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Thread: I'm sad

  1. #1
    Shy-ster justanothershyguy's Avatar
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    Re: I'm sad

    So go with your boyfriend and tell her that's the new normal.

    Or, another option is to stay home. If she can't accept you for this, then that's not your problem to deal with.
    Author of Lost in a Dream. If you want to make me smile, read it and tell me what you think.

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    Re: I'm sad

    Just show her you're happy with who you are. Don't doubt yourself or your bf, put your best foot forward, keep upbeat, and also make your bf welcomed in your family, it's as much about him as it is about your folks too.


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    Re: I'm sad

    Call your mom and explain that, although you would enjoy seeing her and your family for the holiday, attending without your bf is out of the question. Further explain that if she cannot accept who you are and whom you love, she'll find that you two won't be seeing as much of each other in the future as you would like.

    Good luck, ZK.

  4. #4

    Re: I'm sad

    I am sorry...I hope she comes around for you.

    I would not attend without him so the two options I would consider would be to ignore the request and bring him and or not attend at all.

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    Re: I'm sad

    Call your mom and tell her, "Mom, at your request, I will not bring my boyfriend home. I will bring a dildo to keep me company at night."

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    Re: I'm sad

    Quote Originally Posted by eastofeden View Post
    I am sorry...I hope she comes around for you.

    I would not attend without him so the two options I would consider would be to ignore the request and bring him and or not attend at all.
    This......

  7. #7

    Re: I'm sad

    Someone already said better.

    I just want you to emphasize "the new normal", choke that to their throat.

  8. #8
    Respira MissAnne's Avatar
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    Re: I'm sad

    Im sorry. I wish that I had some great advice to give, but I dont. Its a difficult situation.

    I am glad that you have your bf to lean on and you are being true to yourself. You can't change people. I wish that we could sometimes.
    " For all there is to feel, let it be felt"
    ― Emeli Sande

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    Re: I'm sad

    Seeing as you've already decided to agree to your mothers request I'd make a point of telling her this is the one and only time you will do so. If she thinks she can get away with it once, she'll see no problem in making it a permanent fixture in family gatherings.

    Frankly I would have told her to piss off. If you're siblings are there with their partners, you need for her to realise that you'll be there with yours. Of course, I'm an arse though.

  10. #10
    Are u haleloo ya ? Telstra's Avatar
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    Re: I'm sad

    Talk to your mom.
    If she still don't want your bf to come, don't go.


    NEVER LISTEN TO A ONE SIDED STORY AND JUDGE.

  11. #11
    Look, listen and rejoice oakpope's Avatar
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    Re: I'm sad

    Has she already met your bf ? If not, maybe a little compromise ? Accepting the whole family reunion without your bf, but asking for a meeting with your siblings and your parents with him, to let them know him, and teaching them little by little some acceptance ?

    It's easier to be rude/unaccepting when you don't know the person. Think strategically and for the long haul.
    Magna Veritas


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    JUB Addict The Fly's Avatar
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    Re: I'm sad

    I would go...without the BF, why make him the center of negative attention? Enjoy yourself as much as possible. At the end of the day, draw your Mom aside and tell her....." The day was great, you hope she enjoyed herself...because until she's able to accept you for who you are and who you choose to spend your life with, you won't be attending any more family functions. The stressful atmosphere isn't fair to the rest of the family". I love you, but that's just the way it is. She'll get angry, go silent, cry....then get over it.



    or not.



    What the fuck do I know....I'm some guy on the internet.

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    Re: I'm sad

    I wouldn't go with your boyfriend... that sounds awful. you're boyfriend is going to feel awkward and uncomfortable, your parents are going to be angry, and the whole thing just sounds like unnecessary drama.

    personally, I just wouldn't go. if you're mom doesn't want to know who you are, why make her a part of your life?

  14. #14

    Re: I'm sad

    Am I the only one disgusted that the mom made his sister do the dirty work of telling him not to bring his BF for her???

