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  1. #1
    JUB Addict erobert's Avatar
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    I've Becoming the Femine Component in My Relationship?

    I'm wondering if others have or are dealing with this.... or if it even needs to be dealt with at all since gender roles in gay relationships are open ended like they are becoming in hetero relationships these days.

    My BF and I have been together for over a year now and we seem to have fallen into "traditional" gender roles. I've taken on more the feminine component over the year or so. For instance, with cooking and cleaning- I always find myself cooking for him when I'm over at his place. Not that I don't mind but sometimes he'll play video games when I'm cooking dinner (I'll have to ask him to help out sometimes when he should know I need it)

    He makes more than I do and is more dominant also which I don't mind... I have more of a decorative eye and caught myself saying once when I was frustrated with him for something "What is it with men and..." Though, we're both guys so idk but it's interesting these gender roles came about; consciously or not.

    Maybe we're just very a traditional couple (whatever that may mean and it has outdated connotations) Maybe should move to the suburbs with a dog. IDK... Anyone else feel this way in a relationships it doesn't bother me but on the other hand I'm not sure if it should or not.

  2. #2

    Re: I've Becoming the Femine Component in My Relationship?

    As long as it works for you. In an ideal world you just live your life without worrying whether you're taking on a traditional role or not.

  3. #3

    Re: I've Becoming the Femine Component in My Relationship?

    I think we do fall into certain roles when we're in a long relationship. I'm in a similar boat as yours with cooking and cleaning. Yeah it does annoy me sometimes as I normally wouldn't do these things. But in my relationship he brings in more money and also helps out with random stuff around the house.
    It's taken a few times of me making a fuss for him to do some cleaning himself though.

  4. #4
    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: I've Becoming the Femine Component in My Relationship?

    All couples, gay and straight, need to work on dividing up chores.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  5. #5
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    Re: I've Becoming the Femine Component in My Relationship?

    The problem is you are identifying with the stereotype and seem to be acclimating yourself to it. There are a lot of activities and behaviors that are gender neutral. Cooking is by no means a "feminine role" and you shouldn't see it that way.

    Be yourself, but do not view your behavior as being womanly. You are a man. If anything, your boyfriend needs to learn that cooking time is together time (not for playing video games.) That's a result of taking you for granted.
    #439th oldest member on JUB.

  6. #6
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    Re: I've Becoming the Femine Component in My Relationship?

    I think you are looking at this the wrong way. If you're the top and he's the bottom, then I'd say it's unfair coz then you're still doing all the work, otherwise, I'd say you're even
    But seriously, does it bother you? Talk to him. I think you're pigeonholing yourself to the heterosexual ideal - which btw, you two aren't.
    If it doesn't bother you and you like doing it, continue. If it bothers you, sit down, play a game with him and talk about it.

    I have a funny feeling you're not having enough sex with him ramp it up!

  7. #7
    PerScientiam AdJustitiam bankside's Avatar
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    Re: I've Becoming the Femine Component in My Relationship?

    Quote Originally Posted by Seasoned View Post
    All couples, gay and straight, need to work on dividing up chores.
    This.

    I have more of an eye for detail than my guy and that means I pick the paint colours and decide what is for dinner most days, otherwise we'd live in what looks like an ugly college dorm and we'd spend most of our time eating hot dogs. I can also swing an axe to chop the firewood or run the chop saw to frame up a cedar planter (grrr) for all the lovely precious flowers (giggle). And my penis is not at risk of turning into a vagina.
    Americans need to keep their guns so they can protect themselves from gun violence just like Nancy Lanza did. And like Chris Kyle did. And like Gabby Giffords did. And like Tom Clements did. And like Michael Piemonte. And Joseph Wilcox.

  8. #8
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    Re: I've Becoming the Femine Component in My Relationship?

    Years ago my then boyfriend moved in with me, I don't know how it happened but I went from a wild party boy to a 1950's housewife which I didn't realise until a married woman friend pointed it out to me ( actually she told me I should stop cooking, cleaning gardening, shopping, baking, doing laundry while still working-not that she really cared except all the husbands were expecting the same from their wives "hey that gay guy down the road can do it" LOL).
    It's not really a feminine role it has to be done,just if I did it, it was done quicker with less fuss plus I left last and got home first. The one time he did do it on a day off I was expected to thank him everyday for the next two weeks but apparently I didn't need so much gratitude as I was good at it....schmuck! LOL

  9. #9
    JUB Addict erobert's Avatar
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    Re: I've Becoming the Femine Component in My Relationship?

    /\ That's what I do too. Cooking and sometimes cleaning but I am not doing his laundry- I'm not his mother and we're both men. Maybe I'm thinking too much about relationship dynamics and such...

  10. #10
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    Re: I've Becoming the Femine Component in My Relationship?

    Do whatever works between you guys. Just because you cook doesn't make you feminine. And i know plenty if straight couples where the women make more than the men and they are in no way masculine.

    split everything up. As long as you both feel that it us equal in both parts everything is fine. You shouldn't label everything, especially since the rules are Already bent seeing as you are two guys in a relationship

  11. #11
    Newbie NightrunnerHB's Avatar
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    Re: I've Becoming the Femine Component in My Relationship?

    If it really bothers you, that you seem to have adopted the "feminine", Id say try to find out how your BF views both your respective roles in your relationship. You could be smart about it, so wont have to ask him directly, which could be awkward.

    However, Ive thought about this myself in the past and I thought maybe getting the perspective on this issue from someone on the other side is interesting to you...
    Things are pretty similar in my relationship, only I am the sits-on-the-couch-playing-videogames-while-BF-is-cooking-dinner guy. This is mostly because a) my BF knows how to cook and gets stuff done around the house and b) because - while I do too - he is very particular in what he eats and HOW and WHEN he wants things done. So weve kind of just settled into him cooking most of the time and although we both do chores, when it comes to cleaning hes usually just quicker and/or gets the cleaning done before I even think there is something that needs cleaning. To make things "worse", weve also developed fixed roles in bed. Im the top (always have been).
    All of this said, I see him 100% as the man that he is. As far as Im concerned, hes not in the least bit feminine and it would be a major turn-off to me, if he were. Im a mans-man, always have been, and I dont think that a 63 guy with a beard loses any of his masculinity just because hes preparing me a steak. (On the contrary, Im very happy to be spoiled like that and am probably going to have to make up for it in bed ). As far as Im concerned, there IS no feminine component in my relationship.

    Id appreciate any further thoughts on this.

    Also, this was my first post on this board. Hi guys

  12. #12

    Re: I've Becoming the Femine Component in My Relationship?

    Wow, you guys are lucky to have such great mates!!! If only the rest of us could "complain" about our roles. hahaha

  13. #13

    Re: I've Becoming the Femine Component in My Relationship?

    Your relationship works, and you seem relatively happy with it... be thankful, stop comparing it to everyone else's, and looking for problems that aren't there.
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  14. #14
    Sex God hanzosword's Avatar
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    Re: I've Becoming the Femine Component in My Relationship?

    Cooking and cleaning has nothing to do with being feminine or masculine. A man who lives alone has to clean up after himself and has to cook sometimes so the fact that you're doing what has to be done anyway while you're with someone doesn't mean anything. You're not the woman, you're the clean one and the one who likes a home cooked meal enough to cook it yourself.

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