This is a long personal experience I was hoping somebody could help me with
I'm 19 bisexual (slowly coming out). I've known I like guys since I was very young just never had the right time to come out until recently. I've had girlfriends. Have been with girls etc
I just finished my freshman year at school and had a great time meeting new people. More specifically I became very close with my roommate and right before we all went home for the summer, I realized that I started having feelings for my roommate. This is about May. (Keep in mind nothing ever happened and no one knows I am bisexual at this point). We get along, always hang out, do stupid flirting stuff just messing around.
At school I had a close group of friends that included my roommate and our other friend (I'll call him "Mac") Mac is gay and open and has dated different guys etc whatever. In June me and my roommate visited each other and just seemed to be getting closer and closer and enjoying each others company. (We were also seeing Mac and a few other friends as well).
toward the beginning of July me and my roommate had plans that he was gonna stay at my house for a week and then I would go to his house for a week. The first night my roommate came we had our first sexual experience.
We came back from my friends house and fell asleep in the same bed with just gym shorts on. Before I knew it my roommate and I were getting closer and closer before he put his arm over me and got closer. I did the same and one thing led to another and he grabbed my d***. We both got naked and he went down on me.
After it happened he asked if that ever happened and I said no (which is the truth) and I asked him the same and he said no. I asked him "not even with Mac?" And he said no. The next morning it happened again with me pleasuring him this time and it continued to happen many times each night for the rest of the week. When nothing was happening at night we would just be cuddled up close to each other and we would hold each other.
When we got to his house later that week (keep in mind he lives in a different state) I assumed it would continue but it didn't. Which was not the worst thing in the world because I just assumed he didn't want his family to find anything out. (My family was away for the week he visited)
As the week at his place was coming to an end with nothing happening I was beginning to think he did not like the fact we hooked up or whatever, so I thought it would be a good idea to give him so space and really go out of my way NOT to do anything. The next morning my roommate was walking around naked in front of me like it wasn't a big deal. (I did play it off like it wasn't a big deal but it totally was unexpected)
After I left we were sending texts back and forth saying "when are we hanging again?" "When are you coming back?" "Come back" etcc....
Since then I have tried to set up other times to see eachother and our plans fall apart. At times I knew he was avoiding my texts and at times I would ignore his, just so it seemed like I wasn't totally interested.
A few weeks ago I decided to tell my parents and close friends about my sexuality but chose not to tell anyone about my roommate because he still isn't out. Everyone took it well and literally nothing changed which was awesome. A month pasted and although my roommate and I were still texting every couple of days we never spoke about what happened at my house, until I flat out Said we need to talk about what happened.
I started the convo with tell him I've known I like guys for a while and I want to come out but I made it very very clear my number #1 priority was making sure we would be "ok as roommates and from a friend point" he was cool with everything but I did ask him if he ever put any thought into what he might be into (sexually)
He explained to me that he lied to me when he said I was the first guy he's been with and it has happened with Mac. He went on to explain that after it happened with him he felt completely uncomfortable and confused with himself. He said there was thoughts and desires About me and Mac but it changed after it happened. He said that when he was on his way to visit me, he didnt want anything to happen between us because he was already uncomfortable with his experience with Mac. (If this was true, I just wish he said something after the first time it happened with me and not let it happen the next couple of nights. I even asked him if he was ok during and after we hooked up and he asked the same and we both said we were ok.) he said he thought he would enjoying being with me but being with me still made him feel uncomfortable like it did with Mac. He said his parents and family has asked him if he was gay and has always denied it. My roommate said I was the only one he has talked to any of this about and he just told Mac his feelings have changed and he was trying to figure himself out.
That was about 1 week ago and I saw him yesterday for the first time. Me and a bunch of friends at schol met at macs place to get together before te school year started. I told Mac and the other friends about me being bisexual and they took it well. It was weird seeing Mac and my roommate together because I am unsure of the terms they are on. I noticed there were pictures in macs aparement of my roommate and him from sometime in July together. (Keep in mine My roommate explained to me that they hooked up before we did and told me he didn't like hooking up with Mac. If this is true I don't see why he would go out of his way to see him. Especially because he told me he was very confused and upset about what's been going on) , basically I am very confused and I am very open to any advice.
1) I'm unsure if my roommate is interested in guys. (I have a feeling he knows but is just having a very hard time dealing with his sexuality)
2) does my roommate like me as much as I like him?
3) if my roommate hasn't realized he might be bisexual, do I still act the same way I always have even if he now knows I am bisexual. Like the flirting and everything?
4) . I understand it may take time for him to realize his sexuality and I want him to take his time and be happy BUT I do not want to sit around doing nothing while Mac wins him over. I feel like this is my first real chance to be happy with a cool dude. I don't want to miss my chance because of over thinking a situation. If anyone actually yook the time with reading this, thank You. All the help would be great