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Thread: I hate my boyfriend's dick.

      
   
  1. #1

    I hate my boyfriend's dick.

    I never thought I would actually become the person I love to parody - but I am considering breaking up with my boyfriend because of his penis.

    I have had sex with guys and I've had a few serious boyfriends, but my partner at the moment is absolutely everything to me. The absolute love of my life, we've been together for three years and I never feel resent or anger towards him - it's blissful.

    But I hate his dick. It's pudgy, bent (not in a nice way) and ruefully small. I had never thought I would be judgemental of this and truly I am not normally as shallow to care at all, but it is effecting our sex life because I do not want to be near it. To the point where we do not have sex at all anymore (maybe once every 2-3 weeks), because I am simply repulsed by him sexually.

    Is this a serious issue? He is absolutely marriage material to me and I can imagine a long life with him... but not having sex with him gives me a wondering eye and I'm consdering simply calling it quits. Because I can't seem to grow to appreciate his manhood, and I want him to be with someone who can. Help!

    EDIT: I know this makes me seem like a shallow asshole. I've gotten to the point now where I can't help but sound like one whenever I bring this issue up. Sorry.
    Last edited by epicsombero; September 30th, 2013 at 08:43 AM.

  2. #2
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    Re: I hate my boyfriend's dick.

    Dump him..

  3. #3
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    Re: I hate my boyfriend's dick.

    The only question that I have: Why do you just realize this after three years? This should have been a decision after like .. 3 weeks.

    You say he is marriage material, but would you be happy in that marriage? No. Is he happy with the lack of sex? Probably not.

    So either you two agree to get your sex elsewhere or you need to break up.

    PS: does he know?
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    Re: I hate my boyfriend's dick.

    As difficult as it might be for both of you...you should tell him exactly what you have told us.

    Say you go down the road with him and in two years he finds this and reads this? What would you say to him?

    In any GOOD relationship honesty is essential. Hell...there may be something about you that he finds equally repulsive and it will give you both a chance to put it all on the table.

  5. #5
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    Re: I hate my boyfriend's dick.

    After three YEARS you come to this conclusion?! Would this not have been evident within days of having sex with him?

  6. #6
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    Re: I hate my boyfriend's dick.

    jeez.
    dont worry, youre not shallow. at least not shallower than most.
    what i would worry about is that you aparently spent three years with a guy youre not attracted to, wasting his time and yours.

    you know what? when you finally break up with him, lie to him about why. feed him some bullshit about how you grew apart, how youre just not in love anymore, yap yap yap. spare him the indignity of realizing that he had just spent three years with some asshole who never was sexually attracted to him from the start and is, in fact, repulsed by him. JEEZ.

  7. #7

    Re: I hate my boyfriend's dick.

    This is one situation where I wouldn't tell him the truth. But you need to break up. This is something you cannot change.

  8. #8
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    Re: I hate my boyfriend's dick.

    Quote Originally Posted by eastofeden View Post
    As difficult as it might be for both of you...you should tell him exactly what you have told us.
    Nope. Do you know what kind of insecurities would one have if you´d tell him ¨I dump you after 3 years because even tho I love you, your penis is ugly¨? You don´t even know more about his partner, he might have more than enough insecurities at the moment, without even knowing what his partner thinks.

    epicsombero , your post in unbelievable to me, but each one with his own, I guess. I´m not sure if it´s love what you feel for this guy, or simply attachment, because I know for sure you can´t feel repulse from the one you love. My partner is circumcised (due to a surgery he had some years ago) and until I met him I always backed off when meeting people who had a circumcision, because I just didn´t like it. It grew on me. Why is something as unimportant as this a problem in a serious relationship. 3 years!! There is always the option of having an open relationship, use toys, make him bottom for you..
    ¨Beware the fury of a patient man¨ - John Dryden

  9. #9

    Re: I hate my boyfriend's dick.

    If that's your only problem with him, can't you just do it with the lights off ???
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  10. #10
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    Re: I hate my boyfriend's dick.

