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Thread: Jealousy

  1. #1
    JUB Addict RaKroma's Avatar
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    Re: Jealousy

    From your other thread describing "sex parties," getting tired of Grindr life, can't hook up with same person regularly, sounds like you have a quiet active sex life...not bad for a self proclaimed unattractive "ugly friend." http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/411614-Celibacy
    Jealousy is part of human nature. Cultures and religions attempt to guide people to control this force for ages, or otherwise it becomes destructive.

  2. #2

    Re: Jealousy

    Well...I painted my room periwinkle blue rather than green

  3. #3
    JUB Addict RaKroma's Avatar
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    Re: Jealousy

    Quote Originally Posted by TheSpectatingLoner View Post
    Getting laid at sex parties and on Grindr is easy, even for an ugly person. Someone actually wanting to hit on you or talk to you in public is entirely different.
    Hmm interesting. I have the opposite problem. Being hit on in online hook ups sites is rarer while in bars I'll get approached. But being hit on in person doesn't mean you get hit on by "hot guys."

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    Re: Jealousy

    I envy those who are in good health

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    Re: Jealousy

    Quote Originally Posted by RaKroma View Post
    Hmm interesting. I have the opposite problem. Being hit on in online hook ups sites is rarer while in bars I'll get approached. But being hit on in person doesn't mean you get hit on by "hot guys."
    Instead of "hot guys" I should have said by right guys with proper intentions. It's frustrating when you feel that the only reason anyone would approach you is to make some last ditch effort to get laid for the night but otherwise they would not be engaging in any convo.

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    Re: Jealousy

    I guess the only thing that I may be a tad jealous of is people who make friends easily and have people skills. I find myself lacking in that area, I am working on it, old habits are hard to break.

  7. #7

    Re: Jealousy

    I don't really have to deal much with any kind of measurable jealousy...I rarely ever experience it. I usually don't even understand it.

    There are a few times when I am out shopping at an antique show and someone in front of me scores big...and for a few minutes I wish it could have been me and I guess I get a form of jealousy...but then I let it go and tell myself it wasn't meant to be and go on my way. It fades quickly.

    I have something that might be similar though...there are a handful of people I admire and respect so much I sometimes wish I could walk in their shoes for a day or two and experience their life...but I still wouldn't want to "be" them...I like being who I am.

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    Re: Jealousy

    Quote Originally Posted by TheSpectatingLoner View Post
    Anyone else struggle with it?

    Like I wish the best for everyone, I really do, but sometimes I just get so jealous of folks who have the things I want (and can never attain).

    Tonight, I'm out with my friends at a gay bar to celebrate one of my friend's birthday. My very close friend and roommate (straight guy, but has been to gay bars plenty of times with either me or other gay friends) says to me that this bar is annoying him because he "keeps getting hit on."

    I then roll my eyes, turn to him and say "Well if only you were me. Then you'd never get hit on."

    Just the idea that something like that could come as an inconvenience to someone irked me. When I know that just feeling that attractive for even a day--hell an hour--would be such a huge uplift for me.

    I feel like I'm constantly surrounding by wonderful people who look better, are better, have so much going for them. And I'm happy for them. But I'm so damn jealous.

    How do I change that? How do I accept my role as the "ugly friend" without being jealous all the damn time?
    How well I know those feelings...

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    JUB Addict m1thousand's Avatar
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    Re: Jealousy

    I was jealous that it felt like everyone else had electronics and I didnt. Ive never had a cellphone but I dont really have use for one but I focused on getting an Ipod Touch so I felt like I was part of things. And then I wanted an Ipad and I bought Ipad 2 for $377 with birthday money. Now I kind of wish I had a car but thats such a far off wish / thing to come true that I dont really think about it.

    I was jealous of guys in the muscle forum because - think what you want - but they were being with muscle escorts and I wanted to be with a muscle guy. Ive only been with one guy who was a bodybuilder in 1991? There was a guy who was a social butterfly and he was always name dropping about who he had hung around with muscle escorts or porn stars and I was jealous of him.

    I get jealous of guys who look good and I try to talk myself out of it. I have given myself a thing to think about when I see a guy with a nice body. I remind myself he has put in the hard work and I could look that way too if I did the same. So I dont feel as bad when a guy has a nice body because I know he has worked for it.

