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Thread: Advice Needed

  1. #1
    youngoutlaw
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    Advice Needed

    Basically guys going to try and keep this short and sweet.

    My best friend's, we will call him Jim, 19 year old cousin, we will call him Rob, recently came out as gay. Since he came out Jim and Rob have been spending loads of time together, which I think is great as it gives Rob someone supportive to talk to about things. This has extended to joining me and Jim on nights out be it cinema, meals or drinking.

    So everything has been going great between the three of us until about 2 weeks ago on a night out Rob kissed me on a night out when walking back from a bank machine. Not going to lie at first I thought it was a friendly kiss as me and Jim do kiss each other on the lips occasionally and I just thought Rob was starting to follow the trend as it were. Basically when the peck on the lips was starting to last longer than I was comfortable with I pulled back. I did give a what the hell look to him but he smiled and we went back to Jim.

    Next day I spoke with Rob and told him I thought he was extremely cute but I was uncomfortable with the kiss and because me and Jim do that doesn't extend the right to him. He just said he thought I was handsome and that maybe we could go on a date. Again I explained to him that he was a different point in my life from him and I felt that being more than friends with each other is not a good idea. Again he smiled and just said alright. I decided to fill Jim in just in case Rob decided to give a variation of the story.

    Since then I have had Jim talk to me about how much Rob likes me and maybe I should go on one date and then just leave it be. However Jim does see my point of view on this issue and apparently has spoke to Rob about it but apparently Rob doesn't seen the big deal is and why I won't go on a date with him. I genuinely have no issues with Rob being in our social circle but I have seen him twice since we spoke and on both occasions he was like my shadow and would not leave me alone.

    So basically I'm looking for a way to make it clear to him I'm happy being friends but nothing else is ever going to happen.

  2. #2
    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: Advice Needed

    Repeat to him the last two lines of your post. Tell him he'll have to look elsewhere for a date.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  3. #3
    youngoutlaw
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    Re: Advice Needed

    It's not really an issue for me and to me it's just a passing crush. Although I like being called handsome .

    He lives nearby and as it's a nice day I think I might invite him for a pint to the local so we can talk and get past this.

  4. #4
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    Re: Advice Needed

    Didn't you say that is you`re cousin?

    Just say simply that. You like him as a COUSIN and a FRIEND, and you have no interest in being SEXUALLY ACTIVE with him.

  5. #5

    Re: Advice Needed

    Quote Originally Posted by camjam View Post
    Didn't you say that is you`re cousin?

    Just say simply that. You like him as a COUSIN and a FRIEND, and you have no interest in being SEXUALLY ACTIVE with him.
    No... it's his Best Friend's Cousin, not his own cousin.
    http://www.justusboys.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic216959_1.gif

  6. #6
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    Re: Advice Needed

    Ah, read it wrong.

    Well, he can simply just say no matter what, they wont be anything but friends.

    But to be perfectly honest, if he is not related or anything, why exactly cant they be more than friends?
    Id take the offer anyday if i was not dating.

  7. #7

    Re: Advice Needed

    IMO, the OP seems pretty stuck on kissing his best friend. I'm thinking there's some hidden hopeful romance going there that the cousin is interfering with !?!?!? OP likes the 'Best Friend, the cousin likes the OP, and the Best friend is pushing the cousin on the OP - viscous circles going on there, maybe.
    http://www.justusboys.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic216959_1.gif

  8. #8
    youngoutlaw
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    Re: Advice Needed

    In order:

    Borg I see how you can see it appears there may be a hopeful romance but nah we did that a few years ago and found we worked better as friends. Kisses etc are just signs of affection between us and Rob wasn't interfering just felt he was overstepping the friend mark.

    Camjam I'm at a point were I've got myself a new job and dating a high maintenance guy is not on the cards. Rob is not high maintenance as a friend but I see him being a high maintenance partner.

    Update for me:

    Met Rob for a few pints and we ended up having a laugh about the whole situation. I basically explained that I think he is a fun guy to be around but as I'm moving away for my job I don't want a long distance thing and he's only just came out so he should enjoy himself. He still wants a date and believes I would be an amazing boyfriend, as apparently Jim's family think the world of me. Just told him to not shadow me all the time on nights out and lets just back to how it was before he kissed me as we've got a few weeks of summer left and we should be enjoying ourselves as I go to my new job and gears up for university.

    In a few months I may give him a date but right now it's not an option and when he goes to uni he will meet some hot guys and just learn to enjoy himself.

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