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  1. #1
    Slut dragon08's Avatar
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    I just need an opinion

    Ok so there's this guy I really like. But I don't know whether he's gay. Let me start from the beginning.

    We're both college students and we live in the same dorm. I meet him last year but just had mutual friends, so we didn't talk much. This year I've made it a point to talk to him and stuff. He's kinda a shy guy until he warms up to you.

    If he is gay, he is probably kinda closeted. I've been in group conversations with him if someone asks him if he thinks a woman or girl is attractive he will avoid the question. He knows that I'm gay for sure.

    I've eaten with him a few times and I've gotten coffee with him but they were all spur of the moment things so I don't really consider them dates. Every time he sees me her makes it a point to talk to me even I don't see him. He's asked me to go eat with him a few times but like i said they were spur of the moment things.

    Also one time after we finished eating he asked me to text him so we could hang out later on. Later on I was doing group work with some classmates so i was too busy to hang out. He was with his roommate and saw us. About thirty minutes later he comes in and sits next to me and pulls out his own homework. He was the even after all my classmates left and i think he finished his homework. He stayed till about 1am but then he had to go to bed.

    we've also hung out in each others rooms by ourselves just talking.

    Oh and another thing is the fact that he didn't mind me touching him. I've done small stuff like grab his shoulder or arm occasionally. he lets me play with his hair. I've even touched his upper thigh to demonstrate something and he didn't even blink.

    What do you guys think? Is he gay from what you can tell?

    I've made the mistake of thinking guys were gay when they weren't before.

  2. #2
    Porn Star aaggii's Avatar
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    Re: I just need an opinion

    Invite him for a cup of coffee or lunch/dinner and ¨joke¨ that it´s a date, see his reaction. If he knows you´re gay, drop a ¨if you were gay, I´d totally date you¨ line.
    ¨Beware the fury of a patient man¨ - John Dryden

  3. #3
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    Re: I just need an opinion

    You describe him as having a rather shy personality , perhaps he is just grateful to be able to be one of the guys . Without feeling to much pressure .

  4. #4
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    Re: I just need an opinion

    Quote Originally Posted by aaggii View Post
    Invite him for a cup of coffee or lunch/dinner and ¨joke¨ that it´s a date, see his reaction. If he knows you´re gay, drop a ¨if you were gay, I´d totally date you¨ line.

    This is a really good idea.
    Everyone wants to be heard. No one wants to listen.

  5. #5
    Slut Special K's Avatar
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    Re: I just need an opinion

    My advice to you would be not to assume that someone is gay, because you never truly know, unless they tell you so themselves. Also, even if someone appears gay in the stereotypical sense, you should not assume that they are out, and chances are that even if you ask a closeted person about their sexuality, they will still deny that they are gay, which is their right of course; everyone should be allowed to come out in their own time, they should not be forced out of the closet by others. I would approach this situation very carefully; if your friend is gay but is not yet comfortable with his sexuality, you should make him feel at ease around you by creating an accepting environment and by respecting his boundaries, that way he will be more inclined to come out to you and possibly engage in a relationship with you.
    Last edited by Special K; September 7th, 2013 at 08:56 AM.

  6. #6
    Slut dragon08's Avatar
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    Re: I just need an opinion

    Thanks i think I'll try the date thing.

    And this isn't about me forcing him out of the closet. I'm trying to see if there's a possibility for a relationship. I think he just doesn't like everyone knowing his business.

    And trust me i know not to judge on stereotypes. If you noticed i didn't list a single one. I am pretty far from the stereotypes myself so of all people i know that those aren't that accurate.

  7. #7
    Execuvette Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: I just need an opinion

    I wouldn't recommend it. This is game playing, and I hate games. Don't create scenarios and devise situations. Just ask him. If he is shy enough that he hasn't said anything yet on his own, he will avoid your "jokes" in the same manner, but there is no way to avoid a direct question. If all you said is true, the guy clearly likes you. You just need to determine in what capacity he likes you and take it from there.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
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  8. #8
    Slut dragon08's Avatar
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    Re: I just need an opinion

    Oh and about the one if the guys thing, that's what's kinda throwing me off. I know that he has other friends too that he can hang out with, but i can't tell if he's just being friendly with me or if this is his way of flirting.

  9. #9
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    Re: I just need an opinion

    Maybe he might be comfortable with you in a way that he isn't with his other friends? Sometimes, when a person likes being with you over their other friends, it could mean just that. I think it's good to just be friendly with him, without going overboard.