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    Re: Jealousy

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    Re: Jealousy

    hmmm...the only thing I have that most resembles jealousy is that I'm slightly jealous of people who have found a profitable career that they enjoy(not the people who make good money but HATE their jobs). I've never really been jealous of anyone because of how much easier I perceive their life to be or what they can obtain because of their "good looks", charm, or the the like.

    As for your latest post about the guy from fb: I know that the grass often looks greener from the other side. People always put their "highlight reels" on front street (especially on Facebook).

    Hell, MY life probably looks fabulous to people who only see what I post on fb. What they don't see is that I'm constantly stressed about my flailing "career", and insecurity because of it. I post the things that make me happiest in life...and that is often ALL you will see from individuals' social media outlets.
    "I'll cast a spell that you can't undo...'til you wake up and you find that you love me too..."

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    Re: Jealousy

    Quote Originally Posted by CupidBoy View Post
    Not at all, I'm way to amazing to give a fuck about someone else's little happiness.

    My life will be extraordinary.
    Ha ha ha!! Don't count on it. You're still young, life may have different plans for you. Just ask most of us if our life turned out the way we hoped.

    Having said that, I am way more blessed in ways I never thought imaginable before, so no, no jealousy here.
    Inspired - but too tired.

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    Re: Jealousy

    Please.

    the people who go on and on about how fabulous they are, are often the most troubled. Overcompensating, perhaps?
    "I'll cast a spell that you can't undo...'til you wake up and you find that you love me too..."

  14. #14
    JUB Addict mikey3000's Avatar
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    Re: Jealousy

    Click image for larger version. 

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    Inspired - but too tired.

  15. #15

    Re: Jealousy

    Quote Originally Posted by spanishguy View Post
    ...I am not George Clooney but i have never had a problem attracting guys like i said IS ALL IN THE ATTITUDE..if someone selects a friend of mine who is more attractive THEN SO BE IT...I don't know how else to explain it, good luck just the same..
    You explained it well..attitude IS everything.

    I have had people who thought I was living a charmed life solely because of my attitude but the truth is I had more crap happen in my life than anyone would ever know...I just don't feel sorry for myself or think like a victim or compare myself to anyone else...

  16. #16
    JUB Addict mikey3000's Avatar
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    Re: Jealousy

    Quote Originally Posted by CupidBoy View Post
    I think some people are a bit jealous of us bender.
    If only there was something real to be jealous of. I'm beginning to believe everyone who tells me it's all fake. I hope not, but everyone says it is... and it's really looking that way.
    Inspired - but too tired.

  17. #17
    Sex God Deandbn's Avatar
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    Re: Jealousy

    Attitude is everything.
    One has to act the part and dress the part to be or become the part.
    I think the OP has probably been successful at becoming the loser in his own mind.
    It's time to start becoming the winner, you can do it, you just got to try, persist, and believe in yourself.
    and dress real smart all the time, yes even with a jacket and tie to show your respect for yourself to yourself all day everyday.
    Oh and don't forget to look in mirrors often and if you don't like what you see then fix it better.
    Everything you ever wanted is on the other side of fear, your fear of change.
    You better believe it my boy.
    Last edited by Deandbn; January 13th, 2014 at 12:19 PM.

  18. #18

    Re: Jealousy

    Some people don't really care what face they're looking at.

    Btw you get a lot of ass apparently. There are a lot of guys here who are probably jealous of you.

  19. #19
    JUB Addict mikey3000's Avatar
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    Re: Jealousy

    Quote Originally Posted by TheSpectatingLoner View Post
    I go out with a smile and am a pleasant conversationalist. Despite never getting hit on, I'm incredibly outgoing and confident in social situations, so I doubt this.

    And just to clarify, not getting attention from guys isn't the worst thing in the world, I just felt incredibly jealous at the moment because he has a face people want to look at. I can't even imagine what that's like.

    But no, this isn't a case of "your attitude is horrible." Sometimes, people would rather look at a hot face than a mediocre one with a great attitude. Not to mention some of those hot faces actually have great attitudes. Don't forget that.
    Jealousy is a natural occurring emotion. don't fret it. Just use it to motivate yourself. Take what you like from people and leave the rest. Or just hang around uglier people when you go to bars.
    Inspired - but too tired.