    I'd take him, and deny getting the message, or inform mom next time she has something to say, say it herself. Don't drag others into her insecurities.
    http://www.justusboys.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic216959_1.gif

  15. #15
    Anders123
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    Re: I'm sad

    Quote Originally Posted by borg69unimatrix View Post
    I'd take him, and deny getting the message
    As much as we like to fantasise about these sorts of things in anger, they're never really practical in reality. It's a little passive-aggressive, and would only serve to exacerbate an already existing animosity. As wrong as it was for the mother to avoid confrontation with the OP, it doesn't justify that sort of response.

    Zombie, if you feel that you're able to spend time with your family after what's been said (and if it's worth it for you to change their perspectives) then go, alone. There is some great advice above about how you can express yourself without being overly confrontational. I just wanted to stress how important it is not to drag your boyfriend into a hostile/volatile environment.
    Last edited by Anders123; July 3rd, 2013 at 09:05 PM.

  16. #16
    Dimples glasvegas's Avatar
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    Re: I'm sad

    Quote Originally Posted by Anders123 View Post
    As much as we like to fantasise about these sorts of things in anger, they're never really practical in reality. It's a little passive-aggressive, and would only serve to exacerbate an already existing animosity. As wrong as it was for the mother to avoid confrontation with the OP, it doesn't justify that sort of response.

    Zombie, if you feel that you're able to spend time with your family after what's been said (and if it's worth it for you to change their perspectives) then go, alone. There is some great advice above about how you can express yourself without being overly confrontational. I just wanted to stress how important it is not to drag your boyfriend into a hostile/volatile environment.
    This. I wouldn't drag my bf into my family matters. Either persuade your mom or don't go at all.

  17. #17
    PerScientiam AdJustitiam bankside's Avatar
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    Re: I'm sad

    You have good advice here. Might want to have a word with your sister thanking her for helping but making it clear she does not have to be the person in the middle, and if your mom has an issue, she needs to bring it up. It might be just the support your sister needs to go back to your mom and say "Mom, I would never say something so rude to my brother."

    I did not face your situation. I came out when I was single, partly because I knew that I could work through anyone's feelings toward me, but I would never forgive anyone in my family who would treat any man in my life rudely, because of their petty bigotry. Most accepted it. Some came around. And one or two I never had to worry about introducing my guy to because they chose to write themselves off.

  18. #18

    Re: I'm sad

    Quote Originally Posted by ZombieKiller View Post
    Thank you for all your support.

    No, I'm not going to alienate my mom or family. I'm going to give her time to digest this info.
    You don't have to 'alienate' anyone. Your mother has already done the 'alienating'.

    She has alienated the real you, and has invited the fake version of you.

    You didn't say if this 'family meet' will be at someone's home, or if it will be at a park or other public place. Taking anyone who is not wanted/invited to someone's home is never a good idea.

    Now, you can go alone and feel like crap (faking it), you can stay home and mope, or you and your boyfriend can make plans of your own and go have fun being who you really are.

  19. #19
    PerScientiam AdJustitiam bankside's Avatar
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    Re: I'm sad

    Quote Originally Posted by glasvegas View Post
    This. I wouldn't drag my bf into my family matters. Either persuade your mom or don't go at all.
    I hope you know your boyfriend is family once you say he is.

  20. #20
    stop the bullshit rareboy's Avatar
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    Re: I'm sad

    The way you can bring a full stop to this kind of manipulative behaviour is to send your regrets and say that you will give your family time to accept the fact that you are a homo and once they have, you will look forward to attending a family event.

    By caving, you have indicated to your bf that he is of lesser value and you have given your mother total control over dictating terms of your behaviour and actions. Out of this, there will be a lifelong resentment and likely a break up with your current bf.

    What a total mess.

  21. #21
    stop the bullshit rareboy's Avatar
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    Re: I'm sad

    Quote Originally Posted by ZombieKiller View Post
    Actually, it's not as dramatic. The bf totally understands, and it was him that insisted I not bring him. I'm more the in your face type. He's more reserved. He said we should give my mom more time. He doesn't want to stir up the pot when you can mix things gradually.

    Sorry to disappoint some of you. He's gonna stay home today.

    Happy independence day.
    The problem is...your bf will never feel welcome or comfortable now. And even if he goes to a family event with you at some point....that gulf will always be there...unless of course, your mother apologizes. There is no way on earth or in hell that I ever would have yielded to my mother...particularly the way she handled it through your sister. You are obviously a far more forgiving person than I am.

