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  1. #1

    Good friend...is that it?

    Over the last six months I've become really good friends with another guy. I am bi and reasonably open about it although not fully out, he is supposedly straight, and very defensive about being straight. He has many stereotypically "gay" mannerisms, but in terms of his personality seems "straight" (not trying to conform to gender norms, just trying to describe him).

    When we first met and we'd go to events, he'd always come up to me and try to talk to me. Our first conversation was drunken, and was about how well dressed I am and how "if he was gay he'd be into me." Since then, we have hung out all the time; oftentimes if I send him a message, he does not respond, but then in person is really talkative and wants to talk to me so I think that is just his personality. He talks about girls he has liked sometimes, but we have the same social circle and the girls he has mentioned conveniently don't have facebooks and live in faraway places. He himself is very liberal and "pro-gay", but he comes from a super conservative area and family.

    The two of us are working on several projects together and value each other's talents, so even though we hang out a lot, often times it's business oriented. Although usually "meetings" are hang out sessions with very little work done.

    I really, really enjoy being his friend, to the point that I almost don't want to risk trying to see if it will go further because I like him as a friend so much However, at the last few parties we've been at, he's been very, very touchy....and then will say things like "don't get so close to me, people already think I'm gay." Other than this, when we are sober, he seems fairly platonic, although it is hard to tell. Meanwhile several of my friends, a few who know I'm bi and a few who do not, tell me they think he is into me even though he says he is straight.

    I guess the bottom line is I want to know if I should just ignore the "signs" and continue to be his friend, or make some kind of move. He's the kind of personality that if I made a move and he was straight and I was misreading him, my friendship with him would be pretty awkward and I don't want that to happen. Or maybe just see how things go?

  2. #2

    Re: Good friend...is that it?

    Also forgot to mention he drilled a friend of mine about whether or not I was bi, and when asked why he wanted to know, couldn't really answer.

  3. #3
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    Re: Good friend...is that it?

    hi NickWilliams,

    I would like to advise you that you should be honest to him in regard that you make clear that he is aware that you are bi. Obviously, he is cool about bi/gay people, so why not tell him that you are bi? Why are you so hideous / vague about such an important item of yourself toward a person whom you consider as a very good friend?

    So don't worry about him, but be clear about yourself. Definately, he is curious about this question, so much better to tell him the truth.

    I have no idea if he is straight / bi / gay or anything in between. Why not make a small move when he is touchy with you at the next party [= start touching him, or tell him that he is a sweet guy, or make compliments about his clothes, etc]?

    I would like to wish you all the best. Feel free to react and/or ask additional questions.

    Best wishes.
    I am Dutch, so please excuse me for my low level of English.

  4. #4
    para0402
    Guest

    Re: Good friend...is that it?

    ^ I agree with Ganoderma that you should let him know that you're bi since he did asked your friend about it and is probably curious about your sexuality. I think you should let him know you're bi then see how it plays out from there.

    I don't think you should think too much about the touchy touchy stuff going on. Some straight guys do like to touch each other. I have a straight friend who enjoys hugs and being very... "intimate" to me in a way that's annoying. He's just teasing me about it since he knows I'm gay. So I probably wouldn't worry too much about it. But do let him know you're bi and probably see how he reacts and play things out from there.

    I wish you all the best and do update us on how things go.

  5. #5

    Re: Good friend...is that it?

    Quote Originally Posted by Ganoderma View Post
    hi NickWilliams,

    I would like to advise you that you should be honest to him in regard that you make clear that he is aware that you are bi. Obviously, he is cool about bi/gay people, so why not tell him that you are bi? Why are you so hideous / vague about such an important item of yourself toward a person whom you consider as a very good friend?

    So don't worry about him, but be clear about yourself. Definately, he is curious about this question, so much better to tell him the truth.

    I have no idea if he is straight / bi / gay or anything in between. Why not make a small move when he is touchy with you at the next party [= start touching him, or tell him that he is a sweet guy, or make compliments about his clothes, etc]?

    I would like to wish you all the best. Feel free to react and/or ask additional questions.

    Best wishes.
    Thanks for the advice guys. I haven't hid it from him, it's just never come up. But I will float it by him subtly and see how he reacts.

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