Okay, bear with me.
When I was 13 or 14, I experimented a lot with this one friend who lived a block from my house. We took each other's virginities and we basically had sex every day after school from 7th to 8th grade.
We never talked about whether or not we were gay/bi/or straight, but it should have been pretty apparent to him that I was attracted to boys (I'm bi), especially him. We never talked about our feelings to each other and he often talked about girls he was attracted to. However, even though he never admitted it, I think he was also bi and had some attraction and feelings for me.
After 8th grade, my family moved away and I transferred schools so I haven't seen him since.
When college came around, I looked him up on Facebook and he had an account, but we didn't add each other and I think he has since closed his Facebook account down and I can't find him anymore.
Being that I lost my virginity to him and he was my first sexual experience, I've always wanted to reconnect with him.
Well, about a year ago, I found out that he is currently pursuing a PhD at my college where I went to undergrad and where I am currently a graduate student by doing a Google search on his name. I haven't run into him yet, but I found a college webpage giving a profile about his work at my university. It also included his Gmail.
Now, what I have been tempted to do for a year is to add him to my Gmail, but I just can't get around to doing it. Thoughts that often run through my head are: What if he thinks I'm a stalker (which I guess I am. haha)? What if he has a girlfriend now?
Have any of you been in a similar circumstance? I know that some of your suggestions will just be for me to take the risk and contact him, but I don't want to come off as a creepy stalker (even though I am). I also don't want to intrude on his life if he has a girlfriend now.
Also, I'm sure there have been times he has searched for me on Facebook or Google. Why hasn't he reached out to me? Is he also feeling shy about talking to me? Or is he just not interested anymore?
I don't know what to do...