    If you want to determine if he's gay, you could ask him if he knows you're gay. Kinda like confiding in him but indirectly gauge what his reaction is and what he might say to it. Maybe he might give a clue that he's gay as well or even come out to you. You could ask him after that if he's alright with you being gay and all that. I would think going around a more indirect route to determine if he's gay is better than asking him directly.

  10. #10
    Kein Ayin Hara JUB Admin KaraBulut's Avatar
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    Re: I just need an opinion

    Or, you could just ask him.

  11. #11
    Execuvette Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: I just need an opinion

    Nothing will ever be conclusive enough to alleviate your fears, until he says "yes, I am gay". So devising schemes and running circles around each other, and most of all - playing the guessing and interpreting game - is utterly pointless.

    It's 2013. You don't have to skulk in the shadows anymore...
    Last edited by Rolyo85; September 7th, 2013 at 02:58 PM.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
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  12. #12
    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: I just need an opinion

    Ask him. You'll get a yes, no, a "I'm bi" or an evasion. After you get your answer you'll know whether or not to pursue something with him.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  13. #13
    Slut dragon08's Avatar
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    Re: I just need an opinion

    I think I'm going to ask him to eat and then tell him the "if you were gay I'd totally date you" thing and go from there.
    I'd ask him straight out but even if he is straight I value his friendship so I don't want him to feel really uncomfortable. And the former method seems more lighthearted than the latter suggestion.

  14. #14
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    Re: I just need an opinion

    You don't have told us if both of you share the same cultural background. In some cultures, it is normal that straight guys play with each others' hair where as this is not normal at all for straight guys of another cultural background.

    I agree with para0402 that you should avoid that he starts to feel uncomfortable when you want to cross some border of him (has to do with his private life). Maybe this guy feels himself just very comfortable and very relaxed while spending time with you, as you don't talk about girls and why he does not has a girlfriend (etc.).

    So please be aware that there are (quite alot) of straight guys (esp. shy ones of around his age) who have no idea how to get a girlfriend (and who have no experience at all with girls / girlfriends). Quite a few of them might feel ashamed, and thus can feel themself comfortable when spending time with you (= a friendly and a relaxed gay fellow student).

    On the other hand, he might as well be gay / bi / confused (or whatever), but not yet comfortable to tell you this. Again, para0402 gave a good advise ("I would think going around a more indirect route to determine if he's gay is better than asking him directly.").

    Do you talk with him about private items of yourself (eg about boyfriends, dating guys, your coming out, etc.)? Start with talking with him about your own experiences can also be an easy way to inform -a bit- about his experiences / ideas.

    Good luck, and great you have found such a nice friend.

    Please keep us informed.
    I am Dutch, so please excuse me for my low level of English.

  15. #15
    Slut dragon08's Avatar
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    Re: I just need an opinion

    Well as far as the culture thing goes that's a little hard to determine.

    Oddly enough we are both half white and half hispanic.
    Personally I was raised in a more hispanic environment. I know that hispanic culture is more touchy feely than white culture. I'm not entirely sure exactly where in the spectrum he falls though. He has a few younger brothers so i think maybe that might be a reason why he wouldn't mind.

    But other hispanic guys I know aren't comfortable with friends like that until they are friends for a while if at all.

    And I know that he knows that I'm gay. I wear a rainbow bracelet, plus I talk pretty freely about being gay.

    I probably mentioned an ex once, I've mentioned little things involving being gay, and I've told a funny story in his company that involved my mother trying to find out if I was a top bottom or versatile but the conversations have all been lighthearted in nature.

    And yeah I'll keep you guys informed.

  16. #16
    Execuvette Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: I just need an opinion

    Quote Originally Posted by dragon08 View Post
    I think I'm going to ask him to eat and then tell him the "if you were gay I'd totally date you" thing and go from there.
    I'd ask him straight out but even if he is straight I value his friendship so I don't want him to feel really uncomfortable. And the former method seems more lighthearted than the latter suggestion.
    Another serious drawback of this plan is that while he may like you and he may even be gay, he might not want to actually date you yet. So if you say something like that, you risk pushing him away by going too fast with something that might mean a completely different thing for him. If a guy tells ME he wants to date me after only having hung out a few times, I'd instantly cut ties with him.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  17. #17
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    Re: I just need an opinion

    Thanks alot for your friendly and nice reply. Good to know there is no doubt that he is aware that you are a gay guy (including the people around you and him). Keep things lighthearted with him. Great that you have such a nice friend.

