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  1. #1
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    How to NOT fall in love with someone?

    I've been seeing this guy for a month. He's the most interesting guy I've ever dated, with great personality and intelligence. The downside is that he's leaving in several months back to his country.

    We agreed on just dating but not to fall in love. However, we treat each other as a true couple, such as him introducing me to his friends, or us doing a lot of things together. At first I was a bit surprised because I was not expecting that much of commitment from his side, but he turned out to be a guy who does not fool around with relationship or feeling.

    My problem now is that I know very well that I'm falling for him despite telling myself to keep a clear head. It's really difficult not to fall for him when we are dating like a couple. He even says really sweet words such as "leaving [my city] is so difficult now as I have someone to care for here". On one hand, it's so hard for me to not let my emotions overtake my reason. On the other hand, there are so many reasons not to fall for him, and I don't want to freak him out.

    Has anyone been in such a situation? Should I just follow my emotions and I may just freak him out one day by blurting "I love you" or should I steer away from those feelings? :-(

  2. #2
    CupidBoy
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    Re: How to NOT fall in love with someone?

    It's only been a month, you may be infatuated with him, but not in love, way too early for that.

  3. #3
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    Re: How to NOT fall in love with someone?

    Quote Originally Posted by CupidBoy View Post
    It's only been a month, you may be infatuated with him, but not in love, way too early for that.
    I know that I'm nowhere at the point of love yet, but I've never been this much infatuated. And I know I'm falling for him fast, and I'm worried that if I let myself fall too fast, it may be painful when the time comes.

  4. #4
    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: How to NOT fall in love with someone?

    It's painful whenever we part from someone we care for. You will hurt when he leaves. Having feelings is what makes us human. Cherish the time you get to spend together and try to stay in touch when he leaves. Be realistic about the separation to come. Living causes feelings and we get to chose what we do with them.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  5. #5

    Re: How to NOT fall in love with someone?

    several months before he leaves!? A lot can happen between now and then...


    I'm thinking why fight the feelings, because short of ending the relationship now, there is no way you are going to be able to stop it if it's meant to be. Enjoy all that this relationship has to offer even if only for the short time you have. And yes, it's gonna be heartbreaking when he does leave, but it has all the potential to be wonderful up to that time.
    Bad decisions make good stories.

  6. #6
    para0402
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    Re: How to NOT fall in love with someone?

    I agree with seasoned and jaysizzles. Enjoy the time you have with him. Several months is a pretty long period considerably. Have fun with it, and maybe when he leaves things might be different? You could try a long-distance relationship or something. Just try to enjoy it while you can, even if in the end it might be worst when he leaves, but hey, you wouldn't look back and regret not giving this a chance.

  7. #7
    FEAR THE LIBERAL DETENTE! TX-Beau's Avatar
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    Re: How to NOT fall in love with someone?

    Hmmm. The best way to minimize your feelings for someone is not to hang around with him.

    But I suspect that isn't want you're really asking. I suspect you're just venting - which is fine. You've been at it a month, that's not really enough time to "really know" anyone, he hasn't dropped the facade yet, and I suspect neither have you. That's just the progression of things.

    But cheer up gay dating is a speedy kind of thing - odds are you'll break up before he leaves.
    ATTACK OF THE LIBERAL ELITE

  8. #8
    FMH
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    Re: How to NOT fall in love with someone?

    I don't think u can control falling in love

  9. #9
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    Re: How to NOT fall in love with someone?

    Thank you for all the replies and support.

    I've just come back from a trip so my apology for the late reply. Being away from him for a few days does make me realize how much I miss him. I guess the consensus here is that there's no way to keep oneself from not falling in love, so I'm gonna embrace whatever to come and hope that this relationship can take a new level.

    I'm sorry if this seems like venting to you. Maybe I really needed to vent because this relationship is really different from my previous ones (which both lasted a couple of years). I used to date with only people from my country so dating a white guy used to be an alien concept to me. I thought that the cultural gap was too much but then here I am with this guy who's more amazing than I could imagine. And I'm not supposed to fall too deep for him (at least that's what he hinted on). It's just a bit too much for my little brain to handle at the same time.

    I do hope that our relationship can go much further, or I'll just embrace myself for the upcoming heartbreak. Then I'll probably come here and vent everything out

  10. #10
    loki81
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    Re: How to NOT fall in love with someone?

    I was in a similar situation once... dating a guy who I knew would be going back to his home country (China) at the end of the summer after school finished.

    I just always kept in mind that what we had was temporary, and I also never agreed to exclusivity for that reason. I enjoyed what we had, but I also refused to put the rest of my life on hold for him knowing that it had an expiration date looming.

  11. #11
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    It's a matter of self-control and being practical unfortunately. When you know the guy isn't available long term and you notice your interest increasing, you pull out of it. It's unpleasant, and not what we want to be doing, but it saves you from a lot of drama.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

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