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Thread: I need help

      
   
  1. #1

    I need help

    Guys I need help coming out to my mom I'm really confused, and I keep crying and going over and over in my head about If I gay straight bi, or trans. Please help I feel suicidal

  2. #2
    IllumiNaughty Overlord. bankside's Avatar
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    Re: I need help

    Hey juan. Deep breath. If you want to come out to your mom, it's okay to come out with questions instead of answers. You can come out as "questioning."

    But you also don't have to come out at all until you know the answer. Is there a reason why you feel like you must come out right away?

    Also, lots of us have thought about what our sexuality is, as a question in our own lives. Have you got any questions about how others figured out our sexuality?
    Last edited by bankside; July 9th, 2013 at 08:22 PM.
    Americans need to keep their guns so they can protect themselves from gun violence just like Nancy Lanza did. And like Chris Kyle did. And like Gabby Giffords did. And like Tom Clements did. And like Michael Piemonte.

  3. #3
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    Re: I need help

    You don't have to do anything until you are ready some guys come out at 12 and others come out at 40. There is no rush. This is not something to feel suicidal over, it is not the end of the world. You are who you are regardless of race gender sexuality and age. Take your time and don't take things so seriously. People will accept you for who you are.

    Take your time to figure yourself out. It took me eight years before I told my parents, and it took me 4 to accept it for myself. This will take time.

  4. #4
    Rest in peace, mom. JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: I need help

    Take some more time coming out to yourself. There's no rush. If you are scared and/or depressed see a therapist.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

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    Re: I need help

    You are def not trans unless you want to dress as a girl and be a girl.

    You are gay if you like guys.
    You are straight if you like girls.
    You are bi if you like both.


    Just simply come out. But let you`re mom be the first to know. Mothers are more understanding.
    But make sure you are ready. Possibly make you`re mom happy with a nice dinner, then come out.

    But DO NOT commit suicide. If you care about you`re family, please do not do this. They would be even more depressed. Even if they dont take you`re "Coming Out" easy, this would be worse and would drive families to the edge. I once had a classmate back in highschool who did the same. He committed suicide and in his note, he came out.
    He said he was not sure how they would take it. Sadly, his parents said they would of accepted it, but it was too late. A week later his father hung himself and his mother lost the rest of the children to CPS because she was not stable enough. You could drive you`re family over. Do not do that.

  6. #6

    Re: I need help

    My dad hates gay people. My mom would be understanding, but she would be sad and disappointed, my mom talks about fag's and gay's all the time like we aren't people with feelings. And my grandma loves me, but she would dis own me If I was gay she said that gay people can't even eat off her dishes

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    Re: I need help

    How old are you exactly? If you are living on your own, i would say go ahead and do it. See how it pans out. If they react negative, this is a sign that they are awful parents. You can even say that too.

    If you live with them, but have friends or brothers/sisters that live on their own you can fallback on, you can do so.

    Another one is: You can just "Joke" about it. Get them all together in a room, and tell them you are gay. If they take it good, keep going with it normally. If they take it bad, just say you were joking.

    Either way, ANY parent who would be angry and disown their child, just because their CHILD IS TRYING TO BE HAPPY, is an awful parent and should never have kids at all.

  8. #8

    Re: I need help

    Do not come out until you can live independently. Then emphasize that you did not choose to be gay and cannot choose not to be gay.

  9. #9
    para0402
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    Re: I need help

    Do you have friends that are supportive of you being gay? Find some to help you cope a little better. You don't have to come out to them if you feel they'll reject you. Wait until you don't need to depend on them for your survival first before coming out.

    Be happy for what you have now. Don't think too much about it. And if you're confused, trying talking to someone about it. Maybe a close friend? Or some relative you trust that would accept you.

  10. #10

    Re: I need help

    I'm 18 It's like I'm confused because sometimes I feel gay, and sometimes I feel straight. Like I have 2 personalities and when ever I get tired of being gay I go back being straight or vice versa. I do have friends that know about me. My parents would not take it good I wouldn't tell them until I'm able to live on my own because that would be best. My mom would accept me my dad wouldn't. My grandma would still love me but she would keep saying that she doesn't believe that I'm gay, and blah blah blah, and I need to go to church or a doctor.

  11. #11
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    Re: I need help

    We often say that coming out is for us, and it is, but you have to be ready to handle the consequences. You seem too fragile to do that at this time. Stop putting pressure on yourself and just relax, wait for a better time. You need to learn how to control your emotions and act rather than react to others. You're 18, you are learning to be an adult.
    Everyone wants to be heard. No one wants to listen.

  12. #12
    nerd of prey hylas's Avatar
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    Re: I need help

    its not so important for now whether youre gay, bi, or trans. just identify as queer, if that helps. its clear from what youve written that youre not straight-cis though, so thats good to know and face.

    please dont hurt yourself. im so sorry that you have such problematic parents. i know you probably love them (because theyre your parents) but i just want to kick their asses for failing you so completely and utterly. to be perfectly honest i dont really know what to tell you exactly, but my heart goes out to you.

    i know at age 18 time seems to move very slowly, but try to be patient. in only a couple of years, youre gonna be living on your own, and possibly financially independent. its going to be much easier to deal with your asshat parents then.

    it would be good if you had an adult ally on your side, though. is there any way you could reach out to somebody grown up who isnt your mother? is there maybe an outreach program in your area? (do they still have those? i know they had them when i was a teenager but there wasnt one in my area, unfortunately.)

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