So I'm nearly 22 and I've kissed about four guys, and have been semi-intimate with one. I'm not active at all in the gay community and so I have no gay friends. I'm so far behind all of my (younger) straight friends who are having casual sex or have boyfriends. It's got to the point where it's embarrassing now: I get uncomfortable when people talk about sex or relationships because I have nothing to add to the conversation.
I have massive self confidence issues. I dislike everything about myself: physically and mentally. I went through a phase where I went to gay clubs, but it was pretty much fruitless. Whenever a guy would approach me I'd say I had a boyfriend. Skip to me watching all my straight friends pull in gay clubs instead of me, and me feeling even worse about myself. Casual sex doesn't even seem like an option for me because I went through a period of self-harming, and so my legs are pretty scarred. I don't even know if casual sex is what I want, intimacy scares me. I don't know what I want, I just know that I feel very lonely and isolated right now.
I guess it's a vicious cycle. I'm so inexperienced and I don't know where to start. Any advice?