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  1. #1

    Gay when sober, straight while high

    Alright so this probably sounds weird but here goes:


    I'm a 19 year old guy that is still trying to figure out his sexuality but I guess i'd say that i'm pretty gay. I like girls still to some extent, but part of me thinks that is the idea of liking a girl more. I occasionally look at straight porn and I can climax to it but i'm definitely more into gay porn.

    I've been with two different guys and i'm currently with one of the in a friends with benefits sort of arrangement. I enjoy gay sex but I definitely fantasies about it a lot more before I actually had sex. I thought it would be better. I'm also not really into the effort that it requires to have anal sex with someone. I'm grossed out about that, although that's not whey I thought gay sex would be better. I like watching cum on porn, but in real life i'm grossed out by it.


    I've never done anything sexual with a girl. I feel like I should definitely experiment with that though.




    Here's the question I guess:


    I'm closeted with my sexuality but at the same time I feel like i'm giving a lot of people clues and I'm worried that I will later regret this because i'll end up being straight or something, or at least in a relationship with a girl.


    Whenever I smoke I feel "straight". Like i'd want to have sex with a girl, i'd want to be with a girl, and it would just seem more fun. Like the whole thing fits together and seems more enjoyable that a life with a guy or even sex with a guy. While high, I still am attracted to guys, but i would choose a girl over a guy when high, it seems. This isn't the case when I'm sober though, although when I am sober I still am occasionally turned on by girls.


    When I invision relationships in the future, I am turned off by thinking of a straight relationship because I feel like they're harder to maintain or something, because guys and girls are so different. Like I don't want to argue with another female, and it just seems so much more stressful than two guys, who it seems like would understand each other more being the same gender. When I envision that it just seems easier. But I don't want anyone thinking that I see dysfunctional straight relationships and that has turned me gay, because I don't think that's true.





    Can anyone label me or something? I know it doesn't matter to some people, but I HATE not knowing what I am. What does this sound like? Opinions?

  2. #2
    Miss Bad Boy
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    Re: Gay when sober, straight while high

    It sounds to me like you're scared of heterosexual relationships, but when you're high, all of that anxiety and fear goes away because you're high and it's relaxed you, so you can think of heterosexual relationships, and women, better. You are more relaxed and at ease with them when you are high. When you're sober, you have more negative thoughts about women and it changes your feelings then. You get anxious and doubtful and scared, but not when you're high.

  3. #3
    JUB Addict HunterM's Avatar
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    Re: Gay when sober, straight while high

    Have sex with guys and girls. Practice safe sex though. Then decide for yourself what you would prefer or both your long term relationship.

  4. #4
    nerd of prey hylas's Avatar
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    Re: Gay when sober, straight while high

    heres something that pop-culture, movies, television, songs, and pornography dont tell us: sex, at first, is often not as good as you thought it was going to be. in your fantasies, everything is perfect and tailor-made for you. reality is more complicated. it can be clumsy, awkward, or simply different. other things you never even fantasized about might feel really good in real life. stories about how special "the first time" is are exagerated, and in my opinion, stupid. you will learn as you do, you will keep getting better.

    i had sex for the first time when i was 15. the first guy i was with was actually quite alright. but then, i had a string of disasters and disappointments. i didnt have really great sex until i was about 23. im pushing 30 now, and im still learning, and i still frequently have those experiences when things finally, finally, "click."

    also, not everything you fantasize about needs to be realized. some things are fine just as fantasies. and who knows, maybe in ten years, you will realize the fantasy after all, and it will be great. i could give an example or two of exactly that happening to me. there is no rush.

    pornography is great, but it is not real. like, not real at all. trying to learn about sex from pornography is like learning about space-travel by watching star wars. have fun with porn, but the only way you can learn about sex is by having it. and having honest discourse about it helps, too. personally, im a big fan of dan savages' stuff.

    on your gay/straight question, it sounds to me like youre gay or bi. maybe it is easier for you to identify as "queer". i would work towards coming out, if i were you. come out as gay, bi, queer, questioning, or whatever. but i wouldnt put it off because "you might be straight after all". "reverse coming out", if such a thing even exists, surely cant be that hard, if it really came to it; and i seriously doubt it will.

    make sure to use condoms! good luck!
    Last edited by hylas; May 15th, 2013 at 09:57 AM.

  5. #5
    of the 99%
    Just_Believe18's Avatar
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    Re: Gay when sober, straight while high

    I believe you still need more time to figure out your sexuality as you continue to mature and develop. Even though you're an "adult" at 19, your body is still going through significant changes until your early twenties, particularly in cognitive development.

    Being under the influences of substances, however, is not a healthy expression into figuring out who you are or what you want. Getting high or drunk is not a barometer of whether you know you like men or women.

    I also believe you need to have more gay sexual experiences outside of just 1-2 people to decide if certain sex acts aren't for you. Maybe your sexual partners just aren't doing it right. Cum is cum. It's like spit and sweat. It's natural, clean, and a normal part of the body. You don't have to taste and swallow it, but you shouldn't feel grossed out if it gets on you. Think of it more as an expression of what your attractiveness caused the other guy to do, hehe.
    #439th oldest member on JUB.

  6. #6
    para0402
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    Re: Gay when sober, straight while high

    Well, you could be bi? But whatever it is, you should be comfortable with being with your partner regardless of their gender. I mean, you shouldn't really think too much into this. Just experiment a little more, maybe go out with a girl or two to find out if that's what you really like? Some guys (gay ones) are able to be with women although they identify as gay. So it could be so in your case. Whatever it is, you're 19, you're still young. So don't sweat it too much. Go out have fun. Always be safe though!

  7. #7
    FEAR THE LIBERAL DETENTE! TX-Beau's Avatar
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    Re: Gay when sober, straight while high

    I used to get drunk and have sex with women - or more to the point - I used to get drunk TO have sex with women. I couldn't keep it up sober, go figure.

    Yeah, just really gay and trying not to be.

    I don't care how hot they are no one knows what they're doing in the beginning. It takes time to learn about the body and how to get it off gay or straight. You just usually have more of a hair trigger when you're younger, so that kinda compensates.

    RELAX, have a good time, if the opportunity arises to be with a woman, try it out. Though I suspect you're pretty much gay and just dealing with cultural expectation baggage in your head. Something we all had to deal with.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Oh and yeah - gay men (and straight ones) can be just as high maintenance as women are supposed to be.
    ATTACK OF THE LIBERAL ELITE

  8. #8

    Re: Gay when sober, straight while high

    It sounds like you've put some valuable thought into what your hang-ups might be. And don't be fooled - even people who largely identify as straight have hang-ups regarding relationships and sex (like "men are all pigs!" or "women are so high-maintenance!" etc, etc).

    I would suggest talking a bit to a sex therapist or a therapist in general. Research to see if there's someone near you, perhaps at a college campus, who you might be able to afford. Just experimenting around with partners won't necessarily clear things up for you. I know people who were exclusively straight and others exclusively gay who kept being attracted to people for all the wrong reasons.

    For the moment, I wouldn't recommend coming out at all, frankly. That process is mostly about informing others of what you know - right now, you don't exactly know what to go by, so don't bother trying to explain it to people. Just give yourself the room to experience it for yourself.

    Who knows what the future might bring? Fall for whoever floats your boat

  9. #9
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    Re: Gay when sober, straight while high

    There will come a time when you know which way you want to go.. I went through a phase when I was younger then you, going out with girls etc. But, I think that all had to do with how I was raised, I knew I was gay in my heart, so it was easy for me when I did come out to family and friends, and it's never been a problem. You'll know when the times right. Good luck ,and play it safe !

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