    Happy 4th.

  22. #22

    Re: I'm sad

    Well, you've had years of practice, so it shouldn't take long, or much work, for you to get into 'normal character' before the curtain rises.

    Have fun being someone else today. Break a leg.

  23. #23
    WHO? dynk's Avatar
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    Re: I'm sad

    I would go alone as you just opened up to the family. You have to give them time to adjust to your being gay.

    It took a while for my family to accept me, then they loved my friends and my partner.
    The thing about quotes on the internet is you can not confirm their validity -Abraham Lincoln

  24. #24
    I need water Kabluey's Avatar
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    Re: I'm sad

    Quote Originally Posted by glasvegas View Post
    This. I wouldn't drag my bf into my family matters. Either persuade your mom or don't go at all.
    Seconded and as above with Anders. Not fair to drag your bf in to a hostile environment.
    Hopefully your mum will come around to the idea (maybe with some help or persuasion) and offer an invitation at some later time - hopefully curiosity will get the better of her.
    Might be an idea to speak directly with your mum instead of through an intermediary, just keep calm if you do.
    Sorry to hear it didn't go as well as it might have done, just let her know you're the same person you've always been - not sure if I'd isolate myself by boycotting either it without talking to her, think it was a good idea to go.
    Last edited by Kabluey; July 5th, 2013 at 09:00 AM.
    Blah blah blah, something enigmatic sounding...

  25. #25
    PerScientiam AdJustitiam bankside's Avatar
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    Re: I'm sad

    I also think its not fair to validate the hostility by accepting their terms. I understand providing a cooling off period or time to adjust. I remember giving my mom a week. And I think there is value in letting them see you in a way that shows nothing has changed. But really the homophobes are the ones that have to do the work.

  26. #26
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    Re: I'm sad

    I don't understand why the bf would want to go to a family gathering, unless you guys have been going out for a long time and its very serious. If my bf asked me to go to one of his family gathering I would most likely say no thanks and enjoy yourself.

  27. #27
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    Re: I'm sad

    I think you guys are horrible. It's his freakin' mom. You should put your mother before your boyfriend. Always.

    Is she a bad mother for wanting her son to come alone, because she's just not ready to have homosexuality thrown in her face? No. A bad mother would be one that wouldn't even want her gay son to come at all, and wouldn't want to have anything to do with him.

    You have to give her time. She will come around eventually. Don't put her through hell, some parents have a tough time accepting that their child is gay. Be respectful.

    Go alone. And eventually you'll be able to go with your boyfriend.

  28. #28

    Re: I'm sad

    Quote Originally Posted by tcrawford18 View Post
    I think you guys are horrible. It's his freakin' mom. You should put your mother before your boyfriend. Always.
    .
    LOL...I don't think so. As an adult man I will always put my mate before my parents or anyone else. My relationship with my man is based on respect and if he is not welcome anywhere then neither am I.

  29. #29

    Re: I'm sad

    Quote Originally Posted by tcrawford18 View Post
    I think you guys are horrible. It's his freakin' mom. You should put your mother before your boyfriend. Always.



    . . . .
    How old are you?

    Are you still dragging on the tit?

  30. #30
    stop the bullshit rareboy's Avatar
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    Re: I'm sad

    Quote Originally Posted by ZombieKiller View Post
    So, I went alone. My family had a good time. In the evening, I raced back and the bf and I caught the fireworks at 9:30.
    Glad you had a good time. So there was really no reason to ask for anyone's opinion was there?

  31. #31
    Shy-ster justanothershyguy's Avatar
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    Re: I'm sad

    In regards to choosing the BF over mother... To me it isn't about this specific boyfriend and picking "him". It's more about the concept of being gay and making sure his mother realizes that it's not her decision to be made. Besides, if the mother can't accept him as her gay son, then what kind of mother is she really?

    But I do agree with others and that it isn't easy to drag along a boyfriend into family matters.
    Author of Lost in a Dream. If you want to make me smile, read it and tell me what you think.

