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Thread: hooked up with a straight friend...unsure what to think of it?

      
   
  1. #1

    hooked up with a straight friend...unsure what to think of it?

    im a closet bi and he happens to be one of my really good friends and also my room mate. this is going to sound strange at first, but here goes:

    my friend admits that he does strange things while hes on ambien, and of course, ive witnessed them, given that hes my room mate. while he was on ambien last night, we hung out. i thought it was strange that he would stare at my lips for a long periods of time while we were conversing, but i shrugged the thought since hes on ambien. later on, i took an ambien that he gave me and we both started having some beers and having deep conversations in his room. at the end of the convo, we gave each other bro hugs and told each other "i love you man, no homo". during the bro hug, he gave me a peck on the cheek. i didnt say anything about it and pretended it didnt happen. later on, he was showing me something on his cell phone, then i realized he was getting really close to my face and it seemed like he was getting ready to kiss me. i backed off, and i told him "what are you doing? are you trying to kiss me?". he then told me "i wanna kiss you". i was shocked. to make sure i wasnt hearing things, i asked him again what he wanted to do, and he said the same thing. right before we hooked up, i asked him twice if he was bi, and he said yes each time. then i asked him twice if "this is not going to affect our friendship, is it?" and he replied both times "no its not".

    im still a little bit at shock, i mean, he hooks up with chicks from time to time and hes had girlfriends in the past. quite frankly, i really dont think hes bi, prolly bi-curious the most (even though he did ask me to penetrate him, which i didnt). i can leave this fling behind and not let it strain our friendship, but im not too sure if he thinks/or feels the same way i do, let alone if he remembers what happened last night. i havent gotten a chance to see him today since he works long shifts throughout most of the week. now, is it best that i dont say anything unless he brings up the topic?

  2. #2
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    Re: hooked up with a straight friend...unsure what to think of it?

    I would leave it alone and leave the ball in his court for now. From your description of him I doubt you will have to wait long. The best thing for you to do is figure out how far you want to go with this. I don't know much about Ambien, so I can't suggest that it was just him being high, so if he does want to talk about it make sure you guys do it sober.

  3. #3

    Re: hooked up with a straight friend...unsure what to think of it?

    ive heard that ambien can act as a truth serum or an aphrodisiac, but then again, one of the side effects is acting strange.

  4. #4

    Re: hooked up with a straight friend...unsure what to think of it?

    A piece of good advice: don't take medications from other people. You had absolutely no excuse for accepting an Ambien from him. Dumb move--unless you are a druggie, of course.

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    Re: hooked up with a straight friend...unsure what to think of it?

    Hmmm...something is not right about this story. I took Ambien from time to time. I usually fall asleep within 2 to 4 minutes for 3 to 4 hours. I know 4 different people with insomnia also experience the same effect. You guys took Ambien and drank beers??? There's no way you two were awake enough to have deep conversations.

    What you guys took ain't Ambien.
    Last edited by HunterM; August 19th, 2013 at 03:27 PM.

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    Re: hooked up with a straight friend...unsure what to think of it?

    Quote Originally Posted by HunterM View Post
    Hmmm...something is not right about this story. I took Ambien from time to time. I usually fall asleep within 2 to 4 minutes for 3 to 4 hours. I know 4 different people with insomnia also experience the same effect. You guys took Ambien and drank beers??? There's no way you two were awake enough to have deep conversations.

    What you guys took ain't Ambien.
    ^ This never a truer word , especially taking with booze . Also taking another persons prescription medication is one huge no-no .

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    Re: hooked up with a straight friend...unsure what to think of it?

    I take Ambien nightly and can say that I have done things that I don't remember doing til I look at my phone texts or pics. so ya it is possible that he not remember all the details. I wouldn't say anything at all to him until he brings it up again.

  8. #8

    Re: hooked up with a straight friend...unsure what to think of it?

    I thought Ambien was a sleep medication, something to knock you out, not something to get high on and throw a few back on. Not ever having taken drugs stronger than tylenol, asprin and the like, i have little to go on but why take something that may make you act loopy and all, may reason i've never been tempted by street drugs and alchol.

    Anyhoo, i wouln'dn't bring it up, wait for him to, as he seems a little lost in life and may just want to "forget" what happened.

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    Re: hooked up with a straight friend...unsure what to think of it?

    Hypnotics and booze together, for shits and giggles. What could possibly go wrong?

    -d-
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    I hope you get this message.
    Comments welcome.

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    Re: hooked up with a straight friend...unsure what to think of it?