    Quote Originally Posted by aaggii View Post
    Nope. Do you know what kind of insecurities would one have if you´d tell him ¨I dump you after 3 years because even tho I love you, your penis is ugly¨? You don´t even know more about his partner, he might have more than enough insecurities at the moment, without even knowing what his partner thinks.

    epicsombero , your post in unbelievable to me, but each one with his own, I guess. I´m not sure if it´s love what you feel for this guy, or simply attachment, because I know for sure you can´t feel repulse from the one you love. My partner is circumcised (due to a surgery he had some years ago) and until I met him I always backed off when meeting people who had a circumcision, because I just didn´t like it. It grew on me. Why is something as unimportant as this a problem in a serious relationship. 3 years!! There is always the option of having an open relationship, use toys, make him bottom for you..
    I disagree.

    I think the truth is an infinitely better road to travel in any relationship.... for so many reasons.

  11. #11
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    Re: I hate my boyfriend's dick.

    I always find it amusing when we have threads that start out with, "My boyfriend is the most amazing man in the world, I love him so much, he's marriage material to spend the rest of my life with... BUT the sex sucks." Time and time again.

    From seeing these threads, here's almost always the conclusion: dump your boyfriend. Many long-term relationships put away the ugly skeleton in the closet of a dissatisfied sex life, only to have it reemerge years down the road when one of the boyfriend's just can't take it anymore. You say you love your boyfriend, but you hate a part of his body. This is a contradiction you're not going to get over, as it is clearly affecting your love life.

    I don't even know how to break the news to your boyfriend though, as this is the only reason you claim you can't be with him anymore. It's going to break his heart knowing his penis is somehow inadequate for you and that you're repulsed by it. In a sense, it's calling him ugly, which is a basic fear of people, particularly hurtful when said by their own boyfriend.

    As a previous poster said, this is something you decide 3 weeks into a relationship, not 3 years. You're not coming out of this without being perceived as a terrible human being.

    The only other alternative solution would be to open up the relationship so you can be with guys with giant, raging, ass-stretching hard-ons. Then you can have the best of both worlds: your loving partner that you otherwise find so perfect as a husband, and your horse-cock flings from Grindr.
    Last edited by Just_Believe18; September 30th, 2013 at 11:45 AM.
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  12. #12
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    Re: I hate my boyfriend's dick.

    I find that a bit shallow. Either ask him to ramp up the sex or get a third to join openly if only for the sex, keep him for the relationship; I've seen this work with others. If that's not workable, then sex isn't the only issue, it's something else, and I suppose you're just now looking for a reason to end the relationship. But 3 years?, jeez. Ride it out if you can and talk to him what the problem is otherwise you might not find someone even close to what you have now and you might end up alone and just looking for a hookup every now and then; now that would be sad.

  13. #13
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    Re: I hate my boyfriend's dick.

    This is a very sad scenario.

    I can understand that one can appreciate the virtues of a person, without appreciating ALL of the person, but you do seem to have waited rather a long time to come to terms with what is, essentially, a deal-breaker.
    That being the case, it is kinder to set your boyfriend free to find someone who will love both is virtues AND his "bent" dick. To use up another person's life force is setting yourself up for bad kharma, of the same kind, at some point in your life. The kindest thing you can do is say that you love him, but you just are not IN Love with him now, and it came to you over time, and that you feel bad about it, but you want him to be happy, and he deserves to be with someone who loves him completely.
    You have kept him to yourself for selfish reasons, but that does not make you a bad person. It does mean you have some insecurities that kept you from making a good judgement that honors both you AND him.
    Release him from any promises you have made to each other. I am thinking, by the way you write, that you are both fairly young and will have many other opportunities to find the lover who will complete each of you.

  14. #14
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    Re: I hate my boyfriend's dick.

    Quote Originally Posted by eastofeden View Post
    I disagree.

    I think the truth is an infinitely better road to travel in any relationship.... for so many reasons.
    This will come up if OP decides to end the relationship. No need to be a jerk about it, he could just say he isnt satisfied sexually. Besides, how is a dick ugly? I´ve seen all types and never had a problem with any form or shape
    ¨Beware the fury of a patient man¨ - John Dryden

  15. #15
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    Re: I hate my boyfriend's dick.

    maybe once every 2-3 weeks
    = relationship/marriage in name only

  16. #16
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    Re: I hate my boyfriend's dick.