  32. #32

    Re: I'm sad

    Were private family matters (such as inheritances, genetic illnesses etc.) discussed at the gathering? Did any of your siblings bring bf's and/or gf's?
    Last edited by pat grimshaw; July 5th, 2013 at 05:44 PM.
    .

  33. #33
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    Re: I'm sad

    Quote Originally Posted by ZombieKiller View Post
    So, I went alone. My family had a good time. In the evening, I raced back and the bf and I caught the fireworks at 9:30.

    Great! Now what do you do the next time she doesn't want your long time bf there? And the time after that? And after that? There will come a day you have to say enough is enough and it might as well be now. I agree that it takes parents time to adjust to having a gay son, but you have already come out to them. Showing up with him will most likely expedite the process. If it doesn't, it's not your adjustment to make. Your mother is not a child but she is acting like one. BTW, tell your sister that your mother can fight her own battles and keep out of it.
    Everyone wants to be heard. No one wants to listen.

  34. #34
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    Re: I'm sad

    Quote Originally Posted by tcrawford18 View Post
    I think you guys are horrible. It's his freakin' mom. You should put your mother before your boyfriend. Always.
    Have you ever been to a wedding where the couple made the traditional wedding vows? When it gets to the part of "forsaking all others", it means parents, too. It's not a pretty thing when one half of the happy couple is always running to Momma for her approval. People who do that are not ready to be married. The OP called his bf his "long time" bf. They are not new to each other, they have a serious relationship.

    So we are not horrible, just realistic. And while most sons would do anything for their mothers, there comes a time to fly the nest and be a grown-up. We might owe our parents a lot, but allowing them to pick our mates (or our sexuality) is not one of them. If she had her way, he would turn his back completely on his bf and his sexuality. What kind of love is that?
    Everyone wants to be heard. No one wants to listen.

  35. #35
    JUB Addict buttons's Avatar
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    Re: I'm sad

    Quote Originally Posted by ZombieKiller View Post
    So, I went alone. My family had a good time. In the evening, I raced back and the bf and I caught the fireworks at 9:30.
    I'd like to know:
    Did you have a good time?
    When did you come out to your family?
    Just when is your mother going to be ready to deal with your sexuality? Define 'more time'...

    I can imagine why you don't/didn't want to rock the boat but letting her deny him is letting her deny you. She is never going to adjust or get used to it until she spends time with you with your boyfriend. She's never going to deal with it till she deals with it.

    Personally I'd rather face the tantrums, tears and tiaras as soon as possible, but then I don't lead your life.
    Every time I've accepted and adjusted myself to the 'sensitivities' of others has meant they have festered and become really nasty resentments ending in huge arguments and hurt that could have been avoided if dealt with there and then.

  36. #36
    JUB Addict The Fly's Avatar
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    Re: I'm sad

    Quote Originally Posted by tcrawford18 View Post
    I think you guys are horrible. It's his freakin' mom. You should put your mother before your boyfriend. Always.

    Is she a bad mother for wanting her son to come alone, because she's just not ready to have homosexuality thrown in her face? No. A bad mother would be one that wouldn't even want her gay son to come at all, and wouldn't want to have anything to do with him.

    You have to give her time. She will come around eventually. Don't put her through hell, some parents have a tough time accepting that their child is gay. Be respectful.

    Go alone. And eventually you'll be able to go with your boyfriend.


    How old are you? It isn't a matter of putting your mother ahead of or behind your boyfriend, it's about being an adult and putting yourself first. If you're gonna' stand around letting mommy dictate your life, she'll have you in hiding in the closet, ashamed and alone.


    "Is she a bad mother for wanting her son to come alone"? She doesn’t want her son to come at all. She wants some guy that looks and sounds like her son....but he's not a homo. And YES she is a bad mom. She doesn’t want her son at all, she wants a non-confrontational closet case to show up at family functions.

    The longer ZK allows his mom to dictate his life, the less he has ownership of it. At some point you're just gonna' have to say "Ma, I suck dick, get over it, or get out of my life". If my mother had tried this bullshit with me, she'd have gotten a good swift kick in the cunt (figuratively, of course).

    You want to be treated like, and respected like, an adult....start acting like one.