    Rolyo85 is totally right. You have two questions: (1) is he gay; (2) would he like to date with you.

    I fully agree with Rolyo85 that you first must concentrate on the getting an answer on the first question (given that he is even willing to give you an answer).

    Besides that, don't put too much 'value' on the word 'dating'. Why not just continue with doing things together with each other, similar like the things you were doing already with him (eating together, spending time on each others room and talking with each other, doing homework together, etc.). Would it be different with the knowledge that he is a gay guy? I tend to think that this is not the case: both of you are good / very good friends of each other with a lot of shared ideas / interests (etc.).

    Good luck and keep us informed.
    I am Dutch, so please excuse me for my low level of English.

  18. #18
    Slut dragon08's Avatar
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    Re: I just need an opinion

    Well if i knew he was gay i would flat out ask him on a date or something but yeah for the most part hanging it would be the same i just would want to coax it out of him sooner rather than later.

    I don't want to let my feelings just keep growing only to have them stomped out later by the fact that he's straight.

    Maybe if I get my flirt on a bit more, and be less discrete. So far other than the little things to test his boundaries I haven't been overly obvious that I like him.

  19. #19
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    Re: I just need an opinion

    id just ask him out on a date, and actually use the word "date". his answer will tell you if hes interested in you or not, and thats what all this ultimately is about, right?

  20. #20
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    Re: I just need an opinion

    Quote Originally Posted by dragon08 View Post
    Well if i knew he was gay i would flat out ask him on a date or something but yeah for the most part hanging it would be the same i just would want to coax it out of him sooner rather than later.

    I don't want to let my feelings just keep growing only to have them stomped out later by the fact that he's straight.

    Maybe if I get my flirt on a bit more, and be less discrete. So far other than the little things to test his boundaries I haven't been overly obvious that I like him.
    From the info you have provided, it appears that the direct approach is going to be necessary. He already knows you are gay and is apparently ok with it since he is still your friend. The worst that can happen is you find out he is straight, but happy to be your friend.
    Everyone wants to be heard. No one wants to listen.

  21. #21

    Re: I just need an opinion

    Quote Originally Posted by dragon08 View Post
    Oh and another thing is the fact that he didn't mind me touching him. I've done small stuff like grab his shoulder or arm occasionally. he lets me play with his hair. I've even touched his upper thigh to demonstrate something and he didn't even blink.
    Hm, if I were him, and if I were into you I would've blinked, and I wouldn't be so natural reacting to the touching...
    Especially if he is shy, it might just be that he found a friend in you that he trusts, and that's why he keeps reaching to you.

    But as everyone said:

    "Shyness is nice, and
    Shyness can stop you
    From doing all the things in life
    You'd like to"

    (not sure how to put an youtube video here but the song is ASK from The Smiths that should be enough to make my point )
    Last edited by KaraBulut; September 10th, 2013 at 02:32 AM. Reason: fixed link...

  22. #22
    Sex God orton86's Avatar
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    Re: I just need an opinion

    From my own personal experience, if a guy lets you touch his thigh and hair... he won't mind you touching other things. LOL

    But seriously, he sounds like he's comfortable around you. If he's shy, he wants you to take the lead.

  23. #23
    Slut dragon08's Avatar
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    Re: I just need an opinion

    HAHAHA that sounds like a plan haha. I'm trying to spend a bunch of time with him. Today we spent a few hours together and for the past two days he's eaten lunch with me after wee finish with classes. Yesterday it ended up a group thing but today it was only us.

  24. #24
    Sex God orton86's Avatar
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    Re: I just need an opinion

    Quote Originally Posted by dragon08 View Post
    HAHAHA that sounds like a plan haha. I'm trying to spend a bunch of time with him. Today we spent a few hours together and for the past two days he's eaten lunch with me after wee finish with classes. Yesterday it ended up a group thing but today it was only us.
    When I think back on college, I would eat with the same people. Which college do you go to? If you don't mind me asking... I went to college at Texas State.

  25. #25
    Slut dragon08's Avatar
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    Re: I just need an opinion

    Oh that's only 45 minutes away from me haha. I go to St. Mary's

  26. #26
    Sex God orton86's Avatar
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    Re: I just need an opinion

    Quote Originally Posted by dragon08 View Post
    Oh that's only 45 minutes away from me haha. I go to St. Mary's
    Cool, man!

    Wait just a minute...was your relationship status always 'Dating'?

