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  1. #1
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    Some Thoughts...

    Hello, I'm going to post this here to see other people's thoughts.

    Over the past year since starting college Fall 2012 I've been exploring my sexuality and meeting new people through "hook-up" sites: Adam4Adam, Grindr, etc, etc. About nine months ago I met a really cool guy, I'll call him "Guy." At first it was mostly sex,both of us were looking for more than just that; however, neither of us was looking specifically for an LTR, as I thought I wasn't experienced enough emotionally and socially (I have high-functioning Autism), and Guy had his reasons. Friends with benefits type of thing was/is our ideal. Guy is much older than me (I'm 20, was 19) guy will be 53 in a few weeks, although he very much looks as if he could be in his 30's. Guy was also married before, and has kids a few years older than me. I started visiting guy every week after a few times meeting. So for the past eight months or so, excepting a week here or there I've seen Guy every week. When summer came, I would spend every weekend with Guy. Then, I was looking for an apartment for the new semester, and Guy offered for me to live with him. The arrangement is great, and we get along excellently. I have not had sex with anybody else for the last seven months, although Guy and I have threesomes from time to time. When I first met Guy I liked everything about him, he is sexy, intelligent, has a nice personality, is easy to get along with, is caring, and he likes me a lot. I thought it was the feeling of "infatuation" at first, and figured that after a while it would dwindle. Instead, I've grown to like him even more, and I think it is a certain type of love I have for him. I'm sure he has similar feelings for me from many of the things he's said to me.

    Our arrangement from the start has been a pragmatically-flawed one though, especially considering the age difference we have. We weren't looking for an LTR, but will remain life-time friends. I might be leaving to graduate school in a few years, and he has plans to move down south to get away from the cold winters. But, I just can't help to think about when our paths diverge and feel a painful feeling. We are very close now, more than I've been with anybody in my life, including family members, and I just don't know how to proceed. I write this, because after a day of Guy going away on a trip, he messaged me, very sincerely, that he misses me and I have a very similar emotion for him. As a pragmatic person though, I don't think an LTR could work because of our age difference and all that comes with it: different progression in life, difference in years before death by longevity, a history of a family vs. a newbie to the world, etc, etc.

    Up until now, I've felt to let things go naturally, but there is a specific uncertainty that puts me off the more nature pushes me and him together and the fear that it could end very abruptly and suddenly. I can't feel comfortable and fully happy with this uncertainty.

    Thank you for reading this, and any responses you might pose.

  2. #2
    JUB Addict mikey3000's Avatar
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    Re: Some Thoughts...

    You two are in love. Nice! but tricky. Just roll with it for now and the future will take care of itself. There is no guaranty of longevity in any lifetime. He just may outlive you for some reason, you just don't know. If and when you try to go your own ways, only then will you both know what to do. Just don't deprive yourself of a wonderful relationship simply for pragmatic reasons. Many more suitable relationships end in bitter disaster. Just enjoy what you have while you have it. It might never come around again. Best of luck!!
    Last edited by mikey3000; October 30th, 2013 at 07:38 PM.
    Inspired - but too tired.

  3. #3
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    Re: Some Thoughts...

    From your own admission, it started off only as a hook-up and progressed to something deeper. It only means there is something there. That you both mutually love each other is so obvious - that is hard to find.
    Disregard the age difference. I used to never go out with anyone 5 yrs older than me but later on appreciated guys older than 30 for the sense of maturity and emotional stability. Go for it, you two have something special. You're both attracted to each other on so many levels beyond just the physical that it would be a pity if you lose him just because on the issue of age. I've also dated a 55 y.o. and he looked 30, he was so hot. We dated for a few months but not nearly enough and then he had to move to Europe and eventually we lost touch I wish I could see him again. I miss him.

  4. #4
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    Re: Some Thoughts...

    Thank you very much for the replies. I've come to the conclusion, from both of your posts, that I should stop thinking about possible future scenarios, and enjoy the moments I have now. Mostly I was confused about whether or not he and I needed to clarify our relationship status (which I didn't bring up in my original post, so that I might derive it myself), but I think that if we are in love with each-other no clarification is necessary because we'll progress intuitively, and if we aren't in love with each-other then it is a good thing that we go our separate ways (albeit the latter case seems unlikely from the information I have.) Again, thanks.

  5. #5
    JUB Addict maxpowr9's Avatar
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    Re: Some Thoughts...

    Enjoy the present and plan for the near-future. The only guarantees in life are death & taxes.

    It's why I when I ask this question in interviews: "where do you see yourself in 5 years?" and I don't get a witty response about the uncertain future, I throw them into the "no" pile. You could be as prepared as you want but you have no idea what the future has in store. You have to live for today and enjoy the "right now".

  6. #6
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    Re: Some Thoughts...

    If I might hazard a suggestion: my outlook on relationships before tended to be idealistic and self-centered. That is until I saw the funny but true advise of Dan Savage. You might try to look him up on youtube. He started the 'It gets better' Project. You are mature enough and I assume adult enough to figure out right and wrong so try to watch his takes on relationships. Trust me the zingers and punchlines are good reasons enough to watch it. Very, very entertaining but good advice at the same time.

    I hope you and your Guy do well together and have a happy and strong relationship moving forward.

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