  20. #20

    Re: Jealousy

    Quote Originally Posted by bort138 View Post
    I envy those who are in good health
    I'm sorry to hear that. I envy so many people for so many reasons. It's a good thing I don't act on my emotions most of the time.
    Eternal youth and endless life. I'll sacrifice everything and everyone to obtain it

  21. #21
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    Re: Jealousy

    No, i'm not jealous of anyone.
    Life is a competition within yourself.


    NEVER LISTEN TO A ONE SIDED STORY AND JUDGE.

  22. #22
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    Re: Jealousy

    No, I don't find myself jealous of anyone. I lead a positive outlook in life and am confident in myself that I am doing the best that I can. There are days that I feel worse of course, but I just remind myself that "the grass is always browner on the other side" (little version I created myself) and remind myself that there are people worse off than I am (I'm so nice, aren't I? ).

    I'm generally all-around cheerful and know that there is no reason to be jealous.

  23. #23
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    Re: Jealousy

    @TheSpectatingLoner - I think your ability to critique yourself in such a way is surprisingly refreshing. In fact, I think it's actually attractive that a man can be a bit self-deprecating when reflecting on himself. I don't think I've ever felt jealousy of others, but I have felt inadequate around others. It's okay to occasionally feel this way as long as you're able to point out the reasons why these feelings may arise when they do. Being a gay man comes with it's own set of unique struggles that most straight men don't have to deal with.
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    Re: Jealousy

    Quote Originally Posted by TheSpectatingLoner View Post
    Anyone else struggle with it?

    Like I wish the best for everyone, I really do, but sometimes I just get so jealous of folks who have the things I want (and can never attain).

    Tonight, I'm out with my friends at a gay bar to celebrate one of my friend's birthday. My very close friend and roommate (straight guy, but has been to gay bars plenty of times with either me or other gay friends) says to me that this bar is annoying him because he "keeps getting hit on."

    I then roll my eyes, turn to him and say "Well if only you were me. Then you'd never get hit on."

    Just the idea that something like that could come as an inconvenience to someone irked me. When I know that just feeling that attractive for even a day--hell an hour--would be such a huge uplift for me.

    I feel like I'm constantly surrounding by wonderful people who look better, are better, have so much going for them. And I'm happy for them. But I'm so damn jealous.

    How do I change that? How do I accept my role as the "ugly friend" without being jealous all the damn time?

    It will always bother you as long as you let it. Work on the self esteem and go for it...

  25. #25
    Are u haleloo ya ? Telstra's Avatar
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    Re: Jealousy

    Quote Originally Posted by dereperez View Post
    No, I don't find myself jealous of anyone. I lead a positive outlook in life and am confident in myself that I am doing the best that I can. There are days that I feel worse of course, but I just remind myself that "the grass is always browner on the other side" (little version I created myself) and remind myself that there are people worse off than I am (I'm so nice, aren't I? ).

    I'm generally all-around cheerful and know that there is no reason to be jealous.
    No your not, you said i'm disgusting without knowing anything


    NEVER LISTEN TO A ONE SIDED STORY AND JUDGE.

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    Re: Jealousy

    Ugh I HATE being jealous.. I used to get jealous with my ex girlfriend all the time... its really the worst feeling ever.

  27. #27

    Re: Jealousy

    Quote Originally Posted by TheSpectatingLoner View Post
    I think people overdo it with the "low self esteem" claims. Everyone wants to be a shrink. Nothing I said here changes with a better "self esteem." I'm used to folks being better looking and having advantages as a result, and it's bothersome at times. That's not a self esteem issue. That's reality.
    It is a self esteem issue. There are advantages to you being male, being able-bodied, intelligent, etc. Yet you seem to focus on how you are deficient, particularly in such a shallow and subjective category as looks.

  28. #28
    Come again? dereperez's Avatar
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    Re: Jealousy

    Quote Originally Posted by Telstra View Post
    No your not, you said i'm disgusting without knowing anything
    Please. Cheerfulness has nothing to do with recognizing disgusting behavior, which you put on full display in the martyr thread.
    Last edited by dereperez; January 13th, 2014 at 07:08 PM.

