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  1. #1

    Very paranoid and insecure about his ex-boyfriend

    Quick history: I dated a guy 3 years ago for a few months, who ended up breaking up with me for someone else. They lived together for over a year, and were off and on A LOT over the past few years as well.

    I'm now back with that guy, it has been 9 months, we spent almost every day of this summer together, everything between us is really great. Only problem is, he is still "friends" with that ex. It bothers me beyond belief that he can't let go of him and still needs him in his life. They talk regularly and still hang out. We've talked about it many times, but the consensus has always been "The only way you will be happy is if we stop hanging out and then I would be unhappy", but there isn't a day that I don't dwell on it. I want to say "Who would you be most unhappy without?" to be honest.

    I'm so close to giving the ultimatum of it has to stop or I can't be with you, simply because I can't handle it. What would my other options be? I'm so worried that if they continue to remain in contact because of the history of their relationship being on and off, that he'll choose him again. I just don't know what to do anymore about the situation.

    They don't usually spend the night at eachother's house, but with a new living arrangement (live a few hours apart now) I think it might happen. Would it be ridiculous for me to say "No, I don't want your ex to stay the night at your house when I'm not there"? It's not right for that to happen right?

    Oh, not to mention. I've never met him. He calls him his "best friend" now, but I think after this long you would have introduced me to your best friend? I feel he tries to keep him a secret, separate from me, and I just don't fully understand the relationship. It worries me.

  2. #2
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    eastofeden's Avatar
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    Re: Very paranoid and insecure about his ex-boyfriend

    You have a right to be concerned. If it was wouldn't be the threat of them having sex that would worry would be the manipulative games a lot of these "friends" play. If you have a disagreement...will he go to his friend and discuss it?

  3. #3

    Re: Very paranoid and insecure about his ex-boyfriend

    No, I don't think he talks about me much to his "friend" actually. The casual mention but that is all.

  4. #4
    JUB Addict HunterM's Avatar
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    Re: Very paranoid and insecure about his ex-boyfriend

    Why are you staying with your boyfriend if you don't trust him?

    I would dump his sorry ass by now. It does not sound like you're a priority in his life. He puts his "best friend" before you. Don't be your bf's doormat.
    Last edited by HunterM; September 3rd, 2013 at 07:29 PM.

  5. #5
    🌈❤️ June26, 2015 ❤️🌈 JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: Very paranoid and insecure about his ex-boyfriend

    Oftentimes it's not who's right and who's wrong. It's about being comfortable and trusting. Since you're not I'd have him explain the friendship to me and ask why I haven't been introduced. It seems he has him on the back burner.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

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