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  1. #1

    My best bro is draining me

    Hey so I'm half way done getting my degree in Management. I decided and set my heart on one day moving out of my small town in NY, moving down south, and owning a bar/club.

    I'm a musician, I produce and write my own songs and realistically speaking I know the music industry isn't doing well now but a bar would allow me to DJ and mess with music and actually use my degree as well.

    Now me and my best bro are both 21. He's a DJ as well, we're both Puertorican so we love the same music, same food, same types of girls, both have a mind and passion for business and both have the same dream of owning a bar/club.

    Except I feel like I'm the only one of us that has enough drive to meet my goals and he doesn't.

    He's like motivationally bipolar. One minute he's all into the idea of owning a business, and then out of the blue he just complains, wants to get high, and talks about going back to working for his dad in the family business (which I know for a fact he hates, and only wants to because he sees it as the easy option)

    My question to you is what can I say or do to my friend? I don't wanna lose my best bro but at the same time, I don't wanna be surrounded by people who are so negative towards themselves, that it makes me doubt my own abilities. What can I do to fix this?

  2. #2
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    Re: My best bro is draining me

    I'm not sure there is any way to "fix" this. There is only so much you can do to influence Anyone. Everyone has their own basic "Nature", and your buddy simply doesn't seem to be on your own particular "wave lengths", nor will he likely ever be, no matter what you might try. As regrettable as that may be, as "they" say, "It is what It is!"

    The main thing is to follow Your own pursuits/dreams/hopes/desires. And, though that may mean loosing some friends along the way, if they can't, or don't want to, keep up with You, do NOT let that hold You back!

    You have to follow Your own Heart! And, as you do, you'll discover, and make, New Friends that are more of "like mind". LIFE is an ever changing landscape. And, sometimes, as unfortunate as it may be, You have to let go of the past if it's not allowing You to move Forward.

    That doesn't mean you have to forget, or "dump", your friend. It just means the YOU have to make the moves that You think should be made, hoping that he might follow, but if he doesn't, then still Cherish him, and wish him well in traveling his own roads.

    And, of course ... no matter what ...

    Keep smiln'!!
    Chaz
    WISDOM is the Knowledge you've gained ... After you could have used it! _Me

  3. #3
    Sex God yhtang's Avatar
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    Re: My best bro is draining me

    Quote Originally Posted by Tomruyssss View Post

    Now me and my best bro are both 21. He's a DJ as well, we're both Puertorican so we love the same music, same food, same types of girls, both have a mind and passion for business and both have the same dream of owning a bar/club.

    Except I feel like I'm the only one of us that has enough drive to meet my goals and he doesn't.
    If you really like your friend, re-consider going into a partnership with him.

    It is often said that, "The best way to make an enemy out of a friend to to make him your partner."

    May all things go well with you.

  4. #4

    Re: My best bro is draining me

    I agree with the others that it's not always wise to go into partnership with friends, especially if they are not of the same mindset as you with regards to motivation, determination, etc.

    Get your degree, get some capital, etc...work to fulfill your dreams. In a few years when you are ready to make the leap, he may be in a different mindset and be ready to make the commitment. Or, as life so often gets in the way of dreams if you're not focused on the goal, he may be committed to other work, a relationship, etc., in which case he'd likely bail on you anyway.

    For now tho, keep your eyes open and choose your words carefully about this joint venture...try not to make promises to him that you may have to break or regret. If he's not working toward the goal and trying to improve, gain valuable experience, capital, etc., that will benefit your partnership, then he'll be of no real value to you from a business partnership point of view. Maybe as an employee....which I doubt would go over to well.

    Trust your instincts with him when the time comes. good luck...work hard.
    Bad decisions make good stories.

  5. #5
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    Re: My best bro is draining me

    Sometimes best friends do not make best business partners. The stories of best friends trying to make it in a business enterprise only to ruin a great friendship are legendary.

    Look at it this way: He's your best friend for a reason. Know what those reasons are and keep them intact. Don't try to make a best friend into a best business partner unless those things that make him your best friend are also core values and ingredients to your business.

    Instead, follow your dreams. Focus on what you want to do with your bar/club and go after it. If necessary, pick up a business partner along the way who can help you build your dream. That doesn't mean you have to throw your best friend under the bus, nor spin him off to your B-list of friends. In fact, you can keep him close...as a best bro.

    Good luck with your dream. Focus on that and don't let anyone slow you down or interfere. In this case, you CAN have it all...your dream and your best friend. They may not be hand-in-hand in the enterprise, but you can have both in your life.

  6. #6

    Re: My best bro is draining me

    There is profound truth in the old saying...familiarity breeds contempt. It is hard to be in business with a friend. I know. I've tried. It failed. You do your own thing and if he at some point wants to join you then it is up to you to include him. If you start out together and there is a level of dependence, that is where problems can arise. Do your thing. Love your friend. There isn't much more to say here.
    Only government can take perfectly good paper, cover it with perfectly good ink and make the combination worthless.

  7. #7

    Re: My best bro is draining me

    Was anyone else fooled (arguably even disappointed) by the word "draining" in this post?

