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  1. #1
    JUB Addict mikey3000's Avatar
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    Oh boy!! I think I'm in deep trouble. I think my marriage is over.

    I'm trying really hard to keep my marriage intact, but increasingly it's becoming more difficult. Having one foot in the gay world and one in the straight world, while being open and honest to everyone but me, is so difficult. I feel that I'm trying to be everything to everyone else, but dishonest with myself. And it is me; I'm changing. I feel it. I just don't know how I can walk away from everything, my wife, my children, my home. My Life. What do I do?
    Inspired - but too tired.

  2. #2

    Re: Oh boy!! I think I'm in deep trouble. I think my marriage is over.

    Details?

    ...

  3. #3
    Ruminating
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    Re: Oh boy!! I think I'm in deep trouble. I think my marriage is over.

    Don't you also have a sick mother living with you? We will need more info to reply.
    Everyone wants to be heard. No one wants to listen.

  4. #4
    JUB Addict Harke the Boeotarch's Avatar
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    Re: Oh boy!! I think I'm in deep trouble. I think my marriage is over.

    Talk to her.

  5. #5
    JUB Addict mikey3000's Avatar
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    Re: Oh boy!! I think I'm in deep trouble. I think my marriage is over.

    Yup, both my mother (who lives with us) and my wife have cancer, so I ain't going anywhere. I know how shallow I must appear, but I get sad too. I think my marriage is in name only, and we truly are good friends, but the romance died a long time ago. But now I discovered my attraction to guys, I can't/won't leave because they are at their most vulnerable. I also have two kids who need me too.
    Inspired - but too tired.

  6. #6
    JUB Addict Harke the Boeotarch's Avatar
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    Re: Oh boy!! I think I'm in deep trouble. I think my marriage is over.

    Does your wife know you 'date' men?

  7. #7
    nerd of prey hylas's Avatar
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    Re: Oh boy!! I think I'm in deep trouble. I think my marriage is over.

    would being openly gay necessarily mean walking away from your wife?
    ive heard more than one story of wives that were able to deal with it.

  8. #8
    JUB Addict journo25's Avatar
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    Re: Oh boy!! I think I'm in deep trouble. I think my marriage is over.

    Very difficult predicament. How are you maintaining one foot in the gay world? Impure thoughts... or are you acting on those thoughts with occasional hook ups? Yes, your wife and mother are both vulnerable right now and coming out would destroy a lot of lives. There are plenty of married guys who step out on their wives and plenty of other guys who love a no-strings hook-up. I won't pass judgment. If you need the outlet, can find it discreetly, and won't beat yourself up later for being a slut, a pig, an unfaithful cad who doesn't deserve his wife and children, then do what you gotta do. You will be scorned by some, understood by others. Don't seek everyone's approval -- you won't get it, not even here. If you're comfortable hooking up with a guy occasionally, then do it, enjoy it and shut up about it.

  9. #9
    JUB Addict journo25's Avatar
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    Re: Oh boy!! I think I'm in deep trouble. I think my marriage is over.

    Toronto has a lot of resources available to gay and bi men struggling to come out. Find a support group. It will be a source of comfort and strength to know you are hardly alone in this journey. You will also find some supportive friends, whereas now I suspect you don't have any friends you can share this burden with, just the guys you hook up with.

  10. #10
    Sex God diesel's Avatar
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    Re: Oh boy!! I think I'm in deep trouble. I think my marriage is over.

    OMG! I feel the same way. I have as sick (physically and psychologically) wife and a severely disabled son and a son who is a recovering addict. And, I bisexual and no one knows. I can't come out or leave without really injuring people. We haven't been intimate in years, so I just come to this site and masturbate. Never cheated because I've been true to my marriage vow. But.. if the opportunity came up now, I would definitely act on it and keep it to my self. I'm not actively seeking anything. My wife and I trying to "work" on things but I feel too many years are gone and there is too much anger and blame and resentment and whatever. I always liked guys, but also loved my wife and sex with her. So, I'm pretty sad too. thanks for letting me share.

