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Thread: Tricky situation with my "boyfriend"

  1. #1

    Tricky situation with my "boyfriend"

    Hey Guys, I just want to ask for your opinion about my story.

    So, how do I start...

    Well, there is this guy, lukas, I met him last year Halloween, we met at the party of a good friend of mine and he was there with, at the time his best friend. Just for info he is 17 and i am 21.

    So in January he and my group of friends became really close, when he got his driving license so he was with us all the time.

    He is really great, and funny, and cute and all.

    So we hung out a couple times, talked, had fun and all.

    And one day, we drunk a couple beers at the promenade by the Salzach (large river in Salzburg) it's where young people chill, and have fun and stuff.

    So we where there with a few friends just having fun, I was sober cause I was the one driving.

    At some point around 11pm he said he had to go pee, and I had too, so we went down to the river, where nobody could see us,

    we peed and then he wanted to sit alone and talk, so we did, we talked really, really long, for about 1hour.
    At one pointe he stood up and I thought he wanted to go, but he sat on my lap and just started to kiss me.
    At first I was surprised, but soon started to kiss back.
    It was really, really hot, he then started to get under my shirt with his hand.
    Then he suddenly asked me if I had my car keys by me, and we went into my car and just made out, then we sucked each other...

    Buuut our friends couldn't find us, and our phones where turned mute, so they startet to search for us.

    Long story short, two of them found us in the car, under a street lamp, NAKED, ...

    That was the first time for him, that he had something with a man, and since then (now about 3 months ago) we are practically together.

    4 of our friends know, but he had them swear they don't tell the rest of our friends.

    Hey is just really, really afraid how people might react to us.

    But let me tell you, it would make no difference at all, we have a couple of gay and lesbian friends, even the hetero ones, ALL did sleep with the same sex or at least are making out, like everytime we go out.

    So we are seeing each other almost every day, sleeping together, having sex, doing all the relationship stuff, like cuddling, holding hands, go on dates (far enough away so no one knows him) I even treated him to a wellness trip to a fancy hotel and spa for a weekend.

    I know for a fact that he is in love with me, cause he told a friend, and he is like all hearts and stuff in mesasges, says he misses me, always holds my hands, hugs me in the sleep and all that, i love him too.

    It is just hard to not show it in public.

    We have to be like normal friends, I can't touch him, can't hold his hand and all.

    So what would you do about it?

    How to date a guy who is in the closet? I mean i don't say he should go out and tell everybody he likes dicks, that's really not what i wan't, I mean we are young and right now it is the right thing for us, noone has to say that it will stay that way forever.

  2. #2
    Virgin treeri's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2013

    Code of Conduct

    Re: Tricky situation with my "boyfriend"

    Tell him how you feel and let him respond to it over time (i.e. gradually); don't make it threatening either... "if you can't come out by xx day then we're done, etc...". Just do what you can to make him feel safe and comfortable.
    Don't expect him to suddenly come out because it's a slow process for most guys; your boyfriend needs to feel ready.

  3. #3

    Re: Tricky situation with my "boyfriend"

    thanks for the response.

    Yes you are right, I don't wan't him to come out if he doesn't want it, I just think it wouldn't change a thing when it comes to our friends.

    But I understand him, he lives in a small town, if anyone would know, the next day the whole town would know it, and that can be frightening.

    I myself am in the closet, just my friends know it.
    It is just stupid to lie my friends in the face when they ask what I did that weekend, and I have to lie to them and tell them that I did something I really didn't because in reality I spent it with him, and the fact that we have the exact same group of friends makes it even harder.
    And even if we say it anytime soon, everyone will be pissed because wie lied to them for months.

  4. #4
    On the Prowl
    Join Date
    Jul 2013

    Code of Conduct

    Re: Tricky situation with my "boyfriend"

    Dont break up with him because he wont come out. If you care for him, let him come out on his very own. Breaking up would completely hurt him, and possibly cause him to never come out. Be very supportive of him, and encourage him too. But make him know that you wont think nothing less of him even if he decides to still hide it.

    Coming out is pretty hard. Dont push him. This is the same with me. I am from a very small town that has 1 bar and 1 diner. Everyone knows everything about each other, and alot of the people are homophobic types. I came out on my own back in 11th grade and had lots of people hating on me and calling me names. As you can read here: http://www.justusboys.com/forum/thre...-my-friend-gay

    My parents are supportive and so was my friend Caisen. A couple years after that, i finally started dating caisen. Read that thread for how i did it.
    Last edited by camjam; July 10th, 2013 at 01:57 PM.

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