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  1. #1

    Am I making too much out of this ?

    So I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year and things are great. We could be having sex more often but he just isnt into sex as much as I am. I could have sex everyday as for him maybe every other day at best.

    The last time we had sex was maybe two weeks ago but I understand this time since he just had surgery.

    We have discussed the sex thing and its always the same story, he just isnt into it.

    Now, I know that he has an Asian fantasy and I am not Asian. I am his first non Asian boyfriend so maybe he just isnt into me. I've looked trough his computer history and on his days off he always jacks off to Asian Porn.

    I get extremely irritated because maybe he just isnt into me because I am not Asian. I honestly dont care if he watches porn because I do but the Asian thing bothers me since all his previous guys have been Asian.

    Am I overacting ?

  2. #2
    JUB Addict HunterM's Avatar
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    Re: Am I making too much out of this ?

    Just an idea: Try watching porn with him as foreplay to get him in the mood.

  3. #3
    JUB Addict Georgiadude's Avatar
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    Re: Am I making too much out of this ?

    How old are the two of you? I have a feeling there is more to this than him being into Asians and your not being Asian. When someone is withholding sex there is some issue or issues at play. He started dating you knowing you weren't Asian. It's time to have a serious talk with him. Is this a sudden change in sex or was it gradual? Other than his recent surgery was there another reason for him to lose interest? Is it fixable? Possibly. However the root cause has to addressed. Not a superficial fix either. I'd stop snooping because that leads to trust issues and there's already something up. Don't make it worse by snooping. You need to sit down with him and have a talk. Maybe some couples counseling because this is deeper than you not being Asian and sexual frequency differences

    Steven

  4. #4
    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: Am I making too much out of this ?

    ^I agree. Talk this out and work at it by yourselves or with a therapist. Best wishes.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  5. #5
    nerd of prey hylas's Avatar
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    Re: Am I making too much out of this ?

    sex every other day isnt enough for you? i think thats quite a lot. but if you seriously need more sex, then i think its a case of mismatched libido. i think its more about you being hypersexual than about him being "not really into sex", but i guess thats a technicality.

    uhm, bad news... missmatched libido is kinda hard to solve. i guess you could consider opening the relationship if you think its stable enough for that.

    about the asian thing... if he wasnt attracted to you, he wouldnt be with you, would he? id let it go, and id stop checking out his porn if it makes you feel insecure.

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