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  1. #1

    not ready to date

    Well, it's been a year now since I broke up my cheating bf. I have been going to counseling on a regular basis, and I am definitely on the mend ... My counselor said that I may not yet ready to date, but I met a great guy two weeks ago. We went out a few times, and we made out and felt each other up on our last date. We got a long well, but it seems he's getting attached to me very quickly and I got scared. Plus, being with him suddenly brings back good memories of my ex-bf and I began to act/tease/hug/etc him like how I used to do with my ex, and now I am getting melancholy again. I don't believe in love or chemistry at the first sight, and the sparks were not quite there.

    So, before I get sad and he's getting too attached, I just sent him a text to say that I am not ready to date (which is true) but I want to remain as friends. I think this text makes me sound like a jerk but I am just not sure how to handle it to be honest with you. I just want to be straight forward before he gets too attached and hurt.

    Is this the right move?

  2. #2
    Virgin MuscleLatino's Avatar
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    Re: not ready to date

    I think it's always the right move to be honest. Hopefully he will understand, even though he may be a bit disappointed. Hmm, if you still like hanging out with him, I'd say, maybe give him a couple days and check in on him, see how he's feeling, and ask him if he wants to just hang out, as friends. Go from there?

  3. #3

    Re: not ready to date

    I started dating my current boyfriend about 3 weeks after I broke up with my cheatig ex. It wasnt just cheating. He got an std from it and then sleptmwith me so he could blame me for the std. He knew I was a ho before I dated him. Anyway, it didn't work and I remained std free.

    I guess its different for everybody. I moved on just like that. Probably why I'm so messed up LOL.

  4. #4
    nerd of prey hylas's Avatar
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    Re: not ready to date

    You're not obliged to date him. It's ok for you to feel that he's moving too fast, or that you're not ready yet, or whatever.
    Break things off with him if that's what you want or need.
    But know that "remain friends" is usually code for "I don't hate you, exactly, but I'm not particularly interested in ever seeing you again, either", and that's most likely how he will take it, whether you meant it or not.

  5. #5
    Execuvette Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: not ready to date

    I would also recommend not to take your therapist at his word. Not because he's lying or necessarily wrong, but because YOU are the one who can tell if you are ready to date, or not. It's been a year, that's plenty of time to move on. If you liked the guy, there's nothing wrong with exploring where it could go, whether your therapists says you're ready, or not.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  6. #6
    JUB Addict maxpowr9's Avatar
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    Re: not ready to date

    Your lost, not his. Your own insecurities turned away a potential partner. That's how I view this situation.

  7. #7
    JUB Addict journo25's Avatar
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    Re: not ready to date

    Don't let a good one get away because you are taking your therapist's recommendations as Gospel. He/she doesn't want to see you get hurt. You know best... but I think waiting a year to date again is rather excessive.

  8. #8

    Re: not ready to date

    We went on 4 dates already, and I didn't get that butterflies feelings in my stomach. I just didn't want to lead him on to something that may or may not happen. Maybe, I didn't let my heart fully open to dating possibility yet, etc ... But the end, he is a nice guy and I didn't want to get him hurt. We are going to meet and talk things through tomorrow night, but I think I am pretty sure that I don't want to be in a relationship with him.

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