  27. #27
    Slut dragon08's Avatar
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    Re: I just need an opinion

    I think I changed it when i was with my ex about six or seven months ago but u forgot to change it back when we broke up lol. No I'm single and I'm not a cheater

  28. #28
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    Re: I just need an opinion

    Instead of trying to make all these plans and strategies, just ask him. It is a simple question, takes to seconds to say and you will get a definitive answer. It must be exhausting sitting and planning jeez.
    young wild free

  29. #29
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    Re: I just need an opinion

    Quote Originally Posted by orton86 View Post
    From my own personal experience, if a guy lets you touch his thigh and hair... he won't mind you touching other things.
    I disagree, as this is part of the culture of the particular guy. You are right when its about a (straight) guy from my culture and I tend to think its also right when its about a (straight) guy from your culture (Houson / US).

    But please be aware that guys from a variety of other cultures (e.g. guys born and raised in various parts in Africa and in various parts in Asia) have a totally different opinion about the meaning of guys who are stroking each others' hair, hands, fingers, tights (etc.). For them, that is common behaviour for straight friends when they are good friends of each other. Same like straight guys in such countries walk hand in hand along the street.

    I have discussed this item extensively with a straight guy (a womanizer with several girlfriends) who was born and raised in Cameroon, and who was living for some time in my country. He was ofcourse aware that I am a gay guy, and for a while he was often visiting me. For him, there was a clear border: straight guys can touch everything above the belt of his pants, and everything below the middle half of the tights. I tend to think that he is right, and that this is also the case for guys from a variety of other cultures. Besides that, I have travelled around in various countries in Africa and in Asia, and I have experienced it by myself that in quite a few cultures guys can be extremely touchy with each other.

    However, this does not mean that all of them will start yellling (or something like that) when you will touch 'other things'. Once again, that depends from the guy and depends from his cultural background.

    Quote Originally Posted by orton86 View Post
    But seriously, he sounds like he's comfortable around you.
    I think the above is the key. Once again, it does not mean that the guy is gay. So I agree with others that Dragon08 just must ask 'the question' (direct, or indirect).
    I am Dutch, so please excuse me for my low level of English.

  30. #30
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    Re: I just need an opinion

    Whenever a gay boy is dancing around the direct question ESPECIALLY when out to the the other guy, I always suspect it's because he knows the answer and doesn't want to confirm it.

    All you have to do to get your answer is ask him out. Failing that ask him if he's gay. Failing that you wallow in the angst swamp - is he, isn't he, oh woe is me....- until you render yourself a caricature.


    DON'T BE THAT GUY!

    Grab your nutsack and resolve it already. You know how, act.

    He may say yes. You'll never know until you do something.

    But frankly, if he has closet issues which seems pretty likely IF he turns out to be gay, he's un-dateable anyway.
    ATTACK OF THE LIBERAL ELITE

  31. #31
    Slut dragon08's Avatar
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    Re: I just need an opinion

    So This is an update before I tell you the final verdict, I'll fill you in on what has happened hitherto.

    If you don't care for backstory just read the last paragraph.

    So I've continued to hang out with this guy since the last update that I've given you guys.

    I continued to test his boundaries, When I approach him I play with his hair, I compliment him, I rest my hand on his shoulder etc., and he does nothing to stop me. So I think ok sure maybe.

    Last week we decided to have a little get together and have a movie night. It was a group of about 6 people. Among us were, his roommate and my best friend. So between movies we were joking around and everyone here knows that I am gay. His roommate says some joke where he says something about The guy I like fucking him. The guy I like in disgust says never in a million years. Now unprovoked by me, his roommate continues to joke saying "Oh I'm sure [my name] won't mind" and again the guy I like doesn't really say much. He doesn't act in disgust, and I even play it off and hug him saying "oh yeah I wouldn't mind". Everyone laughs and we all carry on. Also that night we wrestled a bit playing around, and I sat very close to him while watching the movie.

    Fast forward a couple days and it is his birthday. I made him a card for his birthday and leave it on his door at night so that he would receive it in the morning. He finds different languages very interesting and he is able to understand a handful of languages. On his birthday card I wrote out a message and every phrase was written out in a different language. In the message I say happy birthday, that I think that he is very handsome and fun, and that I am happy that he is my friend. Those phrases I made sure to write in languages that I know that he would understand instantly even if he didn't understand the entire message.

