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  1. #1

    Confused about relationship

    Hey guys,

    I'm really confused about the guy i'm dating and its starting to get to me and need to get some advice. I've been dating this guy for about 6 months now and we are doing pretty good and I really like him, and I think he likes me too but sometimes he does stuff that in my mind is questionable to say the least. For example, we met online and while I only talk to him on there now and barely ever get on, he gets on and talks to a lot of people and stays on for hours. He will only talk to me on the phone for 30 minutes but that's about it. When I bring it up that it really isn't fair to me to be spending so much time talking to other people while he's supposed to be dating me, he avoids answering.

    Another thing that makes me think something is wrong is that he said he wants to meet someone he met online in person. Am I crazy here for feeling like that's sketchy that he's meeting someone he met on a dating/hookup site? He says they're just friends, yet won't show me what they talk about.

    Thanks for any input on this guys. I just am feeling like i'm not getting treated right.

  2. #2
    Slut dragon08's Avatar
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    Re: Confused about relationship

    I don't think that he's trekking the truth about those guys. Honestly i don't think he's taking the relationship as seriously as you do. You said you met him online. Have you guys met in person? Why do you only talk through the website rather than through phone especially if you guys are dating?

    When people meet online and have Long Distance relationships, they usually call and text all the time. That is the only way that anything serious can happen over long distance. If you are distant and don't talk to him much, how is that a relationship?

    If from what i gathered is true he probably has other guys just like you that he's stringing along.

  3. #3

    Re: Confused about relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by dragon08 View Post
    I don't think that he's trekking the truth about those guys. Honestly i don't think he's taking the relationship as seriously as you do. You said you met him online. Have you guys met in person? Why do you only talk through the website rather than through phone especially if you guys are dating?

    When people meet online and have Long Distance relationships, they usually call and text all the time. That is the only way that anything serious can happen over long distance. If you are distant and don't talk to him much, how is that a relationship?

    If from what i gathered is true he probably has other guys just like you that he's stringing along.
    Yes, we've met in person a good bit and go on dates. And I meant, we talk on the phone, not really online. I was saying that the only time I do get online is to talk to him. And we aren't really long distance. He lives an hour away.

    And that is the fear I have. I have a feeling that I'm one of many people he's talking to like this. I've said that I think its going on and he denies it, but I still think so. I just don't know if it's me over thinking stuff and being jealous or if it's really happening.

  4. #4

    Re: Confused about relationship

    Him still having the account should be a red flag for you

  5. #5
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    Re: Confused about relationship

    ^This. Why if he has a lover is he still using hook-up sites?

  6. #6
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    Re: Confused about relationship

    Don't be hasty to judge. He could genuinely have friends online. I met some of my friends online on hookup sites and just spend hours talking sometimes. I think you want an exclusive relationship, does he? Are you having enough sex together? I think you need to meet some of his expectations and he has to meet some of yours. The rest, you need to compromise. If that exchange of compromises and expectations can't be met, then there's a chance you're not a fit for him and you need to go online again and look for others.

  7. #7
    Kein Ayin Hara JUB Admin KaraBulut's Avatar
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    Re: Confused about relationship

    Underlying the story is a relationship that the two of you haven't defined. Are you fuck-buddies? Are you friends with benefits? Are you dating? Are you boyfriends?

    Chances are that you have one idea of what the relationship is but he has another idea of what is going on. If that is the case, then your suspicions are correct- you're not "the only one".

    If the two of you have talked and have decided that you're dating and you're going to be monogamous, then then the next talk should be about why the both of you are online chatting with other people.

    If the two of you have not talked about what your relationship is and where- after 6 months- it's going, then that talk is overdue. But keep in mind that the talk may uncover that he doesn't view the relationship as anything more that a casual friends-with-benefits and that he's does not want/is not ready for a commitment.

  8. #8
    PerScientiam AdJustitiam bankside's Avatar
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    Re: Confused about relationship

    What would be normal is for him to say "Hey, let's go out to dinner with this guy I've made friends with." Not "Why don't you stay here so I can go to dinner with someone else?"

    And what kind of site did you meet on? A site for meeting someone and dating? Or a site for fucking a stranger? That would give you a clue about his motivation too.
    Americans need to keep their guns so they can protect themselves from gun violence just like Nancy Lanza did. And like Chris Kyle did. And like Gabby Giffords did. And like Tom Clements did. And like Michael Piemonte. And Joseph Wilcox.

  9. #9
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    Re: Confused about relationship

    I don't think your fears are unfounded. He is still playing the field while you want to date only him.
    Everyone wants to be heard. No one wants to listen.

  10. #10
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    Re: Confused about relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by mikenikes View Post
    Hey guys,

    I'm really confused about the guy i'm dating and its starting to get to me and need to get some advice. I've been dating this guy for about 6 months now and we are doing pretty good and I really like him, and I think he likes me too but sometimes he does stuff that in my mind is questionable to say the least. For example, we met online and while I only talk to him on there now and barely ever get on, he gets on and talks to a lot of people and stays on for hours. He will only talk to me on the phone for 30 minutes but that's about it. When I bring it up that it really isn't fair to me to be spending so much time talking to other people while he's supposed to be dating me, he avoids answering.

