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  1. #1
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    Am I a horrible person for not being attracted to much older men?

    I'm 24 and I do seem to get hit on by older guys. By that, I mean guys in their 40s and 50s (aka guys that are old enough to be my father)

    I do respectfully turn them away, but it's like every time I do, I'm given a huge amount of grief over it. Regardless of how nicely I decline their attempts to court me, they get either angry or overly sad.

    I do understand that not many people can take rejection all too well (and I'm one of them) but is it right that I'm made out to be this horrid, shallow person when I reject these guys?

    I know I should have thicker skin, but I can't help but feel a little bad anytime this happens.

  2. #2
    BENDERBOY
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    Re: Am I a horrible person for not being attracted to much older men?

    No, you like what you like.

    Don't let them guilt trip you into sleeping with them.

  3. #3
    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: Am I a horrible person for not being attracted to much older men?

    ^ditto.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  4. #4
    Sex God aaggii's Avatar
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    Re: Am I a horrible person for not being attracted to much older men?

    No, you definitely shouldn┤t say no and fuck everything that comes to you

    Seriously now, you are attracted to what you are attracted, period. You don┤t even have to say sorry, but it┤s polite to do so. I┤m a chaser in the bear scene, but somehow I┤m more attracted to the character, rather than looks, so when I talked with someone who wasn┤t attractive based on what a bear or a daddy should look like, they used to tell me they didn┤t think I would speak to them (or reply, if on the internet); I can only assume that they were rejected times before which led to a low self-esteem and, therefore, them getting angry or sad.

    It┤s udnerstandable, you would get a bit sad too if Price Charming would say no to you, hehe.

    edit: Also, some show sadness, in order to make you change your mind. As a general rule and based on experience, them older folks can be tricky
    Last edited by aaggii; October 5th, 2013 at 01:57 AM.
    ĘBeware the fury of a patient manĘ - John Dryden

  5. #5
    Execuvette Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: Am I a horrible person for not being attracted to much older men?

    In my experience, guys in their 40s and 50s who would hit on a kid in his early 20s are almost exclusively creepers. Who cares if they get angry?

    Of course, even worse are the guys who are in their 40s and 50s and pretend to be younger online to get to younger guys.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  6. #6
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    Re: Am I a horrible person for not being attracted to much older men?

    It's give and take. You have a right to your preferences when it comes to age. I like older guys, but I do have age limits depending on the individual. If they have the right to hit on guys much younger than them, then younger guys have the right to decline their advances. There are plenty of other younger guys out there that are into far older men. Nobody should be giving you grief for not feeling mutually attracted.
    #439th oldest member on JUB.

  7. #7
    nerd of prey hylas's Avatar
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    Re: Am I a horrible person for not being attracted to much older men?

    i also tend to attract much older guys, for whatever reason.
    no, youre not a horrible person.

    if they approach you in a respectful manner, just turn them down in a clear and polite way. theyll understand. and if they react badly, its really their problem, not yours.

    if they approach you in a rude or creepy manner, then dont think twice about slamming the door in thir faces, figuratively speaking.

    and please dont have sex with men youre not attracted to, for whatever reason.
    i had sex with them maybe once or twice, because i was horny, insecure about how desirable i was, and they seemed to be the only ones interested at the time. it didnt make me feel better.

  8. #8
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    Re: Am I a horrible person for not being attracted to much older men?

    Interesting as I'm not much interested in guys under 35.

  9. #9

    Re: Am I a horrible person for not being attracted to much older men?

    I think often times their reactions are more a way of manipulating you, trying to guilt you into giving them what they want.

    When i was your age it was my observation that those guys would blanket out hundreds of offers in hopes of getting 1-2 bites. Believe me, those guys are plenty used to rejection. ... and even if not, if you're not interested you're not interested. Be the bigger man, thank them for the interest and be firm and polite in your rejection. The predators will know if you're wavering and just keep at you until you give in.
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  10. #10
    JUB Addict vulgar_newcomer's Avatar
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    Re: Am I a horrible person for not being attracted to much older men?

