As a long-time contributor to this community, I want to open up the discussion between our readers and other members of this community who provide advice and help. For years, we have frequently received thread after thread of guys venting to us that their boyfriends barely have sex with them, is too controlling of what kind of sex they can have, etc. Here is my personal consensus on the matter so future readers can view this thread to answer their always similar questions:
Sex is a need for your relationship. You should be having regular, healthy and consistent intervals of sex with your boyfriend. You should be having the kind of sex you need. Are you versatile? Then you should be topping and bottoming. Do you like oral and being rimmed? Then you and your boyfriend should be slobbering all over each other's cocks and licking those butts just before you stick it in!
Yes, the most important part of a relationship is love, but so is sex. Very few exceptions aside, men generally form an intimate bond that leads to a relationship based on the physical intimacy they have with each other. There is rarely a relationship that is founded on celibacy. When you're with your guy, you want to have sex with him, frequently and often.
I have been in a five year relationship where the sex dried up, and it wrecked havoc on our relationship. I was stressed out and miserable waiting for the next time we were going to have sex as my partner turned me down over and over again. Eventually, opening up the relationship to try to find supplemental sexual gratification was just the final nail on the coffin. It was a terrible breakup in part to the breakdown of our sexual relationship.
I have seen the same problem plague so many friends of mine where one partner is sexually dissatisfied over the other. They argue, they fight. They try to experiment outside the relationship and that creates even more problems. I know a couple where one is versatile but his boyfriend is a jealous, controlling top. They have been together for years and I am watching my versatile friend slowly fall apart both emotionally and psychologically because he feels so sexually repressed.
Take a look at Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. As you can see, sex is a physiological need along with breathing, food, water, and sleep. All of these needs are a daily requirement in your life, and sex should be no different. Not everyone has to have it every day, but it should be a normal function of your life.
According to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, sex is a need beyond even safety and the desire to love and belong. Therefore, sex supersedes the emotional and intimate feelings you have for your boyfriend. Do not let your relationship or boyfriend drag you down into a sexless life. If you got into a relationship where you were having sex multiple times a week only to find yourself having sex once every three months, this is a problem!
1. Communicate with your boyfriend - This is the first and most important step to resolving your need for sex. Life, work, or coasting along in a relationship can make your partner feel too comfortable or lethargic about your sex life. Oftentimes, he has no idea you are this sexually dissatisfied. Communicating with him about your needs can often bring about positive change.
2. Switch-up the sex life - This is more than just communicating, but it is changing the dynamic of how you have sex. Sometimes a boyfriend is just tired of doing the same thing over and over again. Other times, they don't want to always do anal sex but would be willing to do oral or jerk you off a lot more. Finding a consensus of what your partner is willing to do more of, may find a solution here.
3. Open your relationship - If you find yourself at an impasse with your boyfriend about your sex life, then it's time to have a discussion about a open relationship. This can include a variety of different rules customized by your relationship's needs. This carries a lot of risk to the relationship, but it is a solution to fulfilling your need for sex.
4. Break-up with your boyfriend - This is the extreme final solution, but it is sometimes necessary. We experience men on these forums who have been in a relationship for 2, 5, even 10 years where their sex life has dried up and they are incredibly miserable, resentful of their partner, and may even have already cheated on their boyfriend. Don't spend your life living sexless out of love for your partner. You only become older and more resentful in the end. We have a finite time on this Earth, don't waste it coming to resent your partner. It is better to let a boyfriend go after 2 years, then watch 10 years go by unhappy.
I hope you found this topic helpful. Remember, sex is an important part of the love you have for your boyfriend. It is essential to most relationships, and is a need for your physiological well-being. If you have any questions, please respond back to this topic at any time. For our contributing members, please share your thoughts and other advice below.