So I'm not saying life was better in the closet, but one thing I really, really miss, was the unhindered camaraderie of my guy friends back when the "party line" was that I was straight. It's hard to believe they were *that* surprised when I came out-- the signs were everywhere. Coming out was mostly a painless, gradual process, filled with humor and smiles of acceptances.
But there's no denying things have changed. While I've always had girls as friends (like any gay guy), I always liked hanging out with the guys way more. I don't know, it's different with guys, and I mean in a totally non-sexual way. The humor and conversation and camaraderie. I never had a brother and my guy friends filled that role. In college especially, my suitemates were the funniest guys ever and we did everything from get drunk to watch movies to build beer pong tables, etc. If I had a shitty day of classes, I'd come back to the suite knowing there was something fun going on (a stupid prank, a poker game, a YouTube video, etc). Guys just have a knack for cheering each other up.
However, part of that camaraderie, I now realize, is the assumption we're all straight and batting for the same team. We were a "band of brothers" in the war for p*ssy. Lol, it seems silly, but if you actually analyze it, so much of guys' interactions with one another is the assumption that we're all after girls, and it shapes everything we talk about, from workouts to who we jacked off to last night to shows we like, etc. But when suddenly one member of the group is gay, and might possibly be attracted to the others--even though it'd be like wanting to date your brother (sick)--the group dynamic breaks down. I've seen it firsthand and I've tried to mitigate it by saying I'm bisexual, so I can still comment on hot girls. But if anything, it backfires by bringing the issue of sex to the foreground.
My friends are much more reserved around me now. I still get invites to parties, but the casual Saturday morning phone calls ("dude what are you up today? Nothing? Come over and smoke a bowl") are few and far between. Most painful of all: they won't invite me over one-on-one: seems like there's always two of them or more before I arrive.
It really breaks my heart. Being gay is lonely enough some times (especially cause I'm not ready to date yet), but this on top of everything else is pretty rough.