    Are you saying this is unique to older guys, or don't any guys in the age bracket you desire not hit on you? Because certain people act like drama queen douche bags no matter what age. A 26 yr old guy that you might turn down could react the same way. Once you politely say no if they keep bugging you tell them to fuck off.

  11. #11
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    Re: Am I a horrible person for not being attracted to much older men?

    Quote Originally Posted by vulgar_newcomer View Post
    Are you saying this is unique to older guys, or don't any guys in the age bracket you desire not hit on you? Because certain people act like drama queen douche bags no matter what age. A 26 yr old guy that you might turn down could react the same way. Once you politely say no if they keep bugging you tell them to fuck off.
    I'm not saying this is unique to older guys as some guys in my age bracket have hit on me and I have turned them down politely even if they came on a little strong. Sorry if it came off that way.

    It's mostly because in the past few weeks, I've dealt with older guys being interested in me. I have no problem with older guys per se, I just prefer to have a guy closer to my age. Someone I can identify with because most older guys aren't into the same things that I am.

  12. #12
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    Re: Am I a horrible person for not being attracted to much older men?

    it perefectly fine not to be attracted to older men. I get hit on by older man alot. My parents are still relatively young the are in their mind forties. To be with someone who is their age or older to me is like being with my father and i just cant do it.
    young wild free

  13. #13

    Re: Am I a horrible person for not being attracted to much older men?

    As long as you politely decline then you shouldn't feel guilty. People can't help who they're attracted so you don't feel bad on that regard. If you're nice and civil then it's fine.

  14. #14
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    Re: Am I a horrible person for not being attracted to much older men?

    More older men for me

  15. #15
    JUB Addict maxpowr9's Avatar
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    Re: Am I a horrible person for not being attracted to much older men?

    I went on a date with a 41 year-old [26 here] recently and he was shocked I agreed to the date. He was a nice guy and we got along well but he kept treating me like a little kid and degrading himself based on his age. It was very disappointing to say the least that he couldn't get past age and just enjoy himself. I know the main reason that big age gaps don't tend to work well is the whole "different life stages" thing but to each their own.

    Yeah, there are some pervy older men that like hitting on young guys and you can gladly reject their advances. Same can be said for almost anyone you find creepy or unattractive. If I find their profile interesting or them attractive, I don't mind taking a chance on them. I think for me, a lot of my associates are older than me by 10+ years, so I am used to casually talking with them which helped break down my barriers on being stuck on an age number.

  16. #16
    The Thoughtful One gameboy 11's Avatar
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    Re: Am I a horrible person for not being attracted to much older men?

    No I don't think it's a problem that you aren't attracted to men twice your age. Some people are into that and some aren't. It's your preference and I think the good thing is that you actually feel bad for turning them down even though you're not attracted to them. That's life really. Stuff like this happens. Keep doing it in a way not meant to be hurtful. That's all you can do.

  17. #17
    Are u haleloo ya ? Telstra's Avatar
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    Re: Am I a horrible person for not being attracted to much older men?

    If it is a hookup site, it is not rude not to respond.
    Hence save both parties times.


    NEVER LISTEN TO A ONE SIDED STORY AND JUDGE.

  18. #18

    Re: Am I a horrible person for not being attracted to much older men?

    I'm in my forties.

    The guys my age who flip out because you youngsters won't sleep with them anymore are the guys who are, themselves, fixated on youth and the idea of themselves as young.

    Sleep with who you want -- you don't owe anybody your cock.

  19. #19
    JUB Addict SaskGuy's Avatar
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    Re: Am I a horrible person for not being attracted to much older men?

    You're just not attracted to older guys, plain and simple. Don't ever let anyone make you feel guilty for your personal preferences.

  20. #20
    PerScientiam AdJustitiam bankside's Avatar
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    Re: Am I a horrible person for not being attracted to much older men?