  11. #11
    JUB Addict mikey3000's Avatar
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    Re: Oh boy!! I think I'm in deep trouble. I think my marriage is over.

    ^ Man, share away! WE share this post together. There are many of us who can use some advice from our brothers who have been down this road.

    Actually I have a special fella I care for very much. Actually she approved him right from the start, and is now friends with him too. I see him, and am intimate with him, and only him. I don't do hook ups (though I could, and with the wife's blessing). My problem is that my romantic feelings for him are growing, and my romantic feelings for her are fading. . Once I realized my feelings, I never hid my attraction to men from her. We worked through them together. She truly has been the best for me that I could've ever imagined. But it is what it is. I'm just trying to sort out my feelings.
    Last edited by mikey3000; September 1st, 2013 at 07:18 PM.
    Inspired - but too tired.

  12. #12
    Fantasize it's Fun
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    Re: Oh boy!! I think I'm in deep trouble. I think my marriage is over.

    mikey3000, we all know (sorry to have to remind you) that the truth of the matter is that break-ups are messy & divorces even messier. If sexual urges are too strong for you to stop then, assuming you do not already have a boyfriend to start a new life with, then I see some options being--

    Find a good group or a good therapist you can talk to (it may take a few visits to different therapist until you find someone you feel comfortable talking with) then--

    Tell your family about your sexual preferences
    Squash the urges by any means that you see doable in order to stay married
    Act on your urges as discretely as you can while remaining married
    Or the ultimate action (as painful as it may be) of walking away from your marriage

    I probably missed some options but I am sure many other JUBers will provide additional guidance & conversation as the days wear on. When things get too tough, stay engaged with JUB & talk it out (that is also what a good therapist is for).

    Stay safe mikey.......... & JUB is just a click away.

    All my best in your endeavors.

    ys

  13. #13
    JUB Addict mikey3000's Avatar
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    Re: Oh boy!! I think I'm in deep trouble. I think my marriage is over.

    Thanks man. I NEVER thought I'd reach this point. Ever! But as we know, things change. People change.
    Inspired - but too tired.

  14. #14
    Sex God diesel's Avatar
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    Re: Oh boy!! I think I'm in deep trouble. I think my marriage is over.

    Quote Originally Posted by mikey3000 View Post
    ^ Man, share away! WE share this post together. There are many of us who can use some advice from our brothers who have been down this road.

    Actually I have a special fella I care for very much. Actually she approved him right from the start, and is now friends with him too. I see him, and am intimate with him, and only him. I don't do hook ups (though I could, and with the wife's blessing). My problem is that my romantic feelings for him are growing, and my romantic feelings for her are fading. . Once I realized my feelings, I never hid my attraction to men from her. We worked through them together. She truly has been the best for me that I could've ever imagined. But it is what it is. I'm just trying to sort out my feelings.
    You're really fortunate that your wife knows and understands. My wife and I share a lot of feelings, good and bad, but I never revealed my attraction to men - not sure if I ever will as I said previously , not to injure anyone. It only hurts me not to be completely honest and transparent - not fair to me, but I'm okay with it for today. I should have been true to myself before I proposed, but now I think it's much too late and I'll have to live with my decision. I was always proud to be bi, because I can enjoy both genders, but like you, my feelings for men and desire to be with one are becoming stronger as I get older and as my wife and I become more distant. We'll work out our feelings as time goes on, but only with the support found here and by giving it up to God, letting Him take the burden from us - all we have to do is pray for the knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
    P.S., I big on the twelve step program having had my son addicted to prescription pills. It worked for me in that situation, and now I'm able to apply it to other areas of my life and relationships. We can't do it alone. Peace.

  15. #15
    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: Oh boy!! I think I'm in deep trouble. I think my marriage is over.

