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  1. #1

    Need your advice

    Hi all, I just want to apologize, cause this is a long read... But I need some advice and expertise with my current situation, especially if you went through something similar. It's not all bad news, cause I have lost my anal virginity today! YAY!!???

    Some back story; I met my best friend about about two years ago and we really clicked from the start. He is like my brother and the same goes for me. We are two years apart in age, I'm 24 and he is 22 and is very "straight". One evening on the way to the movies he asked me if I was gay and I said to him that I was bisexual, which I am. He said he was cool with it and that it wouldn't change our great friendship. I was very fortunate to have found a close friend that was not judgmental at all and after that evening we become really close and nothing but the truth ha been said. We both believe in being completely honest with each other, no matter what. We have been through good times and bad times, and no matter what, we have a friendship to fall back upon. Forward to mid February of this year, we went out and had a few more drinks than usual... And on the way back home, I stopped the car and parked at a parking lot to catch a break. We weren't drunk drunk, but we had a vibe. I decided to ask him if he had ever been with another guy, to which he replied with a firm no! He then asked me why I was asking him that question and I told him that if he would consider playing around with me? There was a dead moment of silent but eventually he asked me what I wanted to do... And I told him that I would like to suck his dick... More awkwardness in between but he agreed and unzipped his pants. At the end as I was taking him home I noticed that he was really troubled and felt ashamed and guilt. I asked him if he wanted to talk about it and he said not now. This was my first time with a guy, btw. The following day I texted him and did not get a reply, same on the second day after I had crossed that "friendship line"... It was Wednesday already and I had not heard from him, so I was starting to get worried, and sent him a text to let me know at least if he was okay...he replied: yes, but I don't think we should talk or be friends anymore. As you can imagine I was heart broken! I felt so dumb for even thinking about it and actually asking him, here I had literally lost my best friend. A week later I sent him some texts that I completely understood how he was feeling and that I would give him all the time required to sort things out and expressed to him that there was nothing more important to me than his friendship, and that I would really hate to loose him. Eventually we worked things out and got back on track, sort off. Things were still awkward and it was tense-full, but I was willing to accept anything and do it to save our friendship. One night that we hanged out, he brought up the topic and said that we needed to talk about it, and I was very glad that he wanted to do so. I got your typical questions, how come you wanted to do it, do you like me, etc? And the unexpected one: do you like sucking my dick? I have always had physical attraction to him but nothing emotional, after all he has a swimmers body and he cycles;-) And I told him that exactly, that it was just for the fun of it and not to think of it as something else. So the night ended in us fooling around with each other, hand job and I gave him another blow job. This has continued all through this year with varying degrees of sexual interactions as well as minor and some major disagreements between us. In general he was become more okay with the whole thing and enjoys himself more. I have not asked him if he thinks that he might be bisexual or gay, for the reason that the sexuality topic is really hard for him to confront. Nothing is perfect after all, but through this time, I have always have had my friend there for me and occasionally we fool around. Through the months, we have made some progresses in our intercourse. Last weekend he was more open to me playing around his asshole, no finger penetration at all, but it was something more. And this morning I did get to play completely with his hole, and he really liked it. It all lead to him asking me if I wanted him to "rip my ass apart" lol... I said yes and asked him like 15 times before I let him do it if he really wanted to do me, and he said yes. This was my first time bottoming, and all I can say is that it was an experience. Painful but pleasurable. It did not help at all that we had no lube (this was not planned at all, it happened all of a sudden) but I was surprised with my tolerance levels, especially due to his size and width... XD

    And this is where I am at odds and confused... At the end, I saw his look and it was like the first time all over again, which is completely understandable to some degree. If this is your first time fucking with a guy, and all this time you have considered yourself to be straight, then you begin to question your sexuality and a thousand feelings and emotions pass through in a matter of seconds.

    I have a few questions... Do you guys think that we might have something more between us? It is worth pursing?

    Is he gay or bisexual? And should I give him time to figure himself out and not push him? Any other suggestions and advice is greatly appreciated.

    I am not seeking an emotional relationship with him at this point, too premature and he is at a cross road. I want to be able to slowly work on it and don't know the right way to approach the whole situation...

    Thanks a lot for your help and support! I probably missed a thousand things that have happened in between, so if you have any doubts or questions, feel free to ask.

  2. #2
    JUB Addict BiMike's Avatar
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    Re: Need your advice

    You will always have trouble if you try to mix the relationship with a good friend with the opportunity to have some casual sex. It is also difficult having casual sex with anotherr guy who is not really sure of his attitude to sex with another guy regardless of their friendship. Just keep the two apart and refrain from attempting to have further sex with your friend. Try to find someone who is looking for some casual sex to further your own interests in that matter.

  3. #3
    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: Need your advice

    My question has to do with you questioning if there is something more serious here and then you go on to say you're not looking for something emotional. You'll need to decide what you want to pursue with him while he decides if it's ok to continue a friendship with you.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  4. #4

    Re: Need your advice

    Quote Originally Posted by Seasoned View Post
    My question has to do with you questioning if there is something more serious here and then you go on to say you're not looking for something emotional. You'll need to decide what you want to pursue with him while he decides if it's ok to continue a friendship with you.
    I do want something more if possible in the future, but certainly not at this point. I am already emotionally attached to him, but at the same time, I am trying to keep a certain level of control if that's even possible. I am very comfortable with my sexuality and he is not. He is not as mature and is still very confused with this whole thing, but at the same time, he as been wanting to keep experimenting more and more. I really do not fear loosing his friendship, as that could have happened in the past and he has proven time and time again to me that he is willing to put some effort and work into our friendship when ever we had any complications.

  5. #5
    JUB Addict Craiger's Avatar
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    Re: Need your advice

    I would suggest since you are emotionally attacted, but able to keep that level of control, that you allow him to take the lead from now on in any sexual situation. By just maintaining the status of "friendship/buddies" and letting him move at his own pace, you will probably find him more and more acceptant and curious. Sex is one thing, but it isn't until you become more physically intimate such as cuddling or kissing that he may balk. As time goes on, if you can wait for it, those intimate times may begin to happen. At that time you can begin to add more of yourself and your desires to the experience. From what I have read, he is more and more comfortable as time progresses. Just move at his pace. It will either be completely rewarding or eventually you will level out to a point of just friendship. Good luck!

    Craiger

  6. #6

    Re: Need your advice

    Quote Originally Posted by Craiger View Post
    I would suggest since you are emotionally attacted, but able to keep that level of control, that you allow him to take the lead from now on in any sexual situation. By just maintaining the status of "friendship/buddies" and letting him move at his own pace, you will probably find him more and more acceptant and curious. Sex is one thing, but it isn't until you become more physically intimate such as cuddling or kissing that he may balk. As time goes on, if you can wait for it, those intimate times may begin to happen. At that time you can begin to add more of yourself and your desires to the experience. From what I have read, he is more and more comfortable as time progresses. Just move at his pace. It will either be completely rewarding or eventually you will level out to a point of just friendship. Good luck!

    Craiger
    Thanks for the great advice Craiger! I've been kind of taking this aproach as I don't like to push things or force anything. Pacience is a virtue. It's been super hard, I won't lie, going on six months now, but little by little there is some opening and progress. I am really glad though that we have maintained our friendship and it's even closer now than before...trust is all. I know I am walking a very fine line, and once I crossed it, I knew I would have to be very careful and patient. I may want the best of both worlds, which everyone keeps saying it's really hard to get... But I am not giving up...

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