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  1. #1
    Newbie boweny's Avatar
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    Is it really sad to go clubbing alone??

    I been really wanna go clubbing lately, but all my straight friends won't go, and I dont have much gay friends. So would it be really sad to go clubbing alone? If I did, what do I do in clubs? I am horrible at pick up or making up convos with strangers :S does any of u guys experience this issue??

  2. #2
    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: Is it really sad to go clubbing alone??

    Here's my take. If you're asking the question I'd guess you would find it sad. Extroverts can pretty much go anywhere and make a good time for themselves. Introverts are usually passive and wait for things to happen. Clubbers are going to be attracted to people who smile, laugh and are obviously having a good time. At least, that has been my experience many, many years ago. Ask one of you straight buddies if you have no one else to go with. Times have changed and I bet you'd find one willing to go.

    As a long term plan I'd suggest you join a LGBT center or get involved somehow in the gay community just to expand your circle to include other gay guys. Good luck.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  3. #3
    para0402
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    Re: Is it really sad to go clubbing alone??

    I don't think it's sad to go to a club alone. But like you, I don't know what to do in a club (mainly cause I've not been to one before). I would say, just give it a try? You could probably drink, talk to people, dance a little. Usually it's just boring to go to clubs alone unless you're social.

  4. #4
    Come again? dereperez's Avatar
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    Re: Is it really sad to go clubbing alone??

    I wouldn't go clubbing alone if anxiety is an issue. What's the point of going if you can't have a good time? See if you can find a friend to go with you and then go.

  5. #5
    Porn Star Brian Smith's Avatar
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    Re: Is it really sad to go clubbing alone??

    Jeez, every time I've gone clubbing alone, I've ended up getting together with a pack of hooligans and going around raising Hell. I don't see the point in wanting to go clubbing if you're not intent on meeting people. If I already had people to hang out with, that's where I would be. As it is, I've got a boyfriend, so I don't really need either.

    The way that group outings to the club go is that a bunch of friends are hanging out and drinking, and someone says, "hey, anyone want to go downtown and find something to do?" That's what happens when Beer Pong starts getting old. It's not exactly something that you start out the night wanting to do. It just kind of happens.

    What's truly sad is sitting around feeling lonely, and genuinely believing there is nothing that you can do about it. That's kind of like those guys who sit in AOL chat rooms bitching that nobody loves them, and they're looking for the "right guy." They sit there gathering dust for years. I know of one chat room where, starting this afternoon, there will be a guy in there that I met a decade and a half ago, and he will be saying the same things he was saying a decade and a half ago: "Nobody loves me. Everyone I know has a lover." When people talk about "sad guys alone in clubs," that is the kind of person they are talking about. They're not sad because they went there alone. They're sad because they are alone anywhere they go.

    The community center sounds like a good idea, though. I mean...I really wouldn't go downtown at night unless I was intent on finding someone to raise hell with. If you just want to meet people and make friends, the name says it all: "Community Center."
    Last edited by Brian Smith; April 28th, 2013 at 06:21 AM.

  6. #6
    Newbie boweny's Avatar
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    Re: Is it really sad to go clubbing alone??

    what's a LGBT community center? dont think we have one here LOL....well i always go clubbing with someone,nvr alone though..cos all my friend says thats quite sad..i think its because they are straight or something but really the issue with me is that if i go with a friend i am comfortable, and confident in making convos and picking up on guys, but if am alone, i become this shy thing and just dont know what to do and the pictures of this old hag keep poping up in my mind. i use to have a gay friend from high school, we use to go clubbing together until one day we hooked up and things are just different and then he moved away to become a nurse :S anyways i guess u guys have a point, maybe i should challenge myself once in a while but that said it would involves a lot of drinking...and i find maintaining a good friendship with other gays are hard and confusing sometimes and somehow they end up forgetting you at the end. i have this theory that most single gays dont wanna make friends until they become partnered.

  7. #7
    Newbie boweny's Avatar
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    Re: Is it really sad to go clubbing alone??

    Quote Originally Posted by Brian Smith View Post
    Jeez, every time I've gone clubbing alone, I've ended up getting together with a pack of hooligans and going around raising Hell. I don't see the point in wanting to go clubbing if you're not intent on meeting people. If I already had people to hang out with, that's where I would be. As it is, I've got a boyfriend, so I don't really need either.

    The way that group outings to the club go is that a bunch of friends are hanging out and drinking, and someone says, "hey, anyone want to go downtown and find something to do?" That's what happens when Beer Pong starts getting old. It's not exactly something that you start out the night wanting to do. It just kind of happens.

    What's truly sad is sitting around feeling lonely, and genuinely believing there is nothing that you can do about it. That's kind of like those guys who sit in AOL chat rooms bitching that nobody loves them, and they're looking for the "right guy." They sit there gathering dust for years. I know of one chat room where, starting this afternoon, there will be a guy in there that I met a decade and a half ago, and he will be saying the same things he was saying a decade and a half ago: "Nobody loves me. Everyone I know has a lover." When people talk about "sad guys alone in clubs," that is the kind of person they are talking about. They're not sad because they went there alone. They're sad because they are alone anywhere they go.

