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Thread: Am I ready to be in a relationship?

      
   
  1. #1
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    Am I ready to be in a relationship?

    So I almost never do this. Never tell stories or anything about myself like this other than to my friends. But I've seen some of the advice you guys give on this site, hopefully it can entail what I should do.

    So earlier this year, I was in a relationship with a guy. At first it started out okay, things were going well, but by around the end of the first month, I was already starting to see problems. He was being too extreme about everything, demanding I call him the second I get up, telling secrets to other people, and always criticizing me for not having the same opinion (or even the same feelings for that matter).

    As time passed by, I started talking to another guy. He talked to me through one of the chaser/chub sites. Of course I wanted to see if he could put up to the test of keeping a conversation and not just "hey, sexy body right there". Within a few minutes of talking to him, we mentioned about Power Rangers, Dance Central, Marvel comics, and many other nerdy things. It seemed like each day I wanted to talk to him more and more, and overtime, I became more interested and attracted to him than the guy I was in a relationship with. It became more and more obvious what had to be done, break up my relationship. A week passed by, I saw him just to check up if everything was okay. It felt awkward. Part of me didn't want to be there, and part of me kept kissing him and cuddling him. Later during the night, I talked it over and I told him there was someone else I'm interested in. He says it's okay and I can move on (he then backfired because he was trying to get back at me). Going back to the guy I'm interested in now, we talked every single day (haven't missed one day), constantly flirting nonstop, and teasing each other with body parts, while at the same time, talking about our toy collections, comics, and cartoons. Of course there was a catch though, I lived in NY, he lives in Arkansas. I could have easily wanted to be with him if it weren't for long distance. 2 months in, he invites me to come to San Diego Comic Con with him. Now it would have been perfect for me, I get to go the place I've been dying to go to since I was 12, and it's a date too. But I told him that I wasn't working right now (student in school full-time), so I couldn't really fly over there. The day he was supposed to fly back to his home in Arkansas, I texted him asking if everything is alright. He was afraid to tell me that he was stuck in San Diego and had no choice but to go to a motel. It was then that I realized I was worried about him, thinking about him for the rest of the night. As he's going to the motel, I started to realize it was becoming more and more obvious that, I completely fell in love with him. He felt the same way about me and it made me feel so happy about myself. This guy has shown concern for me, we both share the same passionate interests, he's a big loving bear to me. But 2 more months had got by (which would be now at this point), and I was wondering where do I go from here? Do I tell him I want to be in a relationship with him, or do I wait until it's possible to actually see each other. My friends have told me at this point, I should tell him, or at least let him consider it. But there's another problem, I'm not out yet either. I've only come out to my friends, no one in my family. But part of me wants to come out just to be with this guy. I even ask him to go as my date for my brother's wedding, which would practically mean outing myself to nearly a hundred people. My friend tonight was giving me advice on So I did just that, I asked. I told him it's been about 4 months, and that he was the first guy ever that respected me as a friend first, shares the same personality and interests, and didn't rush me to be in a relationship within a month. He said that if I lived in Arkansas, we would have already been in a relationship. However, I didn't really get much of a response after that. I didn't know whether to bring it up again or just figure out when would be the right time.

    I rarely write walls of text, but this is something that's been on my mind for a while now and I'm wondering to approach this.

  2. #2
    Rest in peace, mom. JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: Am I ready to be in a relationship?

    You seem like a very nice guy. I'd say you've gotten ahead of yourself with the online relationship, but it's serving a purpose. It is showing you that you can be accepted for who and what you are without having to feel guilty about your likes and dislikes. The thing you need to remember is that some people seem to have an easier time being themselves online than they do in person. With courage anything you reveal online can be revealed in person. Even if this guy was willing to meet you you wouldn't want that meeting to take place at an event like a wedding.

    Proper wedding etiquette means that there are no surprise or guest who are unknown to the couple and/or the hosts of the event. Be careful not to let fantasy get the better of you. If you are feeling awkward because your brother is getting married and you are not in a relationship try to use that as an impetus to come out sometime after the wedding. Once out you'd have the freedom to meet more people in person. You deserve a guy who accepts and respects you who is also nearby to offer romance and intimacy.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  3. #3
    JUB Addict HunterM's Avatar
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    Re: Am I ready to be in a relationship?

    Have you Skyped each other to see what he looks like?

    If you have not met a person face to face and spend a few dates to get to know each other, you should not be in a relationship with that person.

    Start dating other guys in your area.

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    Re: Am I ready to be in a relationship?

    @Seasoned
    I was starting to realize that when I went to sleep. It's true it is easier to make yourself more confident online than in person, though it was weird for me. I did not expect this guy at all to come in and blow away all my expectations. Even he was scared that I was going to be one of the types of people who would lead him on for a while and then never talk to him again. I had to prove to him I wasn't. He talked to me about personal issues, things he never said to any one of his friends or family. I was always there to listen and help him. The idea of a relationship at this moment I admit, gave me doubts myself, because I kept thinking "How the hell would I make this work?" It's not like I could just fly there right now. I've had mixed reactions from my friends. Some of them told me to drop the guy completely and look for guys in my area, which I tried, but it always seemed like no matter what guy I talk to, I was always thinking about him. Others have told me if this is what I really want in mind, then I should at least consider it because I'm the type of person who will make it work. When I woke up earlier, I did some thinking about this and as I stated before, it's possible for us to be in a relationship, but we still haven't actually seen each other in person to establish that contact completely. So I thought "What do I do from here?" I don't want to stop talking to this guy at all, it would hurt him and it would hurt myself tremendously. When you mentioned about getting ahead of myself, it was true, last night proved that. So I think what I'm going to do is talk about this with him and then leave the idea of a relationship a consideration in the future, when it's possible to actually see each other more often. I just don't ever want to lose him in my life.

    @HunterM
    Yes, we switch off on Skype and texting and phone calls. He's shown me what he looks like completely, and I've done the same. It hit me not to push for a relationship where there's no physical contact right now, so that's why I think I'm going to wait.

  5. #5
    JUB Addict HunterM's Avatar
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    Re: Am I ready to be in a relationship?

    Good for you that you're going to wait. Remember, don't put your dating life on hold. Start dating other guys in your area where you can see each other at least once a week.

    You may have to go through a few to find someone who is compatible with you. But that's good. That's what dating is all about.

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