Alright so this probably sounds weird but here goes:
I'm a 19 year old guy that is still trying to figure out his sexuality but I guess i'd say that i'm pretty gay. I like girls still to some extent, but part of me thinks that is the idea of liking a girl more. I occasionally look at straight porn and I can climax to it but i'm definitely more into gay porn.
I've been with two different guys and i'm currently with one of the in a friends with benefits sort of arrangement. I enjoy gay sex but I definitely fantasies about it a lot more before I actually had sex. I thought it would be better. I'm also not really into the effort that it requires to have anal sex with someone. I'm grossed out about that, although that's not whey I thought gay sex would be better. I like watching cum on porn, but in real life i'm grossed out by it.
I've never done anything sexual with a girl. I feel like I should definitely experiment with that though.
Here's the question I guess:
I'm closeted with my sexuality but at the same time I feel like i'm giving a lot of people clues and I'm worried that I will later regret this because i'll end up being straight or something, or at least in a relationship with a girl.
Whenever I smoke I feel "straight". Like i'd want to have sex with a girl, i'd want to be with a girl, and it would just seem more fun. Like the whole thing fits together and seems more enjoyable that a life with a guy or even sex with a guy. While high, I still am attracted to guys, but i would choose a girl over a guy when high, it seems. This isn't the case when I'm sober though, although when I am sober I still am occasionally turned on by girls.
When I invision relationships in the future, I am turned off by thinking of a straight relationship because I feel like they're harder to maintain or something, because guys and girls are so different. Like I don't want to argue with another female, and it just seems so much more stressful than two guys, who it seems like would understand each other more being the same gender. When I envision that it just seems easier. But I don't want anyone thinking that I see dysfunctional straight relationships and that has turned me gay, because I don't think that's true.
Can anyone label me or something? I know it doesn't matter to some people, but I HATE not knowing what I am. What does this sound like? Opinions?