Do you think moving in with your boyfriend is a good idea before you guys get married?

[NYClover54]

Pick yes or no and start a discussion. Also stat why you said yes or no. I picked no because it could get awkward if something happens and you can be out on the streets. To me, you guys have to be VERY committed and this has to be the level of commitment that involves marriage.

[Beachguyj]

Same thing can happen after the marriage. Best to work out if you are compatible living together before you make the commitment.

[palbert]

Same thing can happen after the marriage. Best to work out if you are compatible living together before you make the commitment.

^^^ This.

[Durango95]

I find cohabitation confining. In 40 years of screwing around I've only lived with a boyfriend three times and these weren't years and years long. The last one was the longest and it was 4 years.

[para0402]

Same thing can happen after the marriage. Best to work out if you are compatible living together before you make the commitment.

Agreed! Living together is a commitment, but it isn't as big a commitment as marriage. It's just sharing a place together like you have with a roommate.

[Kyanimal]

Wouldn't you want to test drive a car before Buying it?

[rareboy]

I find cohabitation confining. In 40 years of screwing around I've only lived with a boyfriend three times and these weren't years and years long. The last one was the longest and it was 4 years.

Imagine how your boyfriends felt.

[sixthson]

I don't think you need to live together to know if you are compatible or suited for marriage. You should know that before you commit to living together with or without marriage.

Since marriage is not available to most of us at this time, living together is the next best thing.

Commitment doesn't mean you agree to live together just while it feels nice. It means you are serious about each other and willing to do what it takes to make the relationship work. Committing to someone is not a casual thing.

[dpnice]

Why should I consider marriage as the only means of living a long and committed relationship.

If it feels right to be moving in with someone then do it. It will require sacrifices and a great deal of understanding but marriage isn't going to be the magical means of making it work.

On the other hand marriage can be a way of expressing your total commitment to your partner thus strengthening a relationship that has already proved itself. Or just a means of getting the legal benefits.

I am slightly concerned that the next thread I read will be "should I have sex with my boyfriend before we are married?"

[justsimon]

I wouldn't marry someone without living with them first.

[Adrusek81]

Same thing can happen after the marriage. Best to work out if you are compatible living together before you make the commitment.

Wise words indeed.

[USEDCAR]

I think living with them first is best, you get an early idea how he is and what your getting your self into. Instead of jumping into marriage. It bugs me when Christians always say wait until marriage until you have sex and all the other crap.

[Scealle]

I think it's a good idea. I don't know about dating but it should be the same. I moved in with my only college friend at the time back in first year and we actually get along really well. And helping each other getting through life. Till the pet bunny comes in and cause the whole flea problem. Had that not happened, we'd still be living together.

[pat grimshaw]

Why should I consider marriage as the only means of living a long and committed relationship....

Because it is the fad of the moment. Why would sensible gay men want to take an institution being well and truly discarded by modern society?

I ask my uni friends who are striving for gay marriage about their parents. Half of them admit their parents are divorced.

[alister]

I picked no because it could get awkward if something happens and you can be out on the streets.

There are things you have to agree to before you commit to living with someone, even if it's with friends/strangers. Things like how to deal with problems, how you're going to deal with the finance side and how household chores are going to be taken care of.

Anyone that would throw someone out on the street if something happened in the relationship isn't someone I'd want to move in with in the first place, or marry for that matter.

[dpnice]

Because it is the fad of the moment. Why would sensible gay men want to take an institution being well and truly discarded by modern society?

........................................

You misunderstood me. I was saying that as a gay man I didn't need marriage to validate my long-term relationship. I was not saying that there are not valid reasons for gay marriage becoming universally accepted.

[sixthson]

Because it is the fad of the moment. Why would sensible gay men want to take an institution being well and truly discarded by modern society?

I consider myself to be a sensible man who does not believe that marriage is obsolete. While I have long suspected that many (perhaps even most) gay men see the battle for marriage to be one of political muscle flexing rather than the sincere desire to marry, it is something we will do when it becomes legal, partly because it would be important to our children. While we are well protected legally, not all couples can afford to go that route. Marriage would eliminate those burdens for them.

A few weeks ago, we went to a traditional wedding where the Pastor talked about marriage being a promise. To me that is a beautiful thing because the promise has long been in my heart. Marriage is not some chain that binds us together, but rather the outward declaration of an inward reality of tender bonds of love that are willingly, deliberately and freely lived out daily in our present lives, with or without the legal paperwork.

[pat grimshaw]

I consider myself to be a sensible man...

I know you are.

...A few weeks ago, we went to a traditional wedding where the Pastor talked about marriage being a promise...

Yes, promises rely on honesty and truthfulness.

(I have a secret pleasure in that I like watching Judge Judy; half the plaintiffs and defendants refer to each other as 'the father of my children' or 'my childrens' mother. )

[SaskGuy]

Yes. When you live with someone, you really get to know them, and find out whether or not you two are really as compatible as you thought.

[eastofeden]

Absolutely...I wouldn't consider it any other way.

[frankfrank]

Because it is the fad of the moment. Why would sensible gay men want to take an institution being well and truly discarded by modern society?

I ask my uni friends who are striving for gay marriage about their parents. Half of them admit their parents are divorced.

