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  1. #1

    Long distance relationship

    Hi,

    I'm a long time lurker of the forum, and since so many good suggestions are given in here, I thought to try the same

    I live in europe, and while he was abroad, I met my boyfriend here, and although we are still together, he moved back to his home country (the us) to start a masters there

    The relationship is good, and we've seen each other different times for a couple of months every time (being both students allowed us to have some more free time on our hands fortunately). I'm really in love with him, and can see this relationship as becoming something really serious. He could be the "one", and he thinks the same about me

    What's the problem then, you might ask?! Well, it's a long distance relationship, and the end might be near, but we're still talking about 1 to 2 years here. It's difficult, especially for me, to pursue this whole long distance thing, but I know it will be worth it once its over, and so I know I can keep up with it for a while longer
    The problem is though, that coming from another serious relationship that ended not much before I started this one, and being a late bloomer, I never really had the "experimental" phase, and I'm afraid I will regret it not having had more experiences before settling down. I know for a fact that I don't miss this when we actually are together, since the being together compensates for this, but now that we are apart this comes on my mind a lot

    I don't want to break up with him, because I love him dearly and I know we have something special going on, but at the same time I'm afraid that I will look back some day, and regret not having had a "wild period" while I was younger, which could compromise the relationship in the future I guess

    So I'm not really sure what I'm asking here, but I guess I would just be glad to here some opinions, or experiences from someone that went through the same

    cheers, L.

  2. #2
    Porn Star aaggii's Avatar
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    Re: Long distance relationship

    Why donīt you have a serious talk with him about this, ask where he stands about fooling around with others, until you get together? He might say no, so be prepared. I had quite a similar situation, we talked online 1 year before moving in together and we only saw each other once, for a week. I didnīt feel the need to be with others, though I still wanted to experiment more before having a relationship again and he claims the same. Now, you never really know, right?

  3. #3
    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: Long distance relationship

    Some guys will say the "experimental" phase was the best time of their lives while others were glad to let go of it and some others never get over it. Too many people, myself included, at times, spend too much time thinking about what we don't have rather than concentrating and protecting what we do have.

    Maybe it would be ok to play around sexually while you're apart. There's a risk, however of either of you falling for someone else or someone else falling for you. Sex can be just that or it can be something that creates a bond. We all seem to be different in regards to that.

    Begin an open and honest dialog with your boyfriend and do some soul searching as to your needs and wants.

    Best of luck to you.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  4. #4

    Re: Long distance relationship

    We actually talked about this a lot. I think, one of the best think about this relationship, is that we can talk and discuss everything. "Communication is the key in a relationship" I've heard a lot. And now I'm slowly realizing that it might be true

    Anyway: I discussed this "problem" a lot with my bf, and although it might not have been his favourite idea, he would be willing to try it out. He even proposed that we could have a oneway open relationship, since he doesn't really feel like he needs to still have fun around, since he is happy with me

    And it on paper sounds great, and I don't know, it might be something I should try. But I'm afraid that if we go down this route, I might end up gaining some experience, but maybe losing the only thing that really matters at the end: the one person I really care about

  5. #5
    Porn Star aaggii's Avatar
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    Re: Long distance relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by obscure View Post
    He even proposed that we could have a oneway open relationship, since he doesn't really feel like he needs to still have fun around, since he is happy with me
    Be careful, he might say this to keep you happy, but actually might be bothered. If his first response was negative, think a bit about how he would feel. If he can wait for you, maybe you should too.. but in the end itīs your decision!!

  6. #6
    Impish and Mercurial Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: Long distance relationship

    In general, I'd recommend agreeing on a DADT policy, where both of you recognize the possibility for fooling around on your own, but don't really talk about it if it happens.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
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