    `

    You were on Ambien too.... sure it wasn't the Ambien?



    `

  11. #11

    Re: hooked up with a straight friend...unsure what to think of it?

    Should i be the one to put moves on him next time? I mean i do find him pretty attractive lol. How should i probe about his sexuality? And btw, we just acted like nothing happened and we dont even feel awkward being around each other

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    Re: hooked up with a straight friend...unsure what to think of it?

    Maybe you could drop some "Ambien" and go for a ride.....Seriously though, ditch the drugs and enjoy good, clean, hot sex. There's nothing better. The ONLY drug you should take for sex...(under the advice of a dr) is viagra...if you need it. Keep it legal and clean and safe and enjoy it for a looooong time.

  13. #13

    Re: hooked up with a straight friend...unsure what to think of it?

    Seriously though with all druggie jokes and use aside, what should i do?

  14. #14

    Re: hooked up with a straight friend...unsure what to think of it?

    Does he even remember it happening?
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    Re: hooked up with a straight friend...unsure what to think of it?

    Quote Originally Posted by shadowfang156 View Post
    Seriously though with all druggie jokes and use aside, what should i do?
    I'd play dumb and follow his lead.

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    Re: hooked up with a straight friend...unsure what to think of it?

    Since he is your roomie how far do you want it to go and how much do you value your present friendly relationship? It could change if you put tempation in his way but do you want it to ? Problem is you cannot put the genie back in the bottle once it is out Step carefully !

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    Re: hooked up with a straight friend...unsure what to think of it?

    Quote Originally Posted by shadowfang156 View Post
    Seriously though with all druggie jokes and use aside, what should i do?
    Unless he brings it up or unless your relationship seems like it has been adversely affected, you would be better off forgetting that it happened.

    On the other hand, if the relationship seems like it has been damaged (in spite of the protests beforehand that it would not mess up the friendship), then you're going to have to have a talk about it and what the relationship will be moving forward.

    And- I would be remiss if I didn't say this- never take Ambien unless you are having trouble sleeping. It is not a recreational drug and it is not intended to be taken routinely. And never, never, never, never take it with alcohol. We've seen more than a few people who have overdosed on what would be a routine dose of sleeping pills when combined with alcohol.

  18. #18

    Re: hooked up with a straight friend...unsure what to think of it?

    Our relationship is the same thus far...nothing has adversely affected it and he hasnt brought it up...so youre saying i should make a move???

  19. #19

    Re: hooked up with a straight friend...unsure what to think of it?

    I assume me has fragments of what he remembers just as i do. On the nights when we took ambien for recreational use, he says he doesnt remember but after he thinks about it, he does have sone memory which is why i assume he ge fragments of it

  20. #20

    Re: hooked up with a straight friend...unsure what to think of it?

    Quote Originally Posted by shadowfang156 View Post
    ive heard that ambien can act as a truth serum or an aphrodisiac, but then again, one of the side effects is acting strange.
    Quote Originally Posted by shadowfang156 View Post
    Should i be the one to put moves on him next time? I mean i do find him pretty attractive lol.
    Quote Originally Posted by shadowfang156 View Post
    Our relationship is the same thus far...nothing has adversely affected it and he hasnt brought it up...so youre saying i should make a move???
    Seriously? What are you reading??? Everyone here is telling you what an incredibly stupid thing this is, and that you should NOT be doing this. But for some reason, you're only reading what you want to see. Why even start this thread if you already made up your mind.

  21. #21

    Re: hooked up with a straight friend...unsure what to think of it?

    suck him off as much as you can, what are friends for!

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    Re: hooked up with a straight friend...unsure what to think of it?

    Join him in the shower since you are roommates and save let's save on the water bill

  23. #23

    Re: hooked up with a straight friend...unsure what to think of it?

    Quote Originally Posted by nhvtski2190 View Post
    Seriously? What are you reading??? Everyone here is telling you what an incredibly stupid thing this is, and that you should NOT be doing this. But for some reason, you're only reading what you want to see. Why even start this thread if you already made up your mind.
    dude i dont know im just confused

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    Re: hooked up with a straight friend...unsure what to think of it?

    Quote Originally Posted by shadowfang156 View Post
    dude i dont know im just confused
    And this is probably enough reason not to continue the hook-ups. If the two of you can't be honest without drugs and alcohol, it's probably a sign that neither of you is ready to take on the complications that can happen when two confused guys hook up.

  25. #25

    Re: hooked up with a straight friend...unsure what to think of it?

