This is a rather long post, just warning you now.
I don't even know where to begin, Okay. I am 18 years old and for the past year I've really been coming to terms about my sexual preference of men. I've known I'm gay basically since I hit puberty. I remember when it first hit me that I wasn't straight was when I was 12years old when I learned what "speedos" were. And also I didn't feel that special magnitism with me and girls, but I felt it with guys.
Freshman year of high school was when all the confusion set in. I will admit that there were some girls I thought were really pretty. Beautiful actually, but I just wansn't attracted to them. And I admit that I had a little bit of a crush on my global history teacher. He was kind of a medium-sized fellow about 5'8. And I felt that he unitentionally made himself EXTREMLEY homoerotic. He always wore a long sleeved shirt and tie, but he also would wear extremley tight khaki pants. And let me tell you something, he had an amazing ass! It was just so round and muscular! And there are times where I would just stare at his ass and try if I can see his underwear line That teacher also coached baseball and there was one time I remember where I could swear that I saw the unmistakeable outline of a jockstrap Whether he actually wore one or if it was a product of my imagination/wishful thinking I don't know. Sadly though, the man was as straight as a goddamn pin . He was happily married to a woman and halfway through the year, he celebrated the birth of his first child. Also, his political views were pretty Republican so I don't think he was that fond of gays.
And the fact that he was probably 30-40 years old and I was a horny 15 year old boy, not a chance in the frikkin' universe.
Now back to who I am. I am also probably the straightest gay person I have ever met (if that makes any sense). I never wanted to wear pink, or dress like a girl, I LOVE classic rock music, I wear clothes that look "manly", but if you look at the content I fap to, there's no mistaking that I'm gay. I've found myself pretty intriuged with the "bear" subculture of LGBT culture. Usually a picture of a muscular daddy in a speedo is enough to give me a stiff proposition. But you know it really sucks? The fact that I'm 18 (I am NO Twink, whatsoever.). I'm also a virgin, all of the gay bear bars on Long Island, NY are 21+, I'm still in the closet and live with my parents so I can't bang bears without them eventually finding out, and the worst part is, I don't think anyone can teach me how to "be gay". (I look at all of the LGBT youth that would give anything to be straight and I want to learn how to embrace who I am, talk about ironic.)
Also, I'm still closeted. I just don't feel like now is the time to reveal who I am. My parents even though they taught me about God and Jesus are actually rather irreligious even though they believe in God. So they probably wouldn't give a soaring rats ass in space if I was gay. Also I would probably find myself in the Spiritual But Not Religious category. I believe in a higher power, I believe in an afterlife, but after how mainstream religion has treated us gays. I don't want to follow it anymore.
So this rant was about 4 years in the making. I joined JustUsBoys because it's simply that, Just us boys. Not only do I love looking at smokin' hot guys like the next homosexual man, I also want to take something out of everyone's experience as a gay man and apply it to my future life. And I want to realize that I'm not alone. (As much as I accept lesbians as a part of the LBGT community, none of them can teach me how to be a gay man.)