    It is possible to walk away from a marriage without walking away from responsibility. Extended and blended families are more prevalent than ever. My husband and I raised my children together with my ex-wife and we spend some holidays together. The two of us have also provided elder care for each other's relatives. It is possible to walk out without running away.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  16. #16
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    Re: Oh boy!! I think I'm in deep trouble. I think my marriage is over.

    This is a classic case of the "grass is greener on the other side." Take the element of gender out of this for a second and focus solely on the two people you have a romantic relationship with. You have first and foremost made a commitment to your wife. You have built a life, own a home, and raise children together. When you admitted your bisexuality to her and the need for other men, she stood by you. She even supported you. Now you are saying that the privileges that she has allowed you in seeing other men is ruining the marriage with your wife because you now have feelings for this other man.

    You have the best of both worlds, but you want to give it up because the grass is greener on the other side. Suddenly, a monogamous relationship with this man is your sole desire. Could it be your affections for your wife have faded simply because you've spent more of your time with this man than her? You have been married to her for many years more than you know this man, so intimacy is newer and more exciting with him. When you give up your wife, years of marriage, your home, and your children, will you be satisfied then? Is that exactly what you want?

    In my opinion, your marriage is worth saving. If you have a wife that is willing to be that understanding of your bisexuality and still love and stay with you, she's a damn fine woman to have by your side. Have you ever asked yourself about her needs? Is she feeling a satisfying, and gratifying relationship with you? When was the last time you've really looked at your wife, brushed her hair, starred into her eyes and tell her you love her? Sometimes what may feel like a fading of feelings may actually be your own neglect of maintaining the relationship.
    #439th oldest member on JUB.

  17. #17
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    Re: Oh boy!! I think I'm in deep trouble. I think my marriage is over.

    From what you have posted here and in other threads, it sounds like you are overwhelmed by life in general. You have a sick wife, a dying mother and a career change happening. Now would not be the best time to make these kinds of personal decisions. You need to step back and not do anything you will regret later. Time is on your side.
    Everyone wants to be heard. No one wants to listen.

  18. #18
    PerScientiam AdJustitiam bankside's Avatar
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    Re: Oh boy!! I think I'm in deep trouble. I think my marriage is over.

    Mikey, I have one question for you:

    Is your special fella just as supportive of you having one foot in each world as your wife?

    It's less of a question and more of a "He'd better fucking be just as supportive of the fact that you have some prior commitments, as she is of the fact that you've realized a new dimension of yourself."

    First, the romance: a lot of romance is physical. When you felt a physical attraction to your wife, she would have been healthy and not on medication. If that spark is sputtering out, it is possible to be some purely physical effect of the medication. Humans respond to the most minute clues about each other's sexuality in ways that science is only starting to explore, and because of illness or medication your wife's body is very likely sending out libido-killing signals and romance-stifling messages.

    And never mind sex or romance, she's just in no state to take on this issue right now.

    So before too long, she is going to have results of treatment and a prognosis. It is either going to be hopeful, or pretty stark.

    If it is hopeful and she has regained some vitality she will have the energy to deal with the feelings you have today, if they don't change, and a shot at finding her own new future. Or, your feelings will change again as the illness and medications clear her system, and you'll be enjoying that spark roaring back to life.

    If the prognosis is less hopeful, you will have commitments to her to see things through for her sake and your kids.

    So, either way, your special fella, who knew the deal with your situation going in, is going to wait patiently. He will put up with your short attention span for his needs with a big smile on his face and a hug for you, and he will cheer you on while you take care of your wife (and his friend). It is not asking too much.

    Just to be clear, I am not saying you should fake it for your wife's sake. I am saying that with her health situation and all the rest of the stresses happening to you with your mom living in and so on, you are in no shape to be making this kind of decision in a way you will agree with for the long term. So let your wife sort out her health first.