    Quote Originally Posted by aaggii View Post
    This will come up if OP decides to end the relationship. No need to be a jerk about it, he could just say he isnt satisfied sexually. Besides, how is a dick ugly? I´ve seen all types and never had a problem with any form or shape
    I don't think trying to control other people's perceptions or reactions is really commendable and most likely is isn't about them anyway. A lot of people do things for "other people's good" and that is a usually a complete load of crap IMO. It is weak minded and lazy. Assuming someone is insecure and would be more comfortable with a lie is patronizing and condescending and in a relationship demonstrates a complete lack of respect for the relationship and the other person.

  17. #17
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    Re: I hate my boyfriend's dick.

    Quote Originally Posted by eastofeden View Post
    It is weak minded and lazy.
    I guess it depends on each person. I definitely wouldn´t say it to someone and I wouldn´t like it said to me.
    ¨Beware the fury of a patient man¨ - John Dryden

  18. #18
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    Re: I hate my boyfriend's dick.

    Quote Originally Posted by aaggii View Post
    I guess it depends on each person. I definitely wouldn´t say it to someone and I wouldn´t like it said to me.
    That is the beauty of the advice forum. Since we are all different individuals it helps to have as many different perspectives as possible so the OP can take what he needs and leave the rest. If it were me and I found out my BF said this to OTHER PEOPLE and did not tell me...I would drop his ass immediately. I give...and expect...total honesty. Anything less is not worthy of my time and attention when it comes to a relationship.

  19. #19
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    Re: I hate my boyfriend's dick.

    Um, yeah, I'm gonna join the chorus of "After 3 years? Seriously?" And yes, I'd dump him, and no - I wouldn't say why. Absolute truth for the sake of truth to me is a weak thing. When the truth will achieve nothing but hurt, it becomes malice. Make up some reason he will believe and let him go...
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  20. #20
    Rest in peace, mom. JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: I hate my boyfriend's dick.

    Telling you what you could have done 3 years ago is pointless. So what to do now? How many options are there? It's an extremely finite number.

    If there's any hope for staying, you could think back as to why you were attracted to him as a bf and why and how you overlooked it then.

    I'd advise you to go with the "I'm not satisfied sexually" reason if you break up. Honesty without compassion is cruelty.
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  21. #21
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    Re: I hate my boyfriend's dick.

    ^ This. Almost.

    If you can't realize what drew you together and only want to be apart, then let him go so that he can be happy.

    But when you part, I would tell the real truth. That you don't feel the same passion and love for him today as you did three years ago. Because that is the real issue. What has happened is that the depth of feeling is gone and now you can't look beyond the things in your relationship that trouble you. For some people it is the annoying habits of their partners. For some it is the dying flame of sexual desire.

  22. #22
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    Re: I hate my boyfriend's dick.

    Yeah, I say dump him too. But use the old, "It's not you. Honestly, it's me" line. Because really, it is you. I don't believe you are repulsed by his penis after three years. I think it's something else.
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  23. #23

    Re: I hate my boyfriend's dick.

    Please do NOT tell him the truth.
    If he loves you, he perceives your opinion as the most valuable opinion and he is likely to has trust issues from then on...
    (So yes, I'm also of the opinion you should break up with him, I mean, if after 3 years you haven't gotten over that..., but please please do not tell him why, make some good excuse)

  24. #24

    Re: I hate my boyfriend's dick.

    Quote Originally Posted by Seasoned View Post
    Telling you what you could have done 3 years ago is pointless. So what to do now? How many options are there? It's an extremely finite number.

    If there's any hope for staying, you could think back as to why you were attracted to him as a bf and why and how you overlooked it then.

    I'd advise you to go with the "I'm not satisfied sexually" reason if you break up. Honesty without compassion is cruelty.
    Yeah i guess the best way would be to tell a truth but omitting the specific reason why, so that you won't actually be lying, and he won't get suspicious of your argument

  25. #25
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    Re: I hate my boyfriend's dick.

    I wouldn't call you shallow. Obviously, this is an issue for you and you're trying to decide what to do. If you don't see yourself being happy with him in the long run then you should end it. However, I don't know if you should tell him the reason why. As someone with a bent and meager penis I sympathize with him. If I was in a relationship of three years and my partner told me that my little guy was the reason we weren't working out I would be devastated. Does he suspect you feel this way at all or will this blindside him completely? I ask because it's very important you use tact in this situation.

  26. #26
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    Re: I hate my boyfriend's dick.