  37. #37
    Slut tcrawford18's Avatar
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    Re: I'm sad

    I'm 22. And have much more respect for my family than any of you apparently. And no my mother doesn't dictate my life since oh yeah she died last year from cancer ASSHOLES And while she was alive she was the most loving and adoring mother, who accepted my homosexuality ever since I told her about it in the sixth grade. So that has nothing to do with my opinions.

    My personal experience comes from dealing with my father, who was disappointed that I was gay. But I gave him time, and RESPECT, and eventually he came around, and now I'm closer to my father than I ever have been in my life.

    Had I brought my boyfriends to his birthday parties and made out with them while he's blowing out his candles, I doubt things would have turned out the same way.

    I'm glad this guy had the sense to listen to his mother and go without his boyfriend. BRAVO.

  38. #38
    blackbeltninja
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    Re: I'm sad

    ^I'm inclined to agree with this.

    I think different folks need different strokes. Some parents will need time to come around as described above; others might need to have an ultimatum hurled in their direction in order to force their hand one way or the other. I don't think there is any blanket solution which will fit all scenarios.

    I also don't think anyone should be given any shit or as much derision as the OP got, or the poster above me got, for trying the slow approach.

    -d-

  39. #39

    Re: I'm sad

    I also think what the OP decided to do was appropriate.

    Most parents assume that that their sons will have girlfriends, and later a wife.......and then that their sons will give them grandchildren. With sons there is a lot of pride because with a son, parents assume that he will be able to carry on the family name. You can say that this is "heterosexist" but the reality is that when 95% of society is heterosexual, that is what is expected. So when parents have a son who comes out as gay, it's often a big shock, even if they kind of knew.

    There will be some parents who disown their gay son and break off all ties. There will also be other parents who immediately embrace their son and march in the next gay pride parade. But for most parents in the middle -- especially the ones from traditional, immigrant, or religious backgrounds -- it can be difficult. I am speaking from personal experience on that one. But as much as you want your parents to accept you, I think you have to be understanding and give them the space & time they need too.

    I'm reminded by a phone call by a young gay man to Dr. Laura. She says it better than I can. Listen below:


  40. #40
    stop the bullshit rareboy's Avatar
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    Re: I'm sad

    Quote Originally Posted by tcrawford18 View Post
    I'm 22. And have much more respect for my family than any of you apparently. And no my mother doesn't dictate my life since oh yeah she died last year from cancer ASSHOLES And while she was alive she was the most loving and adoring mother, who accepted my homosexuality ever since I told her about it in the sixth grade. So that has nothing to do with my opinions.

    My personal experience comes from dealing with my father, who was disappointed that I was gay. But I gave him time, and RESPECT, and eventually he came around, and now I'm closer to my father than I ever have been in my life.

    Had I brought my boyfriends to his birthday parties and made out with them while he's blowing out his candles, I doubt things would have turned out the same way.

    I'm glad this guy had the sense to listen to his mother and go without his boyfriend. BRAVO.
    This is where you lost the argument.

    Many of us have taken our bf's home to meet our families and attend family events without tongue fucking one another at the dinner table.

    We're all glad that you had a supportive mother. She was probably influential in having your other family members accept you as well.

    But at a certain point in time, adults are adults and just because they may not approve of a child's friend does not give them the automatic right to exclude them as a guest in their home unless that person has done them harm in some way. It is as much about the rules of hospitality as anything else.

    And most importantly, respect is a two way street. Parents owe their own children respect as well. I'm glad that your father has come around because you just laid low, but in many if not most cases, this isn't how it goes. For me, respect starts with myself and if I allow others to dictate the terms of my sexuality and the friends I am allowed to bring home to events...then it is all pretty one-sided and frankly I can't respect anyone for that.

    In this case, the mother handled it all really badly. But the OP was happy with the way the day turned out and so was his BF. That is all that matters.

  41. #41
    stop the bullshit rareboy's Avatar
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    Re: I'm sad

    Quote Originally Posted by JayQueer View Post
    I also think what the OP decided to do was appropriate.

