JustUsBoys.com gay porn forum

logo

Results 1 to 8 of 8

Thread: When to Tell?

  1. #1

    When to Tell?

    I'm still in the early process of coming out (divorcing from wife, etc) and one of my goals is to eventually start dating guys.

    At what point in a relationship do you begin discussing your interest in kink and trying some more unusual things? How do you begin to approach that conversation?

    Any help would be appreciated!

  2. #2
    Do I dare to eat a peach?
    palbert's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Coastal Downeast Maine
    Gender
    Male
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Single
    Posts
    11,127

    Code of Conduct

    Re: When to Tell?

    You can begin discussing it whenever you think the other guy would be comfortable doing so.

    I have found that it comes up naturally in conversation.

    Might you be near a metropolitan area which has sex clubs? And I don't mean necessarily for sex but instead for education and to foster a sense of community. When I lived in DC it had three; I met a partner at one (for BDSM) and we were together until he died. Check an alternative newspaper in that area.

  3. #3

    Re: When to Tell?

    Thanks halbert. Right now, I'm living in a fairly small city (100,000) than the gay scene sucks (and not in a good way, either). But I'm hoping to move to California next year, and that should help a LOT.

  4. #4
    Porn Star Blackrabbit35's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Orientation
    Gay
    Posts
    429

    Code of Conduct

    Re: When to Tell?

    I would say when you feel ready. Its good to meet guys who are open minded and into the same thing, but there is no rush and I would say the right guy who is willing to explore kinks would understand this.
    www.gayonlyporn.com ....How Finding Porn Should Be!

    www.usedandworn.com ....Used Gear and underwear fetish heaven!

  5. #5

    Re: When to Tell?

    u call 100,000 small wow only 12,000 here and still don't consider this really small
    gear up or shut up

  6. #6
    Porn Star
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    San Francisco
    Gender
    Male
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Available
    Posts
    329

    Code of Conduct

    Re: When to Tell?

    It depends on how important it is to you. I would hate to be trapped in a relationship with a sexual dullard. I need a high level of congruence in sexual interests.

  7. #7
    PerScientiam AdJustitiam bankside's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Beware the deepity.
    Gender
    Male
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Married (to a man)
    Posts
    16,817
    Blog Entries
    2

    Code of Conduct

    Re: When to Tell?

    There is a socially understood baseline for sexual behaviour:

    • Oral sex
    • Anal sex
    • Making out
    • Jacking each other off
    • Massages
    • Showering together
    • Some mild fantasy kink, like very playful bondage or some other kind of amusing extras.


    Most people will want at least a few more kinky things, and not everybody will enjoy everything on that list. But you're not going to startle anyone with that. You won't be out of line to try any of those things.

    The point is, that is a baseline, not a maximum or a minimum. It's just a solid menu of typical activities with a lover. Which means if someone wants to go more or less than that list, they need to speak up.

    If you want to go way beyond that list, it becomes your responsibility to figure out if the other guy would even consider it, before he's invested a year in a relationship with you or something.

    So if you want to tie someone up with the belt of your housecoat, you can start doing that and just follow his lead if he is into it or not. But if you want to bind him in a vacuum bag restraint suspended from the ceiling with a hose coming out of his mouth to breathe through, then you need to give him warning early on that you are into some heavy kink. Fingering his ass a little bit, great. You want to get punchfucked by a guy up to the elbow? You need to be upfront about that before you begin dating him.

    Same thing if a guy has limits where he doesn't want to do stuff on the standard list, he needs to say so.

    "Actually I'm not into oral. Or maybe sometimes, but I need to let you know I never want to swallow cum or have it in my mouth, it just grosses me out."

    Or, "Yeah I'd love a massage, but you need to know I have this weird thing where I can't stand people touching my feet." or "Yeah, I love anal, but only to bottom."

    A lot of it depends on what you're after. If you can handle a hook-up and that's all you're looking for, then there are obvious fetish hook-up sites. But kinky things are also fun in a relationship, and obviously a lot safer with someone you know and trust.

    At the start of a good relationship, people have a lot of fascination with each other, and a lot of curiosity to learn more about what turns each other on. So bring it up sooner rather than later if it is something you can't live without. Or be prepared to do without, forever.

    My guy and I have both tried sounding, and we think its sexy and intense. But neither of us were sounding freaks or anything, and it was hardly mandatory to our relationship. We didn't even talk about it until we were together for 10 years. If it turned him off, I would not have cared and could have happily lived without. There's lots of common ground.
    Last edited by bankside; June 22nd, 2013 at 08:05 AM.
    Americans need to keep their guns so they can protect themselves from gun violence just like Nancy Lanza did. And like Chris Kyle did. And like Gabby Giffords did. And like Tom Clements did. And like Michael Piemonte. And Joseph Wilcox.

  8. #8
    Virgin
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Gender
    Male
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Single
    Posts
    23

    Code of Conduct

    Re: When to Tell?

    This is the story of my life. I agree with bankside; however, depending on how odd the fetish is and on how important it is to you, you may not want to wait so long, just because you don't want either one of you to be too uncomfortable in the relationship. If it's pretty bad, you may just want to tell him after the first couple of times sleeping together. Nothing is worse than: "Hey, we're really compatible, I love you, and you're great in bed; but my sex life will never be complete without ______. Can we try that?"
    "No."
    ....awkward.......
    happened to me.....twice........

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Terms of Service | Privacy Policy | About JustUsBoys.com | Site Map | RSS | Webmasters | Advertise | Link to JUB | Report A Bug on this Page

Visit our sister sites: Broke Straight Boys | CollegeDudes.com | CollegeBoyPhysicals.com | RocketTube
All models appearing on JustUsBoys.com were over 18 at the time of photography. The records for sexually explicit images required by U.S. 2257 are kept by the
individual producers of the images. The location of the records is available by clicking the Custodian of Records link at the bottom of each gallery page.
© 2012 JustUsBoys.com. The JustUsBoys.com name and logo are registered trademarks. Labeled with ICRA and RTA. Member of ASACP and The Free Speech Coalition.