    Put the shoe on the other foot. How would you feel if he broke up with you and told you the reason was because he didn't like your dick. Was repulsed by it to the point he couldn't imagine being with you any more. After three years He just got to the point where it's a deal breaker. How would you feel? You'd feel he was lying and couldn't come up with a better reason. I kinda think that's what you're doing. There has to be a different reason and you've focused on his penis. I just find it hard to believe that after three years it comes down to this

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    Re: I hate my boyfriend's dick.

    I think you are the one that has the problem and for that, before you destroy what you call a perfect relationship, I would seek therapy and get to the root of your repulsion. He must be aware that there is some problem if you have resorted to such long pauses in sexual activity. He may need to join you in counselling. But I would not want to be responsible for causing undue hurt to someone I professed to love. And that is exactly what would happen by telling him about his penis. There is a trust that has built up throughout 3 years and hearing something like that could cause a mental scar for the rest of his life. Is that your love for him..... This is my opinion, and by not knowing either of you, it is hard to make any judgement calls and it is really not our business to do so. I wish the best for both of you and hope that the decisions you come to are ones of compassion and love.

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  28. #28

    Re: I hate my boyfriend's dick.

    If you can't stand it, then you should end it immediately. Honestly, I feel sorry him and the years that will be lost. If you knew it bothered you, you should've ended it sooner. Just my opinion though.

  29. #29
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    Re: I hate my boyfriend's dick.

    I wonder how many of those who have advised you to dump him would give that advice if you said that after 3 years of a blissful relationship with a guy who is the love of your life, you can no longer stand the color of his skin?

    Will you be happy with the man who has the perfect cock, but is not the love of your life and is less than everything to you?

    BTW, I am not for one minute downplaying the importance of a happy, healthy sex life. But it takes more than a dick for a happy partnership.

    Good luck.
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  30. #30
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    Re: I hate my boyfriend's dick.

    hahaha really sweet

  31. #31
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    Re: I hate my boyfriend's dick.

    a) Have you been saying "ewww" and faking a smile for 3 years?
    b) Or has it begun bothering you more and more slowly as time passes?


    If the answer is "a," please exit this relationship and don't date anyone for as much time as it took you to get into this mess.

    If the answer is "b," it's not his dick that's the problem, so don't throw away a good relationship, when almost certainly his dick isn't really the issue that's bothering you, it's only the first thing to pick on when you haven't figured out what the real problem is yet.
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    Re: I hate my boyfriend's dick.

    I don't think he is the love of your life if his penis is really bothering you this much. Maybe I'm naive or a romantic, but if you really loved him how his dick looks shouldn't matter. I think that you might be using this as a way to rationalize your feelings for him,v that are caused by many other things about him (and you) that don't make you compatible. You may not even be consciously aware of why your feelings towards him are changing, and you may just be using his penis as a catch-all.

    Do you think you would have the same feelings for him if he gained 50 pounds or what about 20 years down the road, would natural aging change your feelings for him? Is his dick the only superficial thing that would bother you? You really need to think about these things and find out if it is really just about his dick.

    As for what to tell him, I don't think that is something that can be appropriately answered with just the info you've give. They say honesty is the best policy, but they also say ignorance is bliss. I can see that you telling him his dick is repulsive would really affect him badly, but maybe if he learns that is the reason his feelings for you might change and leave him better off. I honestly don't think it is just the dick, but if it truly is and you want to end it without him knowing the true reason, make sure that he is not going to find out through the grapevine.

    I wish you the best of luck, and hope that you find the answers you need.

  33. #33
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    Re: I hate my boyfriend's dick.

    Quote Originally Posted by ricardomon View Post



    As for what to tell him, I don't think that is something that can be appropriately answered with just the info you've give. They say honesty is the best policy, but they also say ignorance is bliss. I can see that you telling him his dick is repulsive would really affect him badly, but maybe if he learns that is the reason his feelings for you might change and leave him better off. .
    THANK YOU! Finally someone else gets it. The truth doesn't just set you free...it sets the other person free as well. He should know who and what he is dealing with upfront so he can process it and move on. Lying to him to "spare his feelings" might keep him in a state of despair for years...he could end of pining away for this guy...never really knowing who he truly was. The truth could save him a lot of time.

  34. #34
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    Re: I hate my boyfriend's dick.