    Just sit back and wait. When he's ready for another go, he'll let you know.
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  26. #26

    Re: hooked up with a straight friend...unsure what to think of it?

    You have not told us if he knows that you are gay.

  27. #27

    Re: hooked up with a straight friend...unsure what to think of it?

    Quote Originally Posted by Benvolio View Post
    You have not told us if he knows that you are gay.
    No he doesnt know

  28. #28

    Re: hooked up with a straight friend...unsure what to think of it?

    Don't bring it up. One night leave your bedroom door slightly ajar; lie down on the bed, face down in you best and tightest undies and pretend you're asleep after a night of drinking. If he's interested in you sexually he won't miss the opportunity when he passes by your room. I've done this several times and it worked each time.

  29. #29

    Re: hooked up with a straight friend...unsure what to think of it?

    what cues should i look for to know for sure he wants to hook up (very oblivious to this)? whenever i get drunk with him, i seriously feel like he wants to do something more, but just doesnt want to make a move?

  30. #30

    Re: hooked up with a straight friend...unsure what to think of it?

    I was prescribed Ambien in the past and I'm glad i'm off it. Ambien gave me the worst hallucinations... among other side effects (binge eating, significant increase in libido, etc). I ended up in the E.R. for heart palpitations when I woke up at 4AM with cold sweats and heart palpitations. Some Ambien users sleepwalk and drive their cars while asleep and wake up in their cars while driving! Point is, your friend needs to lay off the Ambien before something bad happens to him.

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    Re: hooked up with a straight friend...unsure what to think of it?

    Quote Originally Posted by shadowfang156 View Post
    what cues should i look for to know for sure he wants to hook up (very oblivious to this)? whenever i get drunk with him, i seriously feel like he wants to do something more, but just doesnt want to make a move?
    watch bi porn together and give each other a hand job. or suck him off

  32. #32

    Re: hooked up with a straight friend...unsure what to think of it?

    i eventually did develop a crush on him, and i deff do want to hook up with him again, but im confused between emotions and logic. a few weeks go by, and we had another drunken ambien night. this time though, he did open up to me about the hook up. i think one of my mistakes was not giving him much of a chance to explain himself why he did what he did (making a move on me), and i just told him: "dont even worry about it, i've already put it in the past and more importantly, i dont think of you any differently. youre still one of my best friends and whatever happened that night, it didnt affect our friendship". after i told him that, he told me it took a load off his chest. during that time, i asked him if he was really bi, and he told me "yeah, sometimes,". even though we weren't sober, i can definitely tell he wasnt comfortable telling me and he kept his answer very brief.

    i really dont think my friend is bi at all, i guess just bicurious at the time we hooked up. i did notice he'll initiate gay jokes around me, and i'll throw some comebacks to him, but i dont think this is significant since its normal for guy friends to do. but sometimes i wonder if this is his way of hinting, or am i just overthinking this? what are your guys' thoughts?

    i couldnt really get feel for him being bi, but then again he's been having a rough past month (academics, work, and car accident), so he's been really preoccupied with getting his shit together. plus, he's also been hooking up with some chick he met at work for a couple months now, but he then later burned the bridge on that one just recently.

    last night we had dinner together, just the two of us, and got really drunk at the restaurant. the reason why i really dont think he's bi/gay is because he brought up some of the baggage of his ex (they were childhood friends that became fwb, "kinda" dated, but their friends now. girl thinks that they should stay as friends from her pov, but when i asked about his pov, emotionally he'll fall for her, but logically no because it will jeopardize the friendship), what type of girl his family thinks he should date, what girl hes looking for, etc. but at the moment, he's not looking to be in a relationship right now. but even before this conversation, from time to time, he does tell me what kind of girl hes looking for and hopes he eventually finds "that girl".

    when we went back to my car to drive home, there were two things in my mind: 1. make a move because i really wanted to kiss him OR 2. open up the question and ask him why he really kissed me that other time. even though i was really drunk, i did not have the courage to act on either or and face what happens next. i just feel like making a move on him or me bringing up what we both left behind and pretended that it didnt happen is like opening pandoras box.

    what do you guys suggest that i do? if i do want to bring it up, how should i initiate the subject?

  33. #33

    Re: hooked up with a straight friend...unsure what to think of it?

    u should have penetrated him the first time.

    that would make him want more.

    just go ahead with the flow and .....

  34. #34
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    Re: hooked up with a straight friend...unsure what to think of it?

