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  1. #1

    Think my "Straight" Best Friend may be in love with me

    I have been trying to figure out this situation for a really long time. So one of my close friends (let's call him Jon) has been steadily changing in his verbal and physical interactions with me over the past 1.5 years of our friendship. We are both college students. I am 21 and he is 20. Just to be clear, I am a gay man and he claims to be a straight one. However, things have happened that seem to throw his self-ascribed label into doubt. It began February 2012. We were leaving a movie and I commented on the impressive abs of one of the characters. He responded "His abs aren't that great. Mine are better. I've been working on my core a lot lately." I was confused, but shrugged it off as an awkward sentence. After that, things continued to move in an odd direction. When we would hang out in groups, he started attaching himself to me and would hang on to me, hug me, or touch me quite often. Again, I didn't think much of it. I figured it was just drunk hugginess or whatever. Anyway, things continued to escalate, especially last semester. He would be "too drunk" and pass out in my bed. He never tried anything, but this happened four times last semester alone. He would then lie about it to others, claiming I asked or invited him to sleep in there with me. He also regularly positioned himself next to me in group settings when we would watch movies or television and I began to notice him pressing his knee against mine or sidling up to me and placing his head on my shoulder.

    I have been down the "reading signs that aren't there" road with straight guys before, so I tried not to take it to heart. Then, other, very trustworthy friends began to come to me and ask if something was going on between the two of us. I said no and they responded that they had noticed him attaching himself to me and being overly physical. I was glad to find that this was not just something I was imagining. Then things got weirder.

    My 21st birthday was a couple of weeks ago, and I did not ask for any presents. Despite this, "Jon" got me a present. But it wasn't a card, or a bottle of vodka. It was a shirt. From J. Crew. Last time I checked, people our age did not give each other clothes. To me, a shirt that nice means "I think you would look really good wearing this." I was dumbfounded. I just couldn't understand why he gave me this. I thanked him for it but informed him that it was not really something I felt like I would wear, and asked if we could go back to J Crew and pick something out together. He was fine with that as he had already told me he saved the gift receipt. So we went last Saturday and it turns out the closest J crew was a womens only. The saleswoman gave us an iPad and told us to browse the catalog and that she would order anything we found. So we picked out a shirt, Well actually, he kept picking out shirts and occasionally asking what I thought. I finally settled on something he showed me without paying too much attention. I just wanted to be out of there. Anyway, the woman informed him he would receive a $10 refund because this shirt was less than the one we returned. I looked at the iPad to see how much the one we decided on was. It was $65. HE SPENT $75 ON A SHIRT FOR A PLATONIC MALE FRIEND'S BIRTHDAY. At this point, I was flabbergasted. I had no idea what to do. I eventually confronted him about spending so much and he lied about the cost and claimed he set aside a "gift budget" each year because he likes giving people things. Bullshit. Last Christmas, he got me one 6th of an expensive concert ticket with some other close friends. Then he got me an additional, separate gift that could not have been less than $30. It's not everyone. It's me.

    I just can't do it anymore. Is he in love with me? If so, what do I do? I can't put up with the lies. What do you think, JUB?

  2. #2
    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: Think my "Straight" Best Friend may be in love with me

    The best way, in my opinion, is to keep asking questions, and, if you know the answer is a lie, confront him and don't let him get away with it.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  3. #3

    Re: Think my "Straight" Best Friend may be in love with me

    If you're not interested, for the love of whatever deity you believe in DO NOT LET HIM KEEP FALLING FOR YOU!

    Maybe give him a little, not alot of alcohol and confront him about it one on one. Well don't confront just ask him, get it out in the open. Because a. It's driving you insane. b. If he does feel that way it's probably driving him insane that you're not picking up on his signals. c. If you have similar feelings then there is an avenue for you to pursue them. d. If he doesn't feel that way you can put your mind at ease.

    No use just pondering and worrying yourself. Nut up and ask the hard questions.

  4. #4
    Coward92
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    Re: Think my "Straight" Best Friend may be in love with me

    What they said.

  5. #5
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    Re: Think my "Straight" Best Friend may be in love with me

    I assume that he (and also your friends) are aware that you are a gay guy?
    I am Dutch, so please excuse me for my low level of English.

  6. #6
    Sex God silentalk's Avatar
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    Re: Think my "Straight" Best Friend may be in love with me

    Whatever you guys do, try not to break each others' hearts. Be gentle with him.

  7. #7

    Re: Think my "Straight" Best Friend may be in love with me

    Just out of curiosity, what's wrong with him???

    I mean... why don't you like him in a more romantic way? He sounds like a great guy!!! Why not go with the flow, and end up "Happily Ever After" ???

    It could very well be that 6 months down the road you're kicking yourself for letting him get away.
    http://www.justusboys.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic216959_1.gif

  8. #8

    Re: Think my "Straight" Best Friend may be in love with me

    I don't think there's anything wrong with him except that he can occasionally be annoying in social situations. I really do think I might have feelings for him, but he's making it impossible. This semester has been a total mindfuck. I actually took the text for this from an old e-mail I sent to a friend asking for help so I forgot it was missing vital information. About a month, I was hosting a party which he attended and while there this girl told him she wanted to make out. He said yes, so they did. A week later, after talking only sporadically, they started dating. I'm 95% sure this is a beard situation because he likes to proclaim that they are going to "make out later" as often as he can and brags to me and others about sleeping over at her place though I found out she always makes him sleep on the couch. The girl is graduating this semester and doesn't want it to go on past this summer, but it's just another way for him to deny what I'm assuming is his homo- or bisexuality.