    Another thing that makes me think something is wrong is that he said he wants to meet someone he met online in person. Am I crazy here for feeling like that's sketchy that he's meeting someone he met on a dating/hookup site? He says they're just friends, yet won't show me what they talk about.

    Thanks for any input on this guys. I just am feeling like i'm not getting treated right.
    I bolded your major problem. Is he cheating? Yes/No/Maybe? We have no idea. No one in here can tell you that, we can't really even speculate with any accuracy because that's what you are thinking, and you are posting and if you're wrong we have no way of telling.

    What you're doing in the bolded section is basically emotional blackmail:

    "...If you love me you'll do/not do X..."

    DON'T DO THAT! It's manipulative passive aggressive bullshit that will usually guarantee that your guy will lie to you. Part of keeping your partner honest is not punishing him for it when he is honest. If you are complaining that he won't talk to you but WILL talk to everyone else, why are you still with him?

    Because you love him so? You don't own him, you can't change him, you can't monitor who he sees, you can't be with him 24/7.

    You don't trust him, so this isn't going to work out. Walk.
    ATTACK OF THE LIBERAL ELITE

  11. #11

    Re: Confused about relationship

    Is this a real life face to face in the flesh relationship, or is this an on line/phone call long distance infatuational relationship???
    http://www.justusboys.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic216959_1.gif

  12. #12
    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: Confused about relationship

    Sometimes it doesn't matter what the partner is doing or not doing. Once worry and a lack of trust sets in the relationship causes more grief than good. It's not healthy to remain in an uncomfortable relationship no matter the reason. You can talk to him but you can only change yourself. If it gets to the point that you're unable to maintain relationships due to your thoughts and feelings, therapy can be an option to get you working on a healthier you.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  13. #13

    Re: Confused about relationship

    Thanks for the input guys!

    To answer a few things, I've asked what he considers us. He considers us to be dating. Which is the same thing I consider it. We aren't in a relationship, but we both want one. I don't mind walking away from all of it, I just don't want to be too quick to judge.

    Another thing, we haven't had sex. We've been on many dates but have only kissed and a little touching but no anything else, which I don't mind. For me, I need to completely trust and think there's going to be a relationship before I do more. I've made the mistake before where I did stuff too quickly and don't want to do it again.

    I'll take in all the advice and think about what the next step to take with all this is. Thanks guys!

  14. #14

    Re: Confused about relationship

    6 MONTHS of dating, and no sex, and you wonder why he's talking/meeting other guys ???

    I can fully understand holding off a bit ... but I think you're taking it a bit too far ?!?!?
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  15. #15
    Execuvette Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mikenikes View Post
    Thanks for the input guys!

    To answer a few things, I've asked what he considers us. He considers us to be dating. Which is the same thing I consider it. We aren't in a relationship, but we both want one. I don't mind walking away from all of it, I just don't want to be too quick to judge.

    Another thing, we haven't had sex. We've been on many dates but have only kissed and a little touching but no anything else, which I don't mind. For me, I need to completely trust and think there's going to be a relationship before I do more. I've made the mistake before where I did stuff too quickly and don't want to do it again.

    I'll take in all the advice and think about what the next step to take with all this is. Thanks guys!
    There is no such thing as "too quickly" when it comes to sex. You can have sex five minutes into knowing each other and it will still work out splendidly if you're compatible. There IS however such a thing as "too slowly". Sex is a natural part of a romantic relationship and to be "dating" someone for half a year and not have had it is to me a sign that something is missing.

    Have you ever discussed sex at all? Do you know that the two of you are on the same page? Because it's likely that you aren't.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
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  16. #16
    PerScientiam AdJustitiam bankside's Avatar
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    Re: Confused about relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by Rolyo85 View Post
    There is no such thing as "too quickly" when it comes to sex. You can have sex five minutes into knowing each other and it will still work out splendidly if you're compatible. There IS however such a thing as "too slowly". Sex is a natural part of a romantic relationship and to be "dating" someone for half a year and not have had it is to me a sign that something is missing.

    Have you ever discussed sex at all? Do you know that the two of you are on the same page? Because it's likely that you aren't.
    The exact opposite of this is my experience and my advice. I'm happily 15 years into a good relationship with lots of sex, but it would never have begun in a way that would work for rolyo. So, it takes all kinds.
    Americans need to keep their guns so they can protect themselves from gun violence just like Nancy Lanza did. And like Chris Kyle did. And like Gabby Giffords did. And like Tom Clements did. And like Michael Piemonte. And Joseph Wilcox.

  17. #17
    Execuvette Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: Confused about relationship

    I never said what way works for me. I've done the "taking it slow" thing, and I've done the "right from the door" thing. Both have worked and both have failed. That's why I say it is based on chemistry and not on some artificial period of "withholding sex to see if they'd still want me".

    Like I said, sex is natural. If you'll be asking me to stay celibate for a long period of time, to prove myself to you, I will likely show you the door.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

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