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  1. #1

    I cried for my boyfriend...but the things have changed drastically..

    so the other day i was talking to my BF over the phone..I really love him so much.. but in the middle of conversation i couldn't help but cry out of pure love..

    After this incident my boyfriend has changed drastically..he used to say a lot of nice words about me and he used to show utter love towards me..But He is not using nice words anymore and he is not like before..

    i am not very emotional but that particular day i couldn't control my emotions. I spoke to him about it and he said that i should never cry for him and he would not let me cry ever again.

    But i have been noticing gradual change in his attitude towards me.. I don't know what is happening. Does he think that i am not perfect for him.. Please help..

  2. #2
    JUB Addict evanrick's Avatar
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    Re: I cried for my boyfriend...but the things have changed drastically..

    idk he sounds uncomfortable with feelings. not sure without more context.
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  3. #3
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    Re: I cried for my boyfriend...but the things have changed drastically..

    I think your crying kind of freaked him out a little bit. How long have you been together?
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    Re: I cried for my boyfriend...but the things have changed drastically..

    A couple of things I'd think about: no one is perfect for anyone, it's weird to "not let someone cry" for any reason, and what's the reason for your sudden emotional intensity? Is this a long distance relationship? I imagine he was freaked out a little, but then again, it sounds like you may have been having a moment of your own ... can you think of any insights for yourself about why you felt the way you did?

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    美しいヨーロッパ Scealle's Avatar
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    Re: I cried for my boyfriend...but the things have changed drastically..

    Maybe he was shocked about the crying and not sure how to react to you. You should try to explain more about the situation you are in. Are you in a long distance relation?

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    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: I cried for my boyfriend...but the things have changed drastically..

    There's nothing wrong with showing emotion and/or crying. Apparently you both need to know more about each other in terms of expressing feelings and being comfortable and feeling safe.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  7. #7
    nerd of prey hylas's Avatar
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    Re: I cried for my boyfriend...but the things have changed drastically..

    id be a little freaked out if my boyfriend would start crying "out of pure love", unless weve been together for a very long time.

  8. #8
    On the Prowl mcbrion's Avatar
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    Re: I cried for my boyfriend...but the things have changed drastically..

    seasoned, I agree with you 100%.
    And for the other guys, really, if you cry out of love and your boyfriend goes south in manner and does a turnaround towards you, you actually believe that the person who cried needs to have "been with him a long time"? It sounds as though as long as the boyfriend (the one who cried, showed no emtion), everthing was fine, UNTIL genuine emotion was expressed. There is ZERO reason to suddenly pull away, unless you're emotionally damaged, to put it bluntly. OR, as long as the boyfriend was emotionally 'dead' Mr. Cool liked him, but as soon as he shows emotion, the guy pulls away. That would be called a control issue. It goes like this, "As long as your emotions don't make me have to show emotion, I "love" (not really) you, but as soon as you show attachment, I need to pull back." sorry, not even close to healthy.

    you guys ARE missing much here. The poster said he was not normally an emotional guy. An emotionally MATURE boyfriend would ask, "Honey, is something wrong or are you just feeling really happy?" I'm assuming here that the cold boyfriend has some basic emotions, but otherwise you guys are off the mark so far on this, you're in the next state.
    ANY guy who runs when you show emotion likely had parents who were temperamentally cool/cold/highly uncomfortable with emotion and stifled any (normal) display of warmth. As you grew up with, so you shall seek out. Cold parents? You'll want a cold boyfriend (unless you break the cycle).
    Last edited by mcbrion; July 9th, 2013 at 11:26 PM.

  9. #9

    Re: I cried for my boyfriend...but the things have changed drastically..

    thank you all for the answers
    Last edited by keldenk277; July 10th, 2013 at 12:50 AM.

  10. #10

    Re: I cried for my boyfriend...but the things have changed drastically..

    Quote Originally Posted by Just_Believe18 View Post
    I think your crying kind of freaked him out a little bit. How long have you been together?
    Hi Buddy. we have been together for only a week or so..

  11. #11

    Re: I cried for my boyfriend...but the things have changed drastically..