    Take care!
    Americans need to keep their guns so they can protect themselves from gun violence just like Nancy Lanza did. And like Chris Kyle did. And like Gabby Giffords did. And like Tom Clements did. And like Michael Piemonte. And Joseph Wilcox.

  19. #19
    Virgin nobodyspecial's Avatar
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    Re: Oh boy!! I think I'm in deep trouble. I think my marriage is over.

    Mikey, you seem like a really great person and your family seems to support your coming out as bi. Continue being a great family man for them, they need you and you need them. Take things slowly.

  20. #20
    Are u haleloo ya ? Telstra's Avatar
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    Re: Oh boy!! I think I'm in deep trouble. I think my marriage is over.

    Quote Originally Posted by mikey3000 View Post
    Yup, both my mother (who lives with us) and my wife have cancer, so I ain't going anywhere. I know how shallow I must appear, but I get sad too. I think my marriage is in name only, and we truly are good friends, but the romance died a long time ago. But now I discovered my attraction to guys, I can't/won't leave because they are at their most vulnerable. I also have two kids who need me too.
    Good friends can tell each other about their inner private sexual desires.
    If you hide your feels, it is not considered "good friends".


    NEVER LISTEN TO A ONE SIDED STORY AND JUDGE.

  21. #21
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    Re: Oh boy!! I think I'm in deep trouble. I think my marriage is over.

    "... In sickness and in health."
    #439th oldest member on JUB.

  22. #22
    Last Chance Jubber justsimon's Avatar
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    Re: Oh boy!! I think I'm in deep trouble. I think my marriage is over.

    Quote Originally Posted by sixthson View Post
    From what you have posted here and in other threads, it sounds like you are overwhelmed by life in general. You have a sick wife, a dying mother and a career change happening. Now would not be the best time to make these kinds of personal decisions. You need to step back and not do anything you will regret later. Time is on your side.
    I agree with sixthson. You're in a really tough position as a caretaker. I know how difficult and overwhelming that can be. Do you have help (in-home care or other family)? If it's at all possible, I'd strongly suggest taking some time for yourself (away from your family and your man), even if it's just for a few hours a week.

    You come across as a very caring person. I don't know you at all or the specifics of your situation, but I have a feeling that you might later regret any huge decisions made at this point in time. Good luck.

  23. #23
    Sex God diesel's Avatar
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    Re: Oh boy!! I think I'm in deep trouble. I think my marriage is over.

    I heard some things in this thread that I needed to hear about my situation and my wife, so thank you guys. I wish you luck mickey with the issues you are dealing with.

  24. #24
    JUB Addict mikey3000's Avatar
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    Re: Oh boy!! I think I'm in deep trouble. I think my marriage is over.

    Wow. You guys are ALL fantastic!! Reading all your responses does help me put things in perspective. She really is an amazing woman, my wife and I love her dearly still. We are coming to terms that neither of us are the same people we once were, and that it's impossible to hold each other accountable for promises we made each other as teen agers. But we are still together and hopefully will remain so. Our feelings may have changed, but they are not diminished, just different. I also know that my head is clouded with the grief of recent experiences and my instinct is to run, and I do, but it's only for a break, then I return home to my family. It's called respite, and I need it to help recharge. Everyone around me is so needy right now and I have to be able to be strong. And my guy helps me do this. Me running to his home every other weekend or so is wonderful, but him coming to our home is outstanding. See, he comes to us every other week end too, just to help out with family duties, though he has absolutely no obligation to do so. When I have to take all my girls out shopping, he comes to help. He also helps with my kids' homework and projects, and just general stuff around the house. I can't begin to tell you what his help means to me. Most family and friends split after the diagnosisses and I don't have a lot of help. But he has endeared himself to us all. He is my saviour.

    So bear with me. I'm doing the best I can, as a son, a husband, a companion, a caregiver, a father, a lover and, now as a gay man. One thing is for sure, it's life's elusions that I am suffering now, which, in the future, will be looked back upon with a full heart. And know that I'm doing my absolute best. God please help me!



