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Thread: Friend... Lost. Need Advice

      
   
  1. #1

    Friend... Lost. Need Advice

    I posted an ad on Craigslist some time in March, with title of "Seeking straight boys to fuck me".

    I got a nice Arabic guy who for some reason later told me that he thought I replied to his "friends only" ad. Well, no -- he replied to my ad where I wanted a straight guy to fuck me.. but I guess he totally forgot until I told him a couple of dates later. Me telling him that did not change things between us. So we never did fuck :)

    Anyway, we met up at first and he acted as a friend ... but also he insisted he'd pay for me like we went and met up at Tim Horton's and he paid for my drink and my snack. That's fine. Then he showed me around his school and it was cool.

    We later I suggested we go to a restaurant Benihana, which is quite an expensive Japanese steak house place. When I met him, he gifted me chocolates. At the restaurant I got a $45 meal, and he got a $25 meal. He then paid the entire bill, even though I fully let him know I'd pay my share or even his.

    So that was nice.

    We usually made out at the end of each date. And nothing else. From my side of things I figured he is new, he is discreet, so I will let him guide where he wants his experience to go. If he wants to make out, so be it. If he wants to fuck me well let's visit that when it gets there (which never did).

    He was not my ideal type but ya know hanging out was fine. Making out was alright.

    My last meet with him was the 3rd date where I just recently lost my job and I was not in the best moods. He wanted to hang with me in a gay bar where he wanted to dance with me. To make it a point here, the feeling I had with everything that I knew, was that he wanted to dance with me, and not dance along side of me. What I mean here there is a difference where you go with a friend to a bar and you dance with your friend, and with others, or you are going with a friend to dance with that friend specifically (aka you are more like boyfriends there). I got an impression he was following the boyfriends way and that totally made me uncomfortable. I did not want to go to the bar in the first place, but him wanting to monopolize my time while at the bar made me super uncomfortable. To top it off, I was thinking more about getting unemployment set up and on submitting interviews, and all that stuff.

    So we were in the car and we were going to first hang out at a mall but I snapped then and was not in the mood. I drove him back to where I picked him up and dropped him off. He wanted to talk saying he wants to be friends only and not boyfriends, and I did not feel he knew where I was in my mindspace. My mindspace was that he was going down the path of trying to make me his or something. Paying for me was nice but then it was like a form of control perhaps. Anyway the whole thing did not sit with me. I told him "it is not a good week for me. Let's catch up/hang out later". And I meant it.

    But then he pressed me - "will we ever see each other again", he asked. And my stupid mouth said "no". I don't know why but at the time I said no, because of what I felt. He wanted certainty and I did not have it for him at the time, but I gave it to him. I mean we could have parted ways with uncertainty and maybe hang out again. But because of the way we parted, he never contacted me again and I never contacted him again either.

    I did not contact him because I knew he really wanted to go to a bar and dance there with me as his sole partner, and I did not want to go to the bar, and with that I did not want to be his sole partner. I also did not contact him because of what I said -- I said "no" to his question of seeing him again, so to go back on that premise is kind of against my mindset.

    Anyway. A good friend of mine suggested to me that I contact this guy again.

    I am thinking - well it will be nice if first of all my friend (ex-friend at this time) will "take me back" in the first place. Second, it will be nice to get pampered again - he will buy things for me but that's not the reason for me wanting him back, although it is nice. I need a friend now to go with me to a park, and I need a friend who has money. This friend of mine will be great for that. But .. maybe for the wrong reasons?

    This situation came to my mind here and there a few times. I kind of feel that me contacting him back will not be a great idea. His own pride and ego may have him just say "no".

    Also, he was nice to hang out, but perhaps not really for me .. I let him make out with me which possibly created a stronger connection to me from his side. Where if I were to keep him as a friend without making out maybe we'd avoid things like that. I am sure both of us did things that lead us to this end.

    So I wanted an advice.... Do I try to contact him back or do I let it go and let us stay in the "not seeing each other ever again" type of state and put this whole thing to rest?
    Last edited by chrisdobro; August 30th, 2013 at 07:29 PM.

  2. #2
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    Re: Friend... Lost. Need Advice

    honestly mate . I don`t even know where to begin .

  3. #3
    JUB Addict Harke the Boeotarch's Avatar
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    Re: Friend... Lost. Need Advice

    This, OP, is why you always say "See you around," even if you mean "Farewell."
    Last edited by Harke the Boeotarch; August 31st, 2013 at 03:06 AM.

  4. #4
    Rest in peace, mom. JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: Friend... Lost. Need Advice

    It wouldn't be ethical to attempt to be friends again because he was generous in the past. If someday you are able to treat him and wish to make amends then it would be ok to approach him.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  5. #5

    Re: Friend... Lost. Need Advice

    What seasoned said. I'm surprised he was able to make sense of your post.

    Is it important that this guy be your friend? Sounds like a very weird situation that you fell into and were just playing along. Just saying.

  6. #6
    Impish and Mercurial Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: Friend... Lost. Need Advice

    You both have all sorts of unresolved personal issues. You more than him, sounds like. I'd work on myself before attempting anything emotional/sexual with anyone first, perhaps even with a specialist.

    Also - straight guys don't fuck gay men.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  7. #7

    Re: Friend... Lost. Need Advice

    You say in your profile you are totally out but then in your craigs list posting you are looking for straight guys to fuck you. I think you got what you wanted...a straight guy...but one working on his identity. He wants to explore his gAy side and that's not something you want to deal with. It's best you go on to somebody else unless you're willing to be his mentor.

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