    Quote Originally Posted by tangential View Post
    A couple of things I'd think about: no one is perfect for anyone, it's weird to "not let someone cry" for any reason, and what's the reason for your sudden emotional intensity? Is this a long distance relationship? I imagine he was freaked out a little, but then again, it sounds like you may have been having a moment of your own ... can you think of any insights for yourself about why you felt the way you did?
    The reason for sudden emotional outburst is due to lack of love in my life. I mean i have never been loved by someone like this before. It is very intimidating and very intense. Yes , it is long distance relationship.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by Scealle View Post
    Maybe he was shocked about the crying and not sure how to react to you. You should try to explain more about the situation you are in. Are you in a long distance relation?
    Thanks for the tip buddy. yes we are in long distance relationship.

  12. #12

    Re: I cried for my boyfriend...but the things have changed drastically..

    Quote Originally Posted by Seasoned View Post
    There's nothing wrong with showing emotion and/or crying. Apparently you both need to know more about each other in terms of expressing feelings and being comfortable and feeling safe.
    Thank you very much for comforting sir. I really appreciate it

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by hylas View Post
    id be a little freaked out if my boyfriend would start crying "out of pure love", unless weve been together for a very long time.
    You have made me to put my thinking cap

  13. #13

    Re: I cried for my boyfriend...but the things have changed drastically..

    Quote Originally Posted by mcbrion View Post
    seasoned, I agree with you 100%.
    And for the other guys, really, if you cry out of love and your boyfriend goes south in manner and does a turnaround towards you, you actually believe that the person who cried needs to have "been with him a long time"? It sounds as though as long as the boyfriend (the one who cried, showed no emtion), everthing was fine, UNTIL genuine emotion was expressed. There is ZERO reason to suddenly pull away, unless you're emotionally damaged, to put it bluntly. OR, as long as the boyfriend was emotionally 'dead' Mr. Cool liked him, but as soon as he shows emotion, the guy pulls away. That would be called a control issue. It goes like this, "As long as your emotions don't make me have to show emotion, I "love" (not really) you, but as soon as you show attachment, I need to pull back." sorry, not even close to healthy.

    you guys ARE missing much here. The poster said he was not normally an emotional guy. An emotionally MATURE boyfriend would ask, "Honey, is something wrong or are you just feeling really happy?" I'm assuming here that the cold boyfriend has some basic emotions, but otherwise you guys are off the mark so far on this, you're in the next state.
    ANY guy who runs when you show emotion likely had parents who were temperamentally cool/cold/highly uncomfortable with emotion and stifled any (normal) display of warmth. As you grew up with, so you shall seek out. Cold parents? You'll want a cold boyfriend (unless you break the cycle).
    Sir, I Really appreciate your view about the matter.you have made me to put thinking cap again

  14. #14
    JUB Addict maxpowr9's Avatar
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    Re: I cried for my boyfriend...but the things have changed drastically..

    Quote Originally Posted by keldenk277 View Post
    Hi Buddy. we have been together for only a week or so..
    FULL STOP!

    That would freak out anyone.

    Again, this is the mix-up between infatuation and love. I would call you "crazy" if you professed your love to me within a week of meeting.

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    Re: I cried for my boyfriend...but the things have changed drastically..

    You're in a long distance relationship with a guy you've only known for a week? Well, of course he's going to freak out. I would too!

    Look, I know you're in a fragile state with your previous experiences, but a man has to keep his emotions and feelings in check too. Control yourself and realize that you can't rush connections, feelings, and love.
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    Re: I cried for my boyfriend...but the things have changed drastically..

    Sounds like because of that, he is trying to do a "Tough Love" type thing. He probably loves you, its just to make sure he dont see you cry, he wants to show you some tough love.

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    Re: I cried for my boyfriend...but the things have changed drastically..

    mcbrion, we'll just have to disagree here.

    ive had bad experiences in my life with some honest-to-god crazies, both in relationships and friendships, platonic and otherwise. in my experience, symptoms of mental instability are poor impulse-control, inability to read another persons emotional boundries, and the tendency to be emotinally intense to an inappropriate degree.

    now, im not saying that keldenk is any of those things. but i can totally see why his boyfriend would take a huge step back. especially now that i know its only been a couple of weeks.

    keldenk, id do some introspection if i were you. after only a couple of weeks, you cant really know anybody very well. yet your feelings are so intense that you cant control them. why is that? you can say "because i love him so much!", but lets be real here, how can you love somebody like that after only a couple of weeks? youre only just getting to know each other, how can you love somebody who you dont even really know yet. i think something else is going on with you.
    Last edited by hylas; July 11th, 2013 at 11:22 AM.