    Peace to all.
    Inspired - but too tired.

  25. #25
    PerScientiam AdJustitiam bankside's Avatar
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    Re: Oh boy!! I think I'm in deep trouble. I think my marriage is over.

    Good.

    Now you don't have to make everything perfect. You just have to make it better than it would have been, which is a much more reasonable standard to live up to.
    Americans need to keep their guns so they can protect themselves from gun violence just like Nancy Lanza did. And like Chris Kyle did. And like Gabby Giffords did. And like Tom Clements did. And like Michael Piemonte. And Joseph Wilcox.

  26. #26
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    Re: Oh boy!! I think I'm in deep trouble. I think my marriage is over.

    So it sounds like you already have the ideal situation. You have a loving and understanding wife with a good family. Your male affair is family approved and you find your bisexual satisfaction through him. If anything, you're an extended family already. Why diminish the marriage you have with your wife when you already have your cake and are eating it too?
    #439th oldest member on JUB.

  27. #27
    JUB Addict mikey3000's Avatar
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    Re: Oh boy!! I think I'm in deep trouble. I think my marriage is over.

    Because, believe it or not, it is rather difficult having a foot in each world.
    Inspired - but too tired.

  28. #28
    JUB Addict BiMike's Avatar
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    Re: Oh boy!! I think I'm in deep trouble. I think my marriage is over.

    When you refered to your rather unusual relationship in various postings I was very surprised and rather envious being Bi myself! It rather seems you have now entered the real world, best of luck in resolving your current problems.

  29. #29
    JUB Addict syoBsUtsuJ's Avatar
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    Re: Oh boy!! I think I'm in deep trouble. I think my marriage is over.

    At the ripe of age of 30 (soon to be 31) I can tell you that my 35 y.o. friend envies you. I let him read this thread, and he agreed with almost everything saying that that is what I am for him (minus the sex now). He's a computer programmer, so need to worry over his wife chancing upon anything digital of us. I quit the sex when he wouldn't even commit to a MAYBE! I fully understand, but I also want a family of my own to start an OUR/US with ... know what I mean?

    Within any relationship story there are two sides and somewhere in the middle lies the truth. You are in the enviable position of having both sides agreeing/compromising (you have got to be the world's greatest guy!). In my situation, it was almost like a divorce agreement where I got "him" on a weekday or two and bi-monthly weekends. The kids absolutely love me, and call me, "Uncle!" Now she's insinuating hints or two over coming after my money as well. HA HA Ha! I so laugh at that, as we haven't done anything sexual together for over a year (per their repairing their marriage). I don't know what to think, but I am being selfish about that ... I am protecting me; I don't mind helping him or his kids, but if she's going to go all ... ick

    leave it at that

  30. #30
    JUB Addict mikey3000's Avatar
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    Re: Oh boy!! I think I'm in deep trouble. I think my marriage is over.

    Every day I try to think of reasons to save my marriage, and every day the reasons are becoming fewer and fewer. We started having trouble before my attraction to men, and before the illnesses. Things were not great then, but the male attraction thing came, followed closely by her diagnosis. I was there through the chemo and everything but that was 4 years ago now. She claims she is better now and just wants to put everything in the past. So now the previous problems are coming back. There are way to many issues to list here, and I now realize the most are unfixable, money and fair contribution being the big one. Me having a boyfriend, surprisingly, is not an issue (which it should be, eh? Isn't that curious?).

    So I think that when my mother passes, I will end my marriage. Neither of us are truly happy, I can see it. She has no desire to be happy, or to try to be happy (her whole family is miserable), and me, on the other hand, wants to be happy. As we grow older we are just growing apart. Being dragged down is taking a toll on my emotional well being too and I now feel I have to put a stop to it before I hit rock bottom.
    Inspired - but too tired.

