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    Dating outside your race

    I'm a man of color and I date mostly white men, I find that this is still a problem within out community and I can't seem to understand why its such a problem or bothers people when someone makes a choice to date someone of a different race. Any thoughts on this topic?

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    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: Dating outside your race

    It's nobody's business except the persons involved. I'm sorry that you have faced discrimination. Lawrence v Texas was the case that ended gay sodomy laws in the US involved an interracial couple. In my city there's a gay men's organization called Black and White Men Together. Perhaps you can find support like this near you. Best wishes b
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

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    Re: Dating outside your race

    Iīm one of those who think that racism doesnīt apply when you talk about your sexual activity. Itīs your own body and you have the right to choose what you like.

    Who exactly is bothered by you dating a white man? If itīs the people around, that you donīt know, act like you donīt care. If itīs your friends, you need better friends who wonīt judge you for your accions that donīt have any kind of effects over them. If itīs your family, ask your parents: did you choose to love one another or it just happened? And if someone still gives you a hard time about it, aske them when is the last time you invaded their personal life? When youīll do it, they will have the right to do it back, but until then, they can shut up.
    ĻBeware the fury of a patient manĻ - John Dryden

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    Re: Dating outside your race

    I don't have a problem with dating people of other races. For gods sake I'm the result of one. I personally feel attracted to guys of different races as well as those of my own races. People need to get over this it is 2013 I mean why is this even still an issue. You date whoever you want to date and you don't have to answer to nobody especially when someone has a problem with only the other persons race.

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    Re: Dating outside your race

    I don't know a lot of people who are into different races, but I am. And I think, one of the most beautiful things is to see an interracial couples. My friends and family don't really care for me talking to other races. They'll make little jokes about it. But I honestly don't really give a shit. If I date a white, Latino, or Asian guy it's my business. And I'm not going to let anyone stop me from being happy. That is all.
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    Re: Dating outside your race

    Thanks guys for your input on this matter. I feel the same way as all of you, I mean we as a gay community fight for our place in this world everyday, and its sad that some people within this community is so closed minded when it comes to this issue. I lived in Atlanta for over 3 years and I was faced with names like "snow bunny" "stuck up" "or trader" by men of color such as myself, or told not to bother going to certain clubs because they don't care for men of color. Now I don't see a person for their skin tone, never have, I look for the person and I to click, to have common interests and then go from there, since I myself come from a mixed background of black white and Indian, I was raised to love with my heart by wonderful parents and family, who instilled in us to love everyone, and I just hope for the same in other so they don't miss out on meeting wonderful people because they are different from themselves!! You guys are amazing thanks!!!
    Last edited by n8thadj; July 23rd, 2013 at 06:00 AM. Reason: spelling errors

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    Re: Dating outside your race

    Exactly, given the fact that society now is mostly global, I can't help but think that people are starting to open up. Yes, we do have to deal with some issues but this will be overcomed with time. And Yes, I'm one of those Asians who love their Blacks, Whites, Latinos and Middle Eastern men! YUMMY! Diversity is key and love knows no boundaries!
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    Re: Dating outside your race

    That's something you can't even think about, a lot of people are just too caught up on race.

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    Re: Dating outside your race

    Quote Originally Posted by n8thadj View Post
    Thanks guys for your input on this matter. I feel the same way as all of you, I mean we as a gay community fight for our place in this world everyday, and its sad that some people within this community is so closed minded when it comes to this issue. I lived in Atlanta for over 3 years and I was faced with names like "snow bunny" "stuck up" "or trader" by men of color such as myself, or told not to bother going to certain clubs because they don't care for men of color. Now I don't see a person for their skin tone, never have, I look for the person and I to click, to have common interests and then go from there, since I myself come from a mixed background of black white and Indian, I was raised to love with my heart by wonderful parents and family, who instilled in us to love everyone, and I just hope for the same in other so they don't miss out on meeting wonderful people because they are different from themselves!! You guys are amazing thanks!!!
    You've got the right attitude and I agree with you. I was living in Atlanta full time until late 2011 when my job put me on the road these last couple of years. I'm still based there but currently living in Texas through the end of the year. Still, I know where you're coming from. I'm a man of color as well and my partner of 15 years up to 2009 was white. I had a handful of friends that had a hard time accepting that I was dating outside of my race when he and I initially met but as they got to know him they realized it was about the person, not the "skin color".