    Most parents assume that that their sons will have girlfriends, and later a wife.......and then that their sons will give them grandchildren. With sons there is a lot of pride because with a son, parents assume that he will be able to carry on the family name. You can say that this is "heterosexist" but the reality is that when 95% of society is heterosexual, that is what is expected. So when parents have a son who comes out as gay, it's often a big shock, even if they kind of knew.

    There will be some parents who disown their gay son and break off all ties. There will also be other parents who immediately embrace their son and march in the next gay pride parade. But for most parents in the middle -- especially the ones from traditional, immigrant, or religious backgrounds -- it can be difficult. I am speaking from personal experience on that one. But as much as you want your parents to accept you, I think you have to be understanding and give them the space & time they need too.

    I'm reminded by a phone call by a young gay man to Dr. Laura. She says it better than I can. Listen below:

    The idea that you would post any of Dr.Laura's homophobic crap would usually make me puke. But as I remember it, it is how you were raised. But you'll notice that she didn't tell the caller to remain closeted or not to take his BF to any family events.

    She told him to tackle it head on.

  42. #42
    PerScientiam AdJustitiam bankside's Avatar
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    Re: I'm sad

    I think the shit comes in particular for the one line "You should always put your mother before your boyfriend."

    No, you should absolutely not "always" pout your mother before your boyfriend. That is good advice for someone who should remain single forever, and living in his mother's basement.

    The reality is it is our birthright to add people to our families, without anyone else's permission. When a parent wants to object, or to warn, only the most exceptional and serious of reasons will do.

    "I would prefer that you were heterosexual" is just the most odious of nonsense. It is gratuitously cruel to dismiss your own child in this way, and the most uncouth insult to his partner. There is no reason to humour it even for a second, let alone elevate a parent's emotional tantrum above someone who has given you his heart.

    It is one thing to grant someone some patience while they learn to behave themselves. It is a gift to someone to which they are not entitled.

    But the idea that a parent's homophobia deserves any consideration is just repugnant. They just are not entitled to that kind of intrusion into their children's lives, and any child who would accept that kind of parental veto on a permanent basis should be single.

  43. #43
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    Re: I'm sad

    Quote Originally Posted by ZombieKiller View Post
    I already came out to my whole family. Tomorrow we have a family meet. I was going to bring my long time bf. My sister just called me telling me my mom asked her to tell me not to bring my bf. She's not ready to accept that I'm gay. She wants us to pretend I'm normal tomorrow.
    Where, in this short statement, does it say anything about making out with the bf at the family meeting?

    Notice that the OP said he was out to his family and had a long time bf. He wasn't bringing a casual date or a new bf to the meeting. Notice, too, that his mother wants him to "pretend" he is "normal". The Op, quite naturally, wants to honor and respect his mother, but she apparently is not interested in returning the favor. In my other post, I asked how long would it take for the mother to be accepting of him. Some parents are just never going to accept it until they see the son living out his life with his bf. Even then, some will never accept it. I have been living with my man for a long time and we are raising a family together. I still get an occasional invitation to a family wedding addressed to me and "a guest". I wonder if my brothers get the same thing referring to their wives? Hell, no! A couple of years ago, I was even asked if I would mind NOT bringing my partner and children to a family thing because "it makes some people uncomfortable".

    I'm sure that at least part of the reason the day went well for the OP is because he avoided conflict. I'm also sure that the bf who was left behind was at least partly happy not to go because he could avoid conflict, too. But how long can this go on?

    Yes, we all want to be understanding of parents and family members coming to terms with our sexuality. But should they not also be understanding of what it took us to come to this point? Afterall, do they have any idea what it took us to get here, beginning in our teenage years, for most of us? Maybe if they could grasp a little of the fear of rejection and sleepless nights we endured, they would realize they have it much easier and they might also realize they were the cause of some of that fear of rejection.

    There comes a time where the son becomes a man and must stand up to the parents. Owning who we are is not dishonoring them unless we are ashamed of who we are.
    Everyone wants to be heard. No one wants to listen.

  44. #44
    JUB Addict MMMonsterBoy's Avatar
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    Re: I'm sad

    At every family event I always imagine how much I would love for my family to embrace my boyfriend. I imagine how welcomed we would be as a couple and it wouldn't really be a big deal to anyone there. "Does [insert boyfriend's name] want to come for dinner?" It'll likely never happen, and if it does, it'll be decades upon decades.

