I don't really know how to even present this or how to start but...
I want to say that I realize this is all probably in my head and that its just a massively en-flatted fantasy. So it is currently the night of day 5 of a 7 day vacation for my friends family reunion of 60+ people. (I am also sort of adopted by this family so its not as uncomfortable as it sounds.) This is my second reunion as they happen every two years and there are many more people this year that I had never met. One of these 'people' is a 23 year old guy who I have developed a massive school girl like crush on. Now this is VERY out of character for me. I have never had a relationship, nor have I had a desire for one outside of my regular no strings attached hookups. Another thing that's weird is that his features aren't what I normally look for in a guy I am attracted too. He is very boyish, 3 years my senior but looks younger than myself and on the shorter side but there i just something unbelievably cute about him. I DON'T even normally like guys I don't consider to be hot. Anyway:
So we get to this condo and pull up in the parking lot like at the same time as other people in our group are arriving. When I step off I notice this shuttle of people I have been told are from Pennsylvania. Well the kid steps off the bus and my fucking gaydar sounds off like crazy, but gaydar as I realize isn't fact and is very faulty but as time progressed I am like 75% sure hes gay. I don't even remember thinking I found him attractive initially. It was more like 'oh hey there will be another gay guy around here'. So I realize I am staring him down and he luckily hasn't seemed to take notice. We didn't get any introduction or anything and had no further contact for the rest of the day.
So we didn't really interact much at all but I learned that his name was Brad and that he was staying in the condo just above mine. By this time I've realized there something about him that I just cant get out of my head. We did officially meet when he heard me playing guitar on the deck and mentioned that he also played before we were cut short by an announcement that dinner was ready.
So pretty much every night all the cousins who are all around the late teens early twenties range wait for the older adults to go to bed to start partying and drinking heavily. So he's there in the 'party' room and I notice that his interaction with the other cousins is slightly withdrawn. Not shy but not outgoing either. Several times though out the night I could have sworn he was stealing glances at me but again just like the case of his sexuality, even though I'm leaning one way I'm still not sure enough. Also at this night of partying the people we had been sitting and talking with started to tell a story about a guy who came out recently they had been friends with. This did two things, the first being cousins didn't know I was gay. Then secondly the whole time this story is going on I notice that he has stopped speaking entirely and just like keeps his head down and tries to look small. So that lead to a closeted theory.
So another day goes by and I found that I cant stop staring at this stupid freaking kid and that I have been watching his condo all day to try to find out where he is at and what he is doing for the day. So this entire time we have had like such minimal contact I figure I'm just being really stupid and maybe its because I just haven't found a chance to get off the past couple of days. So that night party happens as usual and I get hammered but so Im not so awkward when I try to speak to him. I also notice that whenever I crack a joke he laughs and this stands out to me only when I realize that Ive said a really stupid one and hes the only person acknowledging it. Around 3am party breaks up with everyone complaining about being tired and having to get up early. Im not ready to call it a night so I decided to sit out on the party rooms porch to see if anyone wants to stick around and chill a little while longer. Low and behold its the stupid kid who sits down in the chair next to me and explains how he wants to stay up. So we sit there and talk for about 15-20 minutes about nothing much at all and I realize he is the one initiating a lot of the conversation which to me means maybe Im not being stupid and he likes me whether or not in a heterosexual or homosexual way. So we are interrupted by a couple of cousins who decided to come back for a little while and we all start talking. The conversation shifts to gay marriage and I think its the perfect time to casually out myself. I make a joke that Im probably the biggest homophobe I know and that I would never want to get married and the others were kind of taken aback for a second when I think they realized I was gay but we didn't outwardly discuss it and I didnt catch Brads reaction because he was sitting next to me. So Brad and I make this short walk back to our condo building and Im like pleading with god that this kid asks if we can chill a little longer on one of our decks. He doesn't. I still end up going to bed happy and hopeful when hes says we'll continue the conversation in the morning.
So I wake up hungover but excited to see him so I wait out on my deck and by the condos pool waiting for him to appear literally all day. He doesn't. Later on at dinner he comes up to me and a few other cousins and explains that he and his family went shopping. At this point I am really pissed at myself for acting so stupid this entire time. So after dinner I present several scenarios in front of him (but not directed at him) where I will be alone and that he could maybe offer to tag along (aka im going up the porch to sit for a little while or I start to head to the beach alone.) Nothing. So then I sit through another night of partying much longer than I would have stayed and I notice that our interaction is sorter again. I no longer think I see him steeling glances and he maybe acknowledged me a hand full of times. I don't feel like hes avoiding me but more that he's just distracted by the others. rSo I wait till the party breaks up again hoping for a repeat of the night before only to over hear his sister promise that their father had told them not to stay out late. (Probably because he and I had stayed up talking till 5am the night before.) So to my disappointment I watch him and his sister take off. So here I am.
I known how ridiculous this is and that even if the stars freaking aligned and he was gay and he was into me and we did express it within the next 2 nights, we wouldn't see each other for at least another two years but I just cant stop thinking about him and its making me really depressed tonight. My whole vacation has become centered on this guy I barely know, who I barely know likes me and I also feel like its fueled by the fact that Im pretty sure at this point hes gay.
Anyway tomorrow were both attending the males version of a baby shower so hopefully I can see if he makes any effort to interact with me then.
I just needed to mostly write this out for myself because I feel like I'm going crazy and I know its only going to end badly but if any one has any thing to say I appreciate it. Sorry about any errors its 5am and I need to sleep.