    Borg, I have been going with the flow since I started to realize my feelings toward him were changing, but he keeps insisting to others that he's straight. I'm 21 years old and I've never been in a real relationship. I would love for him to get his shit together and be open with me for once, but every time it looks like we're there, he pushes me away or finds something like this to cover it all up again.

  9. #9
    PowerPlay
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    Re: Think my "Straight" Best Friend may be in love with me

    It is obvious he is in love with you. I would give him a wet, sloppy kiss and see what his reaction would be. Then I'd tell him to stop playing the silly mind games, or get lost.

  10. #10

    Re: Think my "Straight" Best Friend may be in love with me

    Assuming hypothetically that he is gay/bi, it does sound like he's struggling greatly with his sexuality.

    You said he knows you're gay... What would happen if you kind of called his bluff and just told him straightforward that you're kind of getting feelings for him, and since he's 'straight' and not interested in a romantic relationship you think you should spend less time together?

    You can take charge of the situation in your actions, and what you do or don't put up with, and let him decided how involved with your life he wants to be.
    http://www.justusboys.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic216959_1.gif

  11. #11

    Re: Think my "Straight" Best Friend may be in love with me

    The next time he gets physical, respond just little and see what happens. Not too much as you may want to claim you were drunk or joking if he questions it.

  12. #12

    Re: Think my "Straight" Best Friend may be in love with me

    Everyone gets annoyed at a friend/loved one at parties at one point or another.

    He's clearly struggling with his obvious attraction to you. He may not be gay or even bi, but just has this specific attraction towards you. How badly do you want/need his friendship? Because you have several options:
    1. back him into a corner, be unrelenting and upfront and confront him on his feelings for you.
    2. drop subtle hints see if he gets it.
    3. be up front but not "scary", he'll either fold or he'll run
    4. a few drinks to loosen you both up, n just kiss him.

    Haha, some are more drastic than others, but hey, gotta do what you gotta do.

  13. #13
    JUB Addict HunterM's Avatar
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    Re: Think my "Straight" Best Friend may be in love with me

    Your friend "Jon" is into you! From what you have described, it is plain as day. If you like him, flirt with him. It does not mean you have to put your dating life on hold. Flirt with him while dating other guys. Keep your options open. Since everyone knows you're gay, what's the harm in flirting with him?

  14. #14
    Newbie boweny's Avatar
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    Re: Think my "Straight" Best Friend may be in love with me

    kiss him and see how he reacts

  15. #15
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    Re: Think my "Straight" Best Friend may be in love with me

    There is definitely some unusual behavior here, but it's not just out of physical attraction. There is an emotional infatuation he has for you considering how much effort he put into that gift. You say you seem to like him, so respond back to some of his flirtations and advances. Have you ever thought that your defensiveness like challenging the gift or not reciprocating the physical closeness makes him feel like you're not interested in him and would reject him at the slightest admission of infatuation?

    For example, when receiving the shirt, you should have kissed him on the cheek. When you found out the price, you rightfully admonished him for the price, but you should also have been grateful and gave him a big hug for being so generous. He just wants his feelings for you to be acknowledged.

    You're a gay man. Put your flirting skills in action. Respond to him favorably when he talks about his body and abs. Give physical contact back. See how he likes being touched on the back, shoulders, or the random ab grabs. He seems to be the only one pushing the envelope on his sexuality, and you're being the prude.

    Keep us posted.
    #439th oldest member on JUB.

  16. #16
    FEAR THE LIBERAL DETENTE! TX-Beau's Avatar
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    Re: Think my "Straight" Best Friend may be in love with me

    Oh Jesus Christ - if he's a gay man struggling with being gay, hitting on him is a sure way to make things really bizarre, if not end your friendship.
    ATTACK OF THE LIBERAL ELITE

  17. #17

    Re: Think my "Straight" Best Friend may be in love with me

    I have a question.
    Are you currently with someone while this is going on?

    If no, then maybe you could bring a sex buddy over to gauge Jon's reaction to the fact.
    Observe how he behaves if he knows that you will be knocking boots with another guy.
    If he seems hurt and or jealous then confront him, if he is psychotically obsessive afterwards. Obviously run for the hills!

    Otherwise inform him that it was just a sex thing and ask him why he was so upset, tease him a little for being jealous.
    Ask him why he was jealous and if it had anything to do with him being your friend or something else.

  18. #18
    On the Prowl mcbrion's Avatar
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    Re: Think my "Straight" Best Friend may be in love with me

    Spooky, manipulating someone and thinking jealousy is equivalent to love is a pretty immature thing to do to find out if someone likes you. Honesty, such as, "Man, I noticed you spent a lot on my birthday shirt, and while I love it, it confused me. Did you just give it to me as my friend or is there something I should know?"
    Why is it some of you guys resort to manipulation to find out what you want to know? First of all, it's wrong. Second, it's dishonest. Third, it says you don't have any emotional respect for the feeling of others - and you yourselves should stay out of relationships until you learn to be honest. The thing about being honest is you're taking a risk - one that may not end up the way you want, but you will grow into maturity from it. Only emotionally stunted people do the 'jealousy' thing, which is, to be blunt, cowardly. 10 year olds do that. ADULTS do not. So, please, avoid the high school-level games and progress toward adulthood.

  19. #19

    Re: Think my "Straight" Best Friend may be in love with me

    This always works!!!! One day invite him to your place to hang out. Then ajar the door, strip naked and get down on fours, have lube dripping out of your arse so it looks inviting! So, when he arrives he will either do two things, unzip his pants, start fingering you and then slide his cock into your arse or he will run back right out. Either way, you will get a definite answer on how he feels for you!

    Worked for me, was in a same situation...

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