  29. #29
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    Re: Jealousy

    My parents are both quite good looking, even though they're the "runts" of their respective families.

    Apparently, those looks were passed down to me, butt it was never anything I REALIZED because of my Short stature, and the Challenges of that I was presented with because of my diminutive stature!

    And, unfortunately, as I've aged, even the Looks no longer apply, as you can see from my avatar, which is really Me!

    As the Preacher's Kid, I also enjoyed a certain Social Status, along with it's own draw backs of Public Expectations, butt also allowed me to Relate to All other Social Strata, without the usual "Clique" boundaries.

    Did I appreciate that at the time? Um ... No! I truly had NO Clue!

    I was always Envious of the taller, more muscled, Dudes, and , therefore, tended to denigrate Myself!

    When I finally was introduced to the Gay Life, and began frequenting all the bars, and social places, I was often "Hit On", butt didn't fully understand, nor appreciated, what was actually happening, at the Time!

    There were, and still Are, other Guys that I'm completely Jealous of, and totally wish I could BE Them, instead of Who I really am!

    However, hindsight has also allowed me to realize that I wasn't as bad off as I Thought I was!

    It all boils down to SELF Perception!

    Everybody is AWESOME in their Own Right! Whatever "inadequacies" we may perceive in Ourselves is not necessarily what Others are Seeing! The only thing we can measure is the reactions, whether we "get" them, or not, from what we Think THEY are Thinking! Which, bottom line, does that Truly Matter?

    All the more reasons to ... No Matter What ...

    Keep Smilin'!!
    Chaz
    WISDOM is the Knowledge you've gained ... After you could have used it! _Me

  30. #30
    Are u haleloo ya ? Telstra's Avatar
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    Re: Jealousy

    Quote Originally Posted by dereperez View Post
    Please. Cheerfulness has nothing to do with recognizing disgusting behavior, which you put on full display in the martyr thread.
    You are disgusting to infinity ...


    NEVER LISTEN TO A ONE SIDED STORY AND JUDGE.

  31. #31
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    Re: Jealousy

    Quote Originally Posted by Gentleheart View Post
    Please.

    the people who go on and on about how fabulous they are, are often the most troubled. Overcompensating, perhaps?
    *Snickering*

  32. #32
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    Re: Jealousy

    Quote Originally Posted by Telstra View Post
    You are disgusting to infinity ...
    I think your Listerine is calling you. Go wash up.

  33. #33
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    Re: Jealousy

    I outright wasted the majority of the last 20 years feeling sorry for myself, feeling jealous of everyone else and what they achieved. Instead of focusing on good things I focused on what I didn't want, and what I wanted and did have. And you know what? What I didn't want is exactly what I got.

    It's only been over the last couple of years that I've pulled my head out of my arse and decided to actually make something of the life I have left. I read threads like this and it both pisses me off completely and resonates in a dark space in my soul.

    The negativity being aimed at Cupid, Bender and anyone else saying "I choose to be happy, I choose to look at the good things, I choose to try and stay positive and work towards the goals I want for myself" is mind breaking. I can not fathom the pleasure the people on here get who are near to my age giving such sage advice "wait till you find out how wrong you are".

    Good on them for doing something. I wish someone had kicked me in the arse when I was in my early 20's. Maybe that might have helped prevent the second guessing I do now. The constant battle between "I could do that but, I'd be bloody hate it" or "Fuck you, always complaining about some tiny portion of your life while I'm single, living with my parents and jobless, you've got everything I wanted I ended up with nothing", the instant thought, quickly replaced with "Okay, if I'd hate that, what would I like, Yes, if I did it that way I would be happy" or "everyone has pieces of their lives they're not happy with, just be supportive."

    There are a million things I could say in this thread, but most of you wouldn't care to hear them because I'm not going to wallow in the mud. I've done that for decades. 2 years ago I tore my world apart, and for 2 years I've been trying to rebuild it, step by step.

    Am I jealous? All the time. Of everyone. Younger, Older, my age. Do I allow it to consume me, to be the central theme of my life? Absolutely not. I try hard every day to make today better yesterday, and I try hard every day not to let my own insecurities drown me while others need encouragement. No one is perfect, I'll hit the floor more often than not, but I will always pull myself up and keep moving forward.