    Yet, I'd get the sellout and snow queen comments from complete strangers at various gay gatherings. Like you, I see the person and not their race. I am a black male by definition (mutt mix of black, hispanic and native american) and I will admit that I struggle to date other black men for various reasons. One of those reasons is that so many of the black men that I seem to attract, from my perspective, refuse to rise above simply being common. When you approach me with phrases like "'Sup shawty?" and crap like that, I'm not interested. And in Atlanta, I got a lot of that from most of the gay black men I'd encounter. And because I'm looking for value in something other than race, it opens up a pretty broad range of dating opportunities.

  10. #10

    Re: Dating outside your race

    I have a problem with black men who date white guys and are not into black guys.
    But that's my issue and not yours. Don't care what others think and live your life.

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    Re: Dating outside your race

    Quote Originally Posted by LuckysRevenge View Post
    I have a problem with black men who date white guys and are not into black guys.
    But that's my issue and not yours. Don't care what others think and live your life.
    I've actually talked to a lot of white men who only are attracted to black men. Which is kind of shocking to me. I've never ran into a black guy who said they only like white men. Everyone's different that's for sure.
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  12. #12

    Re: Dating outside your race

    Quote Originally Posted by deelong View Post
    I've actually talked to a lot of white men who only are attracted to black men. Which is kind of shocking to me. I've never ran into a black guy who said they only like white men. Everyone's different that's for sure.
    Have you met black guys who don't date other black guys?

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    On the Prowl deelong's Avatar
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    Re: Dating outside your race

    No I've never met any black guy who doesn't date other black guys.
    =) If you like Tekken I have a YouTube Channel. Check it out www.youtube.com/user/StudBuddha

  14. #14

    Re: Dating outside your race

    I answer to no one but myself. I like white guys, sometimes more than black guys. But I'm attracted to anyone who's educated, in shape, and can make me laugh. I don't specifically date white/black or any other race. That's just a stupid way to limit yourself, I think.

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    Re: Dating outside your race

    Who cares what people think. I'm currently in a almost 2 year relationship with an Asian (I'm white) and guess what, I only go for asians. People call me racist but honestly I just find them more attractive, even more attractive than whites. Do I care what other people think, no and neither should you. There are other qualities I also like about them besides just looks but that's the legist of it. Most whits really aren't attracted to them but thats just fine

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    Re: Dating outside your race

    In my upbringing it wasn't even an issue. The question is kind of like "would you date someone left-handed?" I can't remember a social grouping since we all went through puberty that didn't have couples of mixed ethnicity. What would have looked odd is people segregating themselves. Kind of like when out-of-touch couples wear matching outfits, except taken to an extreme.
    Americans need to keep their guns so they can protect themselves from gun violence just like Nancy Lanza did. And like Chris Kyle did. And like Gabby Giffords did. And like Tom Clements did. And like Michael Piemonte. And Joseph Wilcox.

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    Re: Dating outside your race

    Just a question and no judgements... but have those black men that only date white men given you an explanation for that practice?

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    Re: Dating outside your race

    Quote Originally Posted by LuckysRevenge View Post
    I have a problem with black men who date white guys and are not into black guys.
    But that's my issue and not yours. Don't care what others think and live your life.
    Just a question and no judgements, but have any of those black men who only date white guys given you a reason why they only date white guys?

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    Re: Dating outside your race

    I've tried to date black guys but they don't seem to be interested in me, I've tried to date Asian guys but again they are not interested in me. Also tried to date Latino guys but they seem to be the most difficult type to find cause of their religion and sexuality. I've been with my hubby for 6 years and he's white and I'm Latino, also found him here at JUB.

    When it comes to finding guys of different races when they don't have any desire to date you because you are not white then it feels like a losing game trying to figure out if you're their type.

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    Re: Dating outside your race

    `

    Easy: Those people who do not like it are Racists and any point they think they have to make is moot.
    You can't fix Stupid & Blissful Ignorance is one of the hardest things you can fix, to actually fix.


    `

  21. #21

    Re: Dating outside your race

    Everyone's different. I've approached white guys that don't like black guys, I've been approached by white guys who don't care. Same with other races--Latino, Asian, mixed--everyone has different preferences. From a personal standpoint I have a thing for the jock-type white guy. But like I said earlier, if you're attractvie, educated, and have a sense of humor. I don't care what race you are.

