so, i've been hiding my sexual identity my whole life. it's come to a point where i can't take it much more, i feel nervous all the time and can't think properly, and i'm becoming a much worst person for it. i screwed my relationship with my best friend because i'm always nervous and take it on him. i'm always telling him i'm sorry and that there's something wrong, but i never told him what it was and now he probably thinks i'm making it up to get simpathy. when i drink to forget i always end up saying mean things and texting him accusing of not being my friend. i dont know myself right now. he lost respect for me, and i did too. i can feel the disappointment. we used to be always getting along since we were born.
i was thinking of coming out to him, i dont know if i'll have the strength. i think it may be the only way to save our relationship, but it's most likely to put a definite end to it. i'm not prepared for that. also, i never told anyone i'm gay. i'm scared. he's friends with most of my friends, my cousins and brothers. his family is very close to mine, and we've been friends since he was born. i'm scared he could tell his parents or brothers, or mine. i dont know what to do, i dont have money of my own so i can't leave this place. please give me some advice if you can.