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  1. #1

    Back together(?) with a friend, but still feeling skeptical...

    Came out to a friend while I was late into college, him finishing HS. He wouldn't talk to me for months. He seemed open minded and all too. Initially acted cool with it, then just ditched me. We talked on and off online about 10 months later, he wouldn't do anything beyond that because he thought it would make things awkward. I insisted and we hung out, things were cool, but then I developed a crush on him (even before I came out) and the feelings came back.

    I told him that he was right and that I "needed to get over things that I know will never happen" (meaning I know he'll never like me back) and told him we shouldn't talk beyond online for a while. He just replied "ok"...

    A week later, he randomly messages me saying that our hangout "wasn't awkward at all but whatever." I told him it still didn't explain what he did when I initially came out to him, then gave him an explanation about how discouraging it felt to tell more people and that I should've just left him to begin with. He responded that he was stupid and wanted to put it behind. He apparently missed what we had together. So I told him as long as he can continue to be himself without any of the bullshit he gave me, then it's cool. We talked for an hour about other stuff and that was that.

    Why the change of heart? Could he be questioning his own sexuality? Was my message not clear about me liking him? What if he pulls the same crap again?

  2. #2

    Re: Back together(?) with a friend, but still feeling skeptical...

    Unfortunately, some straight guys just like the attention.

    Everyone, gay or straight, wants to feel wanted, and attractive to someone.

    It might be a boost to his ego to know that you want him, but not enough to give in to your carnal desires.

    I would tread carefully, as more than likely you'll just be setting yourself up to get hurt again unless you can get over your infatuation/crush on him.
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  3. #3
    JUB Addict journo25's Avatar
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    Re: Back together(?) with a friend, but still feeling skeptical...

    He probably will "pull the same crap again." If seeing him platonically can work for you without your feeling anxious about wanting "more," then resume a friendship. Otherwise, it would probably be less stressful and emotional for you to keep your distance.

  4. #4
    para0402
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    Re: Back together(?) with a friend, but still feeling skeptical...

    Wait... did you actually tell him that you have a crush on him?

    But either way, from what you said, about him "missing what you had" together. I don't think it's anything besides just being friends. I mean, he was your best friend and pulled away after the whole coming out thing. Maybe he just feels guilty about that and trying to make up to you but not sure how because he hasn't come to terms with it yet? it could be a possibility.

    Though, I agree that people shouldn't view homosexuality differently or be something that they're afraid of, but it's easier said than done and at least he's now reaching out to you. Maybe just give him a chance. But if you want something more with him... well... i don't think it's going to happen, unless he's gay (or bi).

  5. #5

    Re: Back together(?) with a friend, but still feeling skeptical...

    I was indirect with telling him I have a crush on him. Told him before he apologized to me that I needed time to "get over certain things that are never going to happen."

  6. #6
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    Re: Back together(?) with a friend, but still feeling skeptical...

    some people handle "issues" by completely avoiding it and sweeping it under the rug. if he wants to be friends again, it's probably genuinely just the friendship he's missing. i don't think you should read into anything more than what's shown on the surface because it's dangerous for your mentality and emotions. just take what he says as it is, that he misses you as a friend.

    tbh though, he sounds like one of those people who has to have everything his way. all the plans, hangouts, chats will probs be on his term for a while. if you want to be his friend again, he's definitely someone you have to take things slowly with to not give the wrong signals.

  7. #7
    para0402
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    Re: Back together(?) with a friend, but still feeling skeptical...

    Quote Originally Posted by JordyM56 View Post
    I was indirect with telling him I have a crush on him. Told him before he apologized to me that I needed time to "get over certain things that are never going to happen."
    I don't think he might have gotten it though... It's not something that everyone would be able to pick up on.

    but try to work on your friendship with him. If you don't think you could do it now, let him know that you need some time to sort stuff out or something and maybe then you guys could go back to the way things were. If he really wants to be friends, I'm guessing he'll understand about it and give you some space.

  8. #8
    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: Back together(?) with a friend, but still feeling skeptical...

    If you can be friends without wanting more from him then renew the relationship. If you still want sex with him be upfront and he'll probably keep his distance. It won't do either of you any good if you intend to play cat and mouse with him.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

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