  31. #31
    Kein Ayin Hara JUB Admin KaraBulut's Avatar
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    Re: Oh boy!! I think I'm in deep trouble. I think my marriage is over.

    The only thing that you may want to give some thought to is whether you're making a unilateral decision for your own convenience.

    It may be that your wife wants to find a partner of her own or it may be that she's ready to move on with her own life, too.

    This is a situation where counseling may help. Marriage counseling is not only for saving a marriage; it can also be helpful in ending a marriage amicably. If the crisis period has passed with your wife's health and you feel that your children would be able to cope with the divorce, then you may want to talk with your wife about getting into counseling so that both can make the decision that is best for you both.

  32. #32
    JUB Addict mikey3000's Avatar
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    Re: Oh boy!! I think I'm in deep trouble. I think my marriage is over.

    I really don't want to end it. I still do think it can be saved. I know that most likely the problem is partly me too. I have changed some in the past few years, and I'm just trying to see where I fit in now. Thanks everyone for all the help!
    Inspired - but too tired.

  33. #33
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    Re: Oh boy!! I think I'm in deep trouble. I think my marriage is over.

    Mikey, I have always read your posts with interest and wondered if I would like to meet you some time. You seem to be a good person.

    Thinking about a problem, I often go back and forth trying to decide, but talking about a problem often helps to crystalize it for me. I think that in time you will be able to come to the right solution. I'll pray for you, your family, and mother, but God doesn't usually seem to answer my prayers. Good luck.

  34. #34
    JUB Addict mikey3000's Avatar
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    Re: Oh boy!! I think I'm in deep trouble. I think my marriage is over.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rickrock View Post
    Mikey, I have always read your posts with interest and wondered if I would like to meet you some time. You seem to be a good person.

    Thinking about a problem, I often go back and forth trying to decide, but talking about a problem often helps to crystalize it for me. I think that in time you will be able to come to the right solution. I'll pray for you, your family, and mother, but God doesn't usually seem to answer my prayers. Good luck.
    Or mine either. Believe me, I've prayed very hard lately, but I think he forgot about me.
    Inspired - but too tired.

  35. #35
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    Re: Oh boy!! I think I'm in deep trouble. I think my marriage is over.

    I have said before,you are a good man. Please try to stop beating on yourself as much,yes we all change as we get older. Many of the things we held sacrosant in our 20s now seem "meh" when we get older.
    I have to agree making such a huge life-style choice at this moment may be done for all the wrong reasons.Wishing you the best....

  36. #36

    Re: Oh boy!! I think I'm in deep trouble. I think my marriage is over.

    The cancer situation makes it impossible. I was married for about 4 years I have two sons who know and are great with it. Coming from a strict Catholic Family in my teen's I wanted to kill myself when I had sex with guys. I swore I would nto cheat while married and my wife new this I met and fell in love with a guy from work. I immediately came out to my wife and left. We are still friends an as I said the kids love us both. I felt if I stayed and live the lie and she found out lets say when she hits her 50's her life was a joke this made it possible to find someone new.

  37. #37
    JUB Addict mikey3000's Avatar
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    Re: Oh boy!! I think I'm in deep trouble. I think my marriage is over.

    Yes, that's why I came out to her as soon as I realized my feelings for guys was real. This was four years ago. I had to be honest with her. I think we were getting ready to split then but just a couple months after coming out to her she was diagnosed. I can't leave now. Well, I can, but I might as well put a bullet in my brain. What kind of man leaves his cancer ridden wife? My life would be over anyway.

    OH man! If I could turn back time, eh?
    Inspired - but too tired.

  38. #38
    JUB Addict peeonme's Avatar
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    Re: Oh boy!! I think I'm in deep trouble. I think my marriage is over.

    Quote Originally Posted by mikey3000 View Post
    Yes, that's why I came out to her as soon as I realized my feelings for guys was real. This was four years ago. I had to be honest with her. I think we were getting ready to split then but just a couple months after coming out to her she was diagnosed. I can't leave now. Well, I can, but I might as well put a bullet in my brain. What kind of man leaves his cancer ridden wife? My life would be over anyway.