    Later on he thanks me for the card, and I end up going to eat with him, his roommate and another friend for a birthday dinner at a restaurant. We get back and then his roommate started talking about the card among the three of us. They had shown the card to one of their friends and the friend jokingly says "How do you know that this guy isn't coming on to you and you don't even understand it?" The roommate said that he responded saying that it actually could be plausible seeing as though a gay guy gave it to him. We all laugh and again I just flirtingly grab my crush and say something like "who could resist?".

    His roommate ends up falling asleep while me and my crush are looking at his new laptop and talking. We were both on his bed with the laptop for a good hour and a half. During this time I am sitting VERY close to him. Our faces were literally 4"-5" away from each other. I strongly considered just going in for a kiss but I decided against it. After a while I had to go because it was already late and I still had homework to do. I then leave.

    Today we spent a significant amount of time together I was with a group of friends and without me even seeing him he comes behind me and plays with my hair. We stay and chat for a while, then the group disbands and I end up going to his room. We stay there for a couple of hours and then we decide to go and eat.

    While we Eat, I decide to just ask him. I made it in a way so that it didn't seem very intrusive. I asked in a curious manner, "You seem to have this Ambiguous Asexuality about you and I can't pinpoint what you are. Are you Straight, Gay, Bisexual?" He then responds "Oh I'm heterosexual, although I haven't really had a girlfriend in the last four years." We continue to talk and he continues to tell me that he hasn't dated much and the last date that he had went well but that the girl ended up transferring out of state shortly after. He also tells me who he is interested in and I just hide my true dissapointment and just give him dating advice like I do all of my other friends.

    So in conclusion it seems that I am just repeating over and over again the same cycle that I can't seem to get out of and I just end up falling for guys that end up being straight in the end. I don't think it's all in my head because even my best friend has seen different stuff and she wasn't sure about him either. But anyways it just seems that I'm just doomed and I should just get rid of my gaydar altogether because the worthless thing never works anyways.

  32. #32
    Execuvette Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: I just need an opinion

    You know when you don't need a gaydar? When you deal with out gay guys. Then you don't HAVE to guess. But they are scarier because it's an actual dating scene, and not just wishful thinking.

    I actually read through all of your post, and it was pure obsession. NONE of those things meant anything. I have been there - obsessing over details and analyzing them. And I discovered this very simple truth - when it's there, you know it's there without wondering. If you have to ask, then the answer is "no".

    You are your own barrier to happiness. There is a gay scene out there, where you don't have to play circles around each other and test waters and play the "is he/is he not" game. A world where he always IS, and you have to actually get him interested in you. Because that's a whole different level which you aren't even reaching when you only stalk straight guys hoping they're secretly gay - the actual process of winning a guy.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  33. #33
    CE&P Secret Police xbuzzerx's Avatar
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    Re: I just need an opinion

    OP, I don't think you need to give up on your gaydar. Gaydar doesn't work when you're mucking it up with wishful thinking. We've all been there, we've all had that really close friend who was close enough with us that-- were we so inclined-- we could start interpreting and overanalyzing little things he did as being ambiguity or possible interest in us.

    The best advice I can give you--- absolutely always assume, completely, that a guy who is straight, or says he's straight, or in any way doesn't tell you he's gay and doesn't come onto you--- is straight, and/or not interested. Even if a guy were questioning his sexuality, that doesn't mean he's material to become your boyfriend tomorrow (or next year.) And it doesn't mean he's interested. Cold, hard truth.

    If a guy is gay and interested in you, he's going to make it known to you in a way that doesn't require analyzation, as Rolyo says. If I were analyzing everything my comfortable straight friends do around me, I've had them do everything this guy did with you and more. And it has never wound up being the case that they were trying to secret handshake to me that they wanted something more. They were just comfortable enough with me to play around or be affectionate or touchy, and I'm glad that they feel that comfortable with me.

    I think it's very safe to operate with the assumption that if a guy is interested in you romantically, he is going to make it known to you. You are not going to have to follow a trail of breadcrumbs and mild vague hints for weeks or months before finding out.

    Good luck.

  34. #34
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    Re: I just need an opinion

    hi dragon08,

    Thanks alot for your update. I liked it very much to read the update. So he is a straight guy and that means you cannot start with dating with him. I can imagine myself very well that you are disappointed. On the other hand, he was and he is your good friend and he is very relaxed when both of you are together. And you did not pass a particular border. Right now its clear that he is a straight guy and that you are indeed not allowed to pass this border.

    Hey man, its great you have such a good friend and also such other good friends who don't bother that you are a gay guy, and that he and you are very good and very close friends of each other. So you can just continue the friendship with him, but he will never ever become your boyfriend. Maybe he will soon / suddenly find a nice girlfriend, who knows? Maybe this means that he will start spending alot of time together with her? I have no idea. In the meanwhile, just enjoy the good friendship with him (and with the others).