    Quote Originally Posted by shadowfang156 View Post
    ...what do you guys suggest that i do? if i do want to bring it up, how should i initiate the subject?
    Well, you should think about why you want to bring it up- is it because it's for the good for the friendship or because of your own agenda?

    Look- you're a closeted bisexual and this guy is your roommate and friend... if he's not acting any differently toward you, then why would you want to go there?
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  35. #35

    Re: hooked up with a straight friend...unsure what to think of it?

    Quote Originally Posted by borg69unimatrix View Post
    Just sit back and wait. When he's ready for another go, he'll let you know.
    I'm sticking with my original answer. ^^^^^^
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    Re: hooked up with a straight friend...unsure what to think of it?

    Quote Originally Posted by shadowfang156 View Post
    i eventually did develop a crush on him, and i deff do want to hook up with him again, but im confused between emotions and logic. a few weeks go by, and we had another drunken ambien night. this time though, he did open up to me about the hook up. i think one of my mistakes was not giving him much of a chance to explain himself why he did what he did (making a move on me), and i just told him: "dont even worry about it, i've already put it in the past and more importantly, i dont think of you any differently. youre still one of my best friends and whatever happened that night, it didnt affect our friendship". after i told him that, he told me it took a load off his chest. during that time, i asked him if he was really bi, and he told me "yeah, sometimes,". even though we weren't sober, i can definitely tell he wasnt comfortable telling me and he kept his answer very brief.

    i really dont think my friend is bi at all, i guess just bicurious at the time we hooked up. i did notice he'll initiate gay jokes around me, and i'll throw some comebacks to him, but i dont think this is significant since its normal for guy friends to do. but sometimes i wonder if this is his way of hinting, or am i just overthinking this? what are your guys' thoughts?

    i couldnt really get feel for him being bi, but then again he's been having a rough past month (academics, work, and car accident), so he's been really preoccupied with getting his shit together. plus, he's also been hooking up with some chick he met at work for a couple months now, but he then later burned the bridge on that one just recently.

    last night we had dinner together, just the two of us, and got really drunk at the restaurant. the reason why i really dont think he's bi/gay is because he brought up some of the baggage of his ex (they were childhood friends that became fwb, "kinda" dated, but their friends now. girl thinks that they should stay as friends from her pov, but when i asked about his pov, emotionally he'll fall for her, but logically no because it will jeopardize the friendship), what type of girl his family thinks he should date, what girl hes looking for, etc. but at the moment, he's not looking to be in a relationship right now. but even before this conversation, from time to time, he does tell me what kind of girl hes looking for and hopes he eventually finds "that girl".

    when we went back to my car to drive home, there were two things in my mind: 1. make a move because i really wanted to kiss him OR 2. open up the question and ask him why he really kissed me that other time. even though i was really drunk, i did not have the courage to act on either or and face what happens next. i just feel like making a move on him or me bringing up what we both left behind and pretended that it didnt happen is like opening pandoras box.

    what do you guys suggest that i do? if i do want to bring it up, how should i initiate the subject?
    He is still in the phase of denial. Don't ask him if he's bi or gay. He will come to the realization when it is time. He will keep talking about girls and shit. Let him. It's a defense mechanism.

    If you have a crush on him, and obviously is not offended about hooking up with you, keep doing what you guys are enjoying with each other. You can get a little buzzed but I strongly encourage you to stop with the drugs. Make him comfortable with you and make him comfortable about getting relief from you because he will keep looking for it if he knows his secrets are safe with you. He won't be in a relationship mode with you until he reaches the acceptance phase that he is bi at least. This will take time but you can move it along if you two keep hooking up and he finds pleasure and comfort and safety in hooking up with you.

    Maintain being friends with him. Ask him out to movies or dinner. Or enjoy common things with him. If he wants to hook up with a girl, let him, because he is still fighting with himself, be understanding and supportive, not demanding. This is a difficult stage in his life that he has to struggle with until he finds acceptance and peace with himself, and the best you can do is reassure him that whatever the outcome, you will be there for him regardless, and be his best friend.

    Good luck.

  37. #37

    Re: hooked up with a straight friend...unsure what to think of it?

    ok so i was helping him type up his research paper on his computer and as i was pulling up articles, i found that hes looking at gay porn on his internet history???

  38. #38
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    Re: hooked up with a straight friend...unsure what to think of it?

    Quote Originally Posted by shadowfang156 View Post
    ok so i was helping him type up his research paper on his computer and as i was pulling up articles, i found that hes looking at gay porn on his internet history???
    So?
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