"Marriage is an institution.
I don't like living in an institution."
--Homer and Jethro, the song "Love and Marriage," 1955

Living together is the best way to know if two people are fit for a long-term relationship. In some ways, living together is nearly like being married. Trying the living-together-first method may be even more important for somebody who has never tried living with somebody before (since "leaving home" - or perhaps not having done that yet), because one has to learn the give-and-take required to successfully live with somebody.

[TheSpectatingLoner]

Sometimes I think it'd be fun to live alone even after marriage.

[eastofeden]

Sometimes I think it'd be fun to live alone even after marriage.

Actually alot of people have those kinds of marriages.

[TheSpectatingLoner]

I'd love to hear their stories. Honestly, I think that would be the only way I'd consider a relationship. Living with someone, sharing a room with someone, just seems like too much.

[Dejavudoo]

I don't think the old taboo against pre-marital cohabitation holds traction any more. It was more about bride price than virtue anyway.

In our divorce-saturated society, the injunction is ineffective.

By all means, commit yourself to your love, and try to make it work. If you CAN go on to a marriage, all the better for those who can make it work.

Our lives are blessed by the sharing of them if we learn to get along, and to care enough.

[maxpowr9]

When I moved in with my ex, well, there's your answer! I had to fight to have my own space [like a desk] in his condo and that was just the tip of the iceberg.

I would almost require living with someone before I married them. It's a much different scenario when you see your "loved one" every single day.

[kindabikindagay]

I think marriage is a very serious commitment and you two will be living together so I think roomying up before the actual marriage part is crucial.. You need to see if you two are compatible living together and if it's the right choice for you. Sometimes some issues might arise about living manners and you two would be better off dealing with them before marriage.. IDK but if it were me, I'd do it before the big day.

[Kyanimal]

When I first met "My" Kev, through a mutual friend that was crushing on me, but I wasn't all that "interested" in, he was a very Popular bartender, in the gay community, and living with an older guy he was in a relationship with. A year later, Kev's relationship went South (long story), and he ended up moving in with our mutual friend (strictly expedient/platonic).

One night out at the bars, I ran into Kev (off duty), not at his workplace, and ended up asking him to come home with me at closing time. To my Great surprise, he agreed! We had an AWESOME night in my bed!

Our mutual friend found out about it, and was NOT pleased because of his own feelings for me! He gave Kev a week to move out of his place, and Kev ended up (out of immediate practicality) moving in with me. We had NO idea what we were starting at that time! And, our mutual friend declared it was something that would Never work/last!

All of that happened a little over 30yr. ago, and we're STILL "Living Together"! It's not something we Planned. It has not been something we ever "committed" to. We've never actually sat down and talked about it! It's just something that Gratefully happened while we were living our Lives, and as it turned out, Together!

Gay Marriage is not (yet) legal in Wisconsin. And, WHEN it does become so, for the legal benefits, like company health coverage, etc, I'm pretty sure we'll make our relationship Legal. Butt, that won't be for the "commitment" part. We're both sure we've already covered/discovered that without having to SAY so.

All the more reasons to ... no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

[Seth82]

I wouldn't marry someone without living with them first.

pretty much what I was about to say too.

[crimsonpaine]

better to know that you can actually live together before you get married. Kind of shit to go through all the motions then find out you hate living together.

[loki81]

in my mind, marriage/civil union/commitment ceremony probably wouldn't happen until after living with someone for a couple years.

even so, somewhere in the back of my paranoid mind I'd probably keep moving expenses stashed away in an account somewhere (eg: money for a security deposit on a new apartment and enough to buy basic furnishings)

[loki81]

I'd love to hear their stories. Honestly, I think that would be the only way I'd consider a relationship. Living with someone, sharing a room with someone, just seems like too much.

not quite the same, but I love the idea of having separate bedrooms and sleeping together whenever you want to, but not having any awkwardness when one guy just wants a night to spread out in bed alone.

[animalius]

Pick yes or no and start a discussion. Also stat why you said yes or no. I picked no because it could get awkward if something happens and you can be out on the streets. To me, you guys have to be VERY committed and this has to be the level of commitment that involves marriage.

Years ago, I went over my friend's place to visit her and her boyfriend. They had moved in together, you see. When I got there, I saw her throwing his cloths and stuff out the apartment window. What happened was she came home and saw him chatting with his ex girlfriend. Here's the thing. We were in Chicago, and the ex girlfriend was in Florida.

The point is there are 2 things that you need to consider: (1) Are you the type that lets your emotions overrule logic and (2) is your boyfriend the type that lets emotions overrule logic? If the answer is yes in either case, then no moving together wouldn't work out.

When I found out my ex had cheated on me several times and had caught an std and was purposely trying to infect me to blame me for the std (stupid plan anyway), I never yelled or be all dramatic. Talked to him about it and tried to work things out. Had we been living together, I would not have thrown him out like he would with me had it been the other way around. I don't care how bad things turn out to be, I'm the type that would never ever ever ever throw my former lover out in the streets. And I will make damn sure the guy I move in with has enough sense never to act irrationally.

I simply don't understand why people feel the need to act out how they feel especially when they are emotionally charged. Makes no sense to me. People need to realize that irrational behaviors have consequences. Doesn't matter if you were temporarily insane.