  8. #8

    Re: My best bro is draining me

    Quote Originally Posted by GoldLion View Post
    Was anyone else fooled (arguably even disappointed) by the word "draining" in this post?
    -_- everyone else thanks for the advice

  9. #9

    Re: My best bro is draining me

    I've decided to stay friends with him but just to give him some space and pull away. I convinced and helped him get accepted to the local community college for business. I offered to help him with his classes since he'll be going for the same degree I'm currently half way done with, and even help with rides to school depending on my schedule. The school is a cheap school and he's eligible for financial aid. Financial aid would pay for all of his schooling and books and whats left over he can even keep for himself without paying it back. He's already saying he just wants to go long enough to get the financial aid money and quit school. Shit just pissed me off.

  10. #10
    Coward92
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    Re: My best bro is draining me

    If you really love him, keep going with your dream and keep him along.
    He will complain but with time and effort he will realize that things got actually better. You must be strong and have faith in yourself. You must show him that will and determination can change ones life. And if he keeps complaining, kick his ass in a friendly demeanor.

    The good thing about friendship is that it allows a person to grow. But to grow is a choice and you must show him the way.

  11. #11
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    Re: My best bro is draining me

    Quote Originally Posted by Tomruyssss View Post
    I've decided to stay friends with him but just to give him some space and pull away. I convinced and helped him get accepted to the local community college for business. I offered to help him with his classes since he'll be going for the same degree I'm currently half way done with, and even help with rides to school depending on my schedule. The school is a cheap school and he's eligible for financial aid. Financial aid would pay for all of his schooling and books and whats left over he can even keep for himself without paying it back. He's already saying he just wants to go long enough to get the financial aid money and quit school. Shit just pissed me off.

    Jesus Christ you sound like his Mommy. If he wants to be a slacker, let him make his own choices and then deal with his own consequences. You can still hang out and be a friend without adopting him.
    ATTACK OF THE LIBERAL ELITE

  12. #12

    Re: My best bro is draining me

    Yeah, well yesterday he disrespected the shit out of me. I let him drive my car because I had a headache after we left the mall. Decides to go pick up one of his friends, without even asking me but instead tells me hes gonna pick up his friend then drives home. Then calls me after work and complains that some dude was busting his balls and that he wants to quit his job (after 2 weeks of working) and that he's walking home and it's raining meaning he wanted a ride home. I was a dick and just go that sucks dude, well imma go to bed. He only lives like 10 mins walking from his house. I'm just done. He just wants rides and it's pissing me off. We built this dream together and he has the talent for it, but he's too immature to realize it. So I'm cutting him out. He ain't doing shit for me. I can do it and do well on my own, and If I can't I will die trying.

  13. #13
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    Re: My best bro is draining me

    Your friend's problems are much deeper that they appear. His motivational issues and inability to maintain focus indicate a problem that he's not dealing with.

    But it's his problem- not yours- to deal with.

    What can you do? Put some space between the two of you. Make it clear that you're his friend and you'll support him but you're no longer going to try to "fix" him or solve his problems for him.

    And then go live your own life and pursue the things that you want to do.

  14. #14

    Re: My best bro is draining me

    Quote Originally Posted by Eagle653 View Post
    Look at it this way: He's your best friend for a reason. Know what those reasons are and keep them intact.
    Truth is I dont even know why, I just wanted someone to chill with and workout with. He was at first. I never really considered him my best friend really, he started telling everyone I was his best friend, and I got caught up in the feeling of being close to a straight guy. Mostly because of my pressure on myself to fit in with str8 guys (I'm not out to him but I am bisexual so we talk about girls and stuff) and me being able to get close to him in that way made me feel accepted to a degree which was nice. Plus since he never does shit and i'm bored I can always call him up to have someone to chill with and not be alone all the time.

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    I'm more confused by the fact that you both like "the same type of girls." You are aware that this is a gay forum, right?
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  16. #16
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    Re: My best bro is draining me

    Quote Originally Posted by Rolyo85 View Post
    I'm more confused by the fact that you both like "the same type of girls." You are aware that this is a gay forum, right?
    Uhm...
    You know you can appreciate women as a gay guy. I mean even I admit that they look nice.
    I just am not attracted. They are very good as decoration though and no-one can deny that.

    And maybe our dear OP is bisexual.

  17. #17
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    Re: My best bro is draining me

    Quote Originally Posted by Rolyo85 View Post
    I'm more confused by the fact that you both like "the same type of girls." You are aware that this is a gay forum, right?
    ... but we don't discriminate in who we give advice to.

  18. #18
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    Re: My best bro is draining me

    Quote Originally Posted by Tomruyssss View Post
    He just wants rides and it's pissing me off. We built this dream together and he has the talent for it, but he's too immature to realize it. So I'm cutting him out. He ain't doing shit for me. I can do it and do well on my own, and If I can't I will die trying.
    The developments seem to indicate that it would not be a good idea to go into partnership with your friend - which was the initial discussion point of this thread.

    Looking at things optimistically, it was fortunate that your friend's behaviour manifested itself in this manner before the two of you commenced a partnership. Clouds and silver lining, etc.

  19. #19

    Re: My best bro is draining me

    First I am bisexual. and Second yeah it's def not a good idea to enter a partnership. I'm bout to ready to move on from this friendship at this point all together.

  20. #20
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    Re: My best bro is draining me

    Quote Originally Posted by KaraBulut View Post
    ... but we don't discriminate in who we give advice to.
    No, of course, I was just wondering, since it's not really what you expect to see around here.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
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