    I hope you soon will find a nice boyfriend.

    Take care & good luck.
    I am Dutch, so please excuse me for my low level of English.

  35. #35
    Kein Ayin Hara JUB Admin KaraBulut's Avatar
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    Re: I just need an opinion

    Quote Originally Posted by dragon08 View Post
    So in conclusion it seems that I am just repeating over and over again the same cycle that I can't seem to get out of and I just end up falling for guys that end up being straight in the end. I don't think it's all in my head because even my best friend has seen different stuff and she wasn't sure about him either. But anyways it just seems that I'm just doomed and I should just get rid of my gaydar altogether because the worthless thing never works anyways.
    Gaydar has limits.

    In even the most optimistic of numbers, 90% of guys are straight. Go in with that assumption. Until they tell you that they are into guys, don't get too emotionally invested in the possibility that they're gay. Otherwise, you're going to get hurt.

    One thing is that you're totally missing is that this isn't completely about you. You've got some amazing friends. Boyfriends come and go. Real friends are worth their weight in gold. This guy especially sounds like he's a great friend- don't take that for granted.

    Gay men sometimes do find themselves in patterns where they keep hoping that guys are gay or at least bisexual. It is up to you to break that pattern. Sometimes the solution is balancing your friendships where you have some openly gay friends who are available or who have friends who are available.

  36. #36
    Slut dragon08's Avatar
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    Re: I just need an opinion

    The problem is that there is a very small pool of open gay guys at my school. I go to a small university and i don't have the money to be going to a gay club every week. I am literally one of the leaders of the lgbtq club at my university.

    Most of the gay guys are either someone I'm not interested in, they sleep around and aren't looking for a relationship, an ex, or an ex of my ex that would just be awkward to date.

    Trust me I'm not being picky either, So like i have said, i don't got many options the way i see it is either i gotta be the go getter and try to find a guy i get along with and hope i hit the 10% mark, sit around like a damsel waiting fitter a prince that'll never come, or string along some guy who I'm not even interested in.

  37. #37
    Execuvette Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: I just need an opinion

    Or go to online dating. It's not just for creeps and pedophiles anymore
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  38. #38
    CE&P Secret Police xbuzzerx's Avatar
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    Re: I just need an opinion

    I'd agree with the above advice, of course just do it sensibly and safely. San Antonio is not exactly rural Manitoba.

  39. #39
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    Re: I just need an opinion

    Do you guys got any advice for online dating? It seems a but scary to me. It would seem to he that there wouldn't be many people younger than 22 on there

  40. #40
    Execuvette Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: I just need an opinion

    Of course there are. I use Ok Cupid. It's a great site if you take the time to make a serious profile and answer enough questions. Definitely recommend it. Also, a lot of search options so that you could get specifically the types you are looking for.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  41. #41
    JUB Addict maxpowr9's Avatar
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    Re: I just need an opinion

    If you have a smartphone, some "gay" apps could be useful too: Grindr, Scruff, jack'd, hornet. I mentioned this in another thread but I would not be so dead set on a relationship with a guy. I would say a good chunk of relationships happen by serendipity. Only one of mine was actually "arranged" as a blind date. Yeah, a lot of those apps come off as "hookups" but even just talking to other gays instead of guessing if a guy is straight could be beneficial.

  42. #42
    Execuvette Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: I just need an opinion

    This ^

    All of the above, while mostly used for hooking up, are not actually exclusively designed for that person (like adam4adam or Manhunt for example) and you could meet all types. My reasoning is this: "If I am here, then others like me are also here".

    Of the above, I don't use jack'd, so I can't say anything about it. Of the others, Grindr is by far the best - it's the most diverse, and with the biggest "population". It is however also the most "sceney" of them, with a LOT of pretentious douches. Still, you have the highest chance of meeting a nice guy there, you just have to have thick skin and patience to sift through the garbage (but this really applies to ANY online app). Scruff often has more down to earth guys, as well as some other options that Grindr doesn't have, like a gallery, but it's extremely crippled in its free version, while Grindr is fairly good even if you don't pay for it (I do, and I'd recommend it in a bigger city). Hornet is pretty lame in my experience, although it has the options of searching other locations, not just your immediate vicinity. Still, it will usually have the exact same crowd as Grindr, only fewer people, and the few extra pics you can put on your profile aren't really worth it.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

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