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  1. #1

    What should I do?

    I apologize in advance if I end up rambling a lot but my brain can't really process what I'm going through so I figure it's best to just let everything out and see what people think.

    I'm 27 years old and until a few months ago, I had never done anything with a guy. I met someone at a club where he works a while ago and we've been seeing each other casually every few weeks. The problem is that we live 4 hours away and we keep meeting in the middle to spend weekends together. I love spending time with him and the sex is great, I want more and more, but I'm always travelling to see him in the city where he works.

    He's kind of closeted and staying with a straight friend so every time we have to rent a hotel room to sleep together/have sex. Seeing him is starting to take a toll on me financially since traveling to see him also involves paying for food, gas, etc. We always split the costs but he makes a lot more money than me. He can't really come visit me at home either since when he's not working, he's at home with his family and friends living a 'straight' life.

    I also worry a lot about him seeing other people even though I don't really have any reasons to think he might. We've had discussions about it and he assures me he's not having sex with anyone else but I guess a part of me is just super insecure and even though I try not to bring up that subject anymore, I still have moments where I just go crazy and I ask him again the same questions and it pisses him off. I think this just comes from the fact that I've always told myself I would only have sex with someone I was in a serious relationship with. What we're doing is pretty casual and I'm not super comfortable with that concept.

    Anyway, I feel like maybe I shouldn't see him as often even though I love spending time with him but I'm afraid it would be too hard to stop. Should I maybe try to meet other people who live in my town instead? Is there a way I can keep seeing him while letting go of all my insecurities? Hopefully this makes sense.

    Thanks!
    Last edited by mcbg22; May 8th, 2013 at 02:52 PM.

  2. #2
    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: What should I do?

    You definitely ought to be working on meeting other people. This relationship is taking too big a toll. Even if he is a good match for you the circumstances of maintaining it seem to be your responsibility. If you're not able to treat this more casually I'd suggest that you consider ending it due to the stress it's causing.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  3. #3
    para0402
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    Re: What should I do?

    Quote Originally Posted by Seasoned View Post
    You definitely ought to be working on meeting other people. This relationship is taking too big a toll. Even if he is a good match for you the circumstances of maintaining it seem to be your responsibility. If you're not able to treat this more casually I'd suggest that you consider ending it due to the stress it's causing.
    I agree with this. I think for a relationship to work both party has to contribute. He has to at least make the effort to travel to your place to meet. If he doesn't make that effort I don't he's not worth stressing over.

  4. #4
    Sex God AngolaZee's Avatar
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    Re: What should I do?

    I think this relationship is unsustainable since you dont have the financial resources required to keep it strong (ie. To visit as often as possible). You really should work on finding people much closer to where you stay.

    Long distance relationships are very rarely successful this is made even worse by the fact that he is in the closet. I think you really should move on as nothing good can come out of this while you two reside where you do

  5. #5
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    Re: What should I do?

    hi mcbg22,

    I also think that this relationship is unsustainable, not because of lack of financial resources, but because he is a closeted guy. How do you see a future with a closeted guy? What's his age? Do you have any idea if he will open himself?

    So you don't need to hide to anyone around you (work, friends, family, etc.) that you are gay and that you have a relationship with a guy. So he can call you any time he likes, but you cannot make such a call to him (e.g. in his free time). So he even cannot visit you during a long weekend? How about a holiday together with him? So that straight friend of him is some sort of homophobe?
    I am Dutch, so please excuse me for my low level of English.

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