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    Re: Dating outside your race

    Okay...I'll put this out there. We're talking specifically about "race" here but, from my observation, many times this goes well beyond that. When I first moved to Atlanta and my first time ever in a gay bar, I overheard two white guys talking about me. It was a brief conversation but the one thing that stood out was the statement by one of the guys which was "He's cute, but I don't do chocolate." Now, other than being somewhat offended at the time and after many years of starting to figure out what it is that drives me and my attractions, I've come to realize that it's combination of racial prejudice and commonality that keep some guys from dating another guy of a specific race.

    I'll use the bear culture as an example. I'll probably get some heat for this, but this is just my observation. Right now, it is probably the most homogeneous collective of "Like Seeks Like". There are certain physical attributes that would classify someone as a bear/cub and the large majority of people that classify themselves as bear/cub seeks someone with those same attributes. And I dare say that only in recent years have more non-white bears/cubs become more visible because for the longest time, the bear/cub moniker was seen as strictly a white thing. I have plenty of bear friends and my ex- might even be considered a daddy bear by some. But from what I've seen of a lot in the bear community is that they gravitate towards men that have, first, the same physical commonality.

    As for the prejudice, I've experienced it on both a physical and social level. I have a friend that I have an attraction to. It wasn't isn't but as I got to know him. It grew over a very short time. I'd like his energy, attitude and drive. We're two different races but it didn't matter to me. Well..in 2009, he and I are on the same tennis team and we're at a match talking about relationships and attractions and he openly admits that he's not really attracted to black guys because of the lack of body hair. So..to clear things up, I take his hand and place it under my shirt against my chest and stomach...and he nearly flips out at how hairy I am...and I'm black. At that point, his view of me changed and he openly started showing more "intimate" interest in me. The point of this rant is that he had a prejudice of black guys and lumped all black guys into the same box. Maybe it was from past experience? I don't know, but I knew that at that moment I filled ALL the requirements for him to be interested in me. It wasn't simply about my perceived race but more a genetic feature that he associated with my race that is simply is not true.

    With that rant being said, my requirements to date aren't driven by race, but I will say that I do have a physical type that catches my eye more times than not. But it's the personality and character that holds me and makes me want to date a person. That extends beyond race. And unfortunately, in the ATL, I'd encountered so many black guys that I did not mesh with in terms of character and personality. So, I left the door open and it was often guys of other racial distinctions that ended up holding my attention.

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    Re: Dating outside your race

    Quote Originally Posted by Pyscean View Post
    I'll use the bear culture as an example. I'll probably get some heat for this, but this is just my observation. Right now, it is probably the most homogeneous collective of "Like Seeks Like". There are certain physical attributes that would classify someone as a bear/cub and the large majority of people that classify themselves as bear/cub seeks someone with those same attributes. And I dare say that only in recent years have more non-white bears/cubs become more visible because for the longest time, the bear/cub moniker was seen as strictly a white thing. I have plenty of bear friends and my ex- might even be considered a daddy bear by some. But from what I've seen of a lot in the bear community is that they gravitate towards men that have, first, the same physical commonality.
    In bear culture it sort of is strictly a white thing. Here on the west coast in Portland, Oregon the bears here are about 95% white and just a small minority are people of color. Was at Portland pride a few weeks back, I waited for the Oregon Bears to come through in the parade, saw only one black dude and one Asian carrying the banner the rest were nothing but white. I've seen a bit more diversity with bears in Southern California. When attending the bear parties I usually will see black and Latino guys chatting it up and having a good time.

    Its even more depressing knowing that race plays a huge hole in making friends with bears too. Bears in general seem to be the most discriminating bunch of assholes in the world, far worse than twinks and fit muscle guys. If it's not making friends, within the dating situation bears are just as picky and stuck up about who they date. You can be too fat or too skinny, not white looking enough or even not manly enough. It's all a fucked up situation with bears.

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    Re: Dating outside your race

    Quote Originally Posted by GamerBear View Post
    In bear culture it sort of is strictly a white thing. Here on the west coast in Portland, Oregon the bears here are about 95% white and just a small minority are people of color. Was at Portland pride a few weeks back, I waited for the Oregon Bears to come through in the parade, saw only one black dude and one Asian carrying the banner the rest were nothing but white. I've seen a bit more diversity with bears in Southern California. When attending the bear parties I usually will see black and Latino guys chatting it up and having a good time.

