May 7th, 2013, 09:23 AM
Dom/Sub experience, why was I not turned on as a Dom?
I've met a decent guy - Jason, very hot body, nice head and nice face, quite short.
He is 36, looks younger, can pass for maybe 21 year old, and sometimes gets mistaken for a college student. If you look though, you can tell he is older, like 36-ish. He is short, his body is even younger, he can pass for a 16/17 year old body-wise, especially if you put yourself in that kind of head space. He has a small dick and is not happy about it. He likes to underscore how small his body is and how small his dick is and how young he is and how innocent he is.
He likes to sub, he likes to be overpowered.
Now, then, about me .. or more so my concern ..
I thought I would like that. I like younger guys, I like nice in shape bodies, I like nice faces and his was reasonably okay, etc. etc. I met him twice. Neither time he turned me on really. I found that very weird. I tend to like younger guys who are smaller, and with this guy I also had more of a connection. We talked, we bonded more, he was actually interested in me and was showing it more, which I found exciting on some level, but my dick apparently did not agree.
During our experience, I tried relaxing, I tried focusing on his body, I tried looking at his face, I tried forcing his head onto my dick, but nothing, and I was horny earlier too, so I definitely had it in me (ability to get hard)... In the end, I had to beat off my cum for him even though I kind of did not want to.... I wanted to cum "naturally" where he would get me off on his body, but it did not happen. I beat off for him and came onto his mouth and the whole experience left me kind of wanting more, in a sense that I would have liked to redo it again but with me being turned on and with me getting off on this guy. But for some reason I did not and I want to understand why.
Maybe I was tired that day (I was).
Maybe I met this guy 2nd time and second time there was no "chase" element, the guy was there for me and maybe that did not do much for my dick ..
Maybe I was trying to be too formal, and forgot about myself. I was focusing a lot on Master/slave stuff instead of being less formal and more closer to the guy personally. I don't think I let myself get too close.
Maybe I put too much focus on pleasing Jason when he was in sub role, and forgetting about me.
Maybe I got too up high into my mental head space, forgetting about my physical body and its needs.
Maybe I did not know what I wanted and just focused on pleasing Jason, as I did not know what else to do. I even came for him when I really did not necessarily want to.
Maybe it was just not the guy for me, even if everything else went fine.
Maybe it was just what it was, aka "not the day for me" or "not the sub for me" or just something not for me, and that is fine, maybe I should just leave it at that and move on and let things be and focus on my life and future dom/sub experiences as they come.
That experience was definitely more taxing for me, than a typical wham-bam-thank-you-mam. I had to Perform (not in a sexual sense, but a dom sense) and work at it, focusing on so much more than just satisfying immediate sexual needs. I was satisfying more than that - mental space, desires, fantasies, experiences.
Some highlights of the experience were that he let me access his entire body, let me take photos and even videos if I wanted to, we decided on photos (that was interesting and maybe a bit distracting for me).
Another highlight was his focus on his small body, how young he is how small he is, and how guys like younger guys like him, like a teenager, and I thought it would turn me on, as I like younger guys, but it did not. I tried putting myself in that head space, and it did not work. Even I thought about playing with my buddy when I myself was 15/16, but that did not help me for some reason. I heavily guard those memories of me and my buddy and I think I did not allow my head to go into that space.
And so I wonder, why I did not let myself get the sub get me off, get me hard, why I did not get myself hard naturally, without forcing it at the very end? Like I said, I tried, I tried hard, I tried relaxing, I tried relaxing again. I guess maybe I did not let it happen in the end, but I wanted to ... This is weird, and I maybe kind of get it but kind of not, kind of do not understand.
Can someone relate? Can someone explain? Can someone help with future experiences? I want to get off too, when I Dom.