I've had fantasies about being raped for as long as I can remember.
I know that rape is a serious crime and I am not condoning rape at all.
I did hook up with this guy in a bookstore when I was younger who attempted to rape me, but he wasn't strong enough to force me. He did get it inside of me before I managed to get away. I still fantasize about this (happened 10 years ago). Often I wish that he had been succesful and that he would have been strong enough to pin me against the wall and force me to take it.
That said, I want to be taken against my will and used. I want to say no repeatedly, only to be ignored and forced to take it. I want to struggle and be overpowered and completely dominated.
These fantasies are getting stronger lately. Obviously, since it's a sensitive topic, it's hard to find material relating to this fantasy.
I am not asking if this is normal or not. I don't care (I know many guys have this fantasy anyway).
Here's what I'd like to know:
1. Is there anywhere that I can find porn of this nature? (I already tried google -- that's how I landed here)
2. Are there any groups for guys with this fantasy?
3. How can I find a guy to do this to me? (yes I'm serious).
Of the porn that I've found, much of it is too fake for my taste. I'm not looking for a film of an actual crime (That I'd rather not see -- I'm the only person that I'd care to see actually victimized). I'm just looking for more realistic or more believable role playing in porn.