    Its even more depressing knowing that race plays a huge hole in making friends with bears too. Bears in general seem to be the most discriminating bunch of assholes in the world, far worse than twinks and fit muscle guys. If it's not making friends, within the dating situation bears are just as picky and stuck up about who they date. You can be too fat or too skinny, not white looking enough or even not manly enough. It's all a fucked up situation with bears.
    Ok..I both agree and disagree with you regarding bears. From what I know of Portland, it's not the most ethnically diverse city. It is a pre-dominantly white city so I would expect a group like Oregon Bears to reflect the demographic of the area.

    Where I agree with you is I have noticed that most bears tie their friendships to their attractions. Since I've found that they are generally attracted to other bears (and the vast majority tend to be white) it comes out as discriminating the same if not more than other groups. Where I disagree is that they're assholes. I reserve the asshole label for the individual or small clique within the larger group. Even outside of the bear group, you're going to have groups of guys that will think some guy is too fat, too skinny, etc. And as far as a bear calling someone not manly enough!?!??! I've met some pretty rugged looking musclebear types that were nothing but raging queens. I'm lucky and blessed enough to have a variety of friends, bear included. Those that are bears are open-minded enough to value me as a complete person and not for my individual parts.

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    Re: Dating outside your race

    I don't have a problem with people dating other races. I have a problem with people dating other species.

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    Re: Dating outside your race

    Quote Originally Posted by HunterM View Post
    I don't have a problem with people dating other races. I have a problem with people dating other species.
    Seriously, you'll upset the lunatic fringe...
    Americans need to keep their guns so they can protect themselves from gun violence just like Nancy Lanza did. And like Chris Kyle did. And like Gabby Giffords did. And like Tom Clements did. And like Michael Piemonte. And Joseph Wilcox.

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    Re: Dating outside your race

    Quote Originally Posted by n8thadj View Post
    I'm a man of color and I date mostly white men, I find that this is still a problem within out community and I can't seem to understand why its such a problem or bothers people when someone makes a choice to date someone of a different race. Any thoughts on this topic?
    Generations of built-in prejudice.

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    Re: Dating outside your race

    Quote Originally Posted by Pyscean View Post
    Ok..I both agree and disagree with you regarding bears. From what I know of Portland, it's not the most ethnically diverse city. It is a pre-dominantly white city so I would expect a group like Oregon Bears to reflect the demographic of the area.

    Where I agree with you is I have noticed that most bears tie their friendships to their attractions. Since I've found that they are generally attracted to other bears (and the vast majority tend to be white) it comes out as discriminating the same if not more than other groups. Where I disagree is that they're assholes. I reserve the asshole label for the individual or small clique within the larger group. Even outside of the bear group, you're going to have groups of guys that will think some guy is too fat, too skinny, etc. And as far as a bear calling someone not manly enough!?!??! I've met some pretty rugged looking musclebear types that were nothing but raging queens. I'm lucky and blessed enough to have a variety of friends, bear included. Those that are bears are open-minded enough to value me as a complete person and not for my individual parts.
    OK, I might of went too far with saying bears were assholes. Discriminating definitely YES most bears definitely are that way. Some are assholes but most are nice enough to even be my friend, but it seriously feels that a lot of the assholes live right here in Portland and apart of the Oregon Bears group. I can't even join their group til I get accepted by the leader which seems like it's one of those exclusive groups that I need to pass some sort of background check until they accept me. Shame, I really wanted to be apart of their group but I seriously feel you either have to be fucking someone within the group to draw some attention.

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    Re: Dating outside your race

    Quote Originally Posted by Pyscean View Post
    (....). When I first moved to Atlanta and my first time ever in a gay bar, I overheard two white guys talking about me. It was a brief conversation but the one thing that stood out was the statement by one of the guys which was "He's cute, but I don't do chocolate." (....).
    hi Pyscean,

    I am a white guy of 57 year and I feel very sorry that those white guys showed no respect at all for you. For me it's obvious and clear: I don't mingle with white guys who have such shallow opinions, I don't consider such persons as friends, and I even avoid to greet them when they would pass by.