    The community center sounds like a good idea, though. I mean...I really wouldn't go downtown at night unless I was intent on finding someone to raise hell with. If you just want to meet people and make friends, the name says it all: "Community Center."
    is it really bad to believe in love and wait for it to happen? what happened to all the fairytales and rainbows? LOLS i am joking but common u cant say that those guys at the AOL chat room (if only i know what it is :P) haven't made an effort to find someone, maybe they are just too picky or whatever, but you know what's really sad?! is that for those people who have made every effort trying to meet the right guy but he's just too unlucky! and then he lose faith, eventually give up trying and end up being alone. Cant help it and its sad (just saying, and the case scenario is not my life)..and a lot of people are like that, lets be real

  8. #8
    Porn Star Brian Smith's Avatar
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    Re: Is it really sad to go clubbing alone??

    Well, what I meant by that was that there are some people who feel that they are truly powerless to change anything in their lives, and I just see that as very sad. I don't mean that as a put-down. It's just that I can still go back to venues that I haunted when I was 14 years-old, and a lot of the same people are there, saying the same things. The tone just doesn't change. The hair just gets grayer.

    So what I meant was that it is not sad at all to go out alone. It is sad to go out alone and think that you have to stay alone. Go out, and actually feel like you have the power to meet somebody within a short time after getting there, identify with that person, find common ground with that person, and potentially make a friend out of that person. If you find yourself not clicking with anybody, give the place the middle-finger on the way out, and find another place to go. Set out, to start with, believing that YOU CAN.

    A person who is truly confident in himself is never alone.
    Last edited by Brian Smith; April 28th, 2013 at 12:28 PM.

  9. #9
    JUB Addict Harke the Boeotarch's Avatar
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    Re: Is it really sad to go clubbing alone??

    Not sad at all. Kind of cool actually. What to do? Dress for the occasion and bring enough money (don't forget to tip).
    Go to clubs that have an area where you can talk to people, and where the patrons and crew aren't coked up drug bunnies.

    Most importantly, enjoy yourself.

  10. #10

    Re: Is it really sad to go clubbing alone??

    No, not at all. You can have a bunch of fun going out by yourself. If someone else sees you alone they'll come up to you and talk. If you're with a friend or group of friends that can be intimidating to someone who is interested in you.

    Dress nicely and have a pleasant, confident expression and you'll attract the guys.

  11. #11
    Do I dare to eat a peach?
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    Re: Is it really sad to go clubbing alone??

    I've gone alone many times. Go and enjoy yourself to the extent you can; it gets easier with time.

    It's not as sad as staying home alone wishing you'd gone.

  12. #12

    Re: Is it really sad to go clubbing alone??

    I think it's sadder to be sitting home and feeling sorry for yourself, or wishing you had the guts to go out and do something.

    I think it's actually brave...at first, then once you get the hang of it will seem normal. You even may find that you enjoy going to certain clubs/bars alone more so since you'll have the opportunity to meet new people that are also alone and/or looking; won't be interrupted by annoying friends that would cramp your style.

    Be cheerful and pleasant...smile, nod, wink...if you so choose. Be prepared for rejection. Be prepared for someone being interested in you. Be cautious.
    Bad decisions make good stories.

  13. #13

    Re: Is it really sad to go clubbing alone??

    go to the bar
    sit at the bar (where they serve drinks),
    order a drink. It doesn't have to contain alcohol. A pop will do fine, if you don't drink.
    remain seated and drink your drink (slowly and sporadically), and check out the guys around you that you like at the same time.

    If someone you like caught your eye, smile back at them and then let the moment carry you on.
    If someone you don't like starts talking to you, finish drink, or take it with you and go dance for a bit. Then go back to the bar and repeat. Magically, the sit-by-the-bar formula invites people to talk to you. You will have more success with meeting people that way than propping up a wall somewhere, or dancing.

    That was an advice given to me by seasoned friend and for a "beginner clubber" I think it is the great first step of what to do at a bar, and is quite effective, and still is, even for more seasoned patrons who want to meet someone without much trouble.

  14. #14
    Virgin Skifast's Avatar
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    Re: Is it really sad to go clubbing alone??

    Quote Originally Posted by boweny View Post
    does any of u guys experience this issue??
    Yes, absolutely. I went clubbing now and then in the past with my straight friends. They picked up the girls and as a result of that I sometimes ended up alone. It even happened that I was scared when a girl approached me too explicitely (you can find a thread on that in this forum).

    And now, this weekend, I went for the first time in my life to a gay party/club, alone. Knowing that I'm on the introverted/shy side, I defined for myself a realistic set of challenges:

    1) To go to the club, at all. 2) Have a drink. 3) See some nice guys. 4) Enjoy the DJ live sets. 5) Talk to some guys.

    I achieved 1)-4), but failed on 5), which I somehow expected. The next time I'll try out chrisdobro's bar trick.

    In summary, did I have a good time? Yes indeed

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