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  1. #1

    boyfriend bores me sexually, what do i do?

    I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years now and we are now engaged and living together. I'm 22 and he's 21. I love him very much but lately i'm getting frustrated that are sex life isn't very interesting.

    My boyfriend hates recieving blowjobs. Before you say it, it's not my technique because he's never even let me try. When he's generous he'll let me lick it or kiss it very quickly, but then he pulls away instantly. He says that blowjobs hurt but sometimes he laughs so i don't know what he doesn't like really.

    He gives good blowjobs though but doesn't like cum so won't swallow and won't ever let me taste his because he says it's disgusting.

    He gets too giggly if i try and kiss and lick his legs, nipples and balls. And he will NEVER let me rim him!

    The extent of our sex life at the minute is masturbating next to each other, with me fingering his ass and occasionally when he's in the mood he'll let me fuck him. I don't know what to do because my first love is cock and I love to suck! He's a gorgeous boy and I really just want to explore his body but i feel so limited that I find that porn interests me so much more nowadays.

    Any advice?

  2. #2
    Execuvette Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: boyfriend bores me sexually, what do i do?

    So, what needs to happen is that you have to very quickly dissolve this engagement and walk away.

    Yes, I was that blunt and that direct. First of all, no offense, but you have no business being engaged at 21, considering how much exploration you still have to look forward to. Second, you are already completely unsatisfied with your sex life, and THIS is something that does not get better with time and doesn't get conquered by True Love™. In fact, lack of sexual compatibility is probably the one thing that just CAN'T be worked around.

    Of course, before you do all of these drastic things, you have to have an honest conversation with the boy. Tell him you are not satisfied, ask him what the real problems are (is he just ticklish, or does he have sexual hangups? Sounds like he does, if we judge by the whole "don't lick my ass and semen is gross" thing) and is he willing to work on them. And before you get all relaxed when he says yes, keep your eyes open and consider if he actually IS working on it. Because it has been my experience that people want what they want and change what they want to change. If he is just not sexually compatible with you, your sex life will never be fulfilling, and without that, your relationship will not survive either.

    You are now 21, and already distraught enough to post a topic on JUB. Imagine yourself married to the guy, 3 years down the line, when you are 24. That's almost one thousand and one hundred days. How many rejected blowjobs is that? How many times when he won't let you touch him or won't be in the mood to have sex? Now imagine yourself at 31. That's thirty six hundred days. Etc.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
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  3. #3
    JUB Addict journo25's Avatar
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    Re: boyfriend bores me sexually, what do i do?

    You've been dating 2 years. Have you ever been sexually compatible? People don't suddenly become squeamish about blowjobs or having their nipples and assholes played with. Could be more going on than he's telling you. I tend to agree with Rolyo85... why the rush to be engaged?

  4. #4

    Re: boyfriend bores me sexually, what do i do?

    Instead of being judgmental based on what very little you said...

    If you love him and this is the only problem, then call off the engagement and try to work things out sexually. Let him know how much this means to you and that you can't make such a commitment if an important part of your relationship is in conflict.

  5. #5
    Execuvette Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: boyfriend bores me sexually, what do i do?

    And to add to that - DO NOT buy into the "sex isn't everything in a relationship" bullshit. Yes, it is true, duh. Of course it's not. But people say it to guilt trip you into not complaining when something about the sex part of a relationship sucks. Wanting a fulfilling sexual experience with your partner is NOT selfish, it DOESN'T mean you only are looking for sex and should NEVER make you feel in any way guilty. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
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  6. #6
    nerd of prey hylas's Avatar
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    Re: boyfriend bores me sexually, what do i do?

    why would you even be engaged at that age?
    anyway, im sure your boyfriend has tons of lovely qualities, but i think sexual compatibility is really important and... well, to be blunt, i think you should probably break up, as harsh as that sounds.

  7. #7
    Kein Ayin Hara JUB Admin KaraBulut's Avatar
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    Re: boyfriend bores me sexually, what do i do?

    The title of your post and the content have different messages.

    There's a difference between "bored" and "not compatible". The title of your thread makes it sound like you are the problem (i.e. you're bored) while the actual post makes it sound like your boyfriend is controlling and has issues with physicality in the relationship (i.e. compatibility).

    What is missing on both accounts is whether you've had a frank conversation with your boyfriend about both issues and whether there's any hope for change in your situation. If you haven't had that conversation then the problem is something even more serious- communication.

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    Re: boyfriend bores me sexually, what do i do?

    You need to have a frank discussion with him that his limiting your sexual relationship is taking a toll on your patience and expressing your love for him. We see this all the time on the forum with guys complaining about a lack of sex in their relationships because their boyfriends express controlling, unfair behavior of what they can or cannot do in the bedroom.
    #439th oldest member on JUB.

  9. #9
    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: boyfriend bores me sexually, what do i do?

    Is he teachable or not? That's the question. Is he willing to explore his sexuality or not? Why are you engaged with this issue over your heads? I'd suggest a sex therapist for him regardless of what happens to your relationship. Depending upon your patience couple's counseling would help sort things out in terms of impasse and could even be useful in helping you both see the futility of staying together if he's unwilling to work through his issues. Best wishes.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  10. #10
    Sex God Deandbn's Avatar
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    Re: boyfriend bores me sexually, what do i do?

    Geez young guys, give the guy a break about being engaged etc.
    In my opinion the 21yo boyfriend is probably very sensitive down below and that is why he describes it as 'hurts'
    In my opinion the 22yo - love is about giving, not getting, so concentrate on that and you will be fine and stop demanding or expecting more than the other person can give, i would regard you as being selfish.

  11. #11
    Execuvette Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Deandbn View Post
    Geez young guys, give the guy a break about being engaged etc.
    In my opinion the 21yo boyfriend is probably very sensitive down below and that is why he describes it as 'hurts'
    In my opinion the 22yo - love is about giving, not getting, so concentrate on that and you will be fine and stop demanding or expecting more than the other person can give, i would regard you as being selfish.
    Wow... Advice of the year. "Give what you're asked for and stfu about your own needs." If love is about giving, you're basically saying that his bf does not love him.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
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