    OH man! If I could turn back time, eh?
    My friend, we are where we are at, we must deal with reality... playing should have, would have, could have only torments us.
    At 21 I was convinced that I was str8 and got married, in my 30's I told my self that I was bi, heck, all guys are a little bi, aren't they?
    Bi was a convenient spot, finally in my 50's I admitted to myself that I was gay.
    By then my wife had had a stroke and even before this our marriage was sexless, now at 61 I am glad that I have stuck it out, I could be quite lonely, my wife and I are friends and she has no need to know that I am gay.
    Could I have acted differently? Sure, but I didn't.
    We can't beat ourselves up for doing what seemed right at the time.
    Please be cautious about having feelings of being trapped as it can foster a bitter attitude toward those who you care for.
    Not long ago I toyed with the idea of coming out and having sex again, part of this is due to my age, it would be great to have another
    fling before I am not able or no longer around, Seasoned gave me some good advise that brought me back to reality.
    Life is not always easy to deal with, it sounds like your wife is reasonable about your sexuality, I really think that you should make the best of where you are at and quit thinking about moving on, you are just tormenting yourself, I wish you the best.

  39. #39
    JUB Addict mikey3000's Avatar
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    Re: Oh boy!! I think I'm in deep trouble. I think my marriage is over.

    ^ Thank you for that. Very eye opening. Luckily my wife is understanding and allows me this freedom. We are great friends and that we'll stay. I keep going back and forth emotionally. Am I being fair to her? But slowly my way is becoming more clear. I love her dearly, I really do, but our marriage has changed and I'm still trying to get used to things. I do have massive guilt over what I do, but I realize this is my issue. She has no issues with me being with men. Actually it turns her on. But I still have to get used to the idea. Sometimes I take a step back and go, "Wow. This is my life?" Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever get used to the idea.
    Inspired - but too tired.

  40. #40
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    Re: Oh boy!! I think I'm in deep trouble. I think my marriage is over.

    Sounds like you're just trying to run away to the greener grass.

  41. #41
    JUB Addict mikey3000's Avatar
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    Re: Oh boy!! I think I'm in deep trouble. I think my marriage is over.

    No, for me there is no greener grass. Some guys think I have the best of both worlds, but that isn't true either. Just more complicated.
    Inspired - but too tired.

  42. #42
    Newbie rudeboy's Avatar
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    Re: Oh boy!! I think I'm in deep trouble. I think my marriage is over.

    End it. It's not fair for your wife to be with here if you don't like her. :/

  43. #43
    Impish and Mercurial Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: Oh boy!! I think I'm in deep trouble. I think my marriage is over.

    Quote Originally Posted by mikey3000 View Post
    She has no issues with me being with men. Actually it turns her on.
    Would she still be turned on if she knew you weren't interested in here?
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  44. #44
    Sex God MrRochesterNY's Avatar
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    Re: Oh boy!! I think I'm in deep trouble. I think my marriage is over.

    There are other ways of being "interested" in a person besides sexually, guys. From what Mikey has said, he seems to be quite interested in his wife and family and in carrying out his responsibilities. If he weren't, he wouldn't be feeling torn as he does.

  45. #45
    Impish and Mercurial Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrRochesterNY View Post
    There are other ways of being "interested" in a person besides sexually, guys. From what Mikey has said, he seems to be quite interested in his wife and family and in carrying out his responsibilities. If he weren't, he wouldn't be feeling torn as he does.
    Disagree. Romantic interest is always tied to sexual interest (IF the person has sexual interest to begin with, which OP clearly does). What you're describing is a brother/sister or just friend relationship, and that's absolutely not ok in marriage.

    And OP is torn because he's built an entire life around a lie. Of course them earring down that life would be incredibly stressful.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

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