  34. #34

    Re: Jealousy

    Happiness is perspective. It can be chosen.

    I have terrible disposition for severe depression. I struggled with really bad social anxiety most of my life.

    But I chose not to accept that. I worked my ass off trying to find solutions.

    I'm sorry you feel that way TSL but you seem like you're just accepting your perspective. That's fine if you choose to live that way. But understand that it is a choice.

  35. #35
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    Re: Jealousy

    Quote Originally Posted by TheSpectatingLoner View Post
    It happened again and it just underscores that part of my problem is the industry I'm in.

    My roommate (who is more physically beautiful than I could dream to be) just got a bartending job that I'm not good-looking enough for. He'll be making more money, working in a much more relaxed environment than I've ever been able to, always bartending at cheesy family restaurants and the like.

    He told me today that he'd begin training and I'm happy for him, but it just hurt. Made me realize I'll never be good enough in the industry I'm in. And I'll always be there watching my better-looking friends get more. The type of job that could reasonably support me for the next few years while I focus on my art, but I can never get them,
    But looks fade. I suppose in some years you won't care very much about that.




    Quote Originally Posted by TheSpectatingLoner View Post
    Ravenstar, I can't speak for others, but the problem with replies like Cupid/BENDER is that they make it seem like happiness is something that can be chosen. Point simply, it's wrong. And though I would never wish unhappiness upon them, it would be nice if they realized how off that way of thinking is.

    Hell, recent studies have pegged half of happiness as genetic. It's not as simple as "x chooses to be happy, y chooses to be miserable."
    I agree with this to certain extent but also some years ago I realized that my own decisions were making me miserable and I changed that.



    I'm jealous of people who travel. Damned fuckers!
    Last edited by geloge; January 23rd, 2014 at 02:17 PM. Reason: my fucking ridiculous English

    ^Another kicking English grammar post

  36. #36
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    Re: Jealousy

    Jealousy is a natural emotion. Its how you deal with it and solve it for yourself is the real character builder.
    *⁂⁑* The Lonely Snow Queen, Elsa *⁑⁂*

  37. #37
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    Re: Jealousy

    Quote Originally Posted by geloge View Post
    I'm jealous of people who travel. Damned fuckers!
    I know what you mean - I'm jealous mildly envious of people who can travel independently.

    Taz is a good example - I wish I could travel as carefree and sociably as he can. My personality doesn't allow it.

    We need a European JUB meet.

    You, me, MysteryLovesCompany, Corny, treanir, mitchymo, Nishin....

    (I can but dream)

  38. #38

    Re: Jealousy

    Quote Originally Posted by TheSpectatingLoner View Post
    It doesn't work that way for everyone, Lucky. Those are your specific circumstabces. They don't apply to were situation.

    For the record, even though I discuss my unhappiest moments here, I'm not a miserable person or close. I've been really happy for the past year or so. There are plenty of things in my life that bring me joy. But not even in my happiest moments has happiness been a "choice" for me as simply as what others describe in this thread. And no amount of happiness would ever cause me to lecture others for not simply "choosing" it. We all have our demons, many unrelatable to others.
    I don't disagree. But you can "choose" to accept your current condition or "choose" to do something about it.
    That is all I meant.

  39. #39
    The gay gargoyle G-Lexington's Avatar
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    Re: Jealousy

    I can't exactly explain what goes on in my head, but I guess I'm just not wired for jealousy.

    Most recent example. Recently, I was up for an award, and I ended up not even passing the first round of cuts.

    Did I want to win that award? Yes.
    Did I want to be among the list of nominees? Yes.
    Did I think about what it would be like to win (or at least be nominated)? Yes.
    Did I fantasize about it a bit? Yes.

    ...then I shrugged it off, and went back to my (not-so-)miserable existence. And that's just how I respond to things like that. When I see somebody more attractive, more wealthy, more interesting, more whatever... I might go through that process above. "Wow, it'd be cool to be that attractive/wealthy/interesting. I wonder what that would be like?" But I never feel anything towards the attractive/wealthy/interesting person. I don't hate them, or hope they fail, or get conflicting emotions around them. I never have any trouble treating them the same way I treat everybody.