    I am trying to picture a universe where guys are good at introducing themselves, and are totally socially appropriate in their 20s, but then they hit their 40's or 50's and suddenly become single jerks who get totally pissy when they introduce themselves in an awkward way and get rejected.

    I can't.

    So I'm guessing the middle aged guys who are bad at dating now were bad at dating then. You are not seeing "inappropriate old guys." You are seeing "inappropriate young guys" who just got old and never figured out how to put their best foot forward, or how to handle rejection. They were probably always this bad at it.

    And I'm guessing the middle-aged guys who you would actually be willing to speak with even if you weren't interested other than as friends, are probably not out there every night hitting on you, because they probably already managed to find someone years ago. Of course there are also shy guys who waited a long time to come out, and guys who lost the love of their lives and are starting over. They are also likely to be respectful, won't give you a hard time if you are not interested, and are probably interesting enough to share a beer with even as friends.
    Last edited by bankside; October 17th, 2013 at 09:58 PM.
    Americans need to keep their guns so they can protect themselves from gun violence just like Nancy Lanza did. And like Chris Kyle did. And like Gabby Giffords did. And like Tom Clements did. And like Michael Piemonte. And Joseph Wilcox.

  21. #21
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    Re: Am I a horrible person for not being attracted to much older men?

    Quote Originally Posted by maxpowr9 View Post
    I went on a date with a 41 year-old [26 here] recently and he was shocked I agreed to the date. He was a nice guy and we got along well but he kept treating me like a little kid and degrading himself based on his age. It was very disappointing to say the least that he couldn't get past age and just enjoy himself. I know the main reason that big age gaps don't tend to work well is the whole "different life stages" thing but to each their own.

    Yeah, there are some pervy older men that like hitting on young guys and you can gladly reject their advances. Same can be said for almost anyone you find creepy or unattractive. If I find their profile interesting or them attractive, I don't mind taking a chance on them. I think for me, a lot of my associates are older than me by 10+ years, so I am used to casually talking with them which helped break down my barriers on being stuck on an age number.
    I dated a 55 yr old. and we've seen each other a few times but somehow we lost contact with each other. was it my fault? i dunno. but i honestly want to see him again

  22. #22
    Lascivious Lush altlover85's Avatar
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    Re: Am I a horrible person for not being attracted to much older men?

    Guilt trips aren't cute no matter what the age of the person throwing them.

  23. #23
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    Re: Am I a horrible person for not being attracted to much older men?

    I've had loads of older guys come onto me before. And I often reject them. Well, it helps that I do not care for any of them so it was easy to turn them away. Not saying you should be a heartless asshole...

    But do not feel bad if you do reject them, because trust me, they must have rejected others before, maybe guys their age or guys they're not attracted to or whatever. That's how the cycle goes. Rejection always sting, but they'll get over it and move on. Don't worry yourself over it.

  24. #24

    Re: Am I a horrible person for not being attracted to much older men?

    They may be 40-50, but they're acting childish. You can't help if you're not into older guys.
    Quote Originally Posted by Saybrooke View Post
    I was at the gym once, and this woman was on the elliptical next to me, making motorcycle noises.

  25. #25
    Know thyself kallipolis's Avatar
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    Re: Am I a horrible person for not being attracted to much older men?

    I have given up my membership of my local gym, and invested in a home gym for I became tired of having to politely decline "demands" from persistent teens to bed them.....the responses are often angry, and threatening for their self esteem has been compromised.....

    I am attracted to much younger men, preferring to remain monogamous with my partner.

    I never feel guilty rejecting the sexual advances of younger men for when younger I, also was rejected by older men enabling me to grow a much thicker skin.

    Isn't life a big learning lesson...

  26. #26

    Re: Am I a horrible person for not being attracted to much older men?

    Speaking as a guy in his 40's, I say you can easily avoid the guilt by giving us our way. lol. That would be a perfect world, but I know that is not the case. Everyone has the right to choose their partners without any feelings of guilt.