  18. #18
    On the Prowl mcbrion's Avatar
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    Re: I cried for my boyfriend...but the things have changed drastically..

    Hylas, appreciate your honest feedback.
    If you'll notice, my response was written before the op said they'd been together only a week or so. That information was not provided originally.
    In THIS updated scenario, I would have said something different, and Keldenk277, you need to provide the WHOLE picture for us to be able to respond with helpful suggestions.
    That said, any guy who says he's "not going to let me cry EVER again"? Still not cool. And it's STILL control, ok? One human being is going to tell another human being he's not going to LET the other person cry/laugh/kiss him in public or any other emotion is CONTROL. Now maybe the guy didn't say those exact words. I don't know. We are only hearing what Beldenk is remembering - and he (Beldenk) could have been paraphrasing it. (Paraphrasing can change an entire dynamic presented to others on a page.) But if he DID say "LET"....that's not good news, I don't care how you slice it.

    Having said that, Beldenk277, with this being long distance and it being a week, forgive me, but this doesn't sound like a boyfriend. It sounds like two guys who may like each other. Have you MET this guy yet?
    Last edited by mcbrion; July 13th, 2013 at 07:22 AM. Reason: punctuation

  19. #19
    PerScientiam AdJustitiam bankside's Avatar
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    Re: I cried for my boyfriend...but the things have changed drastically..

    Keldenk you expressed a depth of emotion to someone you have only been with for a week that could not possibly be about him personally because you still know so little about him.

    As far as he is concerned, you're still just getting to know each other. And he's right. After a week, you are still just romantically interested strangers, not soul mates. If I were him, I would have serious doubts about your understanding of emotion in a dating situation, and honestly I would not have pursued the relationship.
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  20. #20
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    Re: I cried for my boyfriend...but the things have changed drastically..

    I have to agree that it would freak me out and scare me off as well....it suggests obsessive behavior in the context you have provided (one week...long distance) and obsessive behavior can be scary...and end badly.

    Have you both continued to speak to each other since this happened? How is it? Have you met face to face yet?

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    Re: I cried for my boyfriend...but the things have changed drastically..

    I have been in a similar situation here, I met this guy on the web through a mutual friend 7 months ago, it was alright, we were just friends until a day he called me his honey, at first I got a bit scared because I hadn't really accepted being gay at the time, but I decided to ignore it, he started doing that more frequently, replying to me as honey, sweet, dear or even some cute nicknames, it really scared me at first but I slowly started accepting it. A day we were talking and we decided to open ourselves a little more, found out that he had a bad childhood just like me, we had so many disasters in our lives in common it was even a bit weird, and in the middle of that conversation I knew that I felt something for him, he wasn't just a good friend, he was more than that, and I got scared of that.

    I made a mistake right after that, the fact I couldn't be with him(he lives in another country), couldn't talk enough with him(his timezone is 12 hours ahead of mine) and that I just didn't want to accept falling in love for another man got me into a severe depression, so I stopped talking with him, trying to forget him.

    He tried to contact me a few times during this period, saying that he missed me, and I'd cry every time he sent me a message
    I met a really nice girl, and I thought that I just was feeling alone, I didn't really love him, and after 2 weeks of spending the whole day with that girl, I noticed that I was wrong, I loved him and that I had to accept it. I spent 3 days without sleeping thinking in a way to talk to him saying how I was sorry and everything, but I just couldn't do it, I was so ashamed of myself it hurt...

    One saturday I got to speak with him, explained everything and said that he didn't need to forgive me, he didn't even let me type everything and said, "I forgive you sweet, I can't live without you". I told him that I only did it because I loved him and that I was scared of everything that was going on, when I finished that sentence I started crying, he asked me while I was crying, I told him it was because I loved him and that I'd never forgive myself for doing what I did, he then said: "I love you too, and I forgave you for it already, and if you aren't going to forgive yourself for it, I'm going to forgive you for yourself." After that day, I knew that I was right, I loved him and that I made the right choice going back to him.

    We are now in a long distance open relationship, he has his boyfriend, I don't really have anyone because I'm too shy, but it works for me. He's older than me 1 year, we have already exchanged selfies, I'm virgin and he isn't.
    Sometimes he is just scared of it, give it some time, try to talk about your life and get him to talk about his too, getting intimate is an important part of relationship, but having your own space is as important as.

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