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  1. #1
    Newbie Juultje's Avatar
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    A severe case of 'Overly Attached' or...

    After readings tons of other stories on JUB I always figured I should make an account. Never actually got around to doing that though. Perhaps the fact that I'd like to share the following story with you guys won me over and made me create this account. Anyway, the story. It won't be a thrill ride with many highs and lows, nor will it be something super important. Still, this whole situation makes me rather aggravated...

    So, I just came out of an 1.5 year-long relationship. The break-up was amicable, we both knew it was for the better and that we eventually could be friends again. That is, if we just give ourselves the time to get used to it. Now, that's all been going just fine

    Since the break-up was over 1.5 months ago I figured it'd be good to get myself out there again, meet some new people. That didn't really happen though. I ended up talking to this guy on GayRomeo and over the course of two weeks we skyped a fair amount. Last Sunday we met up for a cup of tea at his place. Not totally unexpected we hit it off and spent the night together. Next morning he bought me breakfast and gave me a kiss on the lips in public when I left - something I never really did before.

    Over the last week he's been very absent over iMessage. Ignoring my questions, no real confirmation on if we're going to meet up again.

    Now, the question is why do I care so much if that guy wants to meet up with me or not? I've spent time with him only once but still I can't stand the thought of not meeting up with him a second time.

    Advice/comments/harsh truths are much appreciated!

  2. #2

    Re: A severe case of 'Overly Attached' or...

    Quote Originally Posted by Juultje View Post
    After readings tons of other stories on JUB I always figured I should make an account. Never actually got around to doing that though. Perhaps the fact that I'd like to share the following story with you guys won me over and made me create this account. Anyway, the story. It won't be a thrill ride with many highs and lows, nor will it be something super important. Still, this whole situation makes me rather aggravated...

    So, I just came out of an 1.5 year-long relationship. The break-up was amicable, we both knew it was for the better and that we eventually could be friends again. That is, if we just give ourselves the time to get used to it. Now, that's all been going just fine

    Since the break-up was over 1.5 months ago I figured it'd be good to get myself out there again, meet some new people. That didn't really happen though. I ended up talking to this guy on GayRomeo and over the course of two weeks we skyped a fair amount. Last Sunday we met up for a cup of tea at his place. Not totally unexpected we hit it off and spent the night together. Next morning he bought me breakfast and gave me a kiss on the lips in public when I left - something I never really did before.

    Over the last week he's been very absent over iMessage. Ignoring my questions, no real confirmation on if we're going to meet up again.

    Now, the question is why do I care so much if that guy wants to meet up with me or not? I've spent time with him only once but still I can't stand the thought of not meeting up with him a second time.

    Advice/comments/harsh truths are much appreciated!
    I think it's natural. When you end a long term relationship, that first experience of denial or it not working out after you click is really really tough.
    I think it's because you're very used to things being a certain way. The attachment, the regularity, the security.

    The good thing is you'll be okay

  3. #3
    Do I dare to eat a peach?
    palbert's Avatar
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    Re: A severe case of 'Overly Attached' or...

    Welcome to JUB!

    I think you are trying to deal with a case of apparent rejection - always rough when coming out of a relationship. Perhaps you also feel used. Don't dwell on it; move on.

  4. #4
    JUB Addict Georgiadude's Avatar
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    Re: A severe case of 'Overly Attached' or...

    It sounds like he was a typical hookup. He met you on line. Got comfortable with you and wanted to meet. Had some fun and is done with things. You either werent what he was expecting or lost interest and is too rude to tell you so he's going to play the I'll just ignore him and he'll eventually get the hint game. I wouldn't waste any more time on him. He's only going to string you along and hurt your feelings even more. It sucks and it hurts but that's how a lot of guys are lately. Especially the younger ones. Instead of manning up and telling you it's just not going to work they play the disappearing act. Its childish but that's what they do. Move on sweetie. He has.

    Steven
    Last edited by Georgiadude; September 4th, 2013 at 10:10 PM.

  5. #5
    Newbie Juultje's Avatar
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    Re: A severe case of 'Overly Attached' or...

    Thanks for the warm welcome and advice guys! I guess you guys are right... I'll try to put it to rest now, focus on other things. Fun fact: this was the first guy that was actually younger than me

  6. #6
    nerd of prey hylas's Avatar
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    Re: A severe case of 'Overly Attached' or...

    i have this rule: i never expect anything after sleeping with a guy for the first time. no matter what my gutt tells me, no matter how good the sex was, no matter how well we got along, no matter how sweet he was the morning after, no matter what he tells me. i think im usually a pretty good judge of character, but in this one situation its just impossible to tell. so after the first night, i never expect anything. maybe well meet again, maybe not. i dont try to guess, i dont build up hopes, i dont make plans. all that can wait until weve met a second time.
    Last edited by hylas; September 5th, 2013 at 07:23 AM.

  7. #7
    Ruminating
    sixthson's Avatar
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    Re: A severe case of 'Overly Attached' or...

    It sounds like he got what he wanted from you and to get that he had to invest some time online with you and bought you breakfast after sex. You, on the other hand, needed something else and you felt there was something more there. You are disappointed and a little hurt, maybe?
    Everyone wants to be heard. No one wants to listen.

  8. #8
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    Re: A severe case of 'Overly Attached' or...

    Quote Originally Posted by Juultje View Post
    Advice/comments/harsh truths are much appreciated!
    From your description it sounds like he enjoyed the date and would probably do it again, just maybe not this week or even the next...

    I'd do nothing and leave him alone for now.

  9. #9
    JUB Addict maxpowr9's Avatar
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    Re: A severe case of 'Overly Attached' or...

    The worst feeling is when a guy says that he definitely wants a second date and then doesn't do shit to initiate it. Reckon it is for the better that said second date didn't happen because the guy is a total loser.

    This is also why I would never do anything sexual with someone on the first date with a guy I would consider for a relationship. It makes the relationship that much more complicated and I find it leads to disappointment in the end.

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