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  1. #1

    Stuck in Gay Purgatory

    Here goes, I'll try to make this short

    I'm an Indiana boy! I recently decided to quit taking antidepressants and sleeping pills and just fess up and be true to myself. I came out to family and close friends but left it at that. I'm a college student and after coming out I decided that I was going to live my life for me and not others. I'm in the process of transferring schools to Chicago where I can meet more people and have more opportunities. Since coming out I've dropped out of my frat, and now I basically have no friends, besides close ones who go to different schools. I've been trying to meet guys but its so damn hard. Everyone here is repressed, in denial, on the DL, or are typical fratboys.

    I feel so isolated and alone. Is it really THIS hard to meet guys? The few I've talked to on apps always want to go to bars (I'm not 21 yet, only a couple months left). How do I meet guys?!?! I know I'm only here for a few more months (leaving in January) but I feel like I'm driving myself crazy being alone. I dont think I'm bad looking and I exercise and lift. I just want someone to talk to/ spend time with!!

    When I'm in Chicago I usually go out and sneak into gay bars and meet guys but there isn't really anything like that here. I'm so clueless, I thought coming out was hard but it seems its only half the battle. I try to drop hints to random guys but I don't think they realize I'm gay, they usually think I'm just making jokes like all the other fratty guys.

    any advise to meeting guys? or dealing with raging hormonal horniness/loneliness?
    Last edited by haams12; October 21st, 2013 at 01:10 PM.

  2. #2
    Execuvette Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Aug 2011
    Boystown, Chicago

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    Re: Stuck in Gay Purgatory

    My advice is - wait it out. It's not a huge tragedy to wait a couple of months, and as someone who moved to Chicago from Indiana (albeit Bloomington, IN, which is quite different from the rest of the state), I can tell you that you won't need to ask if it's hard to meet guys once you're here. Use this time for self-reflection. Now that you are out, what do you want FOR YOURSELF? And I don't mean a boyfriend, or a long line of casual sex partners, but what do you want your life to be like? Think of it as solitude, not loneliness. A few months won't kill you and in the mean time, you have us here to talk to.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  3. #3

    Re: Stuck in Gay Purgatory

    Yeah this city is a f$%k^&g mecca.

    You're moving in January anyway; it's almost November. Chill for a couple of months; you're gonna be busy with holidays/etc soon anyway, and if you meet anybody there right now and then you move then you'd have the distance thing. The trick actually sometimes is meeting people who actually live here -- on the weekends oftentimes esp in Boystown it gets run over by people from out of town or from the suburbs.

  4. #4
    Sex God AstareGod's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005

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    Re: Stuck in Gay Purgatory

    I hate waiting just as much as you do, but we don't have much control over how fast time passes, so make the best of it. I don't know from where in Indiana you are, but after having visited near South Bend once, and being to Chicago twice, I think you'll positively enjoy the change of scenery.

    You sound like you've made a lot of positive changes in your life. Though I haven't had firsthand experience, I know how dependent one can become on drugs to deal with anxiety and depression, and know how hard it can be when switching between them. You've demonstrated that you're a stronger person by coming out to your family and being true to yourself. That confidence and that kind of attitude are what I and a lot of other guys find attractive.

    If someone on these apps truly wants to get to know you for you, rather than have a quick hookup, they'll make the effort to travel somewhere other than a bar to meet you, even after you turn 21.

    Enjoy the rest of your time in Indiana - get things prepared for your move and make sure things are squared away for January. Everything else will happen as it should. Good luck!
    Brad's Search - 70,000 words and counting!

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