  27. #27

    Re: Am I a horrible person for not being attracted to much older men?

    You're not horrid or shallow you just have preferences. I wont go out with anyone older than 32, and I'm 26. I wouldn't lose sleep over it.

  28. #28
    Execuvette Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: Am I a horrible person for not being attracted to much older men?

    Do you ask for ID? What if they're a day away from their 32nd?
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  29. #29
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    Re: Am I a horrible person for not being attracted to much older men?

    Quote Originally Posted by Angel2 View Post
    I'm 24 and I do seem to get hit on by older guys. By that, I mean guys in their 40s and 50s (aka guys that are old enough to be my father)

    I do respectfully turn them away, but it's like every time I do, I'm given a huge amount of grief over it. Regardless of how nicely I decline their attempts to court me, they get either angry or overly sad.

    I do understand that not many people can take rejection all too well (and I'm one of them) but is it right that I'm made out to be this horrid, shallow person when I reject these guys?

    I know I should have thicker skin, but I can't help but feel a little bad anytime this happens.
    I totally get it. I liked guys my own age when I was your age...and I like guys my own age now that I could be your father. There is no reason to feel bad and definitely no reason to apologize to anyone...you are not responsible for their feelings. I don't think there is anything shallow or horrible about it.

  30. #30
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    Re: Am I a horrible person for not being attracted to much older men?

    NO quite frankly you have the right to be with whomever you want. It's important however to be respectful.

  31. #31
    On the Prowl Suncatcher78's Avatar
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    Re: Am I a horrible person for not being attracted to much older men?

    YOU like who U like.... period. Thanks, but no thanks, move one.

    On the other hand, there are guys like me. Call me a slut , but I've banged, dated and slept my way to the top and then some more with guys of all ages (18 to 70), and as well as been in a relationship with a 58 year old guy. I'm in my late 30's, do the math. If I'm attracted to a man, then age and looks DOES NOT matter.

  32. #32

    Re: Am I a horrible person for not being attracted to much older men?

    Quote Originally Posted by Rolyo85 View Post
    Do you ask for ID? What if they're a day away from their 32nd?
    Why yes I do actually. I ID them, and just for good measure I usually request a copy of their birth certificate and if theyre a day away from 32.......well I just cant, golly gee I just don't have it in me.

  33. #33
    CageAta
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    Re: Am I a horrible person for not being attracted to much older men?

    I know exactly how you feel, however sometimes they try to offer me money, no kidding, and it makes me so angry!

  34. #34
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    Re: Am I a horrible person for not being attracted to much older men?

    ^ Yes, I get offered money or being "spoiled" several times a year by older men. I tell them that I can afford to spoil myself. I make more than most of them do, anyway.

    On the flip side, younger guys can be just as obnoxious when they send you naked photos of their self, assuming you automatically want to have sex with them. Whether its through their body or wallet, men, in general, suck at charming a guy.
    #439th oldest member on JUB.

  35. #35
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    Re: Am I a horrible person for not being attracted to much older men?

    There is nothing horrible to enjoying life and enjoying what attracts you. When I was coming out 8 years ago. I found myself attracted to younger guys. I play sports, bike, crew, and most thought I was far younger than my age. I was also somewhat "innocent" sexually and found guys my age often jaded on life, sex, partners, etc. I was loving my life for the first time!

    My husband is 32 and I am 56. He has always liked older guys; wouldn't think of going with a twink. We laugh because when we go out, I'm talking to the younger guys I play sports with while he is entertaining the gentlemen! Lol! But do not feel guilty about not going home with older guys; just as some are attracted to black, white, Asian, or purple, the same holds true in many other ways. The important point of all this is you....do what makes you happy and fulfills you. It took me a long time in life to come to that reality; I hope your journey is much shorter, easier, and quick!
    Last edited by thewiz; November 10th, 2013 at 07:26 AM. Reason: Typos

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