    Wow that sucks. I just don't see how you got so serious with him since you knew you didn't like his dick from the beginning. You're not wrong for not liking what you don't like. If you can't live with his dick then you should end it sooner rather than later I think.

  35. #35
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    Re: I hate my boyfriend's dick.

    Quote Originally Posted by eastofeden View Post
    THANK YOU! Finally someone else gets it. The truth doesn't just set you free...it sets the other person free as well. He should know who and what he is dealing with upfront so he can process it and move on. Lying to him to "spare his feelings" might keep him in a state of despair for years...he could end of pining away for this guy...never really knowing who he truly was. The truth could save him a lot of time.
    I'm glad that you are so confident that the truth is so necessary for you, however, some people do not have that same confidence. Being so explicitly truthful could cause him to have a psychological scar for the rest of his life. Never knowing whether those he might meet in the future would have the same opinion about his penis. Everyone is different in how they handle such truths and because of that, in my opinion, tact and diplomacy would be how to handle such a tender subject. The blunt truth does not always set a person free. It could cause them to recede into their shell. In might in turn set to OP free, but at the expense of devastating his partner.

  36. #36
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    Re: I hate my boyfriend's dick.

    Quote Originally Posted by Craiger View Post
    I'm glad that you are so confident that the truth is so necessary for you, however, some people do not have that same confidence. Being so explicitly truthful could cause him to have a psychological scar for the rest of his life. Never knowing whether those he might meet in the future would have the same opinion about his penis. Everyone is different in how they handle such truths and because of that, in my opinion, tact and diplomacy would be how to handle such a tender subject. The blunt truth does not always set a person free. It could cause them to recede into their shell. In might in turn set to OP free, but at the expense of devastating his partner.
    I would deeply resent it if someone else decided I was too fragile to handle the truth. For me...the "truth" and what someone else's opinion is tells me everything about that person...maybe little or even nothing about me. I think the guy should see clearly who and what he is dealing with.

    Of course...you are right about the part where everyone is different and so maybe he can't handle it. I have no way of knowing. What I do know is more times than not in general conversation I find people overwhelmingly state that they would have rather heard the truth when looking back on situations.

  37. #37
    JUB Addict Craiger's Avatar
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    Re: I hate my boyfriend's dick.

    Quote Originally Posted by eastofeden View Post
    Of course...you are right about the part where everyone is different and so maybe he can't handle it. I have no way of knowing. What I do know is more times than not in general conversation I find people overwhelmingly state that they would have rather heard the truth when looking back on situations.
    I agree with you for the most part, however, if it entail somethings as this, a "deformed" penis, or at least one perceived to be deformed, I fear that could effect his partner psychologically. In most cases, the truth is best, but again, I would be very tactful in presenting such a reason for destroying a 3 year relationship. Just my opinion.

    Craiger

  38. #38

    Re: I hate my boyfriend's dick.

    Get out of it, why waste anymore of his time.
    Last edited by bigalt; October 13th, 2013 at 08:05 AM.

  39. #39

    Re: I hate my boyfriend's dick.

    Quote Originally Posted by eastofeden View Post
    THANK YOU! Finally someone else gets it. The truth doesn't just set you free...it sets the other person free as well. He should know who and what he is dealing with upfront so he can process it and move on. Lying to him to "spare his feelings" might keep him in a state of despair for years...he could end of pining away for this guy...never really knowing who he truly was. The truth could save him a lot of time.
    While I mostly agree with you, i think "truth" in this case is rather subjective. Just because the OP thinks it's ugly doesn't make it fact. One doesn't need every dirty detail to get closure, he simply needs to know the love isn't there are he wishes to move on.
    http://www.justusboys.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic216959_1.gif

  40. #40
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    sixthson's Avatar
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    Re: I hate my boyfriend's dick.

    I agree that the OP should tell the absolute truth and he should start with himself. The truth is that he wants to have sex with someone other than his partner and is just trying to find a way to place the blame on something other than his wandering eye. This is the brutal truth he should tell his partner, not leave the partner feeling like he is grotesque and hideous.
    Everyone wants to be heard. No one wants to listen.

  41. #41

    Re: I hate my boyfriend's dick.

    breaking up with you BF because of his Dick? You probably should. Obviously there's no love there..

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