    Lex

  40. #40
    JUB Addict mikey3000's Avatar
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    Re: Jealousy

    I have no problem with those who think positively, it's a great trait that I had to learn, and I did (neuro-linguistic programming) at college. But to put others down to make yourself feel better is cheap. I've learned to deal with that too. So no, jealousy is ok if you use it to improve in yourself what you can.

  41. #41
    Young at Heart ravenstar's Avatar
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    Re: Jealousy

    Quote Originally Posted by mikey3000 View Post
    I have no problem with those who think positively, it's a great trait that I had to learn, and I did (neuro-linguistic programming) at college. But to put others down to make yourself feel better is cheap. I've learned to deal with that too. So no, jealousy is ok if you use it to improve in yourself what you can.
    Given the back and forward between you and Cupid on that score mate, neither one of you have clean hands. Glass houses, stones ya know.

    As to the comment that happiness can't be chosen, I call bullshit on that. Anything can be chosen. I can chose to sit here and wallow in all the negatives or I can chose to smile, look for the positive, try something new to see if that works.

    If you - and by you I mean people in general - don't have control of your emotions or the ability to choose which emotional state you focus on, then no one would ever be happy. I don't think anyone realistically expects to be happy 100% of the time, but if you want to change the song, you change the record right?

  42. #42
    JUB Addict mikey3000's Avatar
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    Re: Jealousy

    Your quote applies to passing judgement on others, something few of us are innocent of here, even you my friend.
    Inspired - but too tired.

  43. #43

    Re: Jealousy

    Quote Originally Posted by CupidBoy View Post
    Not at all, I'm way to amazing to give a fuck about someone else's little happiness.

    My life will be extraordinary.


  44. #44
    Young at Heart ravenstar's Avatar
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    Re: Jealousy

    Quote Originally Posted by mikey3000 View Post
    Your quote applies to passing judgement on others, something few of us are innocent of here, even you my friend.
    I never said I was innocent Mikey. I know how dirty my hands are when it comes to passing judgement.

  45. #45
    might be a joke or not-->
    geloge's Avatar
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    Re: Jealousy

    I didn't, only the the thread was going in that direction

    ^Another kicking English grammar post

  46. #46

    Re: Jealousy

    Quote Originally Posted by TheSpectatingLoner View Post
    Anyone else struggle with it?

    Like I wish the best for everyone, I really do, but sometimes I just get so jealous of folks who have the things I want (and can never attain).

    Tonight, I'm out with my friends at a gay bar to celebrate one of my friend's birthday. My very close friend and roommate (straight guy, but has been to gay bars plenty of times with either me or other gay friends) says to me that this bar is annoying him because he "keeps getting hit on."

    I then roll my eyes, turn to him and say "Well if only you were me. Then you'd never get hit on."

    Just the idea that something like that could come as an inconvenience to someone irked me. When I know that just feeling that attractive for even a day--hell an hour--would be such a huge uplift for me.

    I feel like I'm constantly surrounding by wonderful people who look better, are better, have so much going for them. And I'm happy for them. But I'm so damn jealous.

    How do I change that? How do I accept my role as the "ugly friend" without being jealous all the damn time?
    I have to say this thread puts your comments on my thread (link below) into perspective.

    http://www.justusboys.com/forum/thre...with-big-penis

    Anyway, for me it's not the looks (I don't think I'm terrible looking) but social skills. I have zero social skills even on an online forum. I think I was born witless I listen to people's conversation and read people's comments online and am in awe on how intelligent and smart other people are. Also, humour. I think humour can only come from wit and I don't have any. I would like to have for once an intelligent repartee with another person! I probably shouldn't admit this here

  47. #47
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    Re: Jealousy

    Well, jealousy is quite natural really. i don't think it's wrong to feel it, but I do believe it's not healthy to dwell on it. I recently kind of thought to myself that all these people that got to where they are, didn't just get there. They worked for it and are working for it to be where they are. So if they can do it, why can't I? So I'll just pick myself up and move on with my life. Not as simple as it sounds, but it's better than wallowing in self pity.

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