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  1. #1

    Choosing A Side: Best Friend or Best Friends Ex

    So i met my best friend first, and we became close.

    Then he got a boyfriend and we distanced a little but we were still very close. Over time we hung out more and got to know his boyfriend more and now were really cool. Like very good friend status.

    For the moment for his job, he had to go away for a month and relationship demons came and they broke up. They were a little troubled and argued over jealousy. My best friends ex is new to the whole scene but he is very loyal.

    The trouble i have is that my best friend told me he wont hang out with me much since im now good friends with his ex.

    And now i feel i have to choose sides. Theyre both awesome.

    Any advice?

  2. #2
    Exactly what on a chain? TopherGF's Avatar
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    Re: Choosing A Side: Best Friend or Best Friends Ex

    You can't control what either of them does. If either disagrees with your decision, that's his issue. You shouldn't have to choose who you are friends with because another friend doesn't like it. You can hang out with both of them separately. It'll be tough though, because they each will probably want to talk about the other. I would say, just don't talk with one about the other. If they want to talk about it, listen, but don't go telling the details of what you did with the other one the night before. If your best friend can't deal with you hanging out with his ex, then that's his decision and his loss. But leave the door open for him.

  3. #3
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    Re: Choosing A Side: Best Friend or Best Friends Ex

    How recent is the breakup? That is actually an important factor. I would say let the dust settle before you make any hasty decisions. You could keep both as friends but you have to think long term. They have to grow apart from each other before you can fully be friends with both of them.

  4. #4
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    Re: Choosing A Side: Best Friend or Best Friends Ex

    Back away from both of them...for awhile anyway. In the meantime...do not say anything bad about either one of them under any circumstances to either one of them or anyone else. Don't even think any bad thoughts...

    When they have resolved their differences and moved on then it is safe to proceed with the friendships.

    That is my advice...

  5. #5
    Impish and Mercurial Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Your best friend sounds like he's 12, frankly...
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  6. #6
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    Re: Choosing A Side: Best Friend or Best Friends Ex

    I kinda like the advice of eastofeden.
    I'd still want to keep close contact with both of them, just not at the same time.

  7. #7
    The Danger Zone. MoufOfKhaos's Avatar
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    Re: Choosing A Side: Best Friend or Best Friends Ex

    Uh, if your friend is making you choose who you can hang out with because he has issues with them, then he's obviously not your "best" friend. A real friend is there to protect you, not to manipulate you into what he wants you to do.
    "Ive been in the Danger Zone, east of the Pacific Ocean,

    west of London England, south of Mars, and north of Hell..."

  8. #8
    PerScientiam AdJustitiam bankside's Avatar
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    Re: Choosing A Side: Best Friend or Best Friends Ex

    If both of them are basically decent people an dit just didn't work out, then what you do is show some sensitivity by not forcing them into the same room at the same time, so no inviting both of them to the same party. But continue to show friendship toward both if you like both. And if that is too much for anyone to handle, he will back away and the other one will not So if your friend decides to go, too bad but oh well.
    Americans need to keep their guns so they can protect themselves from gun violence just like Nancy Lanza did. And like Chris Kyle did. And like Gabby Giffords did. And like Tom Clements did. And like Michael Piemonte. And Joseph Wilcox.

  9. #9

    Re: Choosing A Side: Best Friend or Best Friends Ex

    Quote Originally Posted by eastofeden View Post
    Back away from both of them...for awhile anyway. In the meantime...do not say anything bad about either one of them under any circumstances to either one of them or anyone else. Don't even think any bad thoughts...

    When they have resolved their differences and moved on then it is safe to proceed with the friendships.

    That is my advice...
    Quote Originally Posted by bruce379 View Post
    I kinda like the advice of eastofeden.
    I'd still want to keep close contact with both of them, just not at the same time.
    At the moment, I do talk to both. They are ALWAYS asking about the other. It's hard because I'm this middle person. At moments I find it amusing, but others, it's taxing. My best friend hasn't returned yet from traveling for this job yet.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rolyo85 View Post
    Your best friend sounds like he's 12, frankly...
    Quote Originally Posted by MoufOfKhaos View Post
    Uh, if your friend is making you choose who you can hang out with because he has issues with them, then he's obviously not your "best" friend. A real friend is there to protect you, not to manipulate you into what he wants you to do.
    I've been told he's a dick. For some reason my personality attracts assholes.

    Our friendship is very strong though, which was why when he wrote that comment I was kind of thrown back a little.

    Quote Originally Posted by bankside View Post
    If both of them are basically decent people and it just didn't work out, then what you do is show some sensitivity by not forcing them into the same room at the same time, so no inviting both of them to the same party. But continue to show friendship toward both if you like both. And if that is too much for anyone to handle, he will back away and the other one will not So if your friend decides to go, too bad but oh well.
    I have a feeling they'll get back together and the cycle will happen again, to be honest. But I will do this if that happens.

  10. #10

    Re: Choosing A Side: Best Friend or Best Friends Ex

    Well, I'd tell him that I won't stop being friends with either. If he's willing to give up his friendship with you that easily, then what kind of friend is that? I do somewhat agree to let the dust settle, but sometimes this just promotes the tension.
    Quote Originally Posted by Saybrooke View Post
    I was at the gym once, and this woman was on the elliptical next to me, making motorcycle noises.

  11. #11
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    Re: Choosing A Side: Best Friend or Best Friends Ex

    I had a similar situation ages ago, back in high school... my best friend started dating a girl, and she and I became close. after they broke up, we stayed friends.

    no one ever made me choose sides, but after the breakup it got awkward trying to hang out with both (especially since they had no interest in hanging out together). over time, I found myself drifting away from the person who less ingrained with the rest of my social circle.

  12. #12
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    Re: Choosing A Side: Best Friend or Best Friends Ex

    I have remained close friends with two people who became estranged. It helps that they live in two different cities and we are seldom all together. I made it clear from the start that I would not provide insider info about one to the other, and they have by and large respected that policy. I didn't want to lose either friendship or get caught in the middle but that's why there had to be ground rules.

  13. #13

    Re: Choosing A Side: Best Friend or Best Friends Ex

    Quote Originally Posted by Rolyo85 View Post
    Your best friend sounds like he's 12, frankly...
    THIS...

    But seriously, why would he make you choose a side? i sense a hint of 'immaturity'. I'd be frank with him and tell him, the fact that hes making you choose is ridiculous and that he needs to grow up. Then again.....that's just the kinda person I am lol

  14. #14
    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: Choosing A Side: Best Friend or Best Friends Ex

    Divorce is funny that way and some people demand loyalty. If having both of them as friends is too taxing then pick one or none. Also, not all breakups are permanent.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

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