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Thread: About myself

  1. #1
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    About myself

    I'm just a random boy who currently studying in Japan University. I knew I'm gay ever since I could remember. I come a really traditional family where the male child in the family has to continue the name for the family. Because I know I'm gay, I could never get to do that. I've been telling myself I can never fell in love with anyone because I don't want to make things complicated. But I know it's not possible. After entering University (I'm from a VERY diverse University) I get to met a lot of people.

    There is this guy, a senior that came back from exchange program from the UK that I got really close to. Like suddenly really close. We live in student dorm he just came back for one quarter (8 weeks) because he got all his credits done and it is his final semester, he is going to graduate next semester. How we got so close is actually he was curious about my country. Then we started to text on Facebook, but he has to job hunting so he had been traveling back forth from Tokyo and back to my University. One day he came to my door and wrote a very sweet message about he is leaving to Tokyo for 3 weeks and he won't be able to see me and hope I will do fine.

    I came back on time to see the message and quickly ran to his room. He was just about the leave. Since then, we have been texting each other for the three weeks. *Remember I don't want myself to fall in love with anyone?* I became so excited to see his message on my facebook, I would check my inbox like every five minutes to see whether he replied or not. But then I suddenly put him into "others" so I won't be addict to check his message? I'm so silly I also told him that we shouldn't get too close because we been texting each other everyday. He then joke said that we are like a couple and should get together. I know it's just a joke.

    Three weeks passed, he came back for only three days to pack his stuff back to Tokyo. It was really sad. I bought him present. One of the reason we got so close is because I'm a Abercrombie and Fitch's fan. And he know nothing about this brand in the beginning so I was the one who told him everything about it. The present I bought was a Hollister T-shirt. I bought 2 t-shirts. Same design. I gave it to him.

    The first night, I planned to go movie with him on the next day and he seems to be really looking forward to it. Midnight he sent me message about we should be going for a movie because he wants to stay in his room and think about stuff and do his packing. It is his final days in University. So we cancelled the trip and decided to have dinner together and maybe a movie at night. The next day afternoon he suddenly texted me saying he will go downtown with his friends and will be back for dinner. I said ok. Later, he texted me again saying he won't be back for dinner because he wants to spend time with his friends. It hurt me so much but understanding that our friendship was so short comparing to his old friends. Then I posted something on facebook about I'm really sad and blablabla...

    At night I went to see him, before that I saw his junior holding a Abercrombie paper bag that I gave him. Again, I'm hurt We had a talk later, he said that he thinks that our relationship got too far. He has never been to movie with his EX girlfriend, and why do I buy a same t-shirt and etc....

    Out of a sudden, I feel like it's so difficult to find someone who can love me Been really sad recently....I'm so tired of this...Sometimes, I hope I can sell my feelings away. or Relationships between people. I wish I would never fall in love to anyone in this world.

    The end of my story. Thank you for your time and patience. At least I feel better typing out all here....but because I'm a lazy person...I didn't really type ALL of it...like details? We communicate in Japanese though. Even thought we are both non-japanese. He is Korean. And who know where am I from haha.

  2. #2
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    Re: About myself

    hi Danny91,

    First of all, welcome to JUB and feel free to post any question you have. Good you have posted your story over here and I hope you don't mind if I will reply with some comments / ideas.

    I tend to think that you got 'problems' because he is a straight guy and you are a closeted gay guy. Maybe you have developed a crush for him? He is a straight guy and straight guys don't develop such feelings for you.

    I would like to ask you some questions. How about being more open at your Japanese university, and not longer hide your real sexual interest? How about trying to get in contact with other Japanese gay students at your university? How about being more open also to other straight guys over there (fellow students, etc.), so they know that you are a gay guy, and that you can also get some experience how straight guys of around your age react when there is a gay guy around them. Likely / very likely (?), most Japanese fellow-students will not bother if some of the fellow students are gay ones?

    No need to tell anything about the country where you were born, or other details about yourself.

    Feel free to react and/or to ask additional questions.

    Best wishes & take care.
    I am Dutch, so please excuse me for my low level of English.

  3. #3
    Come again? dereperez's Avatar
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    Re: About myself

    Danny91, it's always going to be difficult if you're crushing on someone that doesn't reciprocate those feelings for you. He may also be confused because the relationship was taking a turn towards the romantic and he wasn't ready or expecting that. If you feel really close to him, do you think you would be able to come out to him?

    Like Ganoderma said, perhaps expanding your circle of friends to gay students in Japan University would allow you to increase your chances of guys that could reciprocate your feelings.

  4. #4
    para0402
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    Re: About myself

    Well, straight guys usually don't feel the same way about us. I get that the crushing over a straight guy part is tough. He might really like your company. But from how things are going, I think he feels that you're too involved in him than he is in you and he doesn't want to lead you to something that won't go anywhere? Whatever the reason, if he is genuinely straight I don't think you should keep thinking about things with him.

    Like what Ganoderma and dereperez said, go out meet people. Let people know about your sexuality. That way you can meet people that would be able to reciprocate the feelings you have for them (maybe). So keep your chin up mate.

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    Re: About myself

    Dear Ganoderma,
    Thank you so much for reading my post and giving my comments and suggestion. I appreciate it very much. I'm sorry I couldn't reply straight away because I was in Italy for a field study for 2 weeks.

    In this 2 weeks maybe because I got to meet a lot people *hot caucasians* LOL kidding.
    Ok, back to my point, so I was really busy and I couldn't send him messages like I used to do last time. Everything become better now. I will try my best to expand my circle of friend

    Loves Even though I don't know who are you but your reply make me feel so so so much better

    Cheers

  6. #6
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    Re: About myself

    Hi dereperez,

    Thank you so much for your comment and reply too.
    Haha, I can't agree more about 'if you're crushing on someone that doesn't reciprocate those feelings for you.' So true...even though I already know it deep inside my heart, I just need someone to tell me that

    I don't I would come out to him...because I'm afraid I would also lose this friendship...sounds like a typical story right?

    I feel a lot better now and I'm ready to move on I'm going to his graduation ceremony because I promised him that I would buy him a small Ferrari toy car from Italy Haha

    Cheers!

  7. #7
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    Re: About myself

    Dear para0402,

    I agree on hat you said too! Thank you so much on replying my post
    I will go meet new people from now on

    Thank you so much and I feel a lot better reading your reply too! Especially the last line 'So keep your chin up mate.' So simple but very powerful phrase

    Cheers!

  8. #8
    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: About myself

    This is a very exciting time in your life and it's nog email to crush on guys when you have come from a repressed background. You got excited because another male and one you've thought of as hot was friendly. Once you are no longer ashamed or sad because you like men you will learn to expect that there will be all sorts of guys wanting to spend time with you. Self-confidence is a magnet.

    You other big issue is your family. For help with that I'd seek out other gay guys from your culture and background. They will be your best source of support.

    I'm wishing you a happy and healthy time at school and beyong. Welcome to JUB. I hope you contribute often.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

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