    As a result I've learned that I basically have to divide my attention. By the end of the day my family is my family and we are tightly knit. So I make sure to spend time with them and my boyfriend. It just means I can't always attend their events, and I will continue to do so. There really isn't much we can do about it but respect our families. We're adults on the roads to possibly starting our own families, and perhaps those seeds need more tending than the former.

    I hope you aren't sad anymore and I hope you enjoyed your 4th regardless of your boyfriend not being present.

  45. #45
    stop the bullshit rareboy's Avatar
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    Re: I'm sad

    ^Well. Have you ever just invited your family to have dinner with you and your BF?

    Respect for the family doesn't have to mean subjugating or diminshing yourself, your BF/partner or your relationship.

    A real loving family member doesn't love you in spite of what you are...they love you for what you are.

    I am so disheartened to read so many replies by homos who are still running back into the closet whenever someone else in the family is a little uncomfortable. Over the years I've had to sit through a lot of events where I was uncomfortable with some of the trash that my hetero cousins were dragging through the door or even my niece's and nephew's choices in BF's and GF's but I certainly was able to suck it up and be gracious.

  46. #46

    Re: I'm sad

    Quote Originally Posted by tcrawford18 View Post
    I'm 22. And have much more respect for my family than any of you apparently. And no my mother doesn't dictate my life since oh yeah she died last year from cancer ASSHOLES And while she was alive she was the most loving and adoring mother, who accepted my homosexuality ever since I told her about it in the sixth grade. So that has nothing to do with my opinions.

    My personal experience comes from dealing with my father, who was disappointed that I was gay. But I gave him time, and RESPECT, and eventually he came around, and now I'm closer to my father than I ever have been in my life.

    Had I brought my boyfriends to his birthday parties and made out with them while he's blowing out his candles, I doubt things would have turned out the same way.

    I'm glad this guy had the sense to listen to his mother and go without his boyfriend. BRAVO.

    Well, see, that just isn't true, now, is it?

    You are dealing with a life-altering situation. You are still in mourning, and probably will be for some time. It is perfectly natural/acceptable for you to be overly protective of mothers - it's to be expected - particularly at your age.

    I'm so sorry for your family's loss. I'm glad you are able to talk about this, here, as some of us 'assholes' know exactly what you are going through, but if I may be so bold, if you haven't already, you might want to consider grief counseling - perhaps through Hospice.

    Losing a loved one unexpectedly is hell at any age, but to lose someone to a slow and agonizing death - hope one day, terrible news the next - the constant ups and downs - has to be the worst thing any of us will ever experience.

  47. #47

    Re: I'm sad

    Quote Originally Posted by ZombieKiller View Post
    I talked with the bf last night about this. I asked him how he felt about me not bringing him. You see, I originally insisted on bringing him home. He said he was glad I did what he told me to do, which was leave him behind.

    His last bf brought him home and it resulted in a shit storm. Basically tore that family apart because half the family took his side while the other took the mom's side.
    I'm very curious, where is your boyfriend's family? You haven't mentioned them, have you?

    Why was he alone all day? Have they ever invited you to any of their family functions?

  48. #48
    Porn Star ALBiMale1975's Avatar
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    Re: I'm sad

    `

    Tell Mom to grow up, pretending is for children, and you two have a good time.

    `

  49. #49
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    Re: I'm sad

    How old are you and how long has it been since you came out to your family? Is your parents' reaction more hostile to you or just in grieving process? It is normal for parents to go through a grieving process when their sons come out. Not all parents jump on board and want to join PFLAG for the next march at Pride Parade. It is a good strategy to give them time to cope and to learn to accept. But don't let them force you into "acting normal" around everyone else for years and years. At some point you have to set a red line.

  50. #50
    Porn Star RoadBike's Avatar
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    Re: I'm sad

    I see both sides of this discussion. Both viewpoints are valid.

    My personal take: I don't like to deliberately make anyone uncomfortable, and being that the event was at the parents' house, I feel that their wishes should be respected. IMO, ZombieKiller did the right thing by going alone. In time, the family will realize that BF is part of the deal, and he will integrate into the family.

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