    Quote Originally Posted by Pyscean View Post
    (....). We're two different races but it didn't matter to me. Well..in 2009, he and I are on the same tennis team and we're at a match talking about relationships and attractions and he openly admits that he's not really attracted to black guys because of the lack of body hair. So..to clear things up, I take his hand and place it under my shirt against my chest and stomach...and he nearly flips out at how hairy I am...and I'm black. At that point, his view of me changed and he openly started showing more "intimate" interest in me. (....).
    Thanks for sharing this experience. Excuse me very much, but your friend (what's his age?) seems to have very limited knowledge about physical features of adult black males. Any idea why this was the case?

    Best wishes & take care.
    I am Dutch, so please excuse me for my low level of English.

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    Re: Dating outside your race

    Quote Originally Posted by Ganoderma View Post

    Thanks for sharing this experience. Excuse me very much, but your friend (what's his age?) seems to have very limited knowledge about physical features of adult black males. Any idea why this was the case?

    Best wishes & take care.
    Ganoderma,

    Thanks for the kind words. The friend that I mentioned is 51. As for his knowledge of black males, I can't speak to the exact reason why he thought the way he did. I can only speculate. As I was growing up, many of the other black males I was friends with were naturally very smooth. Perhaps that was his experience for the majority of his life regarding black men..and he simply does not find smooth men attractive. So..by default, he created an association between black men and smooth skin.

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    Re: Dating outside your race

    You should blame the straight community for segregating between the races so much. We gays can only learn from what we've been shown and as long as straight people make a big deal about interracial dating gay people will do, too. And it's much harder for black men to be openly gay due to a lot of homophobia present among black cultures across the world.

    If the black gay community would be much bolder and more open with the rest of the world the rest (of us) will follow suit and get used to it much earlier in our sexual development, otherwise it proves safer to stay on the down low on your side.

    Another issue is that, especially in the US, racial communities tend to keep to themselves, which doesn't give outsiders a good taste of what they can offer. Even here in Europe (when I was younger) I wasn't exposed to non-white men as much within my circles. I am attracted to some here and there but in my instilled dating profile (mentally) they aren't high on the list.

  32. #32
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    Re: Dating outside your race

    ^^^

    I agree. Hopefully with this new generation of BGM, and gay men of color in general, (myself included) we will understand the ignorance and change it.

    As to the OP, maybe you should maybe see the whole picture. Being that you're from the area that you are from, it isn't common to see interracial gay couples.

    For example, nine times out of ten, black men in Atlanta are not going to date any other man except black. That's just the sad fact.

    The black gay community in that area has become anti interracial in recent years and it's sad but you can do one of three things.

    1.Accept it and go along with it.
    2.Move to a more diverse area.
    and probably 2.5 Don't associate yourself with the black gay community like I honestly don't.
    3.Change it. If you encounter someone that has a problem with it, don't make a big deal out of it. You are going to hear comments and get hateful looks. But really, they are probably just jealous to be honest.
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  33. #33

    Re: Dating outside your race

    Quote Originally Posted by Singularity View Post
    You should blame the straight community for segregating between the races so much. We gays can only learn from what we've been shown and as long as straight people make a big deal about interracial dating gay people will do, too. And it's much harder for black men to be openly gay due to a lot of homophobia present among black cultures across the world.

    If the black gay community would be much bolder and more open with the rest of the world the rest (of us) will follow suit and get used to it much earlier in our sexual development, otherwise it proves safer to stay on the down low on your side.

    Another issue is that, especially in the US, racial communities tend to keep to themselves, which doesn't give outsiders a good taste of what they can offer. Even here in Europe (when I was younger) I wasn't exposed to non-white men as much within my circles. I am attracted to some here and there but in my instilled dating profile (mentally) they aren't high on the list.
    Sorry but this is bull.
    The straight community has little problem these days with interracial dating. Mixed babies are all the rage. None of my white friends mind fucking a hot black, asian or latina chick. And a good number of them have little problem dating any of them.

    In my experience, the gay community is even MORE racist and scared of dating non-whites than the white community. And not sure why blacks not being out is an issue :shrug:

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    Re: Dating outside your race

    Thanks for all of your views on this subject, I posted the topic because I just wanted to see others views and opinions.
    I have dated my share of both black and white men, but as stated before I don't judge a book by its cover because what's written inside can be the most beautiful words ever written and you may have just passed up a wonderful read, so I apply this thought to every person I meet and look past the shell and get to know the soul, to me that's where the true beauty of a person lies. Thanks for all of your input guys.

