seemed to enjoy mine. Again, we kept in contact throughout the day. When I walked home that night, he said that he should have left his car with me. I told him that he didn't need to do that, that he still really didn't know me, and I wouldn't trust myself with it. He said what mattered is that he trusted me. We talked until he got back. Things were developing fast, but I didn't see anything wrong with that. He would go on about how beautiful I am and how he just loved being with me, how he wished he could walk home with me at night. He got back Tuesday afternoon and went out of his way that evening to take me home, even though I'm perfectly fine taking the bus. We made plans to cook dinner together Thursday evening.
He took me to his house, gave me a tour and we had a good time. He showed me his garden and said that I'd get to see everything better in the Spring, alluding that what we had would grow and at least last until that point. We messed around a bit that night, but we didn't have sex. Throughout the night he kept calling me his perfect guy. I spent the night. We didn't have time to do much the next morning since we both had work to get done, but he made me promise that I'd cum on him the next time. I only add all the details and time to really paint an adequate picture of what was going on. Later that day, we were texting and he said something and ended it with, "my perfect guy". I asked if that meant we were something more official. He said we didn't need to rush, but he'd be happy when I was his boyfriend. I had no problem with that. That Saturday we were talking and he asked if when he could see me again. He suggested that I come over the next day to watch the colts game at his house. At the time I was procrastinating on netflix rather than getting work done. I told him I'd have to check my schedule. He asked me what I was watching and I told him I stopped watching shows because I wanted to get my work done early so I could spend time with him. I told him I'd get back to him to let him know for sure. Rob said that it was just as important that I get my work done. A few hours later I said that I would love to watch the game with him, but I didn't hear back from him. I sent another text hours later and he still didn't respond.
That Sunday, we had a unusually mundane conversation. He didn't mention me coming over at all. I thought I had done something wrong, so I didn't bother him. I didn't hear from him past the morning hours. Monday I let him know when I would have free time. I tried to contact him several times throughout the day and didn't hear back. Tuesday morning I just asked him to let me know that he was ok. He didn't strike me as the kind of person to blatantly ignore someone and I was concerned with his safety. He responded calling me beautiful again and apologized for what he called his shitty unbecoming behavior. He then told me that he couldn't commit to anything at this point in time. I pressed him throughout the day to find out what was wrong. He told me that he hadn't dated anyone in years, but recently he had gone on a few dates. He was dating someone else along with me. I understand dating around, but I wish he would have told me beforehand. And I didn't understand how he could say the things he was saying to me if there was someone else. He said that while he wanted a relationship with a guy such as myself, he panicked when he realized I wanted to progress to the next step (I was just going with the flow of things) and when he discovered he liked this other guy. He had known the other guy a week longer than me, though, I don't know when he found the time to see him when we spent so much time together and talking. He wanted to meet with me to talk on the weekend, but I wanted to see him the next day. He agreed and we talked. For someone I had known just barely over a week, I cried a lot. I felt disrespected for being ignored (he said he didn't want to hurt me so he ignored me) and felt like every word he told me was a lie. He told me he liked both of us and didn't know when he would come to a decision. I didn't like the feeling of waiting to get picked, but I really fell for this guy. I agreed to wait around. He told me that I really had a chance. Although he said that he would've have preferred to talk on the weekend when we had more time, he later told me that he couldn't go to dinner with me on the weekend because he was busy. I knew of plans for saturday, but it still strikes me as odd. He couldn't meet Friday, but suggested some time for this current week. At some point, I sent some messages about him ignoring me (which he started to do again) and how it was hurtful and how conflicted I felt about my position. It was somewhat of an argument and I was the one who apologized profusely for several days. He reiterated that we could possibly see each other this week. We made small talk on saturday, but that was it. I didn't hear from him on sunday. I asked him to dinner or a movie on monday and he still ignored me. Tuesday I told him I hoped he was having a good day. Later, I told him to tell me if I was too much and if he wanted me to leave him alone. Before heading to bed, I just asked that he at least respond. This morning after getting out of the shower and before heading to class, he sent me a message: He said that he hoped I had done well on my midterm, that he had lost his phone, but in the last few days he and the other guy had gotten serious and that he had to break things off with us, and that he was sorry if he led me on. I responded politely.
So after that lengthy read which I apologize for, did I do something wrong here? I'm slow to open up at times, but I was really open with him. And I can be a bit quiet--and I admit part of me was intimidated to be around him at times. I'm a grad student without a car and I work as a graduate assistant. I start teaching next year, but I don't have a real job and we're not allowed to get one. I get by though, and I'm happy. But to be around someone who already has their Ph.D, has their own home, has a new car--it made me wonder what I brought to the table. Maybe I doubted myself too much and that's what kept me from opening up more. He told me he liked my physical beauty, my personal story, my calm demeanor, my intellect, and some of the things we had in common. And for a week it felt like all of his attention was on me, and I was focused on him. Even when he put down his own appearance, I let him know how beautiful I thought he was. What did I do wrong here? He was into me, got caught up I suppose, told me I had a chance, and then didn't give me a chance at all. I knew that I shouldn't have kept myself in a position to be chosen, but I thought that he liked me. He's constantly ignored me--even messages I sent over the website we met on. I would text him that I sent him a lengthy message and he still hasn't read it. I'm amazed that I was able to get work done today. I feel like crap and I've broken down and cried several times because I went from being his perfect guy (he said this often, in person and through text), someone he held often and would never let me go, who never let an hour go by with texting me to someone he ignored and didn't give a chance to. He said that things took a very unexpected turn and he became more involved with the other guy. What unexpected turn. I'm really hurt and confused. I hope this isn't too long of a post. Was this something I did?