So, I typed up this letter by which I'm going to come out to my mom with. Back home where she lives, and where I live (Far North Dallas) are about 80 miles apart, so I only get to see her maybe once every two months. But with my foot surgery pending, it served as a wake-up call that I need to get this done NOW, so that I can move my life forward. I would like your thoughts on what I wrote, please. I have this saved to a Microsoft Word doc, so I can easily go back and edit this if I need to.
Hi! I hope this letter finds you doing well.
There is something that I need to tell you, so that I may unburden myself before I go through with this foot surgery.
There comes a time point in all of our lives when we suddenly feel that our attention has been gotten, and that there are matters to be addressed before moving forward. For me, this is one of those times.
I thought it best to tell you this in letter form, so that I could say completely what I need to say to you.
You know that I moved to Dallas – it’ll be two years in July – seeking a better life for myself. Through a solid work ethic, and hanging in there, I have indeed found that better life. I have also spent the last two years healing from the old wounds of the moderate and distant past. It has been a long, and often grueling road, with often 19-22 hour workdays, consecutively. But I know I’m getting where I want and need to go.
While I have worked hard to get where I’m at – in college, and holding down two jobs, I think it’s time for me to work and push just as hard in a different direction of my life – me. For as long as I can remember, I have been governed by fear, and shame, and in an embarrassment of other people’s opinion of me, and a lack of self-worth, and self-respect as a result. I have also lived alone – not even close acquaintances outside of work. I have now come to the conclusion that my being alone in life is costing me too high a price for me to pay – my happiness. And frankly, it is also putting my future success at risk, also. It is fundamentally unhealthy to my continued life in this world.
I think that here, at age 30, it is time for me to seek a personal and, frankly, adult relationship of my very own, with the person of my choosing, whom I decide. While I know that we, as family, couldn’t do any better living in a small town with no financial way out throughout most of my 20s, now that I am in the city, with so much opportunity for advancement in every aspect of my life literally at my fingertips, I feel that I now have a responsibility, indeed a mandate to salvage what youth I have left, to take on an intimate partner of my choosing, and enjoy my life. I indeed fully intend to start searching for a gentleman of quality to be by my side through life. You and I never discussed this at length, as a parent and child should during my teenage years (in fact, you were quite silent on the matter), so I need to unburden myself by discussing this with you now.
Furthermore, I feel that I have allowed fear and an internal shame inside myself toward myself govern and control my perception of everyone and everything. This must not continue. And it will not. I must and do accept myself as-is. Regardless of anyone else’s say on the matter. "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." -- Dr. Seuss. It is time for me to be who I am.
I choose to not just exist on this planet, but to truly live.
I choose progress, and not stagnation.
I choose happiness, and not anguish.
I choose pride, and not shame.
I choose to walk in power, and not in fear. Not anymore.
As the vow on the inside of my ring is inscribed, “I Choose To Fight”.
Please know that I am well. And safe. And happy. And I am going to have this surgery on my foot. And I’m going to be OK.
You are welcome to contact me at anytime. You have my cell phone number. I’d like to know your thoughts.
Hug the dog for me.