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    On the Prowl Chuck69's Avatar
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    Re: Dating outside your race

    I never think of it as "dating outside my race" but dating inside my species.

    For some reason, I've been like that ever since I was a kid: I just never considered not dating, or sleeping with somebody, because of skin color.

    I'm caucasian, but these days there seems to be more pressure on black guys from other black guys not to date white guys then there is on white guys not to date black guys.

    It's strange how much of an issue it is for some people, and not at all for others... But whenever someone asks me why I'm dating black guys (which I have quite a lot) I just smirk and say, "Reparations, baby, reparations -- and I got a whole lotta guilt to work through..."

    Some people laugh. Some people look at me like they don't know what the hell I'm talking about.

    But it's been known to result in extra dates. Seriously.

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    Re: Dating outside your race

    I think that interracial relationships are beautiful; they show, above all else, that love does not discriminate.

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    Re: Dating outside your race

    Quote Originally Posted by Chuck69 View Post
    .. But whenever someone asks me why I'm dating black guys (which I have quite a lot) I just smirk and say, "Reparations, baby, reparations -- and I got a whole lotta guilt to work through..."

    Some people laugh. Some people look at me like they don't know what the hell I'm talking about.

    But it's been known to result in extra dates. Seriously.
    LMAO!! Yeah..that's pretty funny! But I'm sure that some people that don't find your comments funny actually DON'T know what you're talking about. I chalk it to being sheltered. Those that do know and don't find it funny...well..I think they're missing out on a good laugh.

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    Re: Dating outside your race

    Quote Originally Posted by Special K View Post
    I think that interracial relationships are beautiful; they show, above all else, that love does not discriminate.
    Unless it's someone black who says how much the whites turn him on, but not the asians. Or someone east asian into someone middle eastern but not east asian. Or someone white into someone native, but not aborigine…Or someone...
    Americans need to keep their guns so they can protect themselves from gun violence just like Nancy Lanza did. And like Chris Kyle did. And like Gabby Giffords did. And like Tom Clements did. And like Michael Piemonte. And Joseph Wilcox.

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    Love doesn't discriminate but cultural differences and physical attraction do. I have my preferences and I feel absolutely no guilt.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
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    Re: Dating outside your race

    Who are we kidding love discriminates.

    Ethnicity, "race" (which is an invented construct - what is "white" for example) cultural context - with all the inherent baggage and history most definitely influences our choices of partner and what we find attractive.

    It's not being reasonable to say otherwise. So long as you are aware of that, and you aren't some kind of hater, it is what it is.
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    Re: Dating outside your race

    Quote Originally Posted by TX-Beau View Post
    Who are we kidding love discriminates.

    Ethnicity, "race" (which is an invented construct - what is "white" for example) cultural context - with all the inherent baggage and history most definitely influences our choices of partner and what we find attractive.

    It's not being reasonable to say otherwise. So long as you are aware of that, and you aren't some kind of hater, it is what it is.
    I think it really depends where you grow up and the way a community handles the issue.
    Americans need to keep their guns so they can protect themselves from gun violence just like Nancy Lanza did. And like Chris Kyle did. And like Gabby Giffords did. And like Tom Clements did. And like Michael Piemonte. And Joseph Wilcox.

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    Re: Dating outside your race

    hence the "cultural context.'
    ATTACK OF THE LIBERAL ELITE

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    Re: Dating outside your race

    First of all guys, "race" is a social construct. But for the purpose of staying on the question, I've got considerable experience with this, so let me give it a shot.
    I'm Black and I lived in San francisco from 1976 to 2002. I was naturally well-built, and then started working out steadily (I'd done it in high school, as well, but high school gyms in the 60s were not put there for working out). I became one of the "Big Boys,' but, being Black and having been an activist, I always had the activist mentality.
    SO. When I date someone who's White, I ask about their experience dating Black men. What they like about My ETHNICITY. If it only comes down to "contrast of skin," (a bit racist, but also based on sex, not compatibility), and fantasies ("I want a Big Black guy to fuck me silly"), I know I'm not talking to someone of a high level of consciousness. I also realize that our friends are reflections of US - where we are at this moment in time. You would not see the Dalai Llama and Saddam Hussein hanging out.
    If you want to find out about who it "bothers," (and frankly, if you're Black, this is something you're going to have to deal with, so instead of looking at others, just focus on you - and why you expect it to be otherwise. Racism is hardly dead), find out what the guy you're about to date is like. If he's an unformed personality, so will his friends be. If you're dating someone you've done a "checkup from the neck up", you should have your answer about what you'll encounter among his friends. If you're talking about the general gay population, well...that's just foolish. You might as well ask why people have such strong feeelings about..Oprah. Or George Romney. Or President Obama. You seem not to see that people are who they are, and being bothered by who they are is a complete waste of time.
    When I lived in San Francisco, my (White) buddies (not my closest friends, most of whom were black) would say, "You only date White guys." To which I'd ask, "What makes you say that." "Well, I only see you with White guys." "Well, umm...Black men into other Black men don't come into the Castro, which is 99% white, so when I DO hang out with brothers, you're not seeing me with them because we're not in the Castro. Oh, by the way, that's a bit racist of you to say that." That would provoke an spluttering respondse of "No, I'm not. " And I'd say, 'Yes, you are. But don't worry about it. If I only socialized with White guys who weren't racist at all, I wouldn't have ANY white friends to socialize with. But you really ought to look at that more closely." And one of my buddies got it - 20 YEARS LATER, when he was a waiter and the last couple he served were Black and he told me he thought they'd give a lousy tip. And then, his experience with them was wonderful (they inquired about him and laughed with him and left him a BIG tip) and he realized that he'd only looked at their skin color and nothing else and come to that conclusion. He was very embarrassed when he told me this, but I assured him he was a good human being, and this was just one of his "blind spots."
    So, you're running up against people with blind spots. SO WHAT?!? Is your happiness determined by the acceptance of others? If so, you're in trouble, brother. Now, you might be very young (I'm 62, so I was alive when being Black skin was not only not cool, but downright DANGEROUS to live in, and I could be in parts of Boston and be susceptible to being killed - and this was 1973!!!) You sound unskilled in separating those (Black AND White) who have no higher consciousness than to see ONLY skin color - and you let it bother you. Use this to REALIZE that these people are emotionally, spiritually and psychologically under-developed and stay inside your OWN SKIN and not be subject to the comments of others. As the Chinese used to say, if you are not grounded, you will be buffeted by the winds and blown all over the place (they said it more eloquently, but that's the essence of it). You are WAY too sensitive to what others think. I mean this kindly: Grow up, as in become more enlightened about human nature. The more you understand about the foibles of others, the less their comments will disturb you.
    And may i ask, what city/state are you in? If you live in some narrow-minded, bigoted town, you should already be expecting this. And don't expect the gay population to be any more enlightened than the straight one. People are individuals and they feed off those they hang out with.
    Last edited by mcbrion; September 19th, 2013 at 05:06 PM.

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    On the Prowl mcbrion's Avatar
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    Re: Dating outside your race

    And I like LuckysRevenge, Chuck69 and Psycean's responses. They are all spot on (and Chuck's is just flat-out witty!) And I really like the "not dating outside my race, but inside my species," comment because ethnicity (the technically correct term for it) just means different cultural values and beliefs. I cannot abide the word "race" because there is only ONE race for mankind: Human. To thing anything else indicates you are a person of prejudice (like a person of interest, as the police now say), only less admirable. My mother's side of the family, by the way, is White and and Chicahominy Indian (from Charles, City VA). There's also Black mixed in, but it's not all that visible. You can type in Chickahominy and get my family history. But that's what spared me from having color issues: cousins so white that a KKK Grand Imperial Wizard would've reached out to them if they walked into a meeting and said, "Brother! We welcome you to the KKK. Please join us!" It makes me giggle to think of how horrified they'd be if they realized the ethnic background of my cousins, people that, had they (the KKK) known their genetic makeup, they would have taken them outside and hung them from the nearest tree.
    Last edited by mcbrion; September 19th, 2013 at 05:23 PM.

  45. #45
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    Re: Dating outside your race

    Just a hypothesis here, but I believe that a lot of us are uncomfortable in his or her own perceived lots in life. I am an instructor at a Native American community college, but even before then while doing my internships per my degrees I noticed that some people of color have a prejudice against their own race (or more specifically, him or her being of their own race). The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence kind of thing. I'm comfortable being a European mutt, but I've always wished that I had an ethnicity of three of color to offset my blinding whiteness. Now as to that pertains to this subject is subjective to the individual prejudicing against a specific race for whatever reason.

    I've dated primarily white due to racial ratio here, but I've also dated a black, a Native American, and a half-Filipino. I would include an Asian, but he (personally) was a pompous ass that was rude to the waiter throughout a meal that I left mid-date. I did tip that waiter the cost of our meal and drinks, in case the idiot tried to leave without paying, plus the standard 20% tip; I told him not to tell Mr. Asshole about it, because should he pay, he deserves every cent of that as a tip for tolerating such an arse!

    I am friends with all and find most to be desirable, but I do not date rudeness, bias, stupidity, or even much less a color. I do have prejudices against guys with long fingernails, but that's a cultural thing that I'm working on! Ha ha, we all have our own idiosyncrasies!!! For instance, I love gazing upon a ripped guy, but I haven't gone there since my second BF. I never enjoyed the sex, as I was constantly comparing his body to mine. I've done exponential hours of cardio-exercises and sit-up/crunches, but you'll never be able to wash your delicates on my abs.

    Be true to who you are. We all do as we do until we learn better. Live and let live, and insert whatever cliche springs to mind here.

  46. #46

    Re: Dating outside your race

    Frankly it scares me that this kind of stuff is even a matter of discussion. You feel attracted to whomever you feel attracted to, some people tend to like what they perceive to be "exotic" (be it outside the "race" or the culture), some tend to like what they perceive to be more "familiar".

    It really is that simple. It's a whole different subject if you consciously decided to limt yourself to a group (be it "exotic" or "familiar"), but if you don't.....

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    Re: Dating outside your race

    I agree with ruivho ... it's like families that open their Xman presents on Christmas Eve over those that have to wait until Christmas morning!
    Quote Originally Posted by ruivinho View Post
    Frankly it scares me that this kind of stuff is even a matter of discussion. You feel attracted to whomever you feel attracted to, some people tend to like what they perceive to be "exotic" (be it outside the "race" or the culture), some tend to like what they perceive to be more "familiar".

    It really is that simple. It's a whole different subject if you consciously decided to limt yourself to a group (be it "exotic" or "familiar"), but if you don't.....

  48. #48
    On the Prowl mcbrion's Avatar
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    Re: Dating outside your race

    "Feeling attracted to" is quite different than "knowing WHY you are attracted to." And It should scare you more that there is NOT a discussion about it. Some people operate from the plane of unconsciousness. Until they know what they like about a culture or ethnicity, how they place value on it. You may be able, when you're 20, to date whoever you want, but by 30, you should know what you value in the group of your erotic focus or else deal with the ''r" word. Besides, if you find guys of other ages attractive, don't you reveal what it is you value about them? Same with other ethnicities. Attraction is not enough. It's only a small step. Attraction is selfish: it's all about you. So, you're attracted. Brilliant. Now, then ...what do you have that relates to them or their life? Are you oNLY going to go off desire?

  49. #49
    On the Prowl mcbrion's Avatar
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    Re: Dating outside your race

    no, you have to answer to the minority guy, or else, he's just an experiment, although one who can ask "What were you thinking when you asked me out? What did you hope would happen? Did you like me or just want me?" These are the things we minorities want to know. You don't get to make these rules, bud. And it's ONLY 2013, Not 10,013. Only 50 years ago people hanged those of us of different ethnicities. Maybe for you, that's just history. For me, that's my life story - and not out of a history book. If you want to date me, you should be able to tell me why.

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    Re: Dating outside your race

    Originally Posted by HunterM
    I don't have a problem with people dating other races. I have a problem with people dating other species.
    Quote Originally Posted by bankside View Post
    Seriously, you'll upset the lunatic fringe...
    yup i'm totally against it too.

    Have you guys been to Harlem? Damn, there are some pretty handsome boys right there
    I like Afghan and Pakistani guys too
    I hooked up with an Arab guy one time, actually several times, full beard and all, looked like bin Laden hot muthafuker best cocksucker ever

    My advice: widen your horizons. I bet that if there were a lot more gay Israelis and Palestinians, you would see peace in that damn peace of land because then you'll see those hot Jewish guys and hot Arab guys practice "love your fellow men" to the letter
    Last edited by